wire-100 Reviews

The Book of Boba Fett: Chapter 5: Return of the Mandalorian (2022) Season 1, Episode 5

Epic! Wow! WIZARD!

[1/10 · 27 January 2022]

Mind numbing

With all the tools at Disneys disposal - Modern technology, at all stages of producing from Pre to Post, they still manage to pump out one of the most boring shows I've ever seen. It's got visual polish, but it's soulless

Why does this exist? Other than to release them endorphins when the middle aged guy sees the Naboo fighter or the track used Pod Race as he screams "I remember that!"

Absolute garbage storytelling. So much padding. I'm all of character development, but be honest with yourself, this is padding.

I think I might put the Book of Boba Fett on if I ever can't sleep and need something more dull than white noise.

There's No Place Like Utopia (2014)

Is Joel Gilbert the worlds dumbest man?

[1/10 · 23 April 2020]

It's time to pull the plug, Joel's brain dead.

There's no helping this one...

The Witcher (2019– )

Check your brain in at the door

[1/10 · 7 January 2020]

Poorly written, cast, acted and produced, this embarrassing adaption has the depth of a puddle.

The biggest issue has to be the script, it's general storytelling, vage and varying timeline structure, and paper thin or non existent themes makes a first year uni Film school students work look like Lord of the Rings.

If you actually love this, please, see a doctor immediately.

The Witcher: Much More (2019) Season 1, Episode 8

Action without motivation

[1/10 · 7 January 2020]

A pointless battle, only existing to have explosions and impress the dumbest of audiences.

This show has the depth of a puddle. Shame what they did to The Witcher. Guess we gotta wait 20 years for the decent reboot.

Resident Evil: The Final Chapter (2016)

Sony and Paul W.S Anderson might be more evil than Umbrella

[1/10 · 5 February 2017]

Sony, the most soulless production company, and Paul W.S. Anderson, the worst director/writer combination, have just given us the worst film of the year, and it's still only January! That's right, the latest Resident Evil is out.

Now the franchise has always been a mess, with its stolen ideas, disposable characters, incredibly inconsistent continuity and the need the hit an over the top action beat every 5 minutes, but the new installment takes the franchise to new heights!

For a franchise to completely re-write its previous films history in the sake of a new far fetched plot is something we're yet to see. So in a way we should thank Sony, now we don't have to watch most the films in the franchise in order to get to The "Final" Chapter.

Sadly we do lose something from previously films, and that's the super slow motion. Lucky for us though there's a replacement. After Paul W.S Anderson saw Sherlock Holmes he came up with the brilliant idea of having a lead character almost freeze time and analyse every possible situation, letting us know the probability of the results, before they would act. So thanks Paul, you genius.

I will also add, he must have watched The Book of Eli recently too because the opening does feel very similar, even stealing the under the bridge silhouette fight scene. Also stealing a plot point from Blade: Trinity, in the later half of the film.

This film is so unoriginal, so convoluted, so sloppily written and edited, with action beat after action beat that there's no room to breathe, I'm surprised this film even made it to the production phase.

I only saw this film so I knew how bad it would be, but it's still very surprising to see how lazy and unimaginative the people involved in this franchise are. So please, don't go see this movie

It deserves a 0 rating... but I guess a 1 will have to do.

Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)

Fan service can kill your film

[6/10 · 15 December 2016]

I was really looking forward to this film, as I love Star Wars but am very interested in seeing stories that don't involve a Skywalker as a lead. But sadly I was let down, so where to start?

(SPOILERS INCLUDED)

Fan Service: When you make a reference by placing a known character in a scene that doesn't need to be there, then you've just ruined your scene. Example: The rebels are on their way to the battle and tensions are mounting, it's getting serious as we approach our climax! Oh wait here's R2 and C3-P0, remember them, right? Then continue on with the scene. What was the point other than to pander to the audience? Having them stops the natural flow of tension that was building.

The same with Ponda Baba and Dr. Evazan. Why were they in it? That city was then destroyed so they must of got out. They don't push the story forward in any way so it's wasted screen time, distracting too because it draws us away from our heroes mission, just to look at characters we know.

It's sad that Disney feels the need to jam pointless fan service in, as it makes the audience seem stupid, like that can't understand it's in the same universe without seeing R2-D2.

Darth Vader: Completely unnecessary, even if that lightsaber fight was fun. The first scene with him wasn't right, as he didn't look or sound the same. Plus he said a pun that was so bad I actually face palmed. When he shows up at the end of the film, once our leads have all died, he has an action scene? In a time that completely doesn't suit it. Before our actors die, yes, but not after as it overshadows their sacrifice.

Overall: This film is a bit messy, going to maybe 8 different planets/moons/locations which just feels all over the place. It never takes a breather and the pace is too fast and I feel it would have benefited for another 20 mins run time. I found Jin unlikeable and forced, no pun intended, and I wish she had an extra 5 minutes at the start of the film of her life, maybe a scene on why she was arrested, then we could spend time with her and get to know her? Rather then just here's Jin, now you have to care about her cause her dad is a pretty cool guy.

This film for me felt a bit emotionless, it lacked a real heart as nothing moved me, not even main character deaths, and that's a failure of the director. The only deaths that had any substance and weight to them were Chirrut and Baze'a deaths as they had such a tight bond and Chirruts faith, when facing his own death, gave Baze such strength.

Recommendation: If you love Star Wars and don't care about the quality of what you're watching, you'll eat this up