Change Your Image
StudioLAX
Reviews
Beasts of the Field (2019)
Amateur mess that is insulting to the viewer.
This is the worst kind of lazy, cynical content pooping (using the word filmmaking is an insult to filmmakers) with the end result beings so poor technically, it's tiring to watch (the only reason I did was to write a review for YouTube).
Underexposed video capture (using the word cinematography is an insult to cinematographers) is compounded by randomly dropping filters onto the poopage resulting in over saturation and further darkening of the image. There's actually a scene in the content poop where the people pretending to be actors argue about poor lighting. I found this insulting as it shows the content poopers knew enough to include it as dialogue but didn't implement it themselves.
Sound is terrible, obviously recorded using the phone mic and the stereo field isn't balanced, the dialogue should have been recorded in mono, or mixed down to mono. Music is awful and used throughout destroying any molecule of tension remaining after the embarrassingly bad 'acting', complete lack of production design, props and costumes.
In an attempt to be positive there's a stripper playing a scientist who has a very nice face, unfortunately I'm not a fan of (obviously fake breasts), for anyone wondering, they are not revealed, guess the content poopers didn't have $50.
The worst thing though is the people connected to the content pooping who have written glowing reviews, what do you think that's going to achieve? It just further demonstrates your contempt for the audience and complete lack of integrity, although as you are clearly not filmmakers I don't suppose that matters to you.
Fast Five (2011)
Most average F'n'F yet
RE: 19 April 2011 | by corey_dw (Australia)
After varying degrees of success with the franchise, My faith that "Fast 5" could deliver on the hype was waning somewhat. However despite the fact this film hasn't been released yet and I've not actually seen it but I work for the studio I am pleased to say the series hasn't redeemed itself. Fast 5 pulls out no stops this time around. It almost delivers on action, cars, poor quality acting and a hackneyed storyline. It doesn't bother exploring the character personalities, not showing humour, fear, vulnerability and determination this time around which gives the movie no strength or depth also missing from previous Fast n Furious movies.
I found myself cringing out loud a few times at the unsubtle humour, and leaning forward for the action scenes which should've been truly amazing.
The Story is predictable and will not keep the surprises coming to the end. The Cast has not matured and it shows in the lack of quality of acting over previous F'n'F movies. Ironically, one of the production companies involved is called Original Productions.
Pros:
Average pace throughout the movie
Average storyline and plot
Average Cast of actors/ actresses Unimaginative and un-inventive elements throughout
One or two "Wow" moments
Cons:
Would be nice to have more screen time for the cars
a 130 cheesy moments ( but this adds to the humour of the film)
Overall: Highly recommended if you have low expectations, nothing better to do and a free cinema ticket, or your a complete drone with no imagination who likes retarded films with spoon fed plots. Just be sure to fast forward until the end of the credits!
0.5/10
Chronicles of an Exorcism (2008)
It's not that bad, more integrity than ROTF
In light of the overwhelmingly negative comments on here I thought I'd try and even the balance a little.
Granted Chronicles of an Exorcism is not great, some of the acting is pretty ropey and obviously being no budget there's not much action. For the money though I think it's decent enough film, superior to say anything from The Asylum or a sci-fi channel original movie.
I don't know what sort of idiot would think this is actually a real exorcism, there's no such thing, and even if there was the Catholic church would never in a million years allow one to be filmed. Let's face it this is an organisation whose leader thinks use of condoms increases the risk of aids.
Maybe people were put off a bit by the reasonably intelligent and wordy script which discusses in depth matters of faith and also goes into some detail about exorcisms. Perhaps the reason for all the negative comments is overly sensitive religious types, however the treatment of the catholic religion in the film is in no way critical.
Dead Noon (2007)
Better than four grand would suggest
I put this on expecting to turn it off after ten or twenty minutes but was engaged enough to watch it to the end.
It's not brilliant but it is fun, some of the other criticisms are unfair but some accurate, the director has been far too ambitious as evidenced by too many cheap looking FX shots (that said some are pretty good) and action sequences.
Given the obvious source material of High Noon I think sticking closer to that story line and racking up the tension with less reliance on dynamic scenes would have been better. This of course would have required half decent acting which for the most part was pretty ropey, but the three leads are competent particularly Elizabeth Mouton.
Criticisms aside this film is better than many films a hundred or even a thousand times the budget and wouldn't look out of place on late night TV.
All in all a good effort.
State's Evidence (2004)
Don't be misled...
I love the internet as I come on here and cost film makers money if I don't like their films, not in a vindictive way (well maybe) but generally if I feel ripped off or taken for a fool as with States Evidence.
It is the worst sort of film, it's exploitation attempting and failing badly to be a meaningful examination of shootings in American schools. This is distasteful enough, but to do it in such a crass, arrogant, smug, naive way is unforgivable.
Four out of the five of the main actors are in their twenties and look it (Kris Lemche was 28 when this was made) which along with the badly realised device of actors filming themselves totally destroys any sense of believability.
Acting is self conscious and over the top and not helped by childish and pretentious dialogue. The deathless prose never ceases with a endless monologues of verbal diarrhea instead of structure and story.
This all makes up for a truly annoying and boring film with a mawkish, insincere climax so amateurish that it made me laugh instead of cry.
Donkey Punch (2008)
Not a slasher movie, not explicit, not that good.
Firstly this is not a slasher movie nor could it even loosely be described as a horror it can barely even be described as a thriller as it's largely quite boring, the sex is not explicit and the violence not extreme.
I personally didn't feel the film was misogynistic and was one area where the film did succeed by not overtly portraying the females as victims except in places to (unsuccessfully) elicit sympathy and create tension. The female characters are simply one of two opposing sides that develop as a result of the titular sexual act which accidentally results in death which is an alternative to traditional good and bad set ups (as seen in say Eden Lake). If this element had been developed and handled properly it could have lead to an interesting moral conflict instead of lazily resorting to the thriller default plot devices of anger, fear and friends turning on each other.
In addition to the script problems some judicious editing to reduce the running time to around eighty minutes (from 95) would massively help the films leaden pacing which contributes to and ultimately cripples what could have been an interesting and original drama/thriller.
The Summer of the Massacre (2006)
There nothing positive whatsoever I can say about this film.
The Summer Of The Massacre obviously had no script resulting in the "actors" looking very stupid while they think up off the cuff dialogue on camera. It definitely has no gore or nudity but it does have incredibly poor camera work, terrible editing and bad sound.
This by far the most amateurish officially distributed film I have ever seen, it makes Amateur Porn Star Killer look professional.
Under no circumstances rent this if you see it in a video shop, download and watch for free by all means but you'll still be disappointed and probably very angry that this sh1t got released and distributed.
Carver (2008)
Average, overlong & underlit
I'm not sure what the true story is that Carver is based upon, probably that of Ed Gein which is the source material of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre which this film attempts but fails miserably to emulate. Although there are some extremely (possibly unnecessarily) sadistic murders in this film there is nothing in it to raise it above other recent entries in the non genre of torture porn.
The main problem with the film is its length, at 97 minutes it is at least 15 minutes too long due to considerable and superfluous character development in the first 30 minutes. As well as being boring it is doubly unsuccessful as it fails to cause the viewer to care for any of the characters. Hot on the heels of boredom, irritation and frustration soon follow as a result of many scenes being underlit and poorly edited.
Apologies for being critical of another user but in response to another comment this film is neither a classic nor urban as it is set entirely in the countryside. In addition there is nothing Tarantino about the direction the only such connection being QT's executive "producer" credit on the equally boring and amateurish Hostel films.
Isolated (2006)
Flawed but ultimately very interesting
Yes this film has deficiencies, it is confusing in places and the ending is underdeveloped which I suppose the majority of viewers will find frustrating. However, I found this refreshing and preferable to some sort of cop out conclusion where everything is all neatly tied up (like the superficially similar Dead End).
There is very little action and it is certainly slow moving but neither of these are to the films detriment and I personally thought this did create a sense of suspense.
In some respects Isolated has parallels with No Country For Old Men (but not as successfully realised ) and will obviously attract the same sort of criticisms regarding what is or isn't shown on screen.
Acting is pretty good all round and cinematography is excellent, the film is nicely understated, very atmospheric and despite the problems has enough interesting ideas in it to be worthy of a rental.
Dead and Gone (2008)
Just not scary, gory or in anyway original.
Perhaps I shouldn't be writing a review as I had to turn off after about forty minutes due to the total lack of originality, terrible pacing, and the incredibly poor attempts to copy Japanese horror shock tactics. In addition the acting was largely terrible with the exception of the female lead who was interesting and likable both in appearance and acting style.
I couldn't decide what was more wooden, the cabin or the leading man who I was surprised to find was an experienced UK TV actor (although I'd never seen him in anything) and not a friend of the director who had never acted before. Ironically the character he played was an artist who had a shot at Hollywood stardom and blew it because he "sucked" at acting, I suspect real life will mirror art.
CGI was quite good for such a low budget film however prosthetic effects looked like body parts from shop dummies.
Despite all the negatives the visual style and lighting were particularly good as in places was the editing although the use of Matrix style speed ramping was completely out of place given the nature of the story.
As is becoming the practice with such films I suspect the other rave reviews are from people connected with the production (when will I learn not to believe them). Maybe this is why I'm being so harsh, you people have to stop doing this I simply can't believe anyone with any knowledge of modern horror could give this film a positive review.
Amateur Porn Star Killer (2006)
I wish I could give it less than one star
Boy, I could not wait to come on the internet and complain about this rubbish, I simply can't believe anyone who watched more than five minutes of this poorly executed rubbish would distribute it on DVD.
This is basically a five minute (and that's being generous) short film needlessly stretched into a 70 odd minute feature, its excruciatingly boring (I couldn't help but skip through it) with no humour, violence/gore or even decent pornography to make it worth watching.
It looks like it was edited in Windows Moviemaker or imovie judging by the extremely poor use of sepia tinting and old movie look, which I suppose is to add realism but simply detracts and annoys. To make this film realistic, cold hard ungraded digital video should have been used.
The soundtrack of lame emo & cheap sound effects also serve to annoy and betrays the film makers lack of confidence in his material.
I normally try to be supportive of films of this type as I myself am a no budget film maker, but there is simply nothing here that I can be positive about, especially as it will be taking up space in a DVD shop where my and other honest film makers work could be sitting.
All the Boys Love Mandy Lane (2006)
Average, Predictable, Unoriginal
Don't be taken in by the revisionist comments made by other users, I can't see anything in this film that warrants that and I'm surprised at how many positive reviews it has received as it an extremely average film.
Director Jonathan Levine is obviously a big fan of Michael Bay as this poor attempt at a slasher movie looks fantastic but lacks any real depth or substance due largely to the poor script and to a lesser degree the low budget.
In its defense the acting is uniformly good, and as mentioned above the film looks superb due to some excellent cinematography although even this strays into annoying MTV blipvertness.
The "twist" at the end despite being obvious is also poorly explained and ultimately remains confusing as opposed to ambiguous.
What this film needed was some particularly gruesome gore and/or a witty script with some original elements to liven up an otherwise dull & uneventful 86 minutes.
FrightWorld (2006)
Bad acting, bad direction, bad lighting, really bad sound.
With the exception of the sound none of the above are really criticisms for this type of no budget, (truly) independent horror film. Make up effects and gore are very good and the lead actor was effective, the lead actress although attractive needs some coaching as she was particularly poor.
The major problem with Frightworld is it's length, at 108 minutes its half an hour too long to be effective as a slasher movie, plot wise only about ten minute of the first fifty are relevant.
In places it is visually engaging and sometimes the lack of lighting works in the films favour. However when this is combined with the poor sound as is the case with most of the film large sections are difficult to watch.
This could certainly be an entertaining if unoriginal "serial killer back from the dead" movie with some judicious and ruthless editing, in its current form it plays like an unfinished rough cut.
The Sickhouse (2008)
What happened to integrity and talent.
Despite knowing that the film industry will always sacrifice originality (and therefore risk) to make money it still amazes and annoys me that rubbish like this gets made. Can't a producer realise that making an interesting and vaguely original film will likely make more money through positive word of mouth than a bland, boring, seen it all before piece of cable movie sh!t like Sick House. This film was average, listless, un-engaging, dark and unintelligible, with a pointless and unnecessarily confusing twist ending. I'm desperately trying to think of something positive to say about this film and all I can come up with the cinematography and general look of the film was quite interesting, well that is at the few points in the film where it was possible to actually make out what was happening. Another positive point was Gina Philips who turned in a creditable performance.
Storm Warning (2007)
Seen It All Before
Totally unoriginal but reasonably "enjoyable" survival horror from Australia about a couple who get lost whilst fishing and run into some very clichéd inbred backwood red necks, I suspect attempting to cash in on the superficially similar recent successes such as Wolf Creek, Wrong Turn and The Hills Have Eyes.
Any tension, threat or menace is completely destroyed by the over the top pantomime performances of the villains and the obvious studio setting used for most of the film. There is never any sense that the protagonists are in real danger nor any empathy for them, in fact I wanted to see things happen to Robert Taylor to rouse him from his comatose performance which seemed to be induced by medication.
There are however some very "satisfying" gore scenes towards the end as "vengeance" is meted out but it does seem wholly disproportionate to the ordeal of the couple, perhaps they were angered at being upstaged by three members of the local amateur dramatics society.
Don't be fooled into thinking this is an original take on the ultra realistic inbred red neck slasher survival horror sub genre, after all it is from the director of the equally unoriginal Urban Legend.
Deadwood Park (2007)
Beautiful, Moving and Intelligent Ghost Story
Its not often I feel compelled to write a review and generally when I do its normally negative so it gives me great pleasure to type these positive words.
For all the trailer park/multiplex indie haters I'm not associated with the production of this film, I'm from the North East of England.
Deadwood Park is not without its flaws, on occasion the acting is a little amateurish and some of the effects are a little cheesy, personally I think the director should not have used visual effects for the ghosts. That said because of what has been achieved on an obviously tiny budget I think its unfair to focus on the few small bad points especially as they in no way detract from the overall enjoyment.
Eric Stanze has made a film that rarely puts foot wrong in terms of execution, story and plotting. Although the ideas and themes are well worn (MR James, Stephen King and possibly Ringu in terms of structure) fresh life is injected into them through engaging and largely excellent performances, atmospheric locations, fantastic pacing and simply beautiful cinematography.
Deadwood Park succeeds through the total commitment and passion of all those involved and its becoming increasingly rare to see such an effective American film let alone a horror that is not a remake of a Japanese classic or one that relies on cheap shocks and expensive gore.
For me personally this film will prove a great influence in my own cinematic endeavours, now where's that firewire cable.
Underworld: Evolution (2006)
Average and a waste of talent
It amazes me that a film as wholly unoriginal as this can get made and why would someone pay to watch it.
People will go an see it because they are stupid and undiscerning (an overriding problem resulting in the failure of our species) by the time they realise (assuming they do) they've been duped into seeing bits of Blade and the Matrix badly remade its too late, the bankers have the money.
By the way when I say talent I'm not referring to the actors, writers or directors but the CGI artists, DoP, Art Directors etc (who are this films only saving grace) who could be put to work on something original and entertaining.
That's not to say Wiseman has no talent he obviously has the ability to network and convince people to invest in sh it like this, I suppose as well he can project manage as the ultimate indictment of such a film is its unemotional workmanlike construction.
Finally I suspect him and other overrated average directors (ie James Cameron and Wes Craven) are only in the business to be in the business, not because they love film which makes me angry.
Little Miss Jocelyn (2006)
Not Funny
This S HIT is not funny, its the perfect example of reverse racism its only on a mainstream channel because its "ethnic" and "urban". This is political correctness gone wrong, lets have stuff on TV because its funny not because the writers and/or performers are black or Jewish or Asian ie the massively unfunny Goodness Gracious Me and (sh)At Home With The Khumars. A sure sign of the lack of talent is the fact that Jocelyn is acted off the screen by the supporting cast. What follows is only to make up the amount of content necessary to be able to post this comment, please do not consider me racist as I love the comedy of Richard Pryor, Eddie Murphy and Chris Rock.
Jarhead (2005)
Boring, uninvolved and indifferent.
Despite some excellent performances and cinematography I found this film to be an unimaginative take on material treated better in the far superior Full Metal Jacket. The problem with the film is it is just a series of clichéd sketches and MTV style musical interludes showing the dehumanising process of becoming a soldier and in order for this to work you need to care about the characters which you won't. This is another in the seemingly endless line of "worthy" Hollywood statement films the problem being that the statement has been made too many times before by better directors. Mendes should return to the stage where I think his talents as a business man would be better suited.