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jamesb99_1999
Reviews
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005)
This was the worst version of a classic I have seen (even worse than The Cat in the Hat)!
I love virtually everything that Tim Burton does - in fact my favourite film is Nightmare before Xmas.. But this is abysmal.. I loved the original, however wasn't bothered that this tried to be something different.. It just tried way too hard to be different and avoided the charm of the Gene Wilder version. I like Johnny Depp, but this was a miscast (as was everybody in this awful film).. I am also annoyed that Helena Bonnam Carter gets roles in all his films as she's awful!!! Come on, if the only way you can get a role is to sleep and then marry the director there has to be an issue!! I would buy the original and leave this to the £1.99 bargain bin in Walmart... Come on Tim Burton pick up your game, and stop putting that awful Bonham Carter in your films, or teach her how to act!!!
Snakes on a Plane (2006)
Really not worth more than the $6.99 it will retail at in 3 months.
This is one of those movies that has been hyped so much that you will end up wondering what any of the fuss was about (another example being Blair Witch Project).
This is not the worst movie I have seen, although the premise (and some of the acting) is reminiscent of Plan 9 from out of space. I think that yes Sam Jackson can look cool, planes are enclosed spaces so terrify some people, snakes can kill - But that's it.
I never knew whether to fall asleep or just change the film. It's very average and certainly not worth the hype. The snakes aren't anything to write home about either (it comes to something when Anacondas makes something look silly and poor in effects).
James
Hostel (2005)
A fantastic film that surprised me
Let me start by saying that I thought Eli Roth's last major effort (Cabin Fever) was badly scripted and directed (although it had some merit on some levels). This film therefore managed to surprise me as it's very well done, the Finish character was a non-starter though which could have been done to make you glad when he was the first to die. The ending doesn't really work either, although it's the alternate ending really as the original ending has Jay Fernandez's character kidnapping the Edward Salad Hands characters daughter and ending with the ambiguous does he save her or kill her ending.
Realistically at the end, there is no way he would have gone back for the Chinese girl, he would have got out to report it and try to stop it happening to thousands of others rather than a very unlikely go back for one person who is probably already dead (I know the story about the kid in the lake is meant to explain this but it doesn't wash with me). Then the bit where the Chinese woman jumps in front of the train (because of the way she looks, and possibly to distract the men), I am sorry but it was all so obviously for shock effect.
I would have much preferred some closure on the hostel for this, it is obvious that the character would have gone to the authorities, I would have liked to have seen this.
Apart from those minor points it is very realistically/ claustrophobically done and they successfully make you believe the dorky guy from dumb and dumberer is going to be the hero who survives it's quite a surprise when they kill him.
Hellbreeder (2004)
worst film ever
How the hell did Darren Day get any acting part - when I realised he was in it I was totally put off (if you are English you will know all that he has ever done or is famous for is poor seaside style singing and dumping girlfriends at the altar), but I still gave it a chance... And it was abysmal.. French Poirot style detective in England? Not checking up on person at murder scene on the spot and going for a drink with them instead etc... It's abysmal.. AVOID. AVOID. AVOID.. Avoid this film or anything Darren Day has attached to!! Bad, rubbish, worst British film ever.. I paid £3.30 for it which was £3.29 too much. If you have to watch this film (for example as a punishment in a prison or something) shut your eyes and close your ears!! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!
Dead Birds (2004)
Worst film ever - ever
This film was so awful I nearly passed out dead from boredom. My girlfriend had been going on about she liked the look of it for ages, and so I brought it from the video shop.
It started out badly, spent a long long hour trying to imitate much better scenarios like Ghost Ship and then died in a blaze of monotonous, badly acted, badly directed drivel.
Please for your sanity and your money's sake do not buy/ rent or touch this with anything. I think the only reason to get this is if it's on recordable VHS/ DVD and you can copy over it... At least you get some use out of it then..
Thoroughly awful!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
3 Blind Mice (2003)
Bad - The computer terminology was so offline it was scary
Somebody on one of their comments put that the computer/internet had not been dumbed down. As an I.T. Manager and consultant for many years I say the opposite.
The bizarre java cross hatch screens. The dial up access at broadband speeds etc.. etc..
Apart from that Edward Furling looked as if he was getting through each half hour by thinking about his next fix. He has turned in to a total junkie by the look of it.
It was very poorly acted and directed. I think that some people might like this and give it 1 or maybe even two out of ten.. I don't think it's even worth that.
Frailty (2001)
The best film I have seen in 13 months
This was brilliantly acted and directed, and I was even more pleasantly surprised as I had never heard of it before or particularly liked the actors. They all act brilliantly though, and the way the plot is pulled together at the end is part of what makes it so good.
I recommend this film to EVERYBODY!!
Mathew Mccon. Is really good and this is the best role that I have seen him in. Bill Paxman although accomplished at directing this is still not on my list of favourite actors. The twists are a little predictable, but apart from that it would have received a 10 off me. Nobody should be disappointed with this.
Riding the Bullet (2004)
Absolutely awful
I have read lots and seen many adaptions and this is only marginally worse than Needful things from Stephen King. It is absolutely diabolical, goes nowhere and borrows off way to many better films. I wouldn't recommend watching it to anybody. Utterly terrible. The main theme being ill defined, badly acted and fails to hold your attention at all. If you are going to watch one from this genre watch Dead End or even Final Destination which are both borrowed from on this. The direction is jerky and compromised. In short I can find no redeeming quality within this, except for Barbara Hershey who is always brilliant.