SimonsRants Reviews

Drive-Away Dolls (2024)

Incredibly unfunny

[3/10 · 23 February 2024]

I gave the movie 3 stars because it made me laugh 3 times. Extremely unfunny and very unlikable characters with a boring, meandering plot. A late plot twist saves some of it, but not enough to bring me back into it.

The Coen brothers have proved why they need each other. This film sounds good on paper with a couple of funny ideas and interesting moments but the execution is too bizarre and poorly done to make it worthwhile.

Also, forgive me for being so tired of forced romance. Absolutely zero chemistry but they fall in love because of plot or whatever. Made no sense whatsoever. Dumb and Dumber told the stolen briefcase story better.

Scott Pilgrim Takes Off (2023)

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[5/10 · 18 November 2023]

Not the show that was promised. And honestly, it could have been a fine show but they mismarketed it so awfully that it really ruins the whole experience for me. It's not totally awful, but certainly not for me.

I just wish they had either given us what they said they were giving us or advertised what they were actually making. I wouldn't have watched it if I had known what it was I don't think but still I wouldn't have been so annoyed that it happened. Or bitter that the thing I was promised is probably never going to exist now.

For those who haven't seen it but don't want it spoiled, it is NOT the plot of the graphic novels or the 2010 movie. It is something completely new and different. Not a sequel... just different.

Joy Ride (2023)

Lazy writing, mostly unfunny

[4/10 · 20 July 2023]

90% of the jokes you've already heard or read on tumblr. And on top of that, they're mostly delivered horribly. There's one weaboo stereotype character and every time she delivers another terrible joke they pause wayyy too long for laughter which never came in the theater and became painful.

Thought the first trailer looked pretty good and the movie had good reviews but there's only 4 or 5 good jokes and they're all in the first trailer. Everything else sucked. Lame writing that's both so predictable it's boring and so lazily written that it somehow becomes confusing. Unconvincing acting and terrible set pieces. Honestly confused by the overwhelmingly positive reaction. It's too 5 worst movie I've seen this year. Really bad.

The Super Mario Bros. Movie (2023)

I already forget

[5/10 · 7 April 2023]

Completely unmemorable. I didn't hate anything in the movie and even kind of enjoyed some of the funnier moments (Jack Black as Boswer steals every scene he's in) but it was so unoriginal and so formulaic it felt like a cliff notes of a plot rather than an actual plot. I'm still in the parking lot of the theater and I'm struggling to remember anything about the movie. Just the epitome of mediocre.

I think it's also about time we stop hiring famous actors to play animated characters just because they're famous actors. Some of the actors do great in this, but there was absolutely nothing about Pratt's performance that justified him being cast.

The Amazing Spider-Man (2012)

I liked it

[6/10 · 1 January 2022]

I liked it. I didn't LOVE it. I wish it was better because ANDREW GARFIELD deserved it. He was amazing. Honestly, probably the best Spider-Man. Despite my nostalgic bend toward Tobey, Andrew is probably the best. But his movies are only okay. He deserves so much better. He's a 10/10, his movie is a 6/10.

The Grinch Musical! (2020 TV Movie)

Wow

[1/10 · 27 November 2021]

Oh my god. How did this get made? Who greenlit this?

Honestly one of the all time worst things I've ever, ever seen.

Everything about it was wrong. Every moment was a mistake. I can't believe what I saw. It made the 2018 film look good by comparison somehow. I have no words. Nothing.

Army of the Dead (2021)

Could've Been Better

[5/10 · 22 May 2021]

Snyder had some interesting ideas that he put into this film but ultimately left all of them underutilized. The zombie hierarchy of alphas vs shamblers, the zombified tiger, the idea of zombies reproducing - all good ideas! But none of them were fulfilled and just ended up falling flat.

The acting and writing were all atrocious - obviously - as the film was made more as a homage to b-movie zombie flicks; this film certainly hit the nail on the head by portraying how silly those are.

I enjoyed the over the top style and gore of it all but found myself bored as the movie was bogged down by attempts to be relatable and show genuine human emotion. It failed at making a good film and should have focused more on leaning into the cheesy and ridiculous.

As a Snyder fan I thought Army of the Dead (which I'm still confused why it was named that as there is no army of zombies at any point? Maybe name it something to do with a heist? Or Vegas? Viva la Zombie perhaps?) was okay. It's not Snyder's worst film but also far from his best. Knowing this was his first film entirely away from studio interference had my expectations up but after seeing it I realized that was unjustified. This wasn't Snyder as we've never seen him before, it's exactly what we're used to getting from him, just unedited. He wasn't trying to reinvent the wheel, just make a ridiculous zombie movie - and he succeeded at that.

Army of the Dead was far from a work of art but it is also enjoyable for what it is: a cheesy zombie b-movie. If you go in with the right expectations and expect the plot to make zero sense, the acting to be hammy, and the gore to be off the charts you might just have a good time. Just don't expect anything too high brow.

The Lighthouse (I) (2019)

A Lot of People Don't Know What Makes Good Acting

[6/10 · 18 May 2021]

I keep seeing reviews where people say that the two leads were snubbed by the Oscars and although it's true that neither got nominated it's also true neither deserved it. The acting in this movie is overall okay; there are some good moments, but they're dominating by over rehearsed melodrama. The thing is, most people don't know the difference and so get offended when performances like this don't get nominated.

Acting aside, this movie has some really good things to point out; the cinematography is astoundingly beautiful. The black and white visuals are hard enough to deal with, but even if this were shot in color it would have been beautiful. The camera work is easily the best thing about this movie which is both a compliment and a flaw with the film.

The story is... okay. I was a fan of Egger's previous film the VVitch which similarly deals with horror elements in vague, mysterious ways but I found the former film much more thought provoking and self serious than this one. Some may point to the moments of levity in Lighthouse as an improvement, I found it annoying. The farting and poop humor displayed throughout took me out of the suspense immediately and I never fully recovered; it wasn't funny and it wasn't clever.

The payoff ending is rather lackluster to me as well; not bad necessarily, but I was hoping for a lot more. This movie shines with so much potential but ended up being merely passable to me. When most people rave about this movie they really only have two things to say: the acting and the cinematography were amazing. I've already addressed the acting and good - or great - cinematography alone cannot make a good film. The rest of the movie isn't bad, but it's hardly good enough to receive the praise it's gotten.

I think overall this is another case of an indie film doing things in a unique and quirky way so the artistic crowd decides to like the film before even seeing it - actual value of the film be damned. I usually prefer indie films over the Hollywood stuff, but just because it's indie doesn't mean it's good. Just because it's different doesn't mean it's better. This was only okay.

Pirates of Treasure Island (2006)

This Has to Be on Purpose, Right?

[1/10 · 30 March 2021]

I can't imagine that this wasn't made poorly on purpose, it just screams SYFY channel. Nothing about this movie is good, nothing.

It starts out looking (and sounding) like a student film or a movie a YouTuber would've made a decade or so ago. But then the CGI monsters show up. Yeah. You remember those from your favorite adaptation of Treasure Island, right?

Everything about this movie feels intentionally bad, unfortunately it doesn't equate to an enjoyable experience like The Room or Plan 9 from Outer Space does. You may enjoy the absurdity of it all for the first few minutes, but the novelty wears off fast and you're left with utter garbage. Not worth your time.

Zack Snyder's Justice League (2021)

Better Doesn't Mean Good

[5/10 · 29 March 2021]

Quick disclaimer, I haven't watched the Whedon cut all the way through because why bother with that garbage? I've seen clips and that was enough to know it was terrible and irredeemable and not worth watching. So I can't technically say that I know Snyder's Cut is better, but from all that I do know and can tell it does appear to be a drastic improvement. That, however, doesn't mean it's a good or great movie.

I enjoyed Snyder's cut of BvS, I'd give it a 7.5 I think. And I'd give Man of Steel either a 6.5 or a 7, I thought it was good but a bit boring. This? I'd have to give a 5.5 on a good day. Despite it being over 4 hours long it was still not fully explained, the runtime was wasted on pointless moments and subplots that didn't go anywhere, the plot was silly and lacked sense at times and the acting/casting was mediocre at best.

Batman - as we saw in BvS - is a haunted man who has let his darker side get the best of him; at the end of BvS we do see him turn a page back to a more hopeful version of himself but not like this. In this movie he wasn't even the same character, he lacked any depth or character development that made him remotely interesting in the last film. They also make Batman a fairly useless character whose only purpose in the film is to bring the gang together but he doesn't actually personally accomplish anything.

Wonder Woman/Superman - Both fine, but neither are great. Gal Gadot isn't going to be winning as best actress Oscar anytime soon and Cavill wasn't given any screen time to do anything other than snarl and smirk; hard to properly review that.

Cyborg/The Flash - Don't like the casting on these guys. Cyborg really could have benefited from having a solo film prior to this as his story seemed interesting but even in the bloated runtime was merely touched upon and glosses over. The actor wasn't great, but wasn't awful. The Flash is a waste of runtime. Awful jokes, bad acting, and he doesn't accomplish one useful thing toward the plot other than generating electricity which could have easily been written out. He leads some civilians out of the lair only for them to need to be saved by Cyborg anyway. He helps WW catch her sword which only would have landed a few feet away from her anyway. He doesn't matter at all to anything that happens in the entire movie.

Plot: Steppenwolf is sent to Earth to redeem himself after previously failing Darkseid; he goes to Earth to collect the "Mother Boxes" but is surprised to find out that Earth is the world where Darkseid previously was defeated and lost the Mother Boxes? What? Where else did you think you were?

When Darkseid comes to Earth the first time he promptly has his ass beaten by Zeus and Aries - where's Aries now? Why doesn't the just beat his ass again? It seemed pretty easy the first time.

The Amazons, the Atlantians, and the Earthlings (but not Zeus or Aries?) each take a cube to protect and hide. The Amazons put there's in a secret maximum security vault. The Antlantians take there's and put in in a secure maximum security prison. The Earthlings? Oh, the bury it 3 feet under ground. Cool cool.

Overall, honestly it wasn't an awful movie; I've certainly seen much worse and you have to give a little leeway to Comic Book movies and rate them on their own scale (except for The Dark Knight, Logan, and Joker which are actually legitimately great films) and so I can't say this was bad compared to some. But in the end, it was just another movie about a big CGI baddie trying to collect cubes to rule the Galaxy/world/whatever. The only difference was this one was 4 hours long and asked you to take it seriously. But it didn't ever once earn the respect required for me to indulge in a 4-hour runtime like some art house films do.

I like Zack Snyder, I really do. I enjoy 300 and Sucker Punch especially. But this wasn't his best work, just being honest. MoS and BvS were much better films and earned much less praise. If everyone were being honest with themselves they would admit that if Whedon had never had his cut and this (or a condensed 3-hour version) was the version we got in 2017 no one would be saying anything close to what they are now. I doubt it would have been catastrophic enough to have the "Snyderverse" cancelled, but it wouldn't have set the world on fire either. And frankly, even now it should NOT be enough to bring back the Snyderverse, it doesn't deserve it. Let it die. Let Snyder move on to other things, better things.

Pieces of a Woman (2020)

Moments of Brilliance... But Only Moments

[6/10 · 1 March 2021]

The film opens with a 22-minute single shot that is both amazing to watch and devastating to witness due to the brutal subject matter; the realism and expert writing and acting in those moments was absolutely spell-binding. Unfortunately, the rest of the film never quite lives up to that.

I've read from other reviewers that the other 1.5 hours was pointless and boring and I don't agree; I think the first 30 minutes was merely to set up context for the next hour and half which really was what was important. I just don't think the rest of the movie was able to either live up to the high bar the first scene set for it or to fully live up to my own expectations I had set before the film ever began.

The film is about a woman struggling to deal with the trauma of loss. There are many factors to that such as dealing with family, dealing with friends, dealing with the practical steps needed to be taken afterward and most importantly dealing with the situation at home. And although it is realistically shown how devastating an experience like this can be to two people (including the husband) it becomes so depressing and frustrating when it feels as though the characters are making every wrong choice and becoming less likable by the moment. I sympathize with them and I understand why they each made the choices they do... but I do not LIKE any of the characters and I did not care to see how any of them turned out by the end of the film.

There is some silver lining to be gleaned, but it's very small. Too small to even mention, in my mind. And the acting isn't enough to completely cover over the inconsistent directing and writing. Sometimes it's great, sometimes it's jarringly bad. I can't say overall that the movie was poorly made (hence the positive rating) but I can't say I'd ever recommend it to anyone nor ever plan to watch it again.

Brian Regan: On the Rocks (2021 TV Special)

Good For Regan Nuts

[7/10 · 1 March 2021]

I'll admit, the first 10/15 minutes are a bit slow. So if you don't love that, that's okay. Just make it to the part about OCD and it's nonstop laughs from there. And if you love the first 10/15 minutes? Well, it just gets better!

Regan's jokes are always so comforting to me in their silliness and predictable parameters; it's still the same old Brian but new and different jokes that fit exactly what you'd expect from him. Some may not find it funny anymore as he's still telling the same kind of jokes as he was two decades ago, but if you love his style and you never get sick of it you'll love this special too!

Nothing will ever beat his classics, but I don't honestly think any stand up ever lives up to their first couple recordings. If you have 3 great stand ups you're in an elite tier of comics and I wouldn't call this one great, but it's definitely good and definitely worth your time.

The Father (I) (2020)

Was it... Perfect?

[10/10 · 1 March 2021]

It's so uncommon for an actor of Hopkins' talent and reputation to achieve quite possibly the best performance of his career so deep into it. He's acted brilliantly for so long and I don't mean to undermine anything he's ever accomplished in the past, but normally by now actors start phoning it in. But wow. He was not.

This film was devastating to watch. In the best way possible. From the acting - which was lead by Hopkins but was not just great because of him! - to the writing, directing, scoring, editing, cinematography on and on and on everything was amazing! The only reason I did not give it a perfect 10/10 is because I so rarely give them out I'm afraid to act too rashly and give it out too soon but trust me... I may end up doing just that.

As someone who has experienced the subject matter of this film personally in my family I cannot express how painfully accurate every little detail was in the writing and in Hopkins' beautiful performance. The confusion, the anger, the regret, the brutal honesty and lack of self awareness, the fear, the bipolar nature was all so frighteningly accurate that I forgot many times that I was watching a film not a documentary or even real life.

I don't say this lightly.. this may not only be the best film of the past year but of the past decade. Absolutely amazing.

Promising Young Woman (2020)

Meh

[5/10 · 1 March 2021]

Didn't pack enough of a punch to leave a mark and was confused as to what it wanted to be; was it a dark comedy? A thriller? A rom-com? Mixing genres is definitely possible, but very difficult and this missed the mark.

I think it could have been great if it took a darker/edgier approach more in line with V for Vendetta or even Kill Bill but instead it was just lukewarm for me. I never hated it, but never got too excited for it until the very end and by then it was too little too late (not to mention muddled by the silly phone/text thing that is just... not real?)

All in all, disappointing. Not awful, but it could have been so, so much better. And that sad part was is that the film felt like it believed it was. It felt like whoever was behind it really thought they had done something special, but they hadn't.

The ooey gooey rom-com bits that I resented at first actually became the most enjoyable part due to the charisma and humor of Bo Burnham. Unfortunately, by the end of the film you no longer care about that derailment of the plot and are just waiting for the pieces to come together... but they never do.

Malcolm & Marie (2021)

Stop. Just Stop

[4/10 · 7 February 2021]

A pretentious man and a mentally unstable woman fight for almost two hours. That's it.

The cinematography is gorgeous. The directing has its moments. And actors are certainly talented. But my goodness, this movie felt like being hit with a hammer in the head repeatedly for its entire duration.

After the first 20 minutes I thought to myself, "That was a pretty good short film. I didn't mind that." But then it kept going and going and going. And the longer it went the less relatable and more awful the two leads were revealed to be.

The man is an egotistical and pretentious sort who keeps a list of all the favors he does for his girlfriend and holds it over her head when she asks for anything in return. The woman is mentally unstable and verbally abusive, gaslighting and playing the victim in a toxic manipulative way. The way they portray the supposed "fine line between love and hate" bears no actual semblance to real life or real relationships - at least not in mine. If your relationship is like this - RUN. This is not normal. This is not okay.

Every argument that starts back up again only shows more why both characters don't deserve our sympathy. We do not know anything about either character except what they tell us by screaming at each other over the course of the film. It's exhausting. It's unwatchable at times.

I gave this a slightly higher rating at first - a 5/10 - because from a technical standpoint, it's very well made I just didn't care for the handling of the plot. (That's not to say I didn't enjoy the idea, I think films like Locke are intriguing and Marriage Story was fantastic. This didn't quite do it for me though because... well, the toxicity of it all) But after seeing how women of Twitter have responded, my feelings toward the movie have soured a bit more. This honestly reminds me of when Fight Club came out and the narcissistic a-holes who watched that idolized Pitt's character and turned him into a hero. Now it's the turn for the abusive, toxic women to have their hero.

The Little Things (2021)

Better than people say, not as good as it could have been.

[7/10 · 3 February 2021]

The Little Things - 7/10

The little things obviously took a lot of inspiration from other films; everybody points out that it was inspired by David Fincher's Se7en but I was equally reminded of Nolan's Insomnia as well. That being said, that does not mean that this film doesn't have anything new to offer. Although it does follow some familiar tropes and storylines, it still is original enough to offer something new. Added to that is some fantastic acting from all three leads.

Most of the time when you have multiple great actors all vying for an Oscar nomination in a single movie it leads to some dramatic overacting, in this case all three performances are subtle, subdued, understated yet still brilliant. The mystery in this film is fairly obvious, the trailer shows you everything you need to know. But with that in mind, the mystery wasn't really the focal point of this story in my opinion. The focus rather was on the characters and their development and about who they are as characters. In my mind the characters are written very well, not that they're perfect but they're good.

I think there was some sloppy editing, sloppy writing, and inconsistent directing but nothing worthy of a 54% that they've received from Metacritic. I'm not saying it's the next big classic film or anything like that, no not at all. But I think that this film fully deserves a seven that I've given it. Not a classic, but definitely worth a watch if you enjoy dark films like seven, insomnia, and many more.

Hillbilly Elegy (2020)

The Critics and Audiences Are Both Right

[6/10 · 30 December 2020]

As I'm writing this RottenTomatoes scores this movie as an 86% from audiences and a 26% from critics and to be honest, I understand both completely. This film at times feels like a $500k independent film despite having a $45M budget and Amy Adams and Glenn Close starring under Ron Howard's direction. But what this movie lacks in subtly and tactfulness it makes up for in sincerity and raw emotional power. In order to enjoy this film you may have to turn off your critical eye - although, Adams' and Close' performances deserve Oscar attention - and just accept the messages and ideas being presented to you; regardless of how much you relate to the exact story that is being represented you will resonate with at least one or two moments in this movie.

This movie is about the moment you realize that your family isn't perfect and the choices that follow. It's not perfect, it's not the best made film I've ever seen. But goddamn, it packs a punch.

The Gentlemen (2019)

Ritchie Returns (Somewhat) to Form

[7/10 · 4 November 2020]

The Gentlemen - 7/10

Sometimes I honestly don't understand where the critics are coming from. With this one, I would've agreed with them had I stopped watching around the middle and maybe that's what they did. The pretentiousness of the film dripped with Ritchie's self-importance that the story and movie itself didn't deserve. This movie took itself more seriously than anything he'd made since Snatch, yet it didn't do anything to earn that distinct honor bestowed on it. However, in the second half it seemed to shed the entitled demands to be taken seriously and just let loose in a rather enjoyable, silly gangster flick. Still, nothing spectacular as it was still a self-indulgent style over substance mess at times with dialogue so contrived only the best actors could power their way through leaving behind the lesser actors to wallow in the melodrama of it all. But I'll be damned if I wasn't entertained by the film enough to give it a 7/10 and give it the distinction of being Ritchie's 4th best film. However, he'd only made 3 good films before this so I'm not sure that that means much.

The Devil All the Time (2020)

Not For Everyone

[8/10 · 16 September 2020]

The Devil All the Time - 8/10 (Maybe 7.5, can't honestly decide)

The Devil All the Time reminded me a lot of The Place Between the Pines but darker and more violent - and mixed a little with Lawless. It's a story that tells mirroring story arches of a father (Bill Skarsgard) and his son (Tom Holland); unlike The Place Between the Pines however, the emphasis is put on the son rather than the father which is to the film's detriment a little. Not a lot (see my rating) but I found myself enamored with Skarsgard's performance as well as his plot more than with Holland's acting and plot. Both are good, but I wish the father was more of the focus in the film. But that is only a minor complaint as I enjoyed both parts of the movie.

For the most part the acting is great; Skarsgard especially steals the show but Harry Melling is also surprisingly superb. I say "surprisingly" only because I have not seen him since his turn as Dudley in the Harry Potter franchise and was not aware how talented of an actor he is. Jason Clarke and Sebastian Stan also put in great work and although I am not particularly a fan of Holland or Pattinson's work they were not distracting in their performances. Although, you could argue they were distracting as it was plain they were cast in this film to try to broaden the audience of a film that would likely have been merely a cult classic (and honestly, most likely still will be regardless.)

This film is dark and twisted and certainly will not win any award for "Feel Good Movie of the Year" and is more of a character study. But in all honesty it is not much of a character study either as it remains fairly shallow in its study of the characters. So what is it then? It's a story of what happened between these interconnected characters at this point in time - the writers and director do not tell you what to make of it but instead challenge you to make of it what you will. A strategy that I am intrigued by personally, but rarely works among the masses. At least the general audience members in America.

That is why I deem this movie to be more of a cult classic than a hit with the general public or even critics; from its dark subject matter to slow-burn pacing and lastly its ambiguity it will not draw in a large crowd. But those who are drawn in just might become obsessed with this movie.

I'm Thinking of Ending Things (2020)

Dark Horse Candidate for Movie of the Year

[8/10 · 8 September 2020]

I'm Thinking of Ending Things 8.5/10

No, Charlie Kaufman's latest film will not net him an Oscar, it's simply just not that kind of movie. Nor will it receive an overwhelmingly positive reaction from audiences because it is quite bizarre - as are most of Kaufman's films. But truth be told, this is the best movie to come out so far in a rather disappointing 2020.

Quick disclaimer: I have not read the book and I don't honestly plan to; I have heard from many disgruntled fans that the book is far superior and that the movie trashes the ending. I don't know if that's true because I didn't read it, but watching the movie on it's own was a fantastic experience. One that I plan to repeat again soon.

This movie is a puzzle for sure, so if you enjoy movies that make you think then you'll absolutely love this. I've seen people say you need to read the book to understand, and that's not true. But a quick google search or two may be a helpful shortcut to grasping the film but is not entirely necessary. It's an odd and confusing film that puzzles you without handing you any answers on a silver platter - but it makes sure the clues are presented plainly. If you don't get everything on the first go through, don't be ashamed just give it another go and things will become a little more clear each time.

I'm not as familiar with Kaufman the director as I am with Kaufman the writer who has written such films as Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Adaptation., Being John Malcovich. Needless to say, I'm a big fan of his writing but was unsure of his directing going into this. After having seen it, it seems he has gleaned from directors he's worked with in the past like Michel Gondry and Spike Jonze. His style is artistic and subtle but also direct and to the point. I can now say I am a big fan of his directing and can't wait to see whatever he puts out next.

Tenet (2020)

Honest Review from a Fan

[6/10 · 1 September 2020]

Tenet - 8/10

Edit: Gets better with a second viewing, but I've left in my initial review notes that are still applicable.

The biggest problem with the film - as many have pointed out - is that it is hard to understand. No, not because the ideas and plot are too complex (keep in mind, I am a big fan of his work) but rather because the story-telling is honestly sloppy at times, especially during the first act. It feels like Tenet is either missing an hour of footage that the studio forced Nolan to remove or it has an hour too much footage that only serves to muddle the plot. Either adding or removing could have fixed this issue. But how it is, the exposition comes in fast and heavy while seemingly pointless actions are being acted out. I just saw the movie yesterday and components of the plot are already slipping away into obscurity - why did he visit the arms dealer? What was the point of the painting? And so on. It all seemed like it was leading from one thing to another without any clear goal in sight and could have all been cut from the final version without missing anything. And as we introduce new characters we never get to know any of them or anything about them and are only convinced that they have any sort of importance because they are played by well-known actors and simply continue to exist on the screen. We are supposed to feel as connection between Washington's and Pattinson's characters but it never becomes apparent why as they never seem to have any sort of chemistry or bonding whatsoever.

Of Nolan's strengths it is well known that character development is not among them, nor is getting great performances out of actors - Heath Ledger's Joker being the outlier. He is a much more idea and story centered director and is fabulous at coming up with unique, different, and complex ideas and then crafting equally complex and astounding stories around and through those ideas. Case in point - Inception. A brilliant idea told beautifully with an equally brilliant story that embodies the idea that it is there to present. The ideas in and behind Tenet are equally unique and fascinating, but the story? The story is quite honestly a non-factor. It's muddled, confused, and ill-paced as it breezes by at times and drags at others. So without a sufficient plot of interesting characters we are left only with the idea behind Tenet which is fascinating, but not enough to make this movie worthy of Nolan's reputation.

Definitely worth a watch, especially so for "Nolanites" but will not have the impact or staying power as Inception, The Prestige, Memento or The Dark Knight. Furthermore, I don't believe it to live up to Interstellar either and possibly even not Dunkirk or Insomnia. Not to say it's his worst film - I leave Following and the Dark Knight Rises to fight for that prestigious title - but farther from his best than his worst. Yet still, a middling Nolan film is good enough to rank as the best film of a catastrophic 2020 thus far. Hopefully, however, we cannot still say the same by the time our Top 10 Films of 2020 lists start coming out.

1917 (2019)

Near Flawless Technically - Flawed Story-Telling

[6/10 · 18 August 2020]

1917 - 7/10

Compelling visuals and masterful technical filmmaking from cinematography to editing to sound mixing - all fantastic (although, some of the "invisible cuts" were blatantly obvious) The fact that it's based on Sam Mendes' grandfathers memoirs also makes it all the more compelling. But it has many drawbacks not the least of which is that the single cut style never stops feeling like a gimmick in this film - unlike in Birdman where you're absorbed into the story - so the film itself never stops quite feeling like a gimmick either. It also suffers from a lack of having much to say as the plot is a rather basic A B C plot with no surprises or messages to make you think in the least. Just a standard story with nothing new or original to say. Now, it tells that story well but it's not particularly compelling in any way if you've seen other more masterful war movies. To call 1917 a war film may not be entirely fair or accurate either as it feels much more akin to a thriller. But even then, it's not quite thrilling enough to be a thriller so perhaps just a war drama? It's a masterfully made film with very few technical flaws but with many, many storytelling flaws. Far from a bad film, but still almost just as far from being great - definitely good though, just unfortunately not much more than good.

Project Power (2020)

The Rap...

[3/10 · 15 August 2020]

I don't know if the movie got better or not but I HAD to turn it off about half an hour in because the main character started battle rapping her high school teacher... I cringed so hard I couldn't stop myself. I really couldn't. I'm sorry I can't give a fair review because I couldn't force myself beyond this point...

Knives Out (2019)

A 7.9 is Laughable

[4/10 · 30 July 2020]

I saw this in theaters back when it came out and filmed a review for it where I was amazed at how early responses were so positive. I was sure at the time that the rating would drop to at least the 6s but here we are in the summer of 2020 and it's rating is almost an 8. An 8! Movies in the top 250 have 8s! 8 stars and above are reserved for the greatest movies of all time and this movie - to the majority of people apparently - is ALMOST that good?! The Terminator has an 8, The Princess Bride has an 8, Charlie Chaplin's The Circus, Hitchcock's Rebecca, Rocky and so on... This is that level?

Well anyway, enough with that. Onto the review:

From the second I saw the trailer I knew 90% of the outcome. Is that a bad trailer or bad writing? Probably both. But the fact that they were harping so goddamn hard on Chris Evans' character being the bad guy meant that either he wasn't or they were trying to make it so obvious that he then couldn't possibly be the villain. But then they make him seem far too nice and likable and that confirms that he most definitely is the bad guy. The rest of the characters of awfully written with terrible political commentary taking precedent over actual character development. Christopher Plummer was the only performance I enjoyed and he was hardly in the movie before he died! Some have tried to tell me Daniel Craig was good in this film and all I could do was laugh! He was terribly unfunny in his... odd character portrayal. And his awful accent disappeared and reappeared between scenes. Awful performance made worse by the awful script. Which brings me to the writer/director Rian Johnson. I haven't seen any of his other films as I missed Looper and never cared to double back and haven't been into Star Wars' sequel trilogy at all so didn't bother watching his one. So, it's not a personal vendetta I have against him or anything but after this film with it's muddled writing, pretentious feel, and lackluster plot I have no intention to ever see anything else he does. Not saying I won't, but at this point I have no reason to. On top of all of the things I have already mentioned, the plot is also boring and filled with mistakes. There's a plot twist near the beginning of the second act that then leaves you bored waiting for anything else of importance to develop until well into the third act. This is extremely poorly paced and had me checking my phone constantly in the theater. And then as for the plot holes - I left this for last because it's so awful - the character of Chris Evans is supposedly the one who poisoned the house keeper. But it was plainly laid out to the audience earlier that an overdose of morphine would kill you in 20 minutes but when our protagonist finds the housekeeper hours later she isn't dead yet. This is just lazy and silly writing.

So, to wrap it up... I have no idea how anyone could think this movie is above a 6. Frankly, I gave it a 4 and I think that's fair. But if you said a 6 I wouldn't argue with you. Anything above that? You're out of your goddamn mind.

Sonic the Hedgehog (2020)

Wow

[4/10 · 22 February 2020]

The fact that this currently has a 6.9 is laughable. I read somewhere someone saying that the person that doesn't like this movie went into it not wanting to. Methinks doth protest too much? Because I think the only people who like this movie are the ones convincing themselves it's not bad. Now, it's not The Room bad or Hop bad, but a 4/10 is totally justified. The logic of this movie can be summed up in the trailer - Sonic can yawn at the thought of missiles and bullets pointed directly at him, but gets hit by a dart. But it takes that "logic" and creates a whole plot filled with that kind of logic. The humor of the film is also summed up in the trailer... Um... Meow? I think the Sonic personality was completely miscast. I grew up with Sonic X though, so maybe I don't understand what his personality is supposed to REALLY be like, but he was just annoying in this to me. And not in the way he normally is, but in a kiddie way. Jim Carrey was the only one in this entire production to seem to give a damn and actually want to try to make something worth while and man did he try. It didn't work 100%, but maybe about 75% of the time. Not Carrey at his best, but he was still easily the best part of this movie and it would have lost a star without him. I almost wish the animation was never fixed because we would have had a shot at a 1/10 movie and those are always enjoyable. However, the version we ended up getting was silly and stupid and makes you facepalm a couple times, but ultimately is just really forgettable.