DarrenHorne Reviews

Vera Drake (2004)

Just wasn't my cup of tea

[4/10 · 24 July 2005]

The critically acclaimed Mike Leigh film Vera Drake shuffled onto cinema screens months ago and I am still sceptical as to why it has gained so much praise. Imelda Staunton takes on the title role as a selfless matriarch that believes every problem can be solved with a cup of tea and a jaunty, if not annoying, hum. Vera copes with post war Britain with ease, holding together her interdependent family as she moves around the community, cleaning upper class houses and looking after those in need; always with a smile and a kind word on her lips. But Vera has a secret. In 1950's Britain abortion was illegal, certainly without the consent of highly paid medical professionals and psychiatrists. Vera's response to this is to perform "backstreet" terminations, helping girls "in trouble" by a non draconian method involving a syringe, soapy water and a detergent. This is not supposed to be a tirade supporting or condemning the pro life debate, just the story of one woman who truly believes what she is doing is right. Vera Drake was nominated for a plethora of awards, winning many of them, unsurprisingly as it ticks all the right boxes to gain the attention of the awarding bodies. The brilliant performances, the heavy and controversial subject matter and the attention to detail are all established steps along the road to awards-ville. Unfortunately this period of Britain and the characters portrayed have been parodied over recent years by some of the best comedic talents that Britain has to offer. Instead of being immersed within the narrative (as many people were) I was constantly reminded of the similarities between Vera Drake and Julie Waters's Mrs Overall from Acorn Antiques. This journey into my own little world was strengthened when Jim Broadbent turned up in a minor role as a judge. This is a walk on part! There is no character for him to develop or get his teeth into and he is too recognisable to believe he is anyone other than Jim Broadbent. I felt like the audience should erupt into the polite applause of cricket spectators as someone calls out "Jim Broadbent ladies and gentlemen, round of applause for Mr Jim Broadbent" His links to Victoria Woods and Julie Waters did nothing to stop my Acorn Antiques delusion, although at least I was able to entertain myself. I found the film repetitive, with the abortion sequences being repeated several times with diverse clients. It did not need this many different portrayals for the audience to understand what it is Vera Drake does, one or two would have sufficed. The everyday mundane nature of these operations is already emphasised due to Vera Drake handling them in the everyday manor of someone cleaning a toilet bowl. It is this flogging of the proletarian working class groundhog day-esquire life that drains the most, and at over two hours this film is a trial to sit through. This post war working class world is superbly represented down to the last detail; but at the cost of the narrative. A prime example of this is when Vera unpacks her shopping bag one item at a time so that the audience can marvel at the recreation of 1950's tins of food. I personally did not enjoy this film, would not watch it again and have put off even writing this review for as long as I could. Many people have tried to open my eyes and show me the beauty of this film, but I remain in the dark. Vera Drake was just not my Cup of Tea.

Darren Horne

Before Sunset (2004)

Before Sunset and Sunrise are Masterpieces and reviewed together here.

[10/10 · 6 April 2005]

Before Sunrise is one of those films you stumble across by accident, and it this unexpected confrontation with excellence that causes the audience to experience that shakabookoo moment; that Swift Spiritual Kick to the Head That Alters Your Reality Forever. Before Sunset is life, it is experience. Anyone that has ever met someone they "kind of like" and wanted to find out more about them will know what this film is about. This is missed opportunity, this is chance, this is the roll of the dice and the one that got away. In this film a guy meets a girl on a train, they talk about nonsense as is the norm, but instead of saying goodbye and obsessing about what might have been the guy takes the leap of faith and convinces the girl to spend the next 14 hours exploring Vienna with him.

Already we see perfection; already this movie is a masterpiece. Is it Ethan Hawke's scruffy American backpacker Jesse that reels us in, or the sexy Celine played by Julie Delpy? I say "played by" but there is no "play" in this film, there is no performance or representation. In this film the actors achieve such a level that this is nothing other than the "real", the dialogue is of a couple exploring one another, the action is the terrified adolescent that hides in every adult, terrified of saying the wrong thing that may cause a loved one to disappear out of their life forever.

The beauty of this enchanting film is how the actors communicate what is often unsaid, suggesting that they are about to say something, or make a joke, but think better of it. Vulnerable glances are exchanged; tentative gestures of affection are made. This is the truest representation of a couple meeting, and through conversation realising that they have met their soul mate, ever committed to film.

It is heartbreaking to watch the impetuousness of youth dictate that the exchanging of phone numbers is a waste of time, for in youth we wrongly feel that their will be many that we connect with on such a spiritual level. The final moments of the film leave the audience perplexed, with an overwhelming desire to KNOW what happens next. It is a stroke of luck to come across this film after the sequel has been released, for to wait the nine years for Before Sunset to be released would be an exquisite form of torture.

In the sequel we see the couple bump onto each other once more, and quite rightly we soon see that both carry scars from their original encounter. The memories of that one perfect night have been encased in crystal and romanticised, so that no future encounter would ever live up to that experience. There is but one option for these playthings of Cupid, they have to explore a complete relationship with one another.

As each scene unfolds we look to our watch, counting down the time in which these obvious soul mates have to discover they are made for one another. Early on we feel safe, they are re-acquainting themselves with what once was, playing poker for lovers, in which cards are held close to their chest. But this cannot be maintained, and it is in Jesses company limo that we are truly dragged back into the narrative, fully committed to their relationship when Celine breaks down, screaming about the repercussions that evening had for her; when you have experienced that true connection with another person, everything else is dull in comparison.

Again we check our watch, what will happen? Can we endure another departure as in Before Sunrise? The characters are now more mature and world weary; life is taking its toll. Now in their thirties they have an appreciation for each other that was lost in Venice. They have seen more of the world and realised no comparison can be made to that one night they shared together. Priorities are quickly re-arranged. What is life for? What is important? The sequel is snatched moments, fighting against a clock that continuously haunts them. Sometimes we scream for them to be truly honest with each other, to throw off their responsibilities and engulf themselves in their love, other times we fear that their lives will pull them apart, locked into an existence of wondering what could have been.

The ending of Before Sunset is perfection, and should be held up as a pinnacle of film making. A scene that is so unexpected and yet so correct, that if your reaction is a cheer, a tear or a jeer, you will know in your heart that it was right, and sit looking at the screen analysing and exploring all of the "what ifs?" that the characters will now face.

The true charm of the film is not what the characters are experiencing, but the level to which every viewer will project their own life onto the screen, contemplating whether they are with the right partner, or whether at some point in the past they should have spoke up, or allowed time for that special someone. The universal response on viewing this film will be a deep down, soul aching desire to watch yet another sequel in another nine years time. Any film that can haunt its audience in this way is deserving of its title of Masterpiece.

Before Sunrise (1995)

Before Sunset and Sunrise are Masterpieces and reviewed together here.

[10/10 · 6 April 2005]

Before Sunrise is one of those films you stumble across by accident, and it this unexpected confrontation with excellence that causes the audience to experience that shakabookoo moment; that Swift Spiritual Kick to the Head That Alters Your Reality Forever. Before Sunset is life, it is experience. Anyone that has ever met someone they "kind of like" and wanted to find out more about them will know what this film is about. This is missed opportunity, this is chance, this is the roll of the dice and the one that got away. In this film a guy meets a girl on a train, they talk about nonsense as is the norm, but instead of saying goodbye and obsessing about what might have been the guy takes the leap of faith and convinces the girl to spend the next 14 hours exploring Vienna with him.

Already we see perfection; already this movie is a masterpiece. Is it Ethan Hawke's scruffy American backpacker Jesse that reels us in, or the sexy Celine played by Julie Delpy? I say "played by" but there is no "play" in this film, there is no performance or representation. In this film the actors achieve such a level that this is nothing other than the "real", the dialogue is of a couple exploring one another, the action is the terrified adolescent that hides in every adult, terrified of saying the wrong thing that may cause a loved one to disappear out of their life forever.

The beauty of this enchanting film is how the actors communicate what is often unsaid, suggesting that they are about to say something, or make a joke, but think better of it. Vulnerable glances are exchanged; tentative gestures of affection are made. This is the truest representation of a couple meeting, and through conversation realising that they have met their soul mate, ever committed to film.

It is heartbreaking to watch the impetuousness of youth dictate that the exchanging of phone numbers is a waste of time, for in youth we wrongly feel that their will be many that we connect with on such a spiritual level. The final moments of the film leave the audience perplexed, with an overwhelming desire to KNOW what happens next. It is a stroke of luck to come across this film after the sequel has been released, for to wait the nine years for Before Sunset to be released would be an exquisite form of torture.

In the sequel we see the couple bump onto each other once more, and quite rightly we soon see that both carry scars from their original encounter. The memories of that one perfect night have been encased in crystal and romanticised, so that no future encounter would ever live up to that experience. There is but one option for these playthings of Cupid, they have to explore a complete relationship with one another.

As each scene unfolds we look to our watch, counting down the time in which these obvious soul mates have to discover they are made for one another. Early on we feel safe, they are re-acquainting themselves with what once was, playing poker for lovers, in which cards are held close to their chest. But this cannot be maintained, and it is in Jesses company limo that we are truly dragged back into the narrative, fully committed to their relationship when Celine breaks down, screaming about the repercussions that evening had for her; when you have experienced that true connection with another person, everything else is dull in comparison.

Again we check our watch, what will happen? Can we endure another departure as in Before Sunrise? The characters are now more mature and world weary; life is taking its toll. Now in their thirties they have an appreciation for each other that was lost in Venice. They have seen more of the world and realised no comparison can be made to that one night they shared together. Priorities are quickly re-arranged. What is life for? What is important? The sequel is snatched moments, fighting against a clock that continuously haunts them. Sometimes we scream for them to be truly honest with each other, to throw off their responsibilities and engulf themselves in their love, other times we fear that their lives will pull them apart, locked into an existence of wondering what could have been.

The ending of Before Sunset is perfection, and should be held up as a pinnacle of film making. A scene that is so unexpected and yet so correct, that if your reaction is a cheer, a tear or a jeer, you will know in your heart that it was right, and sit looking at the screen analysing and exploring all of the "what ifs?" that the characters will now face.

The true charm of the film is not what the characters are experiencing, but the level to which every viewer will project their own life onto the screen, contemplating whether they are with the right partner, or whether at some point in the past they should have spoke up, or allowed time for that special someone. The universal response on viewing this film will be a deep down, soul aching desire to watch yet another sequel in another nine years time. Any film that can haunt its audience in this way is deserving of its title of Masterpiece.

Super Size Me (2004)

Entertaining, but nothing we didn't know already

[7/10 · 6 April 2005]

Food and sensible eating seems to be the topic of the day, with Jamie Oliver kicking at the door of number 10 to force the PM to notice that many of the current school dinners are literally destroying pupil's health. It's about time, we cheer, as the one thing that can unite the generations is a memory of school dinners that was far from appetising. Combine this with our quirky American cousins turning their litigious eyes to the fast food firms who they blame for making them fat, and you have a media feeding frenzy. Super Size Me is the journey of an American citizen, but this one isn't like the stereotypes, he has a girlfriend that is a vegan chef which, and as anyone guy that has ever dated a vegetarian will know this has a huge impact on your own diet. Spurlock is fit, healthy, attractive, and charismatic and appears intelligent, though his participation in this film may challenge that. With all the serious and intellectual media coverage the issue of healthy eating gets, Spurlock's approach is some what refreshing, if not ill-advised. To silence the McDonalds PR machine who claim their food will not make people fat, he decides to eat from their gourmet menu three times a day for one month, and reduce his exercise to the level of the average American. What begins as a fun and light hearted look at a guy gorging himself on Big Macs becomes a horrifying freak show of a man quickly and systematically destroying his body, causing weight gain of 20 pounds, mood swings, damage to his liver, and an increase in cholesterol. He feels fatigued and complains of chest pains, and perhaps most distressing of all is that his girlfriend starts to complain about his declining sexual ability!

Spurlock's personal charm and amiability enhance the films appeal and carry us through the experiment, causing us to care for this brave, but inherently stupid yank. We feel for him as he undergoes the assault of burgers and fries, and when his girlfriend and doctors strongly advise he call off the whole thing, we yearn for him to pay heed. The one saving grace we have is the belief that his girlfriend will whip him back into shape, a feat that takes her a whole year to accomplish.

It is easy to distance ourselves from these "silly Americans", after all, at times they seem as though they are another species entirely. But the resounding message that permeates this movie isn't a rant of the evil of the golden arches, but a reminder that the choice is ours, and we should choose to exercise and try no to eat more that one fast food meal a week. It is clear that Spurlock loves his food, and even after his near death experience it is likely he munches on the occasional quarter pounder.

There is a fairly broad range of views present in this film, dietitians, nutritionists, lawyers and fast food fanatics. One overweight 14 yr old girl comments that a conference speaker at a Subway convention advised that eating two Subway meals a day instead of McDonald's will help her to lose weight. The girl's response is one of confusion as she can't afford two Subways a day, so how will she ever lose weight? On the other side of the argument there is the American that has eaten over 9, 000 Big Macs and remains very slim; though perhaps this is only an external illusion of health. However the real villains of this piece are the GIGANTIC sodas and evil fries, which should be avoided at all costs. What does all that soda do to their teeth? The acid must be having a party, no wonder the teeth whitening craze began in the USA!

What does this film leave us with? Well, for what it is worth McDonalds stopped the super size option, but of course they claim, like our Labour government, that it had nothing to do with media pressure. Other than that we have a few laughs along with Spurlock, a highlight being the self aware comedic comparison of ham with heroin. We share his shock at McDonalds aggressive child orientated marketing campaign, the contents of a chicken McNugget, and the revelation that the definition of what a calorie is eludes us. As a gonzo documentary about fast food it is superb viewing, but like most films of this type it is only worth watching once.

A Fond Kiss (2004)

Greatest Romeo and Juliet story since Shakespeare

[8/10 · 2 April 2005]

Ken Loach has always been a bit of an odd fish. Some people speak of him with a sense of awe, which is something I could never understand. Those few films of his that I have glimpsed always seemed to be dreary, dull and, for want of a better word – real; but real in a bad way, like soap operas try to be real. When those lights of the cinema dim and a hush cascades over the audience I want to be entertained, taken to a magical world. I don't want to be reminded of Pat Butcher chain smoking in a nicotine yellow café.

Thankfully this film side steps that entire proletarian, only happy when it rains, content in our misery melancholy and is a far lighter affair.

I was wary at first, after all the plight of a second generation Pakistani Muslim that falls for an Irish Catholic lass and has to fight cultural prejudice really has no similarity with my own life. In fact the whole notion of extended families, arranged marriages and family responsibility is quite foreign to me. I needn't have been so wary, as this film is a reminder that the language of love is universal.

Where it succeeds is in its superb casting. From the opening scene the feisty Tahara (Shabana Bakhsh) will have you hooked, with a performance that highlights the effects of race related bullying, and reminds us that it is still very much alive in this country. Of course this film is not primarily about Tahara, it is about her older brother Casim (Atta Yaquab), and Roisin (Eva Birthistle).

Once I heard Roisins Irish accent there was no escape for me. With any film based around a romance it is always important to in some way fall in love with one of the leads; something Eva pulls off with ease. Her performance here is unbelievably strong, reminiscent of an Irish Scarlett Johanson. Where has this actress been hiding? It is Eva's portrayal of vulnerability, heartbreak and compassion that lend the proceedings a sense of realism. Roisin is a real character, her emotions are real; to the point that it feels invasive, if not voyeuristic, that we are watching her.

At times you will want to reach into the screen and give her a hug, letting her know it's all going to be okay and that Casim is not good enough for her. One such time is when her parish priest, superbly played by Gerard Kelly, launches into a tirade of condemnation at her behaviour. He makes you want to run along to church immediately to confess your sins, not matter what your religion is; and I thought that Casim's family were being tyrannical!

Not only is this film entertaining, but educational too. The sympathetic and understanding portrayal of the Pakistani Muslim culture that incorporates a very strong case for arranged marriages, can do nothing but enlighten those of us that live in predominantly white areas The only problem arranged marriages have is that the fun of being in love IS the risk; the sheer panic that the next word you say may cause the object of your desire to rush out of your life never to be seen again. This is what makes Casim's and Roisin's roller-coaster of a relationship such great viewing; where as a marriage based on common sense is a contradiction in terms.

The sex scenes are worth a mention, not because they are explicit, but because they are so immediate and genuine. It truly feels like this is the first time this couple have been intimate with one another, with the same awkwardness and use of humour. We do not see a great deal of their bodies, but the emotion and the eroticism is powerful enough to fluster any viewer. But again this is because we feel like a voyeur, peeping in through a window at a couple connecting physically and emotionally for the first time.

Not to be too over dramatic, but this film could be the greatest Romeo and Juliet story since Shakespeare. The development of the relationship between Casim and Roisin is delicate and touching; never overly sentimental or romantic, with an ending that fittingly retains an ambiguity; after all, in love nothing is certain.

Red Lights (2004)

Irritating, insulting and out of date

[4/10 · 21 March 2005]

The French are renowned for intellectualising cinema and identifying it as an area of artistic merit, with films such as À Bout de Soufflé, Belle de Jour, and more recently the enchanting Amelie, providing examples of the pinnacle of film making. Expectations can be high, as they were with Feux Rouges, and it can be easy to be disappointed.

The narrative follows a married couple's journey to pick up their two children from summer camp. Helene (Carole Bouquet) is beautiful and intelligent and is a hit at the law firm where she works, but her husband Antoine (Jean Pierre Darroussin) is less successful and attractive, leaving him with feelings of impotency which he deals with by drinking.

This offering from our Gallic neighbours has left me with a desire to sign the petition to fill in the channel tunnel immediately. I have been violently offended by this film. I consider myself a modern man, unthreatened by powerful women, I have a willingness to talk about my emotions, I even shed a tear at the end of Titanic. But when confronted with a drink driving caveman that harbours a desire to beat his chest and reinstate some prehistoric superiority over his wife, I can only be insulted

The insult is not the fault of the cast; Darroussin's enchanting performance is particularly impressive, perfectly portraying the levels of inebriation, at times humorous, always pitiful. It is not his drinking that annoys, as Dudley Moores Arthur and Richard E Grants Withinail show, drunks can be hilarious. It is the response of those around the drunk that are both bewildering and frustrating. Bars next to the motorway continue to serve the drunken Antoine, and he coasts through a police roadblock with ease.

The night time cinematography is surreal and beautiful, perfectly expressing the hypnotic quality of road markings and headlights that can easily enthral the unwary driver. This is heightened by a fairy tale quality that is given to some of the nocturnal motorway encounters. The director does manage to build up tension, and the first half of the film is gripping as we search for the answers for Antoine's drinking and sympathise with his plight as he is continuously kept waiting by his wife. Their relationship is interesting at this stage, primarily because we are intrigued why Helene has settled for the unhappy and unpleasant Antoine. Unfortunately the film deteriorates quickly from then on, never knowing quite what it wants to say. The only message that does come through clearly is a rather unpleasant one regarding equality between the sexes in a contemporary world. Antoine's journey is one of discovery as he searches for his identity as a man. This is emphasised by his disregard for authority by speeding and drink driving, causing his wife to get the train. His attempts to bond with other men and his rants about brotherhood seem laughable, but also dangerous, as shown in the tense scene in which he picks up a hitchhiker. The film continues to irritate when Antoine realises that the hitchhiker is a wanted killer, but looks up to him because he is a "real man" and does not bow down to anyone. By allowing Antoine to kill this murderer in self defence the audience is told that it is in combat that men become real men, in this case Antoine regains his masculine power. He becomes the warrior.

Helene is still strong though, and in order to put her "back in her place" and to restore Antoine's masculinity fully, Helene has to be stripped of her power by the last weapon of degradation that man has against woman. The rape revelation allows Antoine to return to his shattered and broken spouse and be a pillar of strength, taking his "rightful" place as master of the household and removing any guilt he would feel at taking another mans life, as he can view it as revenge for the violation of his wife.

Is this a comment on the modern man? Are we still in an age in which men are so threatened by equality that was want to revert to some archaic time where the phallus rules over all?

The cinematography is impressive in parts, the characters are believable and there are moments of genuine humour, but it is uneven, with plot holes and distracting suggestions about infidelity and conspiracy theories. As a literary adaptation it suffers from the lack of a strong captain at the helm, who also appears to have been intimidated by the source material. It lacks clarity of storytelling, and bumbles between a cinematic experience and the representation of a literary one. Feux Rouges remains an immensely irritating film that portrays a man that has no place in today's society.

Memories of Murder (2003)

Interesting in parts, but ultimately dated and un-engaging

[4/10 · 12 March 2005]

This highly acclaimed film by debut director Bong Joon-ho won best new director award at the San Sebastian Film Festival and was a box office smash in Korea.

It follows the story of rural detective, Park's, (Kang-ho Song) unprofessional response to the true story of Korea's first serial killings which took place in 1986. These murders were complicated and pre-meditated, taking place on rainy nights after a particular song had played on the radio, and involving the fetishistic binding and gagging of the female, red clothed, victims. The local police response is to plant evidence, beat suspects for a confession, and consult a Shaman. Luckily an educated detective, Seo, (Sang-kyung Kim) is sent in from Seoul, who believes in scientific methods and logically analysing evidence. This sets up much of the films tension due to the friction between the two leading detectives individual approaches, which come down to the battle between instinct and science. The film is certainly well constructed with strong performances from the entire cast, but it is ultimately unfulfilling. It is aimed firmly at the Korean audience, which may mean that the cultural differences form a barrier between the characters and some Western viewers. Whatever the reason the film remains un-engaging due to the difficulties in emoting with the protagonists. The film also covers old ground, with themes that have been covered a thousand times before in more original ways. Instead of looking like a film set in 1986, it gives the impression that it was made in that year. In typical buddy movie fashion the two detectives begin to learn from each other, and about the nature of their profession. The philosopher Nietzsche states that those who do battle with monsters must take care that they do not thereby become a monster, which is relevant here as Seo begins to throw off his logical methods in favour of beating the suspect he feels is guilty. Meanwhile Park relies less on instinct and leans more towards the logical and analytical approaches. This coupling of opposites had the opportunity to be interesting viewing. However, perhaps the films biggest downfall is also the one aspect that gives it any originality. This is based on a true story, a story in which the killer was not found. This means that the story can only be told from the point of view of the police, leaving the audience in the same frustrating position as the detectives. In thrillers of this type it is customary to have a non restrictive narrative, so that the audience can see what the killer is plotting even if the identity is never revealed. It then becomes a series of moves and counter moves, a puzzle to be solved, rather than a frustrating journey of banging your head against a wall, in which no questions are answered. There are touches of humour that lighten the heavy mood, but it is perhaps the scenes that are not supposed to be funny, such as some of the violent assaults by the detectives, that become the most comedic due to their slapstick tendencies. Another well trodden theme is that it is the ordinary person that commits the most extraordinary acts of violence. Park is sure that the killer must be a pubic hair shaving psychopath rather than, as the audience will have already guessed, an average person. Parks realisation of this is handled competently in the films haunting closing scene. Twenty years after the murders Park has changed careers and is now a salesman that happens to pass by the first crime scene of the murders. Whilst he is there a young school girl comments that another man had been their recently and spoke of how he had done something at that location long ago and wanted to remember it. When Park presses for a description she replies "ordinary", which is the moment of enlightenment for this character, who then stares, not at the camera lens, but into the audience, where the killer may well be sitting.

Chicago (2002)

Richard Gere steals the limelight

[6/10 · 7 March 2005]

Chicago was written way back in 1926 as a play, became a non musical film in 1942 starring Ginger Rogers, and a stage show which opened in 1975 to mixed reviews. However it's recent revival on Broadway and the West End has been very well received, meaning the timing of the film version could not be better. The story stays quite true to the original, set in 1920's Chicago which is a vibrant city of Jazz, sex, crime and media hype, where fame, or notoriety, is everything. Roxie Hart (Zellweger) is the wannabe star that is imprisoned for shooting her lover. There she meets fellow murderess, and famous jazz performer, Velma Kelly (Jones) who is using the media to increase her fame and win her freedom. Roxies attempts at friendship are rebuked and so she hires Velmas lawyer, razzle dazzler Billy Flynn (Gere), in order to play the same game, and a battle for column inches begins as they both try to avoid being hanged.

Chicago is packed with musical segments, which could alienate the audience, but the songs are of such great quality that they will be running through your head long after you leave the cinema. "All that Jazz" is obviously a classic, and both female stars have surprisingly good voices, but it is Gere that brings an added zest to his songs, especially with "We Both Reached for the Gun" and "Razzle Dazzle" which will make you want to stand and applaud the screen. Gere often plays roles in which he takes second place to the female lead and allows his co-stars to take centre stage, but here he gets a chance to shine and have fun. He does this superbly with a stunningly charismatic performance of the manipulative and devilish Billy Flynn. Men will want to be him and women will want to be with him, in this film Richard Gere is God. It will make you want to rent out his entire back catalogue.

The ladies fare less well, with the masculine, vampish Velma and innocent doll like Roxie almost bordering on being a women in cages lesbian stereotype. Thankfully the two stars steer their characters away from that (just) and both add a vulnerability that makes us want to protect them, even if we don't like them. That is impressive considering how shallow the characters actually are.

The support casts performances surpass the female stars, especially John C Reillys endearing and pitiful performance of Roxies trod upon husband, and Queen Latifah as Matron "Mama" Morten who gives the only sensuous performance in the film, which is surprising considering how many scantily clad ladies there are.

This is a wonderfully nostalgic film that captures the mood of the era and has a great deal of relevance in today's fame obsessed, spin doctoring world in which money buys freedom and media is truth. Unfortunately it is too stagey, and it is often only the bright lights and glitter that holds your attention. However, it should make you want to go to the Theatre, which is never a bad thing.

Benny & Joon (1993)

Warm hearted fun, Depp is superb.

[8/10 · 7 March 2005]

Benny and Joon is a charming romantic fairy tale about two of societies' outcasts that fall in love.

Joon (Mary Elizabeth Masterson) is a talented artist who suffers from a mental illness which makes her prone to mood swings and outbursts of anger. It is her older brother Benny's (Aidan Quinn) job to look after her, which means his social life is often on hold and his love life is non existent. That is until Joon wins Sam (Johnny Depp) in a poker game, a fellow misfit who also does not fit in with societies expectations of how to behave. He is then taken on as a housekeeper by Benny who warns him about Joons unpredictable behaviour. However Sam's novel approach to housework and his delight at the world around him soon allows him to connect with Joon on a deeper level than her brother can understand; but time is running out as Joon's doctor strongly recommends that she be placed in a home, which Benny gradually begins to accept as his desire to live his own life, and his inability to deal with Joon, increases.

The cast is excellent, with superb performances from all involved, including powerhouse support from Julianne Moore, Oliver Platt and William H Macey; but it is Depps mix of childlike wonder and joy of living that engages us so thoroughly. His antics beautifully encapsulate the magic and charm of Chaplin and Keaton, combined with Depps own skill at adding a hidden depth and soul to whatever character he plays.

The film does have its flaws. Perhaps Sams' eccentricities, such as his passion for old movies, his Chaplinesque routines and his novel way of ironing toasted cheese sandwiches, replace any depth to the character, and perhaps the film trivialises mental illness. However it is not trying to make any serious point or statement other than that to deal with life it is often our insanity that keeps us sane, and one of the best things in life is the chance to fall in love, and be loved in return.

A thoroughly enchanting film that will make you want to be spontaneously romantic and appreciate all the little oddities and endearing quirks in yourself and your loved one. In this messed up world we are all a little mad, and the best we can hope for is to find someone as crazy as ourselves and cling on to them forever.

Besides, any film that starts and ends with the Proclaimers Celtic tones is all right with me.

Die Another Day (2002)

Bond with a twist. Worth watching.

[7/10 · 7 March 2005]

Its seems that James Bond is everywhere at the moment. As a celebration of his 40th year in cinema it seems as though we are being assaulted on every front and in every medium by Bond programmes. There have been viewers' favourite scenes, programmes on the real 007's and the obligatory making of documentary. Even without all this added advertisement you will already know exactly what to expect from this film. I am not a huge fan, and would not usually pay to see it at the cinema, or even rent it on video. However, it seemed as though Bond had scared off all opposition, leaving nothing better to watch that week. It is also a very girlfriend friendly film. (What is it about women and there desire to be riding in that Aston Martin with Pierce Brosnan? Does he know how much sex he could have?) I was pleasantly surprised by this film. The usual pre title sequence with Bond completing a mission and making a daring escape was gone. Instead we see him betrayed and are treated to a spectacular hovercraft battle as he tries to salvage some form of success. However he is still captured and tortured in a North Korean prison for 14 months. From that moment I was hooked. MI6 then set up a prisoner exchange, handing over the wonderful villain called Zao, whose mandatory disfigurement is to have diamonds embedded in his face. He must be evil then. Bond is then imprisoned by MI6, who fear that he talked, and have decided they no longer like his style and don't need an agent of his temperament running around getting into trouble. There is only one option open to our hero, to break out of prison and go after Zao, as a rogue agent. This leads to a great scene in which Bond wanders into a top hotel practically naked, soaking wet, dishevelled, disgraced and dishonoured. Anyone else would be thrown out on the street or taken out the back for a beating, but this is Bonds regular hotel and within minutes he is groomed and wearing a tailor made suit. This is why he is a secret agent, he doesn't need his tuxedos and gadgets, he knows too much and has connections everywhere. Bond then uses his connections and charm to hunt down Zao, who is undergoing genetic therapy to change his face. Not as unbelievable as it sounds as this kind of thing will apparently be a real possibility in the near future. The plot involving diamond smuggling doesn't really matter, after all this is a Bond film. The head bad guy is Gustav Graves (Toby Stephens), a North Korean who is now a white businessman thanks to the same therapy used on Zao. He is also a complete waste of space. A slimy, cocky, pale faced loser that is supposed to be a threat to James Bond. As if. Thankfully Bond gives him a good beating in what starts off as a friendly sword fight. A great scene, which also makes up for the awful Madonna cameo moments before…aarrrgh. It was bad enough having her sing the theme song. MI6 eventually make up with Bond, primarily to annoy the CIA. This means he gets tooled up with gadgets and an invisible Aston martin!!! (Very disappointed the line "now where did I leave my car?" wasn't used.) He is also informed about the undercover agent Miranda Frost (Rosamund Pike) who is posing as Graves' PR girl. As her name suggests she is an ice-cold agent who refuses to be taken in by Bonds charm. The stunning Halle Berry plays the tough U.S agent Jinx, one of the best Bond girls for some time, who hops straight into bed with the sexually frustrated Bond. (14 months at least) The love scene is appropriately passionate. The favourites are all there too, although perhaps in smaller doses than before. M (Dench) is wonderful at putting Bond in his place, Q is also superbly played by Cleese who has really made that role his own, and there is a great scene with Money penny and a virtual reality machine near the end. The only major thing I can fault with this film is Gustav Graves, who is a terrible villain, and the sometimes over done directing. The rest is top form Bond, with impossible stunts, crazy fight sequences, cheesy one liners and gorgeous women. A nice addition to the franchise, that shows a grittier side to the character. Turn off your brain and enjoy yourself, this is a wonderful Bond extravaganza with enough of a twist to keep it fresh.

28 Days Later (2002)

Could have been so much better.

[4/10 · 7 March 2005]

Danny Boyle moves into the horror genre with this zombie film with a twist. Combined with the writing talent of Alex (The Beach) Garland, this had the potential to be a fresh and contemporary take on the classic zombie horrors such as those by George Romeros. It fails miserably.

Animal activists break into the Cambridge Primate Research Centre and find caged chimps surrounded by a continuous video stream of war, anger and hate. Somehow the scientists have created a virus of pure rage, and these animals are infected with it. The well-meaning activists then free a chimp, which viciously assaults them, spreading the virus.

28 days later a bewildered Jim (Murphy) wakes up from a coma to find the hospital, and the rest of London, silent and empty. He wanders the deserted streets looking for any sign of life. But the people he comes across have been infected and are now rabid, blood thirsty, rage crazed zombies. Two other survivors (Huntley and Harris) come to his rescue and explain what has happened. They later join up with a taxi driver, Frank (Gleeson) and his daughter, Hannah (Burns). Together they set off for Manchester, which is the origin of a military radio broadcast offering sanctuary and a cure. There they meet Major West (Eccleston) who has brutal and pessimistic answers to their predicament.

Images of a deserted London, wiped clean of humanity by a virus, are both terrifying and shocking, especially as the threat of biological terror attacks nag at all of our minds. The hellish visuals of Manchester consumed by fire snuff out any sense of hope and give a sense of post apocalyptic loneliness. The despair, that haunts every scene, increases when the characters reach the army "safe haven". The action scenes are few and far between, but they hit hard and fast, shattering the deathly silence with violent, heart-stopping gore fests. In between there is little suspense or tension, and the slow pacing leaves us craving that next attack. None of the characters are likable, due to awful dialogue and poor decision making. This isn't helped by Burns, whose terribly performance destroys any illusion of realism and constantly reminds us that this is just a film.

Its only redeeming feature is its subtext of the fragility of civilised society and how quickly we become savage and cruel when there is no authority to answer to.

An unsettling film that could have been so much more, especially when compared to the superb low budget werewolf film, Dog Soldiers. Top marks for effort though.

Resident Evil (2002)

Not great, but not awful. Watch with your brain switched to "off"

[5/10 · 7 March 2005]

I thoroughly enjoyed this zombie horror film that sets the scene for the hit Resident Evil computer game series.

The sinister Umbrella Corporation runs a vast underground genetic research facility, known as The Hive, in which a viral outbreak occurs. A state of the art supercomputer, called the Red Queen, monitors the complex and responds by killing all within. The few survivors, including soldier with a conscience, Alice (Jovovich), suffer from memory loss as a result of the Queens gas attack. An Umbrella Commando team, who aims to shut down the computer and find out what has happened, soon joins them.

From the opening scenes the tension is set on high as the all seeing, godlike Queen systematically eliminates the employees. The gory details are often left to the imagination, which is often far worse, particularly the decapitation scene.

Fans of the game will know that the T-Virus will bring these people back from the dead as blood crazed zombies. Anderson keeps us waiting on the edge of our seats for that moment to finally happen. In the mean time he freaks us out with The Queen, who is spookily given the voice, and holographic image, of an English eight-year old girl. This works wonderfully, especially when she states "I have been a very, very bad girl".

Jovovich is superb and wears a gorgeous red dress and mini skirt contraption, along with big black boots that show off her stunning legs that seem to lead all the way to the Promised Land. She is also kept soaking wet for much of the film.

The suspense is top notch, with inventive camera angles and direction that will have you transfixed to the screen before hitting you with jump in your seat shocks. Marilyn Mansons soundtrack is ideally suited and adds to the creepy atmosphere.

Unfortunately there are too many minor characters, all of which are underdeveloped and two-dimensional. This is made worse by the amount of relative unknowns, Rodriquez being the only other recognisable actress, and she delivers a monotonous performance that is far from the Vasquez like character that she is clearly based on. The dialogue and script are terrible, and some of the characters lumber along with less life than the soulless zombies that hunt them. The big bad monster is a horrific CGI creation that, thankfully, has a very brief role.

This film suffers from the 15 certificate, and comes across as a little child-like. I would have liked a little more stamping on zombie head gore and greater shocks, perhaps even some genuine fear. However, it is aimed partly at the younger game playing audience and the lower certificate is understandable. The downbeat ending works well though, and will have you reaching for your control pad to play out the rest of the story.

Ultimately this is a simple action/horror film that borrows heavily from films such as Aliens. There are some occasional great scenes and it is certainly worth switching off you brain and getting the beers and munchies in for some juvenile Friday night entertainment.

Dog Soldiers (2002)

British Horror at its best. Thoroughly enjoyable.

[9/10 · 7 March 2005]

At last, a horror film with no sign of teenagers or CGI heavy effects. Writer/Director Neil Marshall uses a meagre £3.5 million budget and comes up with the perfect blend of horror, action and comedy in this superb British werewolf film.

The opening scene sets the tone with a bloody and brutal attack on two hikers, as the moonlit woods of the Scottish Highlands echo with howling. Four weeks (28 days?) later, an army squad is dropped into those same woods on exercise, led by the stern, yet patriarchal, sergeant Harry Wells (Sean Pertwee). The lads become immediately likable thanks to superb squaddie banter. In fact the dialogue is spot on throughout and, combined with excellent performances, creates a group of distinct characters that we quickly care about. Pertwee is probably the only actor you will recognise making it impossible to guess who will die next when the body count starts to rack up.

The squad soon come across the mauled and mutilated remains of a Special Forces unit that appear to have been on some kind of safari. Captain Ryan (Liam Cunningham) is the only survivor and keeps babbling "there was only supposed to be one" over and over again. The tension builds as the bewildered squad arm themselves with the live rounds and the weapons of the slaughtered Special Forces unit.

Darkness falls, the full moon hangs high in the sky, and the woods fill with howling. The squad are immediately on the move in an edge of the seat, pulse racing, running battle. Superbly shot, with jerky, frantic camera movement and only fleeting glimpses of the big howling things that hunt them.

They are rescued by zoologist Meg (Emma Cleasby), who leads them to relative safety in the form of a nearby deserted house. This is now a classic horror scenario with a small group of survivors franticly trying to fend off the evil that lurks outside. As ammo runs low the lads ravage the house for any form of weaponry, this leads to Spoon launching a dazzling pugilistic assault that will have you cheering at the screen.

Every scene of tension or horror is immediately interrupted by outrageous humour, to superb effect, leaving you constantly unsure of whether you're going to die laughing or soil yourself. There are also several hilarious fairy tale inspired lines such as when Wells says, "Should little red riding hood turn up with a bazooka and a bad attitude, I expect you to chin the bitch"

The use of tight camera angles and close ups mean we emote with the characters, and feel as confined and claustrophobic as they do. The werewolves are kept in the shadows and smoke, probably because of the low budget, which helps to enhance the fear factor.

Dog Soldiers borrows heavily from a variety of sources and creates something better, the whole being much more than the sum of its parts. There are references to a plethora of films, particularly Aliens, Predator, Evil Dead (one of the characters is called Bruce Campbell) and the Matrix. Every single scene is excellent and will leave you no opportunity to pop off to make the tea. It is destined to be a cult classic and is my favourite film of the year. Neil Marshall is one to watch.

Gangs of New York (2002)

Interesting, but far from entertaining

[5/10 · 7 March 2005]

We all heard the rumours that were hurtling around Martin Scorsese's latest film, as the release date was continually delayed and stories of on set tensions were common place. None of that matters, but it did create a great deal of added publicity and anticipation. It is because of this that much of the cinema going public began to expect a popcorn blockbuster. Especially as it stars Hollywood pretty boy Leonardo DiCaprio who is now better known for the prole friendly films, such as Titanic, than his earlier grittier roles. Scorsese's films are often dark and disturbing, with unglamourous violence, in which the narrative is put before entertainment. This is true for Gangs of New York, which is actually a gangland period drama set against the backdrop of the Civil War. It is not a pleasant film to watch, and is a story of revenge and survival. It is also not a noble story of good versus evil, but of petty squabble's over race, colour, religion, politics, power and territory.

It is set in the 19th Century as Irish immigrants escape the potato famine by turning up on American shores in their hordes. This leads to gang wars between the natives, led by Bill the Butcher (Daniel Day-Lewis), and the Immigrants, led by Amsterdam (DiCaprio), who is also on a crusade of vengeance for his fathers death. The story is told around an overcrowded, corrupt cesspit called Paradise Square, which was actually built as a fantastic, sprawling 2-mile set piece. This set is the best thing about this film, especially when blue screens and computer-generated effects are all the rage. All the actors give fine performances, (although some of the accents do waver occasionally), especially Day-Lewis, who came out of a semi-retirement in which he was working as a Cobbler. Diaz has a strong meaty role which she makes the most of, and is certainly not there just as eye candy, as there is no place for femininity in this squalor. It is a fantastic story that almost feels like a documentary due to the superb attention to detail. It should be watched as a reminder of the darkest sides of human nature, especially as the same bigotry and irrational hate is still a part of all of our lives today. Unfortunately the uncharismatic leads fail to win us over, and we watch out of a morbid fascination that people could actually live like this, instead of caring about the outcome for the characters. There is also the tease of a great gang battle at the end of the film, which is snatched from us in a hail of cannon fire. Perhaps that would have been too much of a Hollywood ending, but I wanted it, and felt cheated as I came out of the cinema. Gangs of New York is a raw look at a brutal moment of history in which the ragged, desperate masses do anything to survive, and are then told to go and fight for the right to starve in the gutter. A powerful film, with a couple of scenes that will haunt you for a long time to come, but I just wanted to be entertained.

Catch Me If You Can (2002)

Charming film, with superb performance by Walken

[8/10 · 7 March 2005]

From 1963 to 1969 Frank Abignale Jr made the FBI ten most wanted list by performing awe inspiring confidence scams and stealing millions of dollars by forging cheques.

Catch me if you can tells the story of teenage Frank (Dicaprio), as he flees a broken home and sets off to gain enough money to rebuild his family. Frank sees the respect that certain professions command and manages to successfully pass himself off as a Pilot, Doctor and a Lawyer, (all, in part, to impress his father). He soon gains the attention of FBI agent Carl Hanratty, (Hanks) who hunts him for years and gradually develops a near fatherly fondness for him.

Dicaprio gives an outstanding performance that firmly establishes him as perhaps the finest actor of his generation. He perfectly blends a charismatic, cocky teenager with deep down fragility and emptiness that was caused by his parents split. The gut wrenching choose a parent scene strikes home to all of us how traumatic a parental divorce must be. The character development is spot on, from goofy teen to a worldly con man that can no longer distinguish between truth and fiction.

Hanks does well, playing a bookish FBI everyman with a touch of a sinister 1950s man in black. However Christopher Walken, as Frank's father, is superb and lifts the father son scenes from over sentimental Spielberg tosh, to highly charged and touching encounters. An award worthy performance that will have you blinking back the tears.

The delightfully nostalgic opening credits set the tone for this charming film that is genuinely heart-warming and fun. The trailer is misleading as this is not fast paced chase film, but a dark, character driven, true story that will have you hooked from the first few scenes. Dicaprio oozes charm, whilst at the same time showing a vulnerable, lonely side that will have you routing for him every step of the way. It is possibly 20 minutes too long, and it feels as though the last few scenes were tacked on at the end. However the end scene pulls the whole story together and gives the film a completeness that will have you smiling as you leave the cinema. An engaging and touching tale about a boys wish to be part of a family.

Sweet Home Alabama (2002)

Reese Witherspoon can do better than this

[4/10 · 7 March 2005]

Reese Witherspoon stars as Melanie Carmichael, an up and coming fashion designer living a fairy tale life in the Big Apple. The most eligible bachelor of the city, mayor's son Andrew (Patrick Dempsey), proposes to her in a fantastically romantic scene that will make all real life efforts seem pale and trite in comparison.

Unfortunately Melanie is already married to her childhood sweetheart, Jake (Josh Lucas) who has been refusing to sign the divorce papers for seven years. Melanie has to take a trip down memory lane to her hometown and a past that she tried to forget about. Pigeon Creek Alabama is her destination, an insular, red neck town where everybody knows your name. Although this is not quite a stereotypical southern town, it's not far off; these folks now look down on wife beating and welcome the one gay citizen into their hearts.

The plot is painfully predictable, with the outcome being blatantly obvious from the cutesy opening scene. It is a one-joke film that seems to be anti metropolis, and yet at the same time ridicules the stereotypical inhabitants of Pigeon Creek.

There are a few smile worthy moments; perhaps even a couple of chuckles, but the few major laughs are shown in the trailer. What ever happened to teaser trailers where you would have no clue what was going to happen?

Witherspoon shines as always, lighting up every scene with the charm and beauty, although it's incredibly irritating how quickly her strong southern accent comes back. She gives the character far more depth than many other actresses would be able to do, and almost has us believing that the films final outcome is for the best. There is also a superb supporting cast, with Fred Ward as Melanie's father, and, Etan Embry as Bobby Ray, who delivers a wonderfully comedic performance that almost carries the film.

This is a light-hearted feel good movie that is just about watch-able because of the excellent cast. It will have you reaching for the sick back on numerous occasions, especially the awful ending. A warm hearted romantic comedy that irritates instead of entertains.

Crossroads (I) (2002)

Warm hearted and fun

[6/10 · 7 March 2005]

Britney Spears' debut film is a curious blend of a cheesy chick flick and a John Hughes coming of age high school film. The plot is simple, three childhood friends, that have grown apart, reunite on prom night to go on a road trip. Pregnant trailer trash Mimi (Manning) is the driving force behind the escapade, as she wants to break out of her small town life by entering a singing contest. Popular rich girl Kat (Saldana) intends to pay a surprise visit to her older, college going Fiancé, and "A" student Lucy (Spears) is in search of the mother that abandoned her. Possible murderer Ben (Mount) spices things up as the duty driver whose masculinity hilariously deteriorates in the midst of continual girl talk. Very soon he allows the girls control of the car stereo and is happily singing along with them.

This is laughably corny in parts, shallow and often cringe-worthy. The directing is, at times, heavy handed, especially with the blue beer bottle scene. However all the performances are solid, with Spears being particularly charismatic on screen. Dan Aykroyd and Kim Cattrall deliver superb performances in supporting roles that give the film some added credibility.

Obviously this is firmly aimed at young teenage girls and Britney Fans. It is a PG certificate and should perhaps be thought of as a children's film, as the clichéd dialogue and lack of depth means there is little to engage adults. There is an abundance of opportunities for Britney to sing, as well as to show off her perfectly tanned and toned body. The early pink underwear scene is worth the price of the ticket alone.

It seems as though there has not been such a warm hearted, yet naive and stereotypical teen film like this for quite some time. This is almost like a breath of fresh air, and has the feel of an 80's John Cusack or Hughes film (though not as good). It is blatantly predictable and sometimes wanders into the "so bad it's good" territory, but its warm and well meaning, and reminds us that being a teenager wasn't so bad. A great film to watch with your girlfriend, as long as she understands she will have to watch Dog Soldiers with you as pay back.

Blue Crush (2002)

Great summer movie

[8/10 · 7 March 2005]

Do not let the poor reviews put you off, Blue Crush is a very enjoyable and touching tale with spectacular waves that will have you screaming at the screen for everyone to get the hell out of the water. They are clearly all crazy.

Anne Marie (Bosworth) is a talented surfer that hopes to compete in the male dominated Pipe Masters competition. She shares a ramshackle beach house with her two friends Eden (Rodriquez) and Lena (Lake) as well as her rebellious little sister Penny (Boorem). Her life is split between a gruelling Rocky style-training regime, surfing, and working with her house mates as maids in a high-class hotel in an attempt to pay the bills. That is until the hotel is taken over by American Footballers whose quarterback Matt (Davis) catches her eye.

It starts off badly, with a rather psychedelic flash back sequence that shows us the traumatic surfing experience that haunts Anne Marie and is the reason she has been out of the professional circuit for the last few years. But very soon the characters begin to win us over, primarily because it is impossible not to respect someone who regularly paddles out into over 20ft waves. Especially when they are just wearing bikinis. Boswoth gives a great performance and perfectly portrays the mixture of adrenaline, exhaustion, vulnerability and absolute terror that anyone facing mother natures at her most magnificent would feel. The waves are the most spectacular you will see on screen, with stunning camera work and sound that manages to pull you out into the water to feel the panic and fear, not just for the characters, but for yourself. The surf sequences are absolutely gripping and will have you clinging to your seat, breathlessly.

On land the film holds up just as well. Even though many ideas and sequences are lifted directly from a variety of other films (Pretty Woman, Maid in Manhattan and Point Break to name a few) they are handled in a fresh way, and have plenty of laugh out loud moments to keep you entertained. The support cast is uneven, from the two brilliant big and black American Footballers to the dubious use of real life surfers and locals. However this seems to add a realism that actually works well as these few scenes can feel like the link shots used between the action in real surfing videos.

It is hard to explain why this film is so good. The plot is not great, and is has been accused of being a mindless sports/action film that uses scantily clad girls for titillation. That's crap. The girls are in bikinis because they live on a beach, the camera is never lecherous and there is no nudity. This film is far less predictable than you would expect it to be and it is sincere and sentimental. It also deals with many themes that we can relate to, such as facing up to past demons, finding a sense of direction and identity, family responsibility, and how priorities change when we fall in love.

Go see this film on the big screen, it's a great Romeo and Juliet story that's fun for both girls and boys of all ages. It will have you leaving the cinema smiling, perhaps with a new determination to face your own fears, or at least to try and get fit and go to the beach. A great film to get you in the mood for summer.

Lara Croft: Tomb Raider - The Cradle of Life (2003)

Not even Angelina can save this mess

[2/10 · 7 March 2005]

Angelina Jolie is back as computer game heroine Lara Croft, complete with her Liz Hurley-esque accent and extremely fine physique.

This time our Tomb Raider is asked by MI6 (on behalf of her majesty no less!) to get hold of Pandora's Box before the nasty bad guy gets it and uses it to wipe out all of the useless members of society (hopefully starting with Jan De Bont). As Lara was already involved on this quest anyway she agrees, and uses MI6 to free her ex boyfriend who also happens to be a traitorous and mercenary ex marine.

It is a rare experience to go into a cinema with such low expectations and still come out disappointed: but that's exactly what I did. I have been so traumatised from watching this film that is hard to find any redeeming points at all, except that it makes the first film seem fantastically entertaining. At least that had the action packed robot battle and that balletic mansion defence scene which, thinking back, were both pretty damn stunning. In comparison the action scenes in the sequel are unimaginative and stale. It seems as though the powers that be decided to take several costume ideas from the computer game, and then tried to come up with reasons to use them, all the while trying to visit as many global locations as possible.

The cast try hard, but the material is crap. The plot is a little too imitative of Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark (a far superior film is so many ways…but don't get me started on that) Chris Barrie is horribly underused, the villains have no charisma and no matter how much danger Lara gets herself in we know she, and her two assistants, will not die. After the amount of times I have thrown Lara off of a cliff just to hear her scream in the computer game, I am sure her death on screen really wouldn't bother me either. Particularly when, in one nauseating scene, Lara punches an attacking shark on the nose and actually makes it back up in shock!!! Which highlights yet another problem I have with this monstrosity, it never lets you forget you are watching a film. Almost every scene has a stupidly unbelievable event or has shoddy CGI that screams THIS IS NOT REAL. Combined with the dodgy plot, uninspired and un-engaging direction, and what is still an underdeveloped two dimensional leading lady (although Jolie plays that role far better than any other actress could) you have a film that must be avoided at all costs.

If Pirates of the Caribbean can be an entertaining and fun film even though it is based on a ride, then there is no excuse for this computer game inspired film to be the piece of crap that it is. I still have faith in the series however, and can't wait for them to actually get it right. The cast are spot on, it just needs some creative talent involved in all aspects of the production process.

A horribly disappointing film that may well kill off the franchise for good.

Solaris (2002)

Solaris Review

[10/10 · 7 March 2005]

Solaris began life in 1961 as a Polish novel by Stanislaw Lem, then made into a film by Russian director Andrei Tarkovsky in 1972. In this contemporary remake Steven Soderbergh takes the reigns as director, and comes up with a thoughtful and adult film that puts the intelligence back into sci-fi. This is clearly a personal work of passion, and that commitment shines through in every single shot.

Dr Chris Kelvin (Clooney) is an emotionally scarred psychologist that is sent to the space station Prometheus that orbits the enigmatic planet Solaris. (In Greek mythology Prometheus is the Titan that created Man and gave them fire, without asking the permission of Zeus. He was punished for 30 thousand years by being chained to a rock and every day an eagle came and ate out his liver, which would then grow back during the night)

On arrival he finds his friend has apparently committed suicide and the remaining two crew members are acting very strangely indeed. Kelvin later has a vivid dream about his dead wife Rheya, (McElhoe) who he finds alive and well in bed next to him when he wakes the following morning.

The film uses this scenario to explore a plethora of ideas and philosophical issues such as the meaning of life, religion, God, love, as well as what it is that defines a human. Thankfully there is plenty of time for the audience to ponder these issues due to the slow pace and long scenes with no dialogue at all.

The restrictive narrative means Clooney fills practically every scene, which works superbly well as this is an emotionally complex film about one mans struggle to come to terms with his wife's death, his memory of that event, and then her unsettling return from the grave. Clooneys performance is fantastic, especially as the wounded widower that is stripped of the twinkly eyed charm (and sometimes his clothes) that we see in the dreamy flashback sequences. This allows him to deliver a raw and vulnerable performance of a man totally heart broken from past experiences.

McElhoe is equally as outstanding (and remarkably beautiful) as his mentally unstable wife who has her own difficulties in coming to terms with her existence and place in the universe.

The special effects used are of a high standard and used wisely. The space station is a solid and functional stage for the story to be performed on, where as the planet Solaris is a visual feast of exquisite beauty, with mesmerising electric pinks and blues that will literally bring a tear to your eye. It will not appeal to every one. I watched at least two couples leave the already barren cinema, and my girlfriend fell asleep in my lap However, it is a great film for those of us who want more than passive popcorn entertainment, and really should be seen on the big screen. This is an extremely well made, surreal, and philosophical, treat that will pose a lot of questions and hopefully touch your soul. As one of the characters says "There are no answers, only choices". Choose to see this film.