tomreynolds2004 Reviews

Nothing Really Happens: Memories of Aging Strippers (2003)

Filmed stage play has its moments, but not enough of them

[6/10 · 13 May 2004]

Okay, they all gave it -- quite literally -- the old-fashioned college try. Nothing Really Happens is high on concept. Tillie, A Bella-Abzug-type 70-something fiction author who recently had won the Nobel Peace Prize is being interviewed by a young reporter who finds her very frustrating. It turns out that she's taking a night class with a Professor on the psychology of aging strippers. The reporter, a typically left-wing wise guy follows her to an interview with an aging stripper who has seen it all. He is very voyeuristic, disrespectful, and misogynistic as all men typically are at such liberal film festivals. Despite his annoying tone, Tillie eventually gets the aging stripper to open up and share her story. The visuals of this cinema verite rate a zero. It's a filmed stage play. Aside from the cliched journalist, the rest of the writing and acting is surprisingly strong. There is also a very good New York feel to the lines of dialog. So, if you are looking for a new experimental film experience, you could do worse.

Dave (1993)

Conservative-Bashing Disguised As A "Comedy"

[2/10 · 7 April 2004]

What else do you expect from a Hollywood movie that stars Sigourney Weaver and Kevin Kline? Certainly, you didn't thing the treatment of the two disparate political agendas would be even-handed, did you? The premise of this stinker is essentially the same as the much wittier Moon Over Parador. The President is braid-dead, and dead ringer Dave, played by Kevin Kline, is recruited by neo-fascist (as Hollywoood generally depicts Conservatives) Chief-of-Staff Frank Langella to take his place so Langella can push his agenda. You'll have no trouble guessing what follows. Oh well, at least Sigourney Weaver is worth watching. I wish I could say there was more too it, but there isn't.

Dave (1993)

Conservative-Bashing Disguised As A "Comedy"

[2/10 · 7 April 2004]

What else do you expect from a Hollywood movie that stars Sigourney Weaver and Kevin Kline? Certainly, you didn't thing the treatment of the two disparate political agendas would be even-handed, did you? The premise of this stinker is essentially the same as the much wittier Moon Over Parador. The President is braid-dead, and dead ringer Dave, played by Kevin Kline, is recruited by neo-fascist (as Hollywoood generally depicts Conservatives) Chief-of-Staff Frank Langella to take his place so Langella can push his agenda. You'll have no trouble guessing what follows. Oh well, at least Sigourney Weaver is worth watching. I wish I could say there was more too it, but there isn't]

Bob Roberts (1992)

Hollywood Bashes The Right Again. Yawn!

[2/10 · 7 April 2004]

Tim Robbins plays a right-wing singing political con-man and extortionist. Sure, perhaps Eddie Murphy can play Ann Coulter in his next movie. Since solid conservative political philosophies are inevitably treated in Hollywood as racist, corrupt, stupid, extortionary, unfair, and indefensible -- surely you wouldn't expect a movie directed by its star, Tim Robbins, to be any different. The best part of the movie are the two scenes that are basically stolen right out of "A Face In The Crowd." Left to his own devices, Robbins attempts at Schulberg like satire have all the subtlety of a lug-wrench. If you love Tim Robbins and hate the Establishment, this movie will give you all the validation you want. Otherwise, stay away from this self-serving vanity production. 2/10.

The Ballad of Cable Hogue (1970)

Turn-of-the-Century Saga Lives Up to Legendary Title

[10/10 · 5 April 2004]

Jason Robards plays the hard-bitten and oft-bemused title character, Cable Hogue who somehow survives the ordeal of being left to die in the desert with no water by his partners, perfectly portrayed by the incomparable L.Q.(A Boy and His Dog) Jones and Strother Martin.

He travels from town to town with unscrupulous preacher David Warner, met in turn by some of Hollywood's classic Western supporting actors, such as R. G. Armstrong, Slim Pickens, Kathleen Freeman, and Gene Evans. Stella Stevens does a good job with the thankless obligatory role as the prostitute-with-the-heart-of-gold. All this helps lighten the mostly bemused, occasionally amused, but always revenge-dream-filled and heavy presence of Jason Robards. Eventually, Cable gets his chance at what he's been waiting for, and...

Now, you have even more incentive to go see the film - Peckinpaugh's most underrated western. 10/10

Mackenna's Gold (1969)

Hideous Mess Directed By J. Lee Thomson

[1/10 · 5 April 2004]

Who can blame Omar Sharif for chewing up the scenery as the larger-than-life bandito Colorado? Someone has to appear interesting in the movie. This is unnecessarily violent and altogether stupid shoot-em-up with an impossibly stiff-lipped Gregory Peck in the lead. Ted (Lurch) Cassidy and ever-statuesque Julie ("Catwoman") Newmar get to ham it up as "menacing" minstrel-show Indians. Telly Savalas steals every scene he's in as greed and lust personified. Keenan Wynn looks like he'd be happy enough to collect his paycheck and go home. The stupid script makes no sense whatsoever, and the subtle-as-a-crutch allegory at the end is completely out of place.

Avoid this mess! 1/10.

Che! (1969)

So bad, it's kinda delicious in a decrepit way

[1/10 · 5 April 2004]

35 years after this was made, Castro still reigns. Unfortunately, we're left scratching our heads wondering how the dim-witted maniac played by scenery-chewing Jack Palance made it as far as 1960. I stumbled back across this recently, and was amused at noticing the incomparable Sid Haig and "B" movie favorite Paul (Untouchables) Picerni among the rebels. Fleischer was obviously well past his prime when he directed this foolishness. Some of the lines are classic in a "Did he really say that kind of way?' The other thing I just noticed is that the score and the sound (NOT the dialog) are actually excellent -- the only first-rate elements of the entire production. So, don't watch this to learn anything about history or acting, but if you feel like watching this as a goof, bring the beers and have some fun.

Buona Sera, Mrs. Campbell (1968)

Screwball Comedy With Plenty Of Heart and Soul

[10/10 · 5 April 2004]

La Lollabrigida is magnificent as Carla Campbell who had a baby from a G. I. during World War II, but didn't know which of three possible American soldiers it was, so she writes each telling him the son is his. And they all faithfully send child support -- for twenty years. With Phil Silvers, Shelly Winters, Lee Grant, Telly Savalas and Lee Grant on hand, this could easily have gone way overboard into silly farce. Instead, it blends its pathos, drama, and comedy as seamlessly as it blends its gorgeous Italian landscapes and backdrops with its Hollywood sound-stages. Savalas and Grant are particularly good as the most interesting of the three couples but all are good. Janet Margolin does a good job of giving us a feel for Gina and the Italian actor that plays Gina's faithful friend is marvelous in his few scenes.

Highly recommended. 9/10.

The Oscar (1966)

Pure kitsch at its best (worst?)

[2/10 · 5 April 2004]

Apparently antihero Frank Fain, stiffly played by Steven Boyd, never heard the saying "Be nice to the people you meet on the way up..." because he abuses everyone he meets and makes every mistake in the book including believing his own press clippings. The trouble is that Steven Boyd doesn't give us a hint of the charisma that made Fain even a potential candidate for the Oscar to begin with. Tony Bennett's portrayal of agent Hymie Kelly nearly sinks the movie like a torpedo. Fortunately, the rest of the supporting cast understands kitsch and do what they can to have fun while moving things along at an otherwise bearable pace. Milton Berle, Ernest Borgnine, and Edie Adams are especially marvelous as hard-boiled bottom-dwellers. Elke Sommer actually does a halfway decent job as Fain's disillusioned main squeeze. The final sequences are camp classics.

The Young and the Brave (1963)

Long in the tooth

[1/10 · 5 April 2004]

20 years after Guadalcanal Diary, Bendix and Jaeckel are reunited for one of the most tired and cliched war movie scripts I've ever been unfortunate enough to have to sit through, The pacing is glacial. The cliches are ridiculous and the three main footsoldiers range between about 42 and 55 years in age -- in Korea! Why even make a Korean War movie in 1963 if you have nothing new to say? If this film had anything to say, it would be hard to find it amidst all the cliches. Manuel Padilla Jr. does a decent enough job keeping Han from being too syrupy. And, Bendix, Calhoun, and Jaeckel are all certainly earnest enough. The production values are shoddy, and Jaeckel looks embarrasses in every scene in which he appears.

I nominate this hideous fiasco for the IMDB bottom 100.

Indestructible Man (1956)

Gruesome and Stupid

[1/10 · 5 April 2004]

Lon Chaney Jr. gets to play a caricature composite of some of his father's great horror role as a vicious criminal brought back to life by mad scientist Robert (Inspector Henderson) Shayne. He's now indestructible but voiceless. The legendary "B"-movie stalwart Max Showalter is on hand to play the doggedly determined cop. And Ross Elliott has a nice supporting turn. But, this is pure trash. Gruesome enough to be disgusting, but not horror enough to scare, poorly acted, directed and written, this never should have been released. Chaney, just four years after an excellent supporting role in High Noon, had to have been embarrassed beyond words to need a paycheck so badly to do this awful mess. I guess that's why his character had to be mute.

The Glass Web (1953)

Temptation

[7/10 · 5 April 2004]

Breezy programmer pits "Crime of the Week" star John Forsythe in a battle of wits against technical consultant Edward G. Robinson. The backdrop is the murder of a calculating and blackmailing beautiful siren, well-played by the radiant Kathleen Hughes. Meanwhile, the record "Temptation" plays over and over and over again. A solid "B" movie supporting cast and inventive direction moves this one along quickly with the debonair Forsythe disarmed for quite a while by the bulldoggishly cynical Edward G. Robinson. The crime eventually gets reenacted on the TV show in the show's climactic scene. The trap is set, and somebody bites. I enjoyed the resolution, and hope you will also. Warning, Temptation is played so many times that it will probably run through your head for quite some time after seeing this one.

The Threepenny Opera (1931)

Pabst filming of Brecht Masterpiece Still The Best

[10/10 · 5 April 2004]

Hard-biting cynicism of governments, crooks, the bourgeoisie, misanthropy, and corruption is as stingingly appropriate today as it was in 1931. The leads are well cast and well executed as gangster Mack the Knife and his bride don't care whose feathers they ruffle. However, both take a backseat to Lotte Lenya's unforgettable portrayal of Pirate Jenny which has stood for 70+ years at finest revenge-dream sequence ever filmed.

Eerily, one of the sycophantic government stooges is a dead-ringer for Donald Rumsfeld. The incomparable Weill score is reason enough to watch this richly textured, ahead-of-its-time operetta. One thing -- this would be a great candidate for restoration because the copy aired on the PBS stations (where I've seen it twice) is frayed so badly that some sequences are very tough to see.

Nevertheless, if you're a student of mankind, Die Dreigroschenoper is one you will not wish to miss!

Air Force One (1997)

One is right, but only because there is no zero!

[1/10 · 29 March 2004]

STUPID! I think when they rank the worst 100, it should be done relative to the film's budget. If so, Air Force One should qualify. The story is completely asinine. The characters all behave recklessly and ridiculously. Only the redoubtable Jurgen Prochnow manages to come out of this mess with his dignity intact.

Harrison Ford is the least Presidential-acting US President ever to appear on film -- and that includes the likes of Polly Bergen, John Ritter, and Donald Pleasance. Gary Oldham is every cold-war caricature mixed together, then run amok, all wrapped up in a preposterous accent, overblown mannerisms, and a maniacal laugh. Xander Berkeley's stunt was almost as impossible as his wooden performance. Paul Guilifoyle is the most disloyal and ignorant Chief-of-Staff ever depicted. Wendy Crewson is doing a nothing job, and does less with it.

The pacing is so painstakingly slow, it was hard to believe this was an action movie. The special effects were labored and cumbersome, and the score was a near-perfect parody of action movie scores.

I had to write all this because IMDB no longer accepts four-line reviews. If they did, I simply would have written: STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID, etc.

Bird on a Wire (1990)

Almost as much chemistry as Richard Dreyfuss & Rosie O'Donnell in Stakeout 2

[1/10 · 29 March 2004]

It must have taken Goldie Hawn about half an hour to learn to loathe Mel Gibson because I have never seen her so bereft of chemistry with her co-star. Gibson for his part seems to think he's making a sequel to the Year of Living Dangerously instead of a spoof. The result is neither comedy nor action film. And, the only drama is deciding how much longer to let the tape run before finally giving up.

Bird On a Wire is scantily written, poorly cast, unimaginatively filmed with poorly choreographed action sequences. Any movie that totally wastes the talents of Goldie Hawn and bores its audience this badly deserves infamy. Golden Turkey Voters: This one needs your stamp of disapproval!

Absence of Malice (1981)

Clever script, excellent performances, and a wry sense of humor

[10/10 · 29 March 2004]

This one hit too close for comfort for critics and the news organizations for whom they work. Paul Newman gives one of his top 15 lifetime performances (and for him, that's excellent) as Tommy Gallagher, the owner of a shipping company in Florida. When the joint murder investigation by the federal and state authorities goes nowhere, D. A. Elliot Rosen (Bob Balaban) sets up reporter Sally Field with evidence seemingly linking Gallagher to the murder.

What follows is fast-paced, wry, and very well actor. Don't miss the chance to see the great Luther Adler in his last performance as Newman's mob-linked uncle.

The Stoolie (1972)

Interesting but Slow Pathos Masquerading As Comedy

[5/10 · 29 March 2004]

Jackie Mason plays the title role, but don't look for his shtick because you won't find it here. His performance is more reminiscent of Dom DeLuise in Fatso. He's a down-on-his-luck nebbish who finds himself in a real jam due thanks to his brother, another loser who wants to be a player. The brother is nervously played to perfection by Don (aka Dan) Frazer, later of Kojak fame. Once Mason's love interest joins the proceedings, the movie seems to lose its initial momentum, and forgets about Frazer until its slapdash ending. The girl is quirky and neurotic enough for a movie of her own. Altogether, this is worth seeing as a time capsule of early Jackie Mason, and a marvelous performance by Don Frazer -- but has few other charms.

Fathom (1967)

One of my all-time favorite guilty pleasures

[10/10 · 29 March 2004]

Terrific spy spoof with tongue-in-cheek dialogue. Breezy in every sense of the word. Everyone's timing is wonderfully in-synch. Cleo Laine's husband, Johnny Dankworth provides just the right kind of smirky jazzy score. The entire supporting cast is well-cast and delivers wonderfully. Tony Franciosa makes a perfect leading man for her in his own breezy style.

But, Raquel, her array of fun-loving smiles, her bikinis, her attitude, her sparkling eyes, and poppet-like expressions are what makes this movie a guilty-pleasure classic for me. She wiggles, jiggles, plays dumb, acts smart, empathises, exercises, sky-dives, and always but always, smiles.

And, dare I say it? What a magnificent body!!!

Walk on the Wild Side (1962)

Through a Boozy Glass Darkly

[5/10 · 29 March 2004]

The cast of femme fatales trying to survive in boozy and bluesy New Orleans includes Jane Fonda, Cappucine and Joanna Moore. Laurence Harvey, no stranger to playing drunks of all kinds, has never quite used his contemptuously disaffected charm so adroitly. The music is right on cue, and Edward Dmytryk's direction balances the dark and the darker quite inventively.

Between the lovely ladies, the sumptuous locations, the innuendo-laced dialog and Quintessential Hollywood moralizing for the grand finale, this one remains a guilty pleasure of mine since first seeing it at the old Carlisle Theater in Baltimore. I saw it recently on cable, and found that I was powerless to shut it off. Yes, it's sudsy and cliched -- and so much fun.

A View from the Bridge (1962)

Powerful cast delivers big-time in Powerful Drama

[10/10 · 29 March 2004]

A View From The Bridge transcends its stage-play roots to give an earthy feel for its neighborhood and its neighbors. This is high praise considering the play is one of Arthur Miller's very best to begin with. The chemistry is devastatingly hot between Raf Vallone and his illicit love for niece Carol Lawrence who, at first admires him, but later turns on him with disgust. Maureen Stapleton is magnificent as Vallone's desperate wife. Vincent Gardenia is disarmingly young in an early role. The cinematography seems to peel the layers of this blue-collar area like an onion, and the score is simply perfect. A View from the Bridge is a neglected classic that needs to be restored to prominence.

It Started with a Kiss (1959)

No chemistry between the stars

[2/10 · 29 March 2004]

This film did well at the box office, and the producers of this mess thought the stars had such good chemistry in this that they cast them in the much darker screwball farce, The Gazebo. Frankly, I am shocked to see all the positive comments on this ludicrously plotted unfunny comedy. Both lead characters have the maturity of seven-year-olds and are much less interesting to spend time with. A veteran supporting cast including Fred Clark, Harry Morgan, and Eva Gabor lend excellent support. And, the beautiful cinematography certainly makes the rich countryside of Spain seem lush. And, there are four or five truly funny scenes to go with two wise scenes and a whole bunch of recycled and unfunny clutter.

I cannot recommend It Started With A Kiss.

Inferno (1953)

Terrific suspense

[10/10 · 29 March 2004]

This is one of the few movies where Robert Ryan, a hard-driving, rich, and arrogant businessman, actually has the audience's sympathy. The gorgeous Rhonda Fleming plays his conniving and faithless wife who ruthlessly strands him in the desert with a broken leg. And Ms. Fleming is all-too-convincing in the bad-girl role. The movie centers on Ryan's thoughts, feelings, and actions as he attempts to survive this nightmarish ordeal. For awhile, his revenge fantasies are the only things keeping him going, but things change. Carl Betz and Larry Keating are quite good in pithy supporting roles. And, the suspense keeps our interest throughout. The makers of Cast Away should have watched this a few times before making their exercise in ennui, also about finding the will to survive in almost impossible circumstances.

Only one negative comment: William Lundigan is much too old and too refined as Fleming's lover-conspirator who gets a nasty attack of conscience late in the game. Someone rugged such as Rock Hudson (who was in his pre-Doris-Day days) or Lloyd Bridges, or even Chuck Connors would have been a much better choice.

That said, Inferno is a well-made and memorable film.

Follow the Sun (1951)

Worst-researched biographical film since Babe Ruth Story

[3/10 · 29 March 2004]

How can you make an entire movie about Ben Hogan and capture nothing of his spirit? Nothing of his essence? Somehow, the makers of this awful "tribute" movie managed to do just that. Okay, Ford is a poor physical match for Hogan. He is tight-lipped enough, but that's about it. But the philosophies espoused by Ford in the film, and his white-bread demeanor and points of reference are totally alien to Hogan's own background or his life essence. The complex relationship between Hogan and his unhappy wife is also misrepresented badly. Throw in Dennis O'Keefe and the homogenization of one of the greatest comeback stories in sports is a complete whitewash. If you wish to learn anything about Ben Hogan and what made him tick, avoid Follow The Sun.

Everybody Does It (1949)

Quite a triangle!

[9/10 · 29 March 2004]

Paul Douglas is magnificent communicating his frustrations trying to placate his headstrong and self-deluded wife -- portrayed marvelously by Celeste Holm -- who persists in pursuing singing endeavors despite everybody's best efforts to let her know that she just doesn't quite have the talent. Enter sumptuous diva Linda Darnell with designs on ruggedly handsome (!?!) Douglas -- especially when she learns, to everyone's surprise, that he has a powerful voice. Charles Coburn and Lucile Watson lead an immensely talented supporting cast. The script delivers sophisticated yet rapid-fire wit while the direction conveys all the nuances perfectly, but still manages to deliver a couple of belly-laughs. I highly recommend watching Everybody Does It.

Manhattan Murder Mystery (1993)

Hugely Disappointing Reunion of Keaton & Allen

[1/10 · 14 March 2004]

This movie is a lot like watching a very bad "Old Timer's" Baseball game. You look forward to the reunion of the greatest heroes of your youth. But now, Boog Powell is just a fat old man and Brooks Robinson has trouble picking up a routine ground ball.

Keaton & Allen starred in two of the very best American romantic comedies of all time, Annie Hall and Manhattan. Their dialog with each other had a magical comic cadence with overtones of angst-ridden melancholia that was pure brilliance. In this movie, that chemistry is completely gone. Diane Keaton gamely tries to get something going, but Woody is numb and in his own space. The result is that the attempted repartee comes off as hollow and annoying chatter that goes absolutely nowhere.

As their friends, veterans Angelica Huston and Alan Alda fare much better seizing all four of the amusing moments this movie has to offer. More than offsetting their welcome contributions is the inexplicable casting of Jerry Adler as the Raymond-Burr-like villain of the piece. Except he's no Raymond Burr. He's no Ray Milland. He's not even a Ray J. Johnson. He is just the most inept actor I have seen be given a pivotal role in the past 20 years. He is disgustingly awful with a pacing that just stops the film. Does Jerry Adler have secret pictures of Woody Allen? If not, there should be an investigation into how he got this role. He's AWFUL.

In short, the mystery here makes no sense. Only Huston and Alda are worth watching among the actors. The script is trite and banal, the direction is painfully slow, and the photography is annoying.

The real Mystery is how this has a rating on IMDB over 7!