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Reviews
Feeding the Masses (2004)
A porn without the sex
You know how everyone jokes about the acting in porno movies? Well if you've always found the plot line of a porn to captivate your interest, then this movie is for you. It truly was like a porn without the sex. Or if that analogy is not to your liking, imagine you and your drunk roommate found a movie camera abandoned on a park bench. This is the movie that you would make. -Horrible acting -bad camera work -Music done on a casio keyboard This movie has it all, and more. For those who are masochists in the crowd, this is a premiere piece for your collection.
All I can figure is that the only people to submit reviews for this dripping pile of movie, were people who 'starred' in it.
Their movie career is over before it started.
The Musketeer (2001)
Ishtar of the Renaissance
Truly a horrible horrible movie. I will say though, it was the most fun I've had at a movie theater in a long time. As people got up to leave in the first half we started calling out "No! NO! wait... it might get worse! Don't leave yet..."
The plot was horrible, the acting was worse. And probably the most amusing thing about the movie was the continuity. During one conversation that stuck in my mind, it would flash between close ups of two characters. In one close up it would be dark out and raining, it would flash to the other person and it wouldn't be raining anymore. Flash back.. its raining again... now its not...
The whole movie was like this, scenes where things were out of place or very recognizable extras were re-used again and again. While we stayed and watched, a friend and I were counting how many times we saw one of the extras die through the movie.
I can't tell you how it ended because my friend and I left the theater and went theater hopping to find a better movie. For that matter any movie which wasn't this one.
It is a bad... bad BAD BAD movie. Save yourself the pain.
Being There (1979)
Wishing I had been elsewhere
Every once in awhile a movie will inspire such vitrol where few others could not possibly even match. This movie is insipid pseudo-intellectualism at its worst. More than two hours of life wasted watching this tripe.
I disliked forrest gump because it was a movie which glorified being dumb, or possibly just being in the right place at the right time... and being dumb. This movie went a leaps and bounds beyond that. It created a scenario which did not merely state that we reward people in inverse proportion to their intelligence, even worse, it tried to appear to create 'profound' statements within the movie. I think you had to be high to understand or appreciate any of them because they really weren't. The best part of the movie by far had to be the end where it tried to create the main character into a christ like figure OUT OF THE F*CKING BLUE. For no reason, and no purpose to the story-plot-characters... nothing. Just threw it in there because they were bored and hoped to convince some artistes that it was a profound work of art. Do yourself a favor a do a home labotomy rather than watch this tripe.