Change Your Image
Graah
Reviews
Uivelot (2008)
Awful porn movie but...
This movie fails utterly as a porn movie. The porn scenes are boring and completely unexciting. The famous sisters Tukiainen are seen at the beginning, thankfully for just one or two minutes. They aren't exactly known for their acting skills. (Nor do they do any porn, which might have had some novelty value.)
However, if you ignore the porn, you get an entertaining speculative fiction movie. Two movies, in fact - first, the prehistorical fantasy about a tribe of men-enslaving amazon-like women living at the shores of lake Saimaa, and a modern social porn movie about an alcoholic man and his daughter living in poverty. Apparently the girl and her girlfriend are descendants of the prehistoric tribe and keep abusing men like their ancestors. Although the "abuse" in the second part is more like "let's have group sex with all the men we can find".
One of the amazons somehow still exists in the modern time but only appears once and doesn't really do anything.
Avec Sara (2005)
Dirty cooking
Is this a spoiler? Better to mark it just to be sure.
On the first episode, Sara cooks in an outfit that shows her navel, her hair flowing freely into the dishes, she scoops oily tuna with her bare hands, then proceeds to spread tuna oil onto her spice jars. She tastes her cooking with bare hand or with a spoon which had just been in her mouth.
What a dirty show.
Too bad that this was supposed to be cooking, not soft porn for dirt fetishists.
But what do I know. She is supposed to have studied in a high class American cooking school (she complained that she had to - actually - PEEL CARROTS!!! BY HAND!).
Her expressions and mannerisms showed a lack of experience in performing to an audience. And did she have a script? "These fruit give KICK to this punch!" ("Nämä hedelmänpalat antavat potkua tähän booliin!")
Surprisingly, looking pretty and being a girlfriend of a TV mogul were not enough. Not even in a commercial TV channel in Finland - much alike "Chanel 9" of the Fast Show. The show was cancelled after first season.
Jolly Joker (1991)
The worst TV-series ever - so bad that it is good
This German (?) TV-series was, for some incomprehensible reason, bought to Finland and shown late at night by YLE (our state-funded TV corporation).
They had one script for the entire series. Christian Borg, a _very_ bad imitation of a "secret agent", arrived into this rich man's mansion. A talking lion statue complained about its' boredom (no, I'm not making this up!). In the mansion, the rich guy introduced some kind of a job or a problem somewhere, where Christian Borg had to travel to. They actually shot this in various holiday resorts around the world. There, Christian Borg always met some girl. This or some other girl was always shown topless at one point of the episode (they might have thought this would inspire someone to watch this crap). There was some action sequences, fights, bad guys, etc. and then Christian Borg solved the situation (or not). Oh, and his tagline was "Mitt namn ist Borg. Christian Borg" (or something like that, I don't know German).
The acting was terrible, the plots were horrible, music was camp, had ridiculous "gadgets" none of which made even as much sense as the talking lion statue. They did manage to stay in focus and film (tape?) it okay. The only professionals around were the cameramen and sound men?
This was so bad that it was actually hilarious.