ubercommando Reviews

Department S (1969–1970)

Introducing the amazing Jason King

[9/10 · 26 January 2010]

With all due respect to Joel Fabiani and Rosemary Nicolls and their characters, Department S will be forever associated with Peter Wyngarde's Jason King.

Most people remember him as this camp, flamboyant and debonair womaniser cum detective in the mould of Austin Powers but that will do a disservice to the character: He's far more nuanced than that.

Jason King is lazy (he often lets Stewart fight all the bad guys and only chips in at the end), he is egotistical (his appreciation of people is based on whether they've read his novels or not), a lot of his detective work is speculation without facts to back them up and he sulks whenever Annabelle is right...and she often is. He's clearly a man having a mid-life crisis and drink drives but.......Jason King is brilliant. If Wyngarde had played him purely as a dashing hero, it wouldn't have worked but he shows King often as a paper tiger, led by his libido, love of finery and prone to grandstanding (and it gets in the way of his detective work at times) but he has some of the best lines and put downs in TV history. And by not playing him as whiter-than-white, the chemistry and interactions between the three lead characters is all the better for it.

Watching it again on DVD recently, you get to see just how much depth Wyngarde put into Jason King.

Rivron (1989– )

So...glug...tell us...glug....about your new play

[6/10 · 27 July 2009]

Rivron was a one of kind chat show; the kind that could never be done before or again. The premise was simple: Get Rowland Rivron, whose name sounds a bit like river, to interview celebrities whilst floating in the River Thames at night. Each week, Rivron and his guests would float and try to tread water and not drown whilst wearing life jackets. Questions and answers would be frequently interrupted by the cast accidentally gulping water whilst they spoke and things got really dicey when a boat would pass and they had to deal with its wake. And rivers in the night tend to be cold as well so you could hear chattering of teeth. Eventually, the show was shut down because of health and safety issues and the last episode has the River Police shutting the whole thing down. Rivron also had a really snazzy show biz intro and music which was at odds with the low production values of the show.

The Inbetweeners (2008–2010)

In Between Funny and Trying Too Hard

[6/10 · 10 November 2008]

The Inbetweeners is the bastard child of your typical Channel 4 "with it" mentality and the movie "Superbad". It borrows from the latter a bunch of central characters, all boys, who are desperate to party, get drunk and get laid. It borrows from the former a desire to be cutting edge, quirky and hip to the kids...in short, comedy guided by middle aged channel execs.

It can be genuinely funny, particularly in the first episode where the boys try to exploit some obscure licensing laws in order to buy drinks in a pub and the aftermath where the nerd character outs all the school kids who are underage drinking. It can also be muddled and packed full of repellent characters who are more annoying than funny. What could be a well developed growing friendship between the two main characters, a nerd who's family have fallen on hard times and has moved from a private school to a state one and the boy assigned to be his "mentor" against his will, is never fully realised as the show is too keen on showing all the kids partying and generally behaving in gross ways. It's like Channel 4 have seen Superbad and missed the point of the friendship that underpins the movie.

Also the parent characters are very poorly developed, as you might expect in a movie like this. Again, they've taken from Superbad the idea that one of the characters has a hot mum all the other boys want to screw. Not only that, the actors playing the parents all seem to be in their early 30s and too young to have 16 year old children.

But like I said, it can be very funny when it doesn't try too hard to ingratiate itself with its target audience. Oh, and it's way more watchable than "Skins".

Directors Commentary (2004)

Very witty and good entertainment

[8/10 · 3 May 2006]

I usually only write a review when the opinions of others here are utterly irritating. "Director's Commentary" was a simple idea and nicely done. Sure, it's no "Fawlty Towers" but there were some real gems of jokes there, good satire on the pretentiousness of film making and Brydon always develops rich detail in his characters. Sometimes it's his rambling anecdotes about things that have nothing to do with the programme he's commentating on that are the funniest. Sometimes it's the little intonations he has that make me smile. I haven't seen the show since the original run, but here are my favourite bits: "Dan Blocker...trained as a dancer" "And the production assistant was about to pick it up for Peter Bowles when I stopped him; 'no, don't interrupt him...he's acting' I said. And do you know who that young production assistant was? No, neither do I...I had him fired." "I had great times with Roger Daltrey on his farm, restoring old Ford Capris...sometimes we'd invite Pete Townshend to join us but his phone line was always engaged...this was in the days before broadband"

The Green Berets (1968)

About as viable as most Vietnam war movies

[16 January 2006]

No, seriously. "The Green Berets" is about as viable and creditable as "The Boys in Company C" or "Casualties of War". It's hard to find a Vietnam war movie that DOESN'T come full of distortions based on the film makers political agendas; it's just this time "The Green Berets" comes from the pro-involvement side.

We've heard the negatives about this movie, and most of them are basically correct but there are a few things to say that, if not positive, put the movie in a less negative light.

First, this isn't your usual piece about 19 year old conscripts being called up to fight in a war they don't understand. The real Special Forces are career professionals who have very high standards of training and discipline. "The Green Berets" isn't a movie about your average grunt; it's about commandos and a lot of the training, tactics and equipment is accurate for the time. The experience of the special forces in Vietnam was widely different from line conscripts; and they won a lot of victories.

Second, it was a bold move to make a movie about the Vietnam war whilst it was still going on. The movie was made shortly before the Tet Offensive of 1968 when the initiative was still with the US and South Vietnamese forces. This is a Vietnam war movie from the early part of the war...something "Platoon" falls down on is depicting the unit in a state of disorganisation, with the usual drug taking and indiscipline scenes that have become cliché, in 1967 when the reality was that discipline and cohesion in the field in '67 was a lot tighter. Stone depicts events that would not become common in front line troops until '69-'70. Yes, I know he served a tour of duty over there but a number of his fellow veterans have called his depiction of events into question.

Third, the early part of the movie with the relationships between US Special Forces officers and ARVN counterparts is fairly well done. The SF had been present in Vietnam from '62 onwards and by '67-'68 had built up a good working relationship with ARVN Ranger units (the only South Vietnamese army units that were well trained and led).

Now the pine tree issue. Well, I hate to break it to people but not all of Vietnam is palm trees and jungle. In the area of Cochinchina just north of Saigon and into the hilly Montangnard country, there are a lot of deciduous and evergreen trees. I was surprised to find this when doing research on the US 25th Infantry Division and finding a lot of their patrol area wasn't in jungle but hilly woodland. Pine trees maybe stretching things a little bit though but it's not impossible.

The politics. Yes, the Duke is on the right wing campaign trail but other film makers have used the Vietnam war to promote the liberal left agenda so I don't get why that is acceptable and an alternative view that doesn't conform to that is inherently wrong. The scene at the beginning of the movie has Aldo Ray explaining how China, Czechoslovakia and the Soviet Union were sending aid to North Vietnam...so Oliver Stone's assertions that the VC were self-liberating and proudly defiant are deeply wrong. The VC and NVA were tools of a communist regime that were being heavily supplied and subsidised by other Communist regimes. I'm not advocating that the US's involvement in a war in Vietnam was right, just that people understand the involvement of other nations as well.

For those who think this movie is bad because it doesn't depict American atrocities, drug taking and insubordination like other Vietnam war movies have merely bought into another set of falsehoods. This goes back to my original point; "The Green Berets" isn't particularly realistic...but then again, neither are most other movies about that war.

Broken News (2005)

Broken record

[3/10 · 23 November 2005]

This blatant "Day Today" rip off promised a new, cutting edge BBC comedy. It's nothing of the sort, rather a tepid satire on the banality of television news but without the biting humour and insight that Chris Morris and Armando Iannucci provided for "The Day Today" and "Brass Eye".

Where does "Broken News" fail where the older shows succeed? 1) It's made itself a one trick pony: In episode one it shows the headless chicken style of modern TV news reporting, where no actual information is reported and presenters just love the sound of their own voice. Fine, after half an hour we get the joke. Then it's repeated week after week. Same joke, same premise. The show doesn't progress, introduce new elements or play around in its own rigid format. The American news desk will always be the same, the "Look Out East" crew will have suggestive banter in the same manner and Standing News was great as a one off joke, but it's repeated again and again.

2) The cast. It must have seemed like a great idea in the planning stages to have quality dramatic actors such as Benedict Cumberbatch, Pip Torrens and Claudia Christian in a satire/sub-sketch comedy show but these things are best done by comedy actors...even a team of them. There's no chemistry between the cast, which is huge (what a waste of money) and what made "The Day Today" and "Brass Eye" so good was the caricature like characters created by a smaller but gifted comedy group. Can any of the "Broken News" characters stand out like Alan Partridge, or Peter O'Hanrahahanrahan, or Austen Tasseltine or Ted Maul? The cast are playing it too serious, too real and the result is a flat comedy.

3) Blatantly stealing from "The Day Today". We're not just talking about the concept, but the actual material as well. Frozen urine, death penalty reports by glamorous American journalists, nonsensical captions, fake football team names, overwrought graphics...all done on "The Day Today" and done much better.

The BBC comedy department is at one of its lowest points at the moment. It's overly dependent on "Little Britain" and Ricky Gervais to keep it afloat for one thing. It thinks by re-hashing old comedy concepts such as "My Family" and "Broken News" it will count on getting viewers who have put much better equivalent shows out of their memories and it is fiercely loyal to character based sketch shows which can spin out episode after episode of 8 characters and their stock catchphrases. This is hardly a recipe for growth and surprise.

Rules of Engagement (1989)

When British television was at its dullest

[2/10 · 7 September 2005]

In the 1970's it was widely regarded that Britain put out the most consistently innovative and entertaining television. Then, in the 80's, the whole thing began to unravel bit by bit. Action drama was all but dead, sitcoms had lost their way and British movies and shows were either flashy, vacuous stuff or leaden paced and tedious. "Rules of Engagement" is definitely the latter.

The political conspiracy thriller was all the rage in Britain in the 80's. You had "Threads" (an anti-Thatcherite post apocalyptic drama), "Edge of Darkness" (an anti-Thatcherite nuclear power drama), "Harry's Game" (anti-Thatcherite Northern Ireland drama), "A Very British Coup" (anti-American and by way of that, anti-Thatcherite as well), "Between the Lines" (anti-Police and natch, anti-Thatcher), "Defence of the Realm" (yep, you guessed it) and this.

The mini-series was supposedly set on the eve of WW3, although this is left vague. There's some national disaster which needs martial law and state of emergency powers in...erm, Portsmouth but we rarely see troop movements, people talking in shops, bars, pubs, offices about the crisis. In fact, you rarely see anyone outside of the main characters, not even extras. Kenneth Cranham plays the government minister put in charge of handling the emergency and for such a good actor, he's totally unconvincing in the part. He gets interviewed on the television, supposedly to calm people's fears and yet his delivery is so stock shifty politician/villain with eye rolling, slow and sinister speech and shifting continually in his seat that you don't buy anything he says.

Then there's the "romantic" sub-plot between Karl Johnson and Cathy Tyson. In all this "world crisis", they just amble around trying to find each other and look nervous. It's a shame because Tyson went from being in "Mona Lisa" and stardom to "oh yeah, whatever happened to her?" after this. The pace of this drama was turgid, and they tried to make it look like a top draw conspiracy drama by having a cut to credits title card of the main actors done up like chess pieces moving across a board...only this was a match that went on for 6 weeks and ended in a tame draw.

Civvies (1992)

Lynda La Plante out of her depth

[1/10 · 7 September 2005]

I'm beginning to believe that 1992 could be the nadir of British television. We seemed to have been bombarded with a whole heap of leaden paced anti-establishment "drama" and Civvies is possibly the worst.

There's terrible over-acting from all concerned. Jason Issacs looks more like Prince Barin in "Flash Gordon" and Peter O'Toole isn't an East End gangster. O'Toole is a brilliant actor, the best of his generation and cruelly denied an Oscar but he's no cockney gangster. No one comes across as convincing in any way, and the "action" and fight scenes are so poorly done. Is this from the same country that gave us "The Sweeny", "The Professionals" and "Target"? La Plante's script will have you believe that all ex-army soldiers are psychopathic time bombs waiting to go off in civilian life. The cop show "Between the Lines" stuck the knife in to the police and "Civvies" tries to do the same for the army. TV producers and networks back then just seemed to hate any government organisation and so gave us these shows. Have they forgotten that these people are responsible for saving lives and protecting their safety?

Between the Lines (1992–1994)

Oh those nasty police

[7 September 2005]

"Between the Lines" was a show which reflected British television's attitude to the police in the Thatcher years...namely, that the police are brutal, corrupt and fascist. If the show was merely about corrupt officers, then it could have made for gripping drama, but it had a heavy political agenda so corruption was always from up on high and institutionalised. One or two episodes of this might have been gripping, but it was constant and often Neil Pearson's character would often act as an apologist for the criminals. One of the more ludicrous episodes featured Pete Postlethwaite as a senior Metropolitan Police commander putting down a riot (by good lefties or course) which he agitated and he ends up quoting the speech made in the Falklands War: "The flag is flying over Port Stanley"...oh, is this a dig at Thatcher? But apart from the student level politics, the show gained notoriety and earned the nickname "Between the Loins" for its preponderance for sex scenes bang on the stroke of the 9 o'clock watershed. Any chance for Pearson to drop his trousers (but always in a sensitive way) and he'd grab it. Sometimes it seemed he'd abandon a case to get some more sex...can't say I blame him.

Target (1977–1978)

That has GOT to chafe!

[31 August 2005]

I couldn't disagree more with the other comment that we must thank god "Target" couldn't be made in this P.C. world...go back to your vanilla cop shows I say! In the 70's, Starsky & Hutch were tough, The Sweeney were tougher, The Professionals were tougher still but Target was the toughest of all. Right from the opening credits which featured a silhouetted fight scene and music that just screamed ACTION at you, Target was the kind of show you watched as a naughty vice. Patrick Mower was a hairy chest, medallion man of the 70's who knew who were the bad guys and proceeded to beat them up or gun them down depending on his mood. There were stunts, car chases and everything to make sure you didn't get bored. This was as far removed from the plodding Inspector Morse as you could get. Alas, the show was criticised as being too action packed and violent and it went just as it was becoming cult viewing (Patrick Mower and Brendan Price appeared in a drinks advert as Hackett and Bonny at one point) to be replaced by the boring, plodding breed of British TV detectives in the 80's and 90's.

As an aside, Target was created and produced by the guys who made Tom Baker's era as Dr. Who such a success...and they were criticised for putting action and violence into that show.

Only When I Larf (1968)

Does it hurt?

[8/10 · 1 August 2005]

Richard Attenborough, David Hemmings and Alexandra Stewart are three con-men in this enjoyable late 60's comedy/drama. The plot is episodic: There's a great pre-credit con in New York and a couple of other cons which aren't related, but the core of the story is the relationship between the three.

Attenborough and Hemmings work well together; the old, seasoned pro and the young pretender who come from different backgrounds but who clash not only about life, politics and who's got the better ideas, but over Stewart who is very attractive, sexy and alluring (and who has plans of her own).

The direction is taut, the dialogue sparkles with little gems, the look is very glossy for its time and the acting is top notch. Like a lot of 60's caper films, it's great fun to watch.

Cold Fish (2001)

Something very fishy indeed

[1/10 · 15 June 2005]

Let's get one thing straight from the start: THIS IS A ROTTEN MOVIE! I know because I'm one of the few people to have seen it, one of the few that will ever see it and because I know a lot of people who worked on it and had to hear their horror stories about how bad the shoot was.

OK, but a bad film shoot experience doesn't necessarily mean a bad end product so I'll stick to JUST the movie review. First of all, it's not a disturbing film because of the material: You hardly see any of the "execution" footage and the characters are so laughable and unconvincing you don't find the premise convincing either. The plot of execution footage for art was the plot of an old episode of "Doomwatch" back in the early 70's. Just rip off Doomwatch, no one will notice..... The script is also littered with inappropriate swear words in the wrong places, much like Spock's "they're not the hell your whales" line in Star Trek IV. "If you think the f*** you can sleep with my wife..." And they try to add a love triangle/quartet plot in there which is frankly, the f***, is hard to believe...as if any of the main characters could find each other attractive.

I mentioned the characters and unconvincing characters are made worse by having inept acting. It's saying something when the two best performances come from "cameos" from Christopher Biggins and Rose Marie. The supposedly "sinister" couple are straight from an amateur dramatics company with the least threatening villain since the con man from "Bodger and Badger" (the gun up the bottom scene raises many unintentional laughs) making threats in a totally wooden delivery. Oh, speaking of wooden, I forgot to mention Jon-Paul Gates. What is with his accent? It's high pitched, whiny and somewhere between the West Country and the land of the Chipmunks. He's supposed to be a virile, dedicated newshound and sex machine and yet....with his strangulated accent and tendency to go cross eyed when he's concentrating, I end up trying to curb my laughter.

The lighting is also all over the place...massively overlit for the most part and with smoke machines pouring out pointless smoke effects through white light to give it that 80's Duran Duran video look. Only it doesn't quite pull it off. I say doesn't quite but I really mean to say it overshoots it and crash lands in a burning, twisted mess.

It's a shame they're not making any more episodes of Mystery Science Theatre 3000 because it's prime fodder for them. Oh, and Dave 777 from London really likes this film so much he's written 3 different reviews of it! And 3 people have voted this movie a 10! And the director's first name is David...wow, what a coincidence.

Relatively Speaking (1989 TV Movie)

A chance to see Imogen Stubbs in a miniskirt

[8/10 · 8 June 2005]

Made in 1990, when Imogen Stubbs was the hottest female on the British stage, Michael Maloney had distinguished himself in "Henry V" and "Truly, Madly, Deeply" and Nigel Hawthorne had established himself in TV history following "Yes Minister". This is a classic British farce; it's the 60's and Michael Maloney is a nice, but somewhat foolish guy dating Imogen Stubbs, all looking cute and mod in her tangerine minidress and bobbed hairstyle. But she's also been having an affair with elder married man, Nigel Hawthorne. Maloney mistakenly thinks he's her father, and arranges a "surprise visit" to his house. Stubbs and Hawthorne play up to his delusion, whilst Hawthorne convinces his wife that Stubbs is his secretary. There's plenty of witty dialogue, jokes deriving from the mistaken identity set up and good performances. However, there is practically no reason for this being set in the 60's other than the reason I set out at the beginning.

Sons of the Sea (1939)

I say, it's all, terribly, terribly exciting

[5/10 · 2 June 2005]

An early British colour movie from the 1930's (the only others that spring to mind are The Divorce of Lady X and The Four Feathers) but sadly not as enjoyable as the other two. As has been mentioned, this showcases the Dufaycolour film process and it does good give results; making the 1930's colourful without overpowering the viewer with garish colours (compare with other early Technicolour movies). The shots of lovely Devon countryside are a bonus as well: As a recent visitor to Devon, I was amazed to recognise Dartmouth, Slapton and Brixham in this movie, all of which seems little changed to this day.

The plot is plodding and so so. The direction stilted and stiff and the acting is, at times, woeful but this is all balanced by a intriguing look, in colour, of an era long gone.

Screen One: Trust Me (1992) Season 4, Episode 8

He's a poof, his wife's a nymphomaniac and they're both trying to blackmail me

[9/10 · 27 April 2005]

A little known gem from the BBC's "Screen One" stable of one off feature length movies for TV. This one is about Harry, a compulsive liar, who makes up outlandish but vaguely credible stories for tabloid newspapers. One of his scams is a fake biography called "Confessions of a Hit Man". This leads him into trouble when the publisher (played by Jill Gascoigne, Alfred Molina's real life wife), believes he's ACTUALLY a hit man and hires him to kill her husband. Harry wants to back out but she's also hired two real hit men to help him in their job (one of them played by the always excellent Hywell Bennett). Harry turns to his brother, who works at the Ministry of Defence, and tries to convince him to give him a new, experimental weapon to beat the hit men, but in fact his brother is developing a self-heating tin of soup. Along the way, Harry can't help lying, often for no other reason than he feels like it: His lies start a rumour that his sister-in-law is having an affair, his brother is gay and this in turns leads to the brother being investigated by MI5 (Jack Shepherd playing the agent assigned to the case). The plot, however complex, is wonderful and surprises, twists and entertains. The dialogue has great moments such as "She suffers from Centurion's Syndrome", "Stay with the poof, I'll get the bastard", "Ah, the classic KKI: Kitchen Knife Incident" and "Look out, Lasagne!". Crowning a great little movie is the cast: Molina plays it perfectly, not mugging the camera like Jim Carrey, and with a lot of wit. He's fantastically supported by Jill Gascoigne, Jack Shepherd and Hywell Bennett as well. If you ever see it on DVD or VHS, buy it!

Screen One: Money for Nothing (1993) Season 5, Episode 6

The last hurrah from Screen One

[8/10 · 27 April 2005]

The BBC had an evening "play" or feature length one off drama slot once upon a time, and "Money For Nothing" was one of the last ones made; that series had some excellent stories with "Trust Me", "Breed of Heroes", a story featuring Peter Bowles as a man having a really bad day and who realises he's actually dead at the end (sorry, can't remember the title but it was very good). The writing was strong, performances uniformly excellent and all well directed. "Money For Nothing" had the same writer as "Preston Front" (a very underrated talent) and was a great story about a teenager who has a bet with a friend that he can't be worth £1million in a week. The lad, played by Christien Anholt, manages to bluff everyone by getting a suit on loan, a car on loan, a phone on loan, sets up a bogus company, changes his name to sound more impressive, bids on property in auctions which he can't pay for, and tries to set up deals with various corporations in the hope that they will invest with him. Along the way there's romance and a threat of danger when he makes a deal with a ruthless American corporation. It should have launched Christien Anholt's career big time but didn't, alas, and it's an indictment of BBC policy since the early 90's that they've ditched an excellent showcase for talent in "Screen One".

Frank Stubbs Promotes (1993–1994)

Great show that slipped through the cracks

[27 April 2005]

Basically a vehicle for Timothy Spall, Frank Stubbs promotes was a comedy/drama much in the vein of "Minder" but without the double act. Frank is your classic down on his luck hero; in this case a promoter of actors, entertainers, sportsmen, you name it. He's broken away from his slimy boss/rival (played by Nick Reding in series 1) to be his own boss but each week, he'll either be befriending some other down on their luck has-been trying to make a comeback, or an aspiring newcomer with stars in their eyes. Added to that, Frank has his ex-wife and family to deal with, who all think he's a big loser. You couldn't help but feel sorry for Frank; he has big dreams and ambitions and genuinely wants to help everyone who comes to him, but he can't escape the fact that he's not a big time player in promotions and that he resorts to cheap, shoddy and cringeworthy publicity stunts. In series two, he begins a romance with the receptionist at a big promotions firm, and the tender romantic scenes are brilliantly played out by Spall and Carolyn Bradshaw. It was a good, fun, well acted and well written show that didn't catch on; it came out at a time when ITV were obsessed with their big network shows; Inspector Morse and Touch of Frost, and would produce a lot of crap in between that swallowed up their production budget (Saracen, The New Saint to name but two). Unless a show hit the big ratings, ITV were oft to cancel shows (they still do, sometimes in mid-season). No one else may remember Frank Stubbs Promotes, but I think of it fondly.

The Final Programme (1973)

Help! I'm trapped in a Hawkwind concept album!

[5/10 · 18 April 2005]

OK, I've seen it...nope, not making sense...watch it again...nope, not getting it...hang on, I'll read the book maybe that will help...nada...

A sometimes fun, sometimes interesting but a thorough mess of a movie of a sometimes fun, sometimes interesting thorough mess of a book. It's like being in a time loop where Jerry Cornelius is always attending his father's funeral, always half-fancying his sister and always pursuing his brother Frank. Some of the sets like the nightclub "King Cool Flipped His Lid..." are well done, there are some amusing lines such as "I have a Phantom Jet parked outside...", "Shit, it's the Greek!" and "Hmmm, Rhesus positive" on merely touching a bloodstain. But very little is coherent; Miss Brunner "absorbs" her lovers but just what does that mean and how does she do it? Is it a post-apocalyptic world or not? What the hell happens at the end with a simian Cornelius/Brunner hybrid muttering about "what a very tasty world"? I'll give it this, Jon Finch turns in a great performance but this really is a beer n' pretzels ludicrous movie.

Hustle (2004–2012)

The spirit of Lew Grade is with us

[14 April 2005]

Once upon a time there was a man called Lew Grade, then Sir Lew Grade and finally Lord Grade. He was king of a magic land called ITC/ATV and he felt it his incumbent duty to fill the land with enjoyable, slick and stylish television and to fill the TV with a new breed of stars. So he begat "The Saint", "Man of the World", "The Adventures of Robin Hood" and "William Tell" and "The Buccaneers" and "Danger Man" which in turn led to Patrick McGoohan creating "The Prisoner" and "Man In A Suitcase" and "The Champions" and everything Gerry Anderson ever did, and he doth create much merriment with Tony Curtis and Roger Moore in "The Persuaders". And there was much rejoicing around the world.

But in the 1980's, the mighty British networks eschewed all this to give us 2 hour long plodding whodunit dramas in small English towns, and depressing "urban" dramas, and dire conspiracy theory dramas, and flouncy costume dramas with ham acting and the evil ones said that soap operas were the highest form of drama and that the future was reality TV where the public and spotty youths with hand held camcorders would be the stars of tomorrow. And the people were not happy.

Fairy tales aside, "Hustle" is something Lew Grade would have presided over, with perhaps Monty Berman on producing duties and Dennis Spooner as script editor and it's what British TV has been crying out for since, oh, maybe the demise of "The Professionals". It's fun, acted with aplomb, witty and uses a lot of wink to the audience trickery that "Moonlighting" was so adept at and if anyone knocks that great show I'm going to have to ask them to step outside. And just to re-enforce the idea that "Hustle" is a return to classic escapist TV entertainment, it's got Robert Vaughn in it! I'd gladly watch this over the overrated "No Angels" and "Shameless".

Rollover (1981)

24 years later and the Arabs are still rolling over

[12 April 2005]

This is an economic conspiracy theory dragged out to feature film length where you have to accept the central premise and disregard all other factors such as reality. But hey, that's what a lot of conspiracy theory films are all about anyway. This film was a favourite of a nut job acquaintance of mine which probably explains why I don't like it. The ending is especially ludicrous: The world financial system melts down, the western nations are in chaos, there's rioting in the streets, millions will die, cities being destroyed all on TV screens behind Fonda and Kristofferson and what do they do? Shrug their shoulders, embrace, laugh a bit and all to soppy melodramatic music. You would think their response would be "world in ruins...oh holy crap!"

An Ungentlemanly Act (1992 TV Movie)

If Ealing Studios had made a Falklands War movie

[8/10 · 11 April 2005]

This was a very well made TV movie about the Falklands War. Up until that time, the war was depicted in very negative and anti-British terms with efforts like "Sink The Belgrano" (the British as war-mongers) and "Tumbledown" (the British army treats its men with contempt). This is a more balanced effort, and is all the better for it. The Falkland Islands and its people are depicted as a quaint, small town British community, almost like a corner of Somerset or Yorkshire. They live a life that almost embodies an earlier, stereotypical 1950's way far removed from cosmopolitan London. The theme of the film is that of violation. When the Argentinians threaten to invade, the locals close ranks and prepare for the worst; even though they're not sure what that will entail. The Royal Marines, professional to the last, won't give in that easily; they don't want their honour violated. The DJ refuses to have his station violated, the defenders of Government house don't even want the vegetable patch violated. The Argentinians are not the focus of the story and their point of view isn't really delved into; suffice to say General Mendoza comes across as a reasonable person, but a few of his officers are shown as brutal thugs who can't wait to impose their ways on the islanders.

The film came out when anti-Thatcher bias in the British media was high, and it's not an anti-Thatcher piece at all. It goes a little into the British seeming to reduce their commitment to the islands at the beginning, but the impression I was left with was that the islanders were absolutely horrified to be taken over by Argentina. It pits the olde-worlde British village life against the Banana Republic army boot. The acting is first rate (have Ian Richardson or the late lamented Bob Peck ever put in a bad performance?) and the production values are very good.

The Falklands Play (2002 TV Movie)

Not one for the champagne socialists

[9/10 · 11 April 2005]

This play was commissioned by the BBC and it was written based on the actual dialogues that occurred in the Cabinet, the Admiralty and in the House of Commons; the opinions, comments and speeches are all there on record if you want to see them. The BBC backed out of the project, because they wanted (like most British TV networks at the time) to put the knife into Mrs Thatcher's government and this play doesn't do that. Those who were expecting "Sink The Belgrano" got something else instead, and hey, it was something closer to the truth than a political rant.

I'm sorry to disappoint any die hard anti-Thatcher or socialist critics reading this, but this play depicts what happened in those meetings. Mrs Thatcher didn't rub her hands with glee at the prospect of war after all, neither did the Conservative government ritually dine on a feast of babies before holding meetings and not all political drama has to have a strong left wing edge. And if you still think this play is a whitewash, then can I direct you to the primary source material this play was written from. Patricia Hodge is great in the role of Mrs Thatcher, and her put down of Tony Benn (again, it's a real quote, that dialogue did happen) at the end is brilliantly realised.

Scott of the Antarctic (1948)

Beautiful movie

[8/10 · 4 April 2005]

OK, we've heard a lot about the "real" history and the debate over whether Scott was a hero or a complete imbecile. Whatever the truth is and whatever revisionist or hagiography history is being peddled, "Scott Of The Antarctic" is a beautifully made film: One of the best looking early colour films which evokes a bye-gone era and is strangely compelling and haunting at the same time. The music by Vaughn-Williams, the greatest British classical composer of his time, is powerful and, again, haunting. In some scenes, they've recreated exactly some of the photos taken during the Scott expedition. The casting is spot on; look at the original photos and Millsy is uncannily like Scott, Kenneth More is Teddy Evans, Reginald Beckwith and James Robertson Justice do their real counterparts well and John Gregson, in one of his first film roles, captures Tom Crean perfectly (compare his performance with Paul McGann's Crean in "Shackleton", which was pretty good). Many film critics feel that "Scott of the Antarctic" was somewhat robbed at the 1949 Oscars.

What's Up, Tiger Lily? (1966)

Oh come on you bunch of sourpusses!

[8/10 · 20 March 2005]

It's not "Manhattan", it's not "Sleeper" and it's not "Small Time Crooks" but it's funny, it's wacky in that 60's way and it's not the bad stinker of a movie people here think it is. Watch it with a some friends or some beer (or both) and just enjoy it. Sour grapes because Woody did what a lot of film nerds want to do? And the whole "Saracen pigs! Saxon dogs! Roman cow!" when Phil Moskowitz karate chops villains is a precursor to Austin Powers' "judo chop". This movie is a one off, and a pretty good one off as well.

"Loooooooooooove has found meeeeeeeeeeeeee, and I have found the waaaaaaaaaaay!"

Guns at Batasi (1964)

Probably Dickie's best

[17 March 2005]

It's the early 60's, Africa is being decolonised and a supposedly peaceful transition from colony to independent nation goes awry. All that stands between order and "enemies of the new state" being butchered is Dickie Attenborough's RSM and his Sergeant's mess. He has to defend his barracks, put up with a naive left wing politician, a young girl who's taken a fancy to a conscript private who wants his last day in the army to go without a hitch, a wounded African officer who is greatly respected by the RSM, but is an enemy of the new army he's supposed to be in charge of and a largely absent British officer corps. But this won't get Dickie down; the worse things get, the more determined and resolved he gets. Some of his dialogue is fantastic and his calm (and not so calm) put downs of those who threaten him or complain to him are brilliant. Like Anthony Hopkins in "Remains of the Day", his is a lifetime of service and duty; but one that kicks serious ass.

It's one of Attenborough's finest performances: Certainly up there with Brighton Rock.