cujo2 Reviews

Living Hell (2008 TV Movie)

a very very pleasant surprise

[9/10 · 26 February 2008]

Having followed the progression of this movie for months after finding out it came through upcoming horror movies.com I finally had the chance to see it yesterday.

Coming from the old creature features of the 80's the current torture porn movement in horror movies that basically consist out of the many ways you can carve up a human being as unpleasantly as possible cant really make me very happy. So finding a creature feature or even a movie made with attention and a lot of love for the material is becoming more and more special. Unfortunately most of the creature features are movies like lake placid 2 or even worse but sometimes a movie pops out which is really well made. And this is such a movie.

It is clear that the director made the best of what he could with the budget available ( somewhere around 4 or 5 million) and what he came up with was an organism which grows exponential and cant be stopped. By using this enemy clever ( meaning not showing it too much, especially its CGI origins) the story unfolds in a much bigger way than your typical deserted location. Especially the beginning which reminds the entering of the marines in Aliens2 of the hive is very good. the promise made in those first scenes is kept up all the way to the end where there is a tad too much CGI ( which shows the budget restrains). It all boils down to a satisfying finale. The only scene that is a bit strange is when the female lead - while losing her husband hours before - has a special rub down scene with the male lead that feels off base somehow,and I am not talking why the scene takes place but the way it is executed. speaking of that female lead, she doesn't put in the strongest of performances but that is the only downside I can see. Small errors in the story aside it is all very well made with smart choices( using satellite imagery to depict the main battle gives it the right "it cant be stopped"feeling we all like in these end of the world movies. Just expect a well paced "end of the world" movie which is made with love on a modest budget.

Very recommended title and for me personally well worth the wait. Would be nice to see what this director can do with more budget.

Click (2006)

Not what you might expect...

[8/10 · 1 October 2006]

I have seen my share of Adam Sandler films, and most of them were borderline moronic.

This movie is - for the most part too- if you like the humor of the man - which is always the same- you will have your share of laughs. And indeed in this film the humor is brought in a way that is actually funny ( especially the spoiled brat next door joke, which is very funny)

However around 3/4 of the movie there is a sharp turn and something I thought would never happen actually happened.. it struck a cord. The story revolves around a man getting a universal remote, a remote that controls his universe, so the predictable things happen until he finds out that everything he fast forwards through - hard work for a promotion but also the divorce of his wife and the death of his father- is really gone in the wind. Like another reviewer said "it makes you think"and it actually does. This movie is more sensitive and hearth warming then I ever thought possible.

Very very recommended, and there is at least one person on this planet that rethought his opinion of Mr Adam Sander.

Isolation (2005)

good ..realistic scary fun

[8/10 · 18 September 2006]

I read reviews that called this one aliens on a farm. Since I am a die hard fan of Aliens I couldn't resist going to the cinema the next weekend to see this film. and it was a pleasant surprise.

Most of the horror movies made nowadays are either campy popcorn fun ( which I like) or sadistic ensembles which I don't like.. once in a while a realistic film is made that succeeds in being scary in a way that actually could happen... somehow these are the scariest films of all. This movie takes you to a farm where semi legal experiments with cows are done to speed up the growth of beasties. Of course things go wrong and before you know it some crossbred between a cow and a centipede runs around. The atmosphere is dark.. and this isn't a jolly day in life on the farm either.. it breaths hard work, despair and no exit... this is where this film succeeds.

there is a downturn however, because of the lack of money the mutant beastie never comes in view all the way .. but the quick flashes that we see of it didn't make me very curious and there isn't much killing done by it either.. for that there is the mad scientist that does the job. There are some good references to the mad cow disease tucked away, but the fact that everyone could be infected by a mere scratch and the predictable ending does take some of its shine away.

However, in the dried up sub sub genre of realistic horror flicks this one is good and worth you money to see it in the cinema.

The Hard Corps (2006 Video)

not bad

[7/10 · 9 August 2006]

Like wake of the death and the replicant this movie shows a more mature JVC, and that is a wise move since the guy is well in his 40's after all.

With this film JVC gets a decent budget and decent production values and a chance to put some more flesh in his character.. however that is about all that is really nice about this film. In many ways this film reminds me of the flicks of Steven Seagall doing buddy buddy with some rap star and like steven, jean claude also feels a bit misplaced in the setting of rap music and undressed women, this is actually felt by his acting in some scenes... I don't have the feeling he really believed or enjoyed himself all that much.

There is very little hand to hand combat in this film and a very low amount of action, you can actually feel your ass telling you this flick really takes 110 minutes to tell its story.

There isn't much to tell about the story that is interesting and the constant use of flashbacks is becoming irritating around halfway ( yeah we know the guy has problems from the war..yeah we get the hint) But all in all I found it a nice enough movie..little fast forward here and there but still a pleasant time waster. Lets be honest, I saw vandamme for the very first time with bloodsport when all the action heroes were still around. Now in 2006 he is basically the only one left even trying to deliver some decent movies and that makes me very forgiving.

Reeker (2005)

A very pleasant surprise!

[8/10 · 23 July 2006]

What makes a horror movie nowadays anywhere near scary? When even mainstream stuff is either remakes of Japanese movies or over the top sadistic rehashes of '70's flicks small movies like this one can only do two things. Be even more gory and sadistic or try to sketch an atmosphere. Of course the latter is far more difficult. Reeker was a movie that I have doubted to see for a long time. The plot that revolved around " a killer breeze" as far as I knew didn't really invite me to see it. So yesterday it was a Sunday and with nothing else to do I gave it a chance.

Spoiler warning!

Reeker has basically the same premise and idea as identity, however where identity failed with the ending Reeker delivers. Of course the lack of money is evident in every scene, the goofs mentioned show that but it has a very scary atmosphere and does everything right where the much bigger identity failed, the ending that tied everything up nicely and leaves the viewer with a punch to ponder about was very well done. The monster wasn't really needed, it looks like a ghoul with a love for battery operated tools but I can forgive this little flick almost everything, and this too. Only shame is that Micheal Ironside is not really used and has about 5 lines of dialog, money issue without a doubt. Very recommended this film, nice story, good ending, great atmosphere!

BloodRayne (2005)

Wasn't as bad as i figured it to be

[6/10 · 1 March 2006]

After seeing this directors first 2 films and reading the previews and reviews of his latest film I feared the worst. Perhaps that is what helped me when seeing this because all in all I have seen worse. Of course the lead actress doesn't even remotely look like the figure from the video game and of course the action is cheesy, let alone the fact that a surprisingly large bunch of semi known actors look not involved to put it mildly. But what do you expect from a video game to screen adaptation. The story will be paperthin and the only way of filming it will be to make it as cheesy as this here.

however the major problem is the lack of charisma on the side of the main female character. In the game she was a Lara Croft with swords for guns and if I remember correctly she fought Nazis while uttering wise cracks and she was cool. This girl- mostly known for a stern faced terminator 3 part- is not that attractive and is as acrobatic as a wet Monday newspaper. In other words not very convincing. But if you are looking for some sword action and lots of blood gushing over the screen you could give this one a chance. It is not as bad as many people say it is, the reason for that - in my humble opinion- is in a lot of cases the fact that it is fashionable to put this director all the way down. And although this isn't a masterpiece by any standard it is watchable. The climax of the film btw actually shows the lead character not being convincing at all because in order to give her the chance to kill the head vampire she actually needs the help of her two friends who are both nearly dead before she is able to put a surprisingly lame little knife into the main villain.. but that is after she has shown not to be handy at all with the custom swords she is handed earlier on. A lot of the "well known"actors in this film have bit parts, Meatloaf for example has an embarrassing bit part and comes and goes , I lost Billy Zane halfway the movie and that girl from The fast & the furious looked kinda glad when she could check out near the end too. The FX are crude and not really there and the vampire part is played down a whole lot too.

But still, don't put your expectations too high and form an opinion yourself. You could do a lot worse

Doom (2005)

Not as fun as resident evil

[8/10 · 2 November 2005]

It is always hard to make a decent movie based on a game. When it translates to screen one realizes how pointless and plot less the games are we spent so many hours on.. perhaps the best reason to go outside more before our lives are over.

Ahhh well before I get really philosophical.. lets go on to Doom which comes with the Rock and some monsters and guns. Let me start by saying that I like the resident evil franchise a lot and even house of the dead was watchable for me. Just to prove that I have a dim idea what I am viewing. Doom gives you exactly what the trailer and the nostalgia lets you feel. However the question is if that is enough for you. This movie has the fun stuff like the very big guns , that give you in the last part of the movie a "guncam"..only thing missing is the heads up display of the game. It gives you the monsters you know and the dark corridors and a lot of running.... and that is it.

It sure tries with 1 or 2 smart ish ideas but very quickly goes back to ..well what the trailer shows you. And it is hard to believe but the first 30 mins nothing actually happens.. it is like a longer version from the intro of Aliens where the marines enter the compound and start looking for survivors.

Normally I would bash the film for not offering more but with movies like this one knows what to expect and this film delivers with some mindless extra fun to throw in ..so mildly recommended with a large coke and popcorn.

Saw II (2005)

Decent next part

[7/10 · 2 November 2005]

This part 2 of Saw shows how hard it is to top or to even come close to a first movie which had a great climax in the end. In my opinion saw 1 gave the same stunned feeling the climax of the usual suspects gave.

In part 2 most of the stuff that made part 1 very good is there. We have the deaths with the first being the very nasty best, we have jigsaw who is a little sicker then last time around.. his physical health that is not his mental health and the all over feeling is all the same as in 1.

And perhaps that is the problem because you keep expecting the same climax as 1 gave you and that is not going to happen. The payoff in the end is not a surprise and the events leading to it in the house feel like they tried to copy the feeling of the cube movies.

So all in all it is still better as most of the crap other. However since part 1 was so good it just cant live up.

The Cave (2005)

How can it go wrong with all these ingredients?

[5/10 · 16 September 2005]

I saw this film a couple of weeks after watching the descent which deals with the same topic. However it compares in production values to a poor mans version off the cave. Where in the descent a tough female group of cave explorers with no more skills then an average human being went into the dark, the cave gives us ex marines that cant show enough how tough they are in the first 20 minutes. Or to paraphrase the film "he was special forces he knew how to take care of himself" of course the colleague they are referring to is then already eaten. Besides the ex marines stuff these guys have super duper diving equipment and a nifty device to see the shape of the caverns they are entering.. it has echoes of the motion trackers in Aliens.

So on the one hand we have the descent and we have the cave. To start with the good news concerning the latter; the locations and images are all top notch all looks slick and neat. Where the descent opted for a gritty struggle the cave feels like a ride in Disney land where they try to stuff every thrill in one ride; we have fire, we have ice, water, rocks..well everything. And some nasty monsters of course.

And this is the one thing this movie lights up a bit, the origin of the monsters isn't very exciting but the thing causing it shows some creativity. Where the monsters in the descent were just blind guys with claws in rubber suits the cave rips off once again the Alien design and gives us yet again CGI beasties with enormous teeth ( always wondered how these things eat with those teeth but anyway)

And this is all the good there is to say unfortunately. The descent is a grim thrill ride into the dark with characters you actually give a toss about the cave is a lengthy censored Disney ride that tries to please all. The characters are practically all interchangeable cannon fodder and Mr Hauser who does a skinny Vin diesel from Pitch black is as flat as a prime time sitcom. The movie is full of small things that make you go mmh with your eyes rolling: - Drinking loads of alcohol the evening before entering a very dangerous environment. - Going alone into the same cave to scout things out - The irony that the monsters endanger less people then the people do themselves with their stupid acts - the cheap ass - there might be a sequel ending.

To name but a few. The film feels very long, the zzzz factor where you google at the screen without really seeing what is happening is fairly high. The monsters are almost unseen the better part of the movie and you are stuck with Cole Hauser wearing contactlenses and acting torn.. well actually he looks like he has been drinking the night before - which he did in the flick- and has a bad case of hangover.

And yes this movie gives you the "lets blow up everything and the monsters with it" ending.

In Short: watch the descent, it is cheaper but way better and not this PG13 cash in Disney ride with no thrills.

Transporter 2 (2005)

Another sequel not living up to the original

[5/10 · 12 September 2005]

First of all I like Luc Besson and I like Jason Statham, I also like the cartoonish style luc Besson uses - OK he didn't direct this but lets be honest it doesn't make much of a difference-. However in this case it just doesn't work.

This 90 minute Audi commercial, I mean film has it all, the outrageous stunts.. check the way Jason gets a bomb of his car. The crappy fx.. check the airplane born in Playstation Hell that falls to its demise. The whole not so serious tone.. it is all there. But it is so much that the viewer.. or better put humble me- is never really involved in the story. And what worked in the older 007 films just doesn't work here. Too much explosions, Jacky Chan fighting, bad people, more driving stunts more explosions and before you know it the 90 mins are over and your are out of the cinema on the parking lot wondering what you just saw. Jason Statham is a decent actor that can easily carry a film even with more story and dialogue but in this case they could have used anyone cause everything in this film is a prop unfortunately. And speaking of props..

After this film you will have a deep desire to buy an Audi A8 Quattro. A black Audi A8 Quattro..jummy

Go see for yourself, it is way better then the usual action crud nowadays found in the cinema but even in its own right it is never as good as could have been.

Land of the Dead (2005)

If this took 20 years to think up..sorry George missed chance

[3/10 · 10 August 2005]

Another commenter on this movie mentioned the resident evil franchise and the remake of dawn of the dead. More titles come up if you look at this sub genre; 28 days later or Shaun of the dead for example. Not to mention the countless no budget but we have a great idea semi home video flicks that deal with the undead.

When I saw the original George Romero series - night, dawn and day- I found it groundbreaking in your face smart horror.But times have progressed. The feeling I had after watching this film was the "is this it?!?"feeling. To start with the whole slow moving corpses thing doesn't cut it anymore for me, it gets boring surprisingly fast. The whole mad max beyond thunder dome feeling doesn't really work because it doesn't get enough attention.The whole story doesn't work because basically the epic feeling of doom the other parts had is gone, there isn't that much going on. The problem is that all these negative aspects are so visible the good things do not get a chance. The fact that the undead learn to think and the whole class based layout of the city for example. For me the pacing of the resident evils and the 28 days later film and the smartness of Shaun of the dead is dearly missed.Most times I watched while thinking that there was so much more interesting stuff to do with the material and the actors. The gore hounds can be satisfied though, you have your bites with a bitten out piercing to top it all and of course the mutilations in various forms ... but even that feels like an ingredient put in the blender. I can understand now why this one fell like a rock off the box office charts. Irony is that every horror fan has to see this only to get the same disappointed feeling I had.

You can see times have changed if movies like resident evil feel like a better product than the film that was the start of it all.

Sole Survivor (2000 TV Movie)

Mr. McGinley makes it worthwhile

[7/10 · 28 June 2005]

A made for TV miniseries - thank god it aired in one piece in my country- based on a typical Dean Koontz story. A typical Dean Koontz story consists most of the times of the following trademark ingredients:

1.an evil villain that has access to all the nifty computer and info stuff, mostly a loner and a sociopath. 2. a secret organization that can only partly control the fore-mentioned bad guy but delivers him ( mostly its a him) resources. 3. a loner that is halfway out of the system is also very witty on the same grounds the bad guy is 4. someone in distress. 5. a little dash of the supernatural or some ET activity.

Stir this up and serve chilled. In other words in my opinion most of the Koontz books are exactly the same with a few exceptions. A done by the numbers story that after reading more books becomes predictable and boring.

Most of the Koontz movies I saw - not that many- suffer of course all the more from the above and so does this movie. Billy Zane is not a very gifted actor and he stumbles through the plot with mild commitment and I never felt the grief portrayed enough that a man who has lost his wife and child must feel. The muddled plot that is predictable for everyone who has read at least one fiction book in his life goes and goes and the viewer might take the opportunity to nod off so once in a while...

But

There is Mr McGinley, I liked him in on deadly ground and an ever further over the top character is brought to the screen here. He has all the great lines and he breathes more life in the material he has been given than one could expect. Lucky for the viewer he has a nice portion of screen time and it might be hard not to cheer for the bad guy in this case. He portraits a better bad guy than Mr Koontz can create in his books. He is by far the best actor in this series and from the looks of it the only one who is enjoying himself.

The 7 I gave is for his performance.

Glass Trap (2005)

Very very bad bug flick.. what can I say

[1/10 · 9 June 2005]

lets start with the good point of this movie. The idea behind it .

People in a skyscraper are besieged, chased , eaten by giant ants. Any fan of monster movies ought to get sweaty palm right now and has to brace him or herself not to run to the nearest videostore. But wait.. there is a catch:

Lets start with the begin credits.. an unknown movie company and our friends from the Unified Film Organisation.. UFO for short, known for countless crappy movies and a couple of nice ones.

And then.. yeah the movie starts.

Stuff to watch for, cry about or laugh your ass off for.. depending on your mindset

• POV shot of the ants attacking - All killings off screen?? Mmhhh - Scarsely dressed models "You might remember her from a vogue cover" yeah sure, don't you mean an adult movie. - The janitor with a past - Mr Howell- gets hit over the head with a wooden duck - Did all those ants the size of a mid sized dog hide in those pesky little plants -

• idiot sheriff ( who knows in what crap he ventured and has all the laughs with his lines) a female agent from the agriculture department (??) She was in the FBI but made a career change because she faints when seeing a corpse.. not kidding.

A guy that wants to steal company info leaves his overweight crap acting daughter alone in the car. With a present.. an Aiwa radio with heavy metal music but takes the keys. - the lights go out.. so do the elevators which doesn't stop the janitor for trying to use them..and why should he, the company info stealing guy also used the elevators when the lights where flickering.. gets stuck and attacked by a plastic non moving ant.

-The ants come.. about the size of a mid sized dog.. a lot of them.. how did they hide in those small plants.

The assistant of the nasty editor has to make coffee but drops a sugar lump into a sewer thingy on the floor.. an ant crawls out and gets beaten to death by the nasty editor which leads to an instant classic piece of dialog " Ants cant get that big "well no one told him that" and she walks away business as usual.. however our ants are crawling through the hallways.

* Ants side note: imagine a 5 year old drawing an ant.. yup you have got it.. they look more plastic that a toy.

Sigh.. chase scenes.. the ants don't like heavy metal and the overweight daughter scares them off with dead metal music.

* reread the above sentence and ponder about it for a moment*

The moronic janitor with a past, the bitchy editor and the assistant try to make it to the roof ( reason: - as explained by the janitor "those ants see this as an ant farm so they will dwell on the lower levels.. we need to make it to the roof" My mouth fell open when hearing this. This building has a roof access that can only be reached by using the air vents (???).. just take a guess what happens..

They make it to the roof although the bitchy editor gets attacked and taken away ( "I was chairman of the Beverly hills gun club, of course I can use a gun" . they found the gun because our moronic janitor who is also a psychic broke into a desk in the office where he was hit over the head with the wooden duck..?????

They make it to the roof.. insert the "vogue" MUHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA models and their photographer. Thank god they can escape because there is a cable between this and the nearby skyscraper (???? we don't have skyscrapers in my country but this seems somewhat.. far-fetched??)

Most of them escape however the company info stealing dude pulls a gun to skip the queue - I don't blame him- an ant follows him , he pulls the gun - magic gun because it went from the eaten editor to him??- and fails to shoot the ant but does shoot the cable - did I say the ants were as big as mid sized dogs, good shooting-

He plummets to his death and the janitor and some others are trapped in the ant building.

In the meanwhile back to the garden thingy. The agriculture agent finds the slime on some plants and she yells something into a walkie talkie. Swat guys - and a girl- pop out and the sheriff has its gun taken away. And there is a revelation: the fainting when seeing a dead body female agent is a member of a secret department of agriculture that is so secret even the president doesn't know about it and she is following a lead that has a terrorist ship that had plutonium aboard. The plutonium leaked on the plants causing everything in the plants to grow.

Oke.. if you are still with me, pause and reread the above sentence.

there we go for the final part. The secret department of agriculture ( SDOA??) follows the trail to the building where the plants were delivered.. Intro Martin I will really humiliate myself for a scrap of food Kove.. shoots his next in command about 15 times because his colleague is attacked by a plastic ant that basically sits on his shoulder.. like a parrot. Good shooting Martin.

And you wont believe it but then I fell asleep..thank god for that.

If you aren't drunk avoid all all costs.

House of 9 (2005)

lets try and copy the cube feeling

[4/10 · 6 June 2005]

It is painfully obvious that this is an attempt to create a cube movie. The writers did their homework on movies like the for-mentioned cube, my little eye and basically every other movie that has a bunch of people in a confined space together. This European attempt to add yet another flick to this sub genre falls short on almost every level.

Like I said before in other reviews one of the basics to get any viewer involved is to flesh the characters given in the movie. If they stand shallow no one cares who dies and who lives. If you secretly try to rip other movies off at least try to keep either the gore or the excitement of the originals on par or top it in the gore department. If you don't you will get the equivalent of a tasteless fast food treat; it fills but it is nothing special.

Spoilers ahead:

This movie starts promising though, while following the beaten track of the in this case 9 strangers put together the makers produce a classy setting. A cemented shut building with only 1 door. This setting is made very well, shot on location in Romania it provides stylish furniture, marble floors.. all black and white. The first few moments after the unseen watcher has delivered his message "9 go in one comes out with 5 million dollars" are the best of the film. The victims try franticly to escape which gives the movie its few engaging moments. However after 15 minutes they give up and the makers have got some padding to do. This amounts in nothing happening the next hour or so and then the makers suddenly realize there are still around 8 people left that have to go..this proves to be a bit steep in the remaining 24 minutes or so. Especially since there are no traps inside the location but only the uninteresting people to work with.

The premise is good, people cant get out except if they kill the others but since the moron level is so high you couldn't care less after watching people rap(not kidding.. it is the token black guy in a training suit and gold chains), dance, drink and eat for an hour. The ending is nice ish but predictable.

They should have credited the accent of poor Dennis Hopper as an extra, it comes and goes and provides the only source of entertainment for most of the movie.

Skippable fare.

Sahara (2005)

Oldfasioned adventure flick

[7/10 · 6 June 2005]

I have been a passionate pulp reader for as long as I can remember. The books of Clive Cussler are nothing more or less then good old fashioned pulp. Featuring heroes with beards at least a day old it is an old spice commercial all over again. Clear cut plots and straightforward action that moves from a to b.

However I never really liked the Clive Cussler books, somehow they seem dated and in my opinion not that well written. The main character Dirk Pit never comes really alive on the pages and the whole boldly man adventures are actually rather boring. This was also the mindset I started with when watching this movie, and after the end credits rolled over the screen I was pleasantly surprised.

Of course it is simple entertainment but everyone involved knows it and secretly doesn't take it that serious. The locations are very very nice and the action scenes -starting late in the movie- are original and well done. It is obvious the makers opted for a franchise and raised the budget to give the series a good start. Everything looks expensive.

It is still an old fashioned adventure based on dated books but if you have to make a movie with that kind of a source do it like this.

One of the few irritating moments in the film are provided when Mrs Cruz is walking through the screen. Her English is very bad to a level that the Africans in the film speak better English then she does. She also looks misplaced and uncomfortable in her part delivering her side kick performance with no magic at all.

Spoilers ahead!

If you watch this step gently over the plot holes that feature a plague which origins are unknown. This leads to funny scenes where Mrs Cruz wears gloves in one scene and none in the other and takes precautions in dealing with patients that varies per village she visits. I could imagine being a bit more careful when having to deal with a deadly plague to put it mildly. On the other hand we have a treasure ship that winds up in Africa coming from the US (??) and in the climax of the film Dirk Pit becomes psychic because he can pinpoints the ship exactly. Not to mention a scene that seems to be stolen out of a road runner cartoon where Dirk fires a 150 year old canon to shoot a helicopter.

It all sounds rather crappy but besides the Cruz factor everything works out nicely.

If there comes a sequel it would be advisable to trade in the "funny sidekick" to ban Mrs Cruz and to find someone with more screen presence and charisma to play Dirk Pit.

Recommendable for old fashioned adventure goers.

Cursed (2005)

better then expected considering the development hell it came out of

[7/10 · 6 June 2005]

It seem very hard to make a decent werewolf flick. The only one that springs to mind is "an American werewolf in Londen". Which gave a good feeling to which torments the victims of a bite were confronted with. In those days good 'ol Rick Baker didn't have any real CGI which gave him the chance to show morphing scenes that are still top of the bill.

Back to this outing. Before seeing this I read a lot about this film and the troubles it went through before finally coming to the screens. It seems that Wes Craven and Kevin Williamson provided the studio with a movie they didn't want and the studio forced a re cut and re shoots to milk more money out the target audience.. pg13.

The one I saw yesterday wasn't cut and certainly not pg13.. it gave the bitten in half victims, the chunks out of peoples necks ..more bite and slash footage.. nothing to wish for in the gore department.

The rest of the film.. well see my intro. Studios and writers have a certain impression from todays youth that translates in films that always have troubles kids, at least one party, loud music.. a nerdy kid that is teased till halfway the movie and then gets his revenge. The somewhat original turn in this movie is that the token bully calls the token nerdy kid a homosexual and around halfway the movie he is the one that comes out of the closet... What happened to the times where horror flicks where just horror flicks without any of the soap like developments around it.

Having said this, Kevin and Wes are professionals that know how to keep a flick on the main track. The soap like events are spiced in adequate ways with werewolf killings, a dog from hell , some transformation scenes - that don't look impressive at all.. CGI ruins everything I guess- I have the feeling that the uncut - I assume it is- version I saw came pretty close to the version the makers wanted to show. It is nothing special but way better then most of the crap that comes out nowadays. The trick that Kevin Williamson did with scream and all the other flicks he wrote is wearing thin but in the werewolf sub genre this one is recommended fare.

The Pacifier (2005)

Another dud from Vin Diesel

[1/10 · 30 May 2005]

There was a time Vin Diesel showed some promise. Coming up in a time that the big strong silent Arnold clones were obsolete there was this guy all of a sudden, hitting hard with Pitch Black.

Then there was the enjoyable "Man apart" which was in my opinion a lot better then expected and the fast and the furious.. which marked the started of his hot air era.

The fast and the furious was over-hyped and empty, xxx was even worse , riddick was full of love.. for himself and little by little the promise he once showed seemed to fade. Then came the pacifier around, and this is the type of film I expect to have a pre engineered script at the basis of it. Pre engineered in a way it has been "written" to please certain target audiences and not in an effort to make a good film.

It is obvious that this film is only made to give Vin Diesel access to certain mom and dad audiences he couldn't reach with his earlier efforts. Everything in this film is based on playing it safe giving the viewer a predictable Luke warm rehash that invites to nod off semi permanent. Think the very very worst of the older Disney movies, add the very worst of the Sylvester Stallone family entertainment ( another disappointment) outings and it gives you this.

For a man that - if I can believe his interviews- had to really fight to get where he is now Mr Diesel shows a remarkable lack of courage in his choosings for parts. I really hope he has been ill advised by his agents to take these parts and that it is not completely his own choice.

One has to keep some hope...

Skippable

House of Wax (2005)

Don't pay for this one..

[3/10 · 30 May 2005]

I have seen countless slasher flicks. I started with the genre in the 80's and lived through all the ups and downs.. more of the latter unfortunately the past years. What struck me during these years was the irritation level of the canon fodder that usually consisted out of a handy bunch of young people..although young is a relative statement seeing this bunch but anyway.

To care for any character in a movie it is advisable to at least give them a faint notion of likability so that the public can cheer if he or she narrowly escapes a killer or 2. But this first time director thought otherwise. He is presenting us with the least likable dumb ass group of "teens"I saw in many years. From the very start you just don't care what happens to them at all. Which gives a neutral standpoint, however they are so blistering stupid in their actions that the "Doh"factor becomes a running joke all by itself. The performance of Paris Hilton and the video camera joke becomes a statement all by itself and to be honest.. Paris isn't the worst of the pack to begin with. I actually suspect Paris to know exactly what she is doing and the fact that the trivia of this film state that the rest of the cast was ensembled around her seems to prove that.

So that for our heroes..*cough* on the other side we have the killers..yeah there are 2 and the settings.

The killers are nothing special either, no real background info is given ..no flesh on the bones so to say.. completely interchangeable deranged killer fare.

So with all this to be.. a mild letdown there is only one thing left, the scenery. The set pieces, especially the house of wax.. which is exactly what is is very well done,and the non explored idea of the rest of the city is also very nicely done. For the gore hounds we have a clipped finger from our favorite * cough* 24 girl ( great hair extensions btw) and a well made erm... wax job.

And that is it, like a bag of popcorn.. it seems to fill while eating it but after wards you get pimples and are still hungry for decent food.

Skippable.

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003)

sadistic doesn't mean suspense

[3/10 · 30 May 2005]

When I was little - I am from 73- my older sister told me about the Texas chainsaw massacre. A film so horrifying that I wouldn't eat meat for weeks. I couldn't imagine a film being so scary and I could feel my heart beat in excitement.

Fast forward to the present day. I have seen the old version and about a million slasher flicks besides that one. Perhaps it is my age but I feel more excitement tingling down my spine nowadays when seeing pictures like boogeyman or darkness that hint the horror more then actually showing it than the sadistic turn most horrors nowadays take.

This film shows scenes that you once only saw in those straight to video unrated flicks, unnerving scenes like the one with the salt and the cut off leg.. and the hook scene that lands in someone his back.

Seems that in your face horror is more the trend of todays viewers, something the king of shallowness Micheal Bay seem to have grasped. However it is strange that besides the leg scene all the other chainsaw deaths happen off camera.. chickened out at the last moment perhaps? But this is a flick that had its time in the cinemas all over, a so called "mainstream flick". For such a film it has it share of cringing scenes, it has its dark corridors and it has its capable fairly likable cannon fodder, some vital point the house of wax misses.

But is it exciting or suspense full? Not at all, it is still predictable and I dare to pose the question if the sequels to the original Texas chainsaw massacre are better then this one. If memory serves me right good old Dennis hopper has a part in one of those.

So on the suspense part it falls flat, on the blood and gore and sadism department is shines... so to say. One can argue if this was just a tactic to hide the fact they weren't able to build up some genuine tension.

Rent it for a low fee.

Miss Congeniality 2: Armed & Fabulous (2005)

Worthless sequel to a fresh comedy

[1/10 · 30 May 2005]

These are the type of films you want to write the producers of the flick about because you want your time back.

The first part had Mr Caine and a talking part for Mr. Shatner. It had the great make over from the scrappy agent woman who was more one of the guys to a beauty queen and it had life and a heart. The freshness that Sandra Bullock brought to the screen threw sparks and was vibrant.

So yes, I liked the original and with all sequels it is hard to even come close to the original let alone top it. The writers realized that and tried a different approach for the sequel. I am wondering whether they saw the original because the original had the idea that the shallowness of the whole beauty pageant thingy wasn't correct and there were real nice girls behind the smiles. Strangely enough they put the character from part 1 on the high horse and made her completely unlikable, neurotic and nasty at times. Of course mostly at the cost of her sidekick which has a shitty part as her body guard.

William Shatner looks embarrassed throughout and who can blame him, he has been demoted to a wimpy crying stereotypical gay man with no real importance to the story.

I really like to see Sandra Bullock, most of her movies are a good watch and from the interviews she seems like a normal and likable person. She deserves a hell of a lot better than this stuff.. although she produced it herself which doesn't earn her any extra credits.

I would advise to stay with the original and forget this crappy sequel.

Sin City (2005)

Finally something worthwhile to watch again!

[10/10 · 30 May 2005]

I saw a number of films this weekend that in retrospect covered both ends of the horizon. On the one hand I saw House of Wax..bland, by the books crappy flick with no originality at all - OK, except for the end-. On the other hand you have Sin City, which is so damn good comparing it with the other film mentioned is an insult.

How can I describe this experience, because this isn't a film anymore it is an experience. Think blade runner, think Dark city.. think the good and dark parts of batman and even some pieces of Riddick and it doesn't begin to even come close to the eye candy which is presented to you here. So it has atmosphere but this is just the start, the stories and main characters are very believable in their own reality. A reality which comes to life in the first few minutes of the film. Both Bruce Willis and Mickey Rourke do a fantastic job in putting the comic book onto the big screen and speaking of Mr Rourke; just when I thought it was time to post a missing persons poster he is back with possibly the best part of his career. The rest of the cast is also good although Mr Owen is a bit bland in this character.

There are a couple of films no one can miss, films that change the way films are made. ALiens come to mind in the cinema, 24 on television and now there is sin city.

If you are going to see one film see this one. Very, very good.

Shelf Life (I) (2004)

At least it had some ideas.

[4/10 · 9 May 2005]

After 3 installments of Blade one could think the vampire genre was used up, however this movie - which leans heavily on the blade franchise- tries to prove otherwise. As a matter of fact you got the same thing here as you had with the resurrection - no pun intended..well sort of not intended- with the zombie genre- first you had the remake of dawn of the dead and then came all the cheap rip offs of people that had a couple of friends and their mothers make up box and thought it was cool to make a zombie movie. In other words, this flick has some decent ideas and lets face it after blade 3 you couldn't go wrong but it never really works out because of the lack of money. On the other hand this does lead to some funny scenes like the way the various body parts land with a plastic sound in garbage bins and bath tubs and the creative camera-work used in scenes that need FX. So the FX don't work.. what also doesn't work is the way the lead hero - a white version of blade on a shoestring budget- talks when he is not trying to kill these vampire thingies. Never knew the likes of the lone blade like warriors had such deep inner thoughts.

I saw this movie 2 days ago and I am trying to think of some recommendable values that would lure you into seeing this and giving away 90 or so minutes of your life. Problem is I cant find any, if you saw blade and liked it leave it at that and skip this one. Not recommended at all except as a start for a quick and good nights sleep.

Btw, some extra fun can be found at IMDb when reading the cast and crew list.. seems that almost everyone that worked on this movie was suckered in to produce it.. I sure hope they had more fun making it as I had watching it.

xXx: State of the Union (2005)

A guilty pleasure

[8/10 · 6 May 2005]

It is not often a sequel is better then the original. I saw XXX in the cinema and found it ... not very entertaining or well made to put it in the most neutral manner possible. It was made to launch Vin Diesel his career into the target market of the average MTV teen and did in my opinion a very bad job at that; to be honest a cinema full of kids thought otherwise.

And now we have the second installment, Samual Jackson mentions in the movie that they need another XXX, which is in this case the budget Vin Diesel.. Mr Ice Cube. As soon as you see his name on a movie you know it is gonna be cheaper then the coming and rising star original and it is. You can also be fairly certain it is a crap film.. which actually isn't so.

Of course you have play station graphics, and of course you have Mr Cube.. or Mr Ice leaning heavy on his Rap past.. and even has a NWA photo in his on screen personal file. and of course Sam Jackson looks bored and yes the plot is , well not really there.

And still it is a nice watch, the makers of this film knew that this would be a nobrainer and thank god everyone is in on the joke that is playing in this film. What speaks most for this film is the immense speed it has, never a dull moment because after 3 minutes max of dialogue there will be another shooting, an exploding car or a chase.. mostly combined. The nicest ( PS2 graphics) stunt is the one where Mr Cube hangs a little tank to the hook that launches planes off an aircraft carrier to kick another big tank off the deck.

Or the legendary scene where Mr Ice sneaks around inside the fore-mentioned aircraft carrier and finds Mr Jackson alive and well.. and the rest of his team too.. the lack of surprise is very funny .

Budget restrains are visible here and there, the plot involves an internal coupe to overthrow the us government.. and there is about 1 tank outside in the dark from the bad guys and around 6 baddies inside.

If you have the right mindset it is really an entertaining flick, it is made to entertain you and nothing more, if you have this mindset you will have a very enjoyable time with this movie

Shallow Ground (2004)

A very pleasant and recommended surprise

[8/10 · 4 May 2005]

Nowadays the horror genre is almost completely void of any fresh ideas and movie makers often turn to rehash old ideas or plots. However once in a while a movie comes out - more often then not from an extremely small studio- that has fresh ideas and atmosphere. Especially the latter is an often neglected part of this genre. it isn't the blood and gore and monsters ( although I make a sentimental exception for the rubber suit monsters) that make a good flick.

• Spoilers ahead -

This movie certainly has its share of atmosphere, a sense of lurking fear is there almost from the start. When seeing the in blood covered boy you just know something bad is lurking. This gripping fact is there for most of the movie, unfortunately near the end the story goes downhill. For example the fact that "it" is happening on more places all of a sudden , the revelation of the killer and the creature that pops out at the very end isn't working.. these things make the explanation for all the events not as effective as it could have been.

Especially that creature was a mistake.. after years of watching horror flicks I am not waiting on the sequel cliffhanger because it is cheap and with a mostly well made and smart movie like this it is an insult.

One of the definite highlights are the ways the blood is used .. very simple but effective.

All in all some things in the script that are not really errors but just things that I didn't like.. all in all very recommended and considering the quality of what is out here in this genre a must see.

Lost (2004–2010)

over-hyped

[28 March 2005]

There was once a show called the nowhere man. The plot isn't important in this story , the way the plot was built up is. every episode gave you a little snippet of an answer and every answer was bringing more questions to the table. Sounds exciting right? Well the audience found it so exciting the show was dropped.. rumor has it because even the audience back then wanted to know something and get some viewer satisfaction.

and now there is lost. I watched all 18 episodes basically in a row after reading so much about it i was sure the hype was true. Well as far as I am concerned it isn't. The show moves at a snails pace, and that is a snail with a nasty cough that prevents it from moving too fast. At the end of the series it became custom to yell " flashback" every time the plot on the island went somewhere, because that was the time the snail had to catch its breath again.

I don't have any experience with being lost on an island but logical ways do prevail. For example, if get stranded on an island one of the first things you want to do is to map the island a bit. If you hear strange noises in the jungle you either barricade yourself in a safe place or go investigate - thank god the unseen ( budget problems guys?) monster takes a break for 10 episodes. If you at one point know there are other people on the island you go investigate, if you find a strange looking door in the jungle you warn the others ..logical stuff.

what you don't do is ignore it completely for multiple episodes. Because if you do that a critical viewer like myself is going to expect some latency in the ideas departement. Perhaps you pitched the a few good ideas to the money people and threw some soap opera like events in to pad things up a bit.

Without a doubt season 2 is already secured but my prediction is that this series wont last any longer, Nowhere man didn't make it back then and neither will this one in this day and age, not with people seeing series like 24 which are well written and have pacing. the only thing this series has is uncle terry.. still a trooper since the stepfather, I almost feel sorry for him.