angry-man Reviews

Gamer (2009)

No what I expected...

[7/10 · 18 October 2010]

I was thumbing through the Netflix new releases and recommendations and came across this yet again, thinking, no I still don't really want to watch it. The trailers and marketing for this flick were abysmal and were, truth be told, largely why I wasn't particularly interested. A 2.5 rating on NF (or any rating for that matter) is usually a very accurate cross section of opinion, more so than on the IMDb for example, so normally I'm not above letting the NF user reviews guide my decisions somewhat, well I'm very glad this time that I didn't.

To start with, the film is directed and written by Neveldine/Taylor (aka Mark Neveldine & Brian Taylor). These are the blokes that brought us Crank and Crank 2. This immediately peaked my interest, plus the added bonus of Michael C. Hall of Dexter fame as the villain. And so I gave it a shot. The result was a ride that was satirical, dystopian, kinetic, provocative, violent and action packed. There's really a lot more too this film than meets the eye, I recommend you check it out. And what's next for Neveldine/Taylor, well, it's the sequel to the somewhat underrated "Ghostrider" and given what they bring to the table this sequel will not only likely rock, but be a sight better than it's predecessor as well unless I miss my guess.See More 9 hours ago · Like

30 Even Scarier Movie Moments (2006)

Should not even exist.

[1/10 · 6 February 2009]

A glorified, rehearsed clip show with no insight to offer. There were a few films in this list that were worth mentioning, but for the most part they just trot out a bunch of genre directors and actors and have them spew praise about their own movies, yes their own movies! Gimme a break! Rob Zombie talking about "Devil's Rejects", Eli Roth talking about "Hostel"... Who cares? We learn the wonderfully ironic fact that James Wan is squeamish...wow thanks so much for sharing this gem! Why are the opinions of actors and directors from some of the most mediocre horror flicks out there being showcased as evidence of how scary these movie moments are? If it comes on some night while you're surfing just do yourself a favor and change the channel.

30 Days of Night (2007)

Falls short...

[5/10 · 16 December 2008]

This flick, based on the Niles/Templesmith comic definitely had the potential to make a decent movie, but the vampires and their weird Klingon sounding dialogue just didn't work for me, kind of took away from the suspense and made them less menacing and decidedly goofy really. Less vampiric hissing would've been most welcome. Kinda reminded a little of the theatrical cut of "Land of The Dead" (still a better movie) where the lead zombie is always moaning constantly. Less is usually more. Hartnett was good and well cast, and there were some good moments, despite the crappy vamp antics, but I would've preferred that they not have changed the end as it was in the book. That's my take anyway.

Sukiyaki Western Django (2007)

A loving, playful poke at the Spaghetti western...

[8/10 · 2 September 2008]

I must confess I am a bit of a fan of the prolific Takashi Miike. Films like "Audition", "Dead or Alive", "Visitor Q" and "Gozu" left rather indelible impressions on me. That said I have not watched all of his many films and at the rate the man churns them out I may have my work cut out for me just to keep up. That said let's focus on "Sukiyaki Western Django" just released limited in the US.

Right at the get go we begin with an off the wall cameo by Quentin Tarantino, featuring a monologue and a gunfight, all set before an almost cartoonish painted backdrop of a snow-tipped mountain and a looming red sun. After this quirky intro the real story begins, a "Yojimbo" themed western tale, featuring an all Japanese cast delivering there lines in English and seemingly often dubbed as well. Here is where some already voice there objections, arguing that the native Japanese speakers should speak in their own language rather than sometimes struggling to deliver the lines in English. It does make for sometimes rather herky jerky deliveries on the part of the actors, but when you consider that the whole film is paying loving homage to a great tradition of films by the likes of Leone and others, which usually featured overdubbing, often by other actors even, it seems almost fitting that the dialog delivery in "Sukiyaki" is what it is.

Really the whole film is a "what if"... What if instead of Europe posing as the wild west we had Japan and instead of predominantly Italian/Spanish actors we had a Japanese cast? Well Miike asks the question and answers it with "Sukiyaki Western Django" a gleeful homage that lovingly references and even satirizes the hugely popular westerns so firmly rooted in the pulp and legends of the American West, and yet ironically shaped so decisively by the perspectives of men like Kurosawa and Leone. Not my favorite Miike film but nonetheless very much worth the watch, and akin in spirit to Tarantino's own recent homage of sorts, "Death Proof".

Tiptoes (2002)

Why God, why?!

[2/10 · 12 July 2008]

Gary Oldman is a brilliant actor sure, but whoever cast him as a dwarf amongst other real life dwarfs should have their head examined. If you're making a movie about dwarfism (such as is the case here), for God's sake cast a REAL dwarf in the title role! Anything less is just an insult to little people and anybody who watches this sad excuse for a film.

In addition, the script and characters frequently come off very contrived, the direction and pacing are sloppy at best, and the melodrama and lack of chemistry do not help this train wreck make it to the station.

Dead Fish (2005)

Wow....

[3/10 · 9 April 2008]

...Self indulgent, pointless, meaningless... Why, how and what on earth enabled this train wreck to ever get made? Even the likes of Gary Oldman, Robert Carlyle, Billy Zane and Terence Stamp aren't sufficient to turn this mess around, rather they are mostly dragged down with it, with the possible slight exception of Carlyle, who's performance offers at least a little entertainment when he comes on the screen. The two young leads that hold the "plot" together are utterly weak and are putting me to sleep as I write this. Half way in and it's still just painful!!! I mean all the hallmarks of poor film-making: self conscious direction, miserable attempts at clever plot devices and witless attempts at humour. One of the worst, most agonizingly annoying scores imaginable. And what the hell is up with all the stupid CGI hearts?! If you value your time even a little bit, do not waste it on this... I am officially pulling the plug now...45 minutes in.

Halloween (2007)

How not to remake a film...or make any movie for that matter.

[1/10 · 31 August 2007]

What can I say. My expectations going in were very low, but Zombie managed to make an even worse remake of the Carpenter classic than I could have imagined. To talk about the script, the direction, the acting...it would all be a waste of time. Zombie has succeeded in making one of the most boring, unsuspenseful, cliché, uninspired, flat, meaningless movies I've ever seen. I can almost never say this about a movie, but there is in fact nothing redeemable here. This is as bad as it gets. It's so bad, it's not even funny or fun to watch with a crowd. The level of gore isn't even that impressive, in fact it's rather tame. Zombie's results here (or lack thereof) have done nothing but to give horror a bad name, and set the commercial standard for mainstream horror films to a level not far above subterrainian sludge. This movie is so bad it makes even some of the worst movies I've seen look half-way decent. Not worth the time or the price of admission. Not worth the rental, not worth spit.

Frankenstein's Bloody Nightmare (2006)

A trippy, often mesmerizing journey into the bizarre...

[8/10 · 7 January 2007]

"Frankenstein's Bloody Nightmare" takes some of its plot line, story and inspiration from an obvious source, and then quickly surrounds us in an abstract world of sight and sound, held together in loose narrative fashion by the obsessions of the young Victor Karlstein.

The aesthetic of the film in nearly every respect is extremely abstract, but this does not really detract from the story. Mostly the style blends effectively with script and characters to create a mesmerizing and immersing atmosphere. To his credit, there is little of the film that doesn't feel like a very deliberate part of the vision of its creator: director/writer John R. Hand.

The characters and story (though probably intentionally so) are the weakest. Normally I'd say this is a big drawback, but somehow in this film, the very style and sense of it kind of becomes the real character. It almost feels like you're having a bizarre, trippy dream through someone else's eyes.

With a dated and yet somehow timeless feel, the film's greatest strengths and weaknesses derive equally from its uncompromisingly abstract reality. It will likely have a very polarizing effect on viewers, but that is more a plus than a minus in my book.

"Frankensteins Bloody Nightmare" is a painstakingly crafted trip into the bizarre. Often defiant of classification, it evokes reflections reminiscent of Cronenberg, Tsukamoto and Godard.

A strong, strange and unique debut feature from writer/director John R. Hand. It will be interesting to see what he comes up with next.

The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe (2005)

Not bad, but not great.

[6/10 · 21 May 2006]

I was a big fan of the Narnia book series when I was a kid and it was not without some skepticism that I went into the theater to see this, the first big-screen incarnation, of the series. That said, I rather enjoyed this adaptation by director Andrew Adamson - who interestingly enough is a native New Zealander like Peter Jackson of "Lord of The Rings Fame" and considerable fortune;) Is there is something in the picturesque rolling landscapes of New Zealand that just imbues filmmakers with the passion and drive to see such large scale endeavors realized? Who can say. In any event, Adamson's previous co-directing credits for the wildly popular "Shrek" & "Shrek 2" and a strong background in visual effects were surely helped in landing him this gig on what has become (if I'm not mistaken, the most successful blockbuster of 2005). Young Georgie Henley sometimes stealing the show with her portrayal of little "Lucy Pevensie" and Skandar Keynes as her brother "Edmund" is also quite well cast and fills this the most dynamic role of the film quite convincingly. Anna Popplewell and William Moseley are adequately cast as "Lucy" and "Peter" respectively but are out-shined (and perhaps rightly so) by the performances of their afore-mentioned younger colleagues. Tilda Swinton as "The White Witch" is flawless: cold and menacing as I remember from the book. Indeed her introductory scene as she seduces young Edmund is quite a memorable moment in the film. Look for a good voice performance by Liam Neeson as the omnipresent "Aslam" as well.

The setting in the film are about as epic and sumptuous as you'd expect, shot in locations ranging from New Zealand to Poland, and the visual effects, while not flawless are generally satisfactory and the scale of the battle is certainly well realized. Of particular noteworthiness are some of the great creature designs by make-up artist Greg Nicotero (it's nice to see that Adamson had the good sense not go with CGI for everything).

On the flip side, though, the pacing for the flick lags a bit and in the end, though I enjoyed the film, it's tough for me to say whether it really captured Lewis' world and characters quite as I remembered it, but then it's been ages since I've read any of those books;) So get out there and give Disney more money why don't you? It's certainly a film that benefits from being seen on the big screen.

Robots (2005)

Nothing to write home about.

[5/10 · 21 May 2006]

Wasn't particularly excited to see this one in the theaters so I took my sweet time and eventually it made it's way into my home courtesy of Netflix and my some interest on the part of my wife. Boasting a vast star-studded cast of character voices ranging from such tiny cameos by the likes of Paula Abdul as "Watch" (yes, she played the voice of a wrist watch!) to Mel Brooks as the legendary Robot Inventor and "Bigweld".

As proves true, though, in almost any film, all the star power and talent in the world can't make-up for a weak story and script. And that's my main complaint about this film. Drew Carrey, Paul Giamatti, Dan Hedaya, Greg Kinnear, Ewan McGregor, Jim Broadbent, Robin Williams and many other accomplished performers do their best to breathe life into stale stereotypical characters and throw a little sing into uninspired dialog riddled stale punchlines and one-liners. Of course the 3-D animated Robot world of the film is eye-catching enough and some of the sequences are kind of fun to watch, especially the central character Rodney's (McGregor) rather death-defying bout with public transportation when he first enters Robot City, the booming metropolis where he has gone to present his invention (a rather hyper little robot task-handler) to his life-long idol "BigWeld" the inventor.

This film is another studio attempt to cash in on the successes of the past: not as witty and clever as "Shrek" and nowhere near the heart of "ToyStory". Though, "Robots" for me is a mediocre flick at best, I have no doubt that kids will probably enjoy it, I'm sure I would've if I was still a little 'un;)

The Matador (2005)

A stand out flick!

[10/10 · 21 May 2006]

I thought this movie looked good from the trailers and I've enjoyed some of Mr. Brosnan's other excursions into the realm-not-bond (i.e. "Taylor of Pananma", The Thomas Crown Affair"), but "The Matador" still managed to exceed any expectations I had. In this wickedly witty dark comedy with heart, Pierce Brosnan plays Julian Noble an aging, friendless hit-man on the verge of burn out. While on a job in Mexico City he runs into his virtual antithesis: business man Danny Wright (Greg Kinnear) who desperately needs to snare a lucrative business contract to stay afloat. Despite their differences the two form an unlikely friendship. I won't go into the story/plot any further, but suffice it to say that a great deal more will transpire before the credits roll, some of which you may or may not expect, but none of which will likely bore you.

So often when a comedy attempts dramatic, poignant moments it misfires and goes too sappy or just throws off the overall tone of the film, but this is by no means the case with "The Matador". Indeed the humor and drama of the story and characters are woven so deftly together creating darkly humorous, yet utterly convincing characters and situations. This is hands down the best performance I've ever seen Brosnan give - as real and true a portrayal as any actor could ever hope to give. I mustn't leave out Kinnear either who's performance perfectly compliments Brosnan's creating for some great on screen chemistry. Hope Davis also shines in a supporting role as Kinear's wife, making the most of every minute of he time on screen.

Witten and directed with precision and style by Richard Sheppard, this film is a real gem and one of my favorites in recent times. Go see it or else!

Underworld: Evolution (2006)

A step up from the original.

[6/10 · 21 May 2006]

In this sequel to the hit techno/horror thriller "Underworld", Len Wiseman continues his unraveling of the ancient tale surrounding the long-standing blood feud between a clan of Vampires & Werewolves. Kate Beckinsale & Scott Speedman reprise their roles from the original as do a number of other key players. Despite a somewhat lengthy and less than fluid intro, which seems geared to bring new viewers up to speed on the story thus far, as well as a bit wanky pacing "Underworld Evoloutions" was a pleasantly surprising time at the movies, with some quite rockin' action/Fx sequences and a fitting tenancy for violence, bloodshed and gore, which was a bit lacking in it's predecessor. There were definitely moments that put a smile on my face, and I'm not referring to the cheesy love scene either which made a point to avoid showing any of Beckinsale's naught bits... To which I say, ..."awww come one, Len, it's only a bloody movie after all." Still as in the first there's plenty of obsequious rear shots of Ms. Kate in her black vinyl stretch pants strutting her stuff ever so gracefully. She's not a bad actress, really, and I'm sure she could do a lot more with her talent, given the opportunity, but then at the moment I don't think any of us are complaining;) Though I will never learn to love the CGI werewolves, interestingly and to Wiseman's credit, there is notably a good deal less CGI used in the werewolf sequences in this film than there was in the first, replaced by some much more appropriate prosthetic and animatronic effects as well as some great full body werewolf suits. Kudos to Wiseman for toning down his overall use of CGI in this film, I for one was very grateful.

So if you're wondering if the franchise ends here... well let's just say the final chapter in the "underworld" is still a ways off, so fear not there's no doubt more to come, and judging by the smashing US opening box office, I'd say that's a pretty safe bet;) A fun bit of fluff this film, and in my estimation: an improvement on the first.

Hostel (2005)

Fun but over hyped.

[6/10 · 21 May 2006]

Director of the indie hit "Cabin Fever", Eli Roth's 2nd feature and latest horror offering is a starker and potentially more disturbing take vision. Though not without a sense of humor, which seems to deliberately compliment some of the more gruesome of the film, "Hostel" succeeds most for me during the first 1/2 to 2/3 of the picture. Characters and setup are laid out smoothly and an abundance of bare-breasts doesn't hurt either;) However, once things really start to go from bad to worse, it became increasingly difficult for me to continue to take the situation seriously as scenes go over-the-top and humor starts to leak through. While this was likely a conscience choice on the part of the director, for me it hurt the film and my ability to stay engrossed. I'd have rather the tone and story remained consistent and not made the apparent change-up.

Though still bound to be strong medicine for the average mainstream movie goer, Hostel seems unlikely to leave a lasting mark on genre fans. If you've heard comparison's to Miike's "Audition" don't expect to have the same reaction because unlike the latter, this film isn't especially disturbing or horrifying. It's a fun time at the movies and somewhat of a step up forward from "Cabin Fever", but just the same not particularly memorable.

The Dukes of Hazzard (2005)

A fun ride...

[7/10 · 21 May 2006]

Trashed and panned by many, this adaptation from the the popular TV Series of the same name (1979-85) is helmed by the director of "Super Troopers" and "Club Dread": Jay Chandrasekhar. Having been a big fan of "...Troopers" and Chandrasekhar and crew's (aka Broken Lizzard) often side-splitting shenanigans, I had hopes that this would deliver similar hilarity, though likely tempered with more action and car chases. So the general flogging that film received upon release did leave me a bit worried... I should've known better. The film was a fun ride from start to finish with a standout comic performance by Seann William Scott as Bo Duke. Knoxville as brother Luke actually plays more "the straight man" if you can believe that, but it works well in context. Burt Reynolds as the resident baddie, Boss Hog, is slick and slimy more than adequate.

Sure the plot's kindergarten level and the characters, with the exception of Daisy, are hardly developed, but that should come as no surprise to anybody I'm sure and is hardly a drawback in this case. Even the inclusion of such obvious star fluff as Jessica Simpson did not deter from my enjoyment of the flick and I actually found her fitting in the role of Daisy. Shows what a good director can do. Funnier and more fun than such failed attempts of vintage TV Action series as the "Starsky and Hutch", this "Duke" is light hearted, action-packed screw-ball fun and quite worth the time. If you've seen it and hated it the first time, try it again. Film's from Chandrasekhar and the Broken Lizzard crew often seem to grow on you...

The Longest Yard (2005)

Not a bad way to waste a couple hours...

[6/10 · 21 May 2006]

I confess I've never seen the original '74 flick, but I found this version from Adam Sandler's Happy Madison Productions to be a pretty good time. Sandler as the disgraced ex-football hero, plays it straight and understated keeping the character grounded, likable yet not without his personal demons. The inmates, the guards and the ever corrupt prison warden are all well cast, with Chris Rock, James Cromwell, and Reynolds (star of the original '74 flick) all turning in appropriately complimentary performances. Some of the most entertaining and memorable moments, however, belong to lesser known actors, without whom this film would've lost much of it's charm. We love the 'ol "underdog story" here in the states and we get just that with this film, ultimately a typical feel-good American movie with some decent laughs. Not a bad way to spend a couple hours, but nothing beyond.

Breakfast of Imbeciles (2005 Video)

Imbeciles a plenty!

[11 April 2006]

"Breakfast of Imbeciles" the first time feature from husband/wife duo Colin and Heidi Burrowes is a ultra-low-budget horror/comedy chock full of some real "imbeciles". Drug addicts, drunken moms, sluts, geeks, zombies and a scatter-brained rock brand... they're all here. The script is decent with a good dose of screwball humor and Tromaesque moments. Gore and questionable morals are in good supply as this group of misfits head for inevitable disaster.

Sure the editing and sound design needs a good tuneup, a healthy dose of looping, and a better mix. Sure the acting is hammy as hell at best, but beneath the rough exterior of the flick lies a genuine flare for horror/comedy, which I expect will continue to develop and come into it's own as the team's next projects are produced and released.