Change Your Image
Concord007
Reviews
The Wickeds (2005)
This movie was so...mmph...(chuckle)...ha,ha...HA HA HA!
OK, I expected bad when I rented it. But my wife and I like bad horror movies on a Saturday night. We like to do the MST 3000 thing and make wisecracks and boy, does this movie ever give you the opportunity!
SPOILER WARNING!
The director (or whoever was responsible) was obviously confused as to what the monsters were. At times they were zombies but after Ron Jeremy's partner transformed he had vampire teeth and started biting Ron's neck! Guess they had the teeth and wanted to use them. Later they had the African-American girl confront a ghost which also just seemed to be carelessly tossed into the script - it had nothing to do with the "plot" as developed this far.
Grape or raspberry jam was the main gore effect and I'm sure the people employed to walk in front of the camera (didn't want to mislead you and call them actors) had to shower the stuff off a lot. Zombies either walked slowly or (in the case of the first teenager offed) could react as nimbly as a living person could depending on...what? No logical reason.
The early sex scene was where I initially made my "here's the gratuitous nudity scene" only as another reviewer noted it was a long boring dry-hump, the length of which was way out of proportion to the rest of the film.
Got a kick out of seeing names on the gravestones obviously blurred out. Added to the overall cheapness of the movie. Too many pseudo-boo moments early on, they added nothing. Ron Jeremy was a porn star? Was he in better shape than this or was there a market for plump male porn actors? I did appreciate the reasonable use of profanity, get tired of movies that use the f-word or similar every third word.
If you're looking for a laugh, rent this. Otherwise stay away.
Dark Town (2004)
Not good
Vile refuse of a film. Yes, as a previous review said your money is better spent on a bum's vodka. Or better yet, give him the script and let him rewrite it - anything would be an improvement! As for the acting - there isn't any. The head vamp is a hack. The supporting cast is a joke. The direction bites. Meaningless gratuitous sex. Bad lighting (I guess to hide poor production values). I am truly sorry I rented this. That's the problem with I-Control, it offers up really bad with the good. And this is really bad. BTW, I wish they could screen out reviews from people obviously connected with the movie. Nick Faust. Ya know?
Dracula 3000 (2004)
Aaaaaaaaaagh! Vile picture!
Given the lack of decent movies being produced today my wife and I developed a fondness for "so bad it's good" horror flicks. Horror flicks provide the most unintentional comedy of any genre. And so when we rented this one we expected it to be bad. But not to this level.
The dialog is *so* awful I will bet the credit for the screenplay is a fake name - no one could possibly want a credit for lines like "You guys are so funny I don't know what to do with myself"! The character of Orlock (Dracula) looked like young Wayne Newton with a cheap Halloween costume. The F-word is repeated so often and for no good reason it would annoy a teenage member of the Crips. The blond Playboy ex-playmate looked exactly that - a bleached-blond playmate encased in skintight leather with tons of makeup, not a member of a spaceship crew. And the "concepts"? Carpathian galaxy? Puh-leeze! Vile, VILE picture. And yet, ponder this one point: Someone got PAID for this....
S.I.C.K. Serial Insane Clown Killer (2003)
Excrement
I have lurked on IMDb for years since I never felt motivated enough to go thru the registration process in order to comment on movies. Last night my wife and I rented S.I.C.K. in keeping with a tradition of watching bad horror movies when there isn't anything else to watch. As you can see I finally felt strongly enough to register. Every movie seems to have at least *something* that you can point to that isn't a complete loss. This movie has nothing. As my title suggests - it is EXCREMENT. Totally laughable. Some high (or is it low?) lights: * The husband running from the clown. He looked like he was holding up an imaginary skirt to keep it dry as he ran. The clown walked and still caught up with him. * A "horrible" scream occurs, then we see several scenes of the forest as a reaction to the scream. One is of a pair of unconcerned deer obviously in a zoo somewhere but edited in as though they were in the same forest. * A clown killer just appears in the story - no back story to explain where he came from or his relation to the main story * Some mutilated dude is discovered in a tent in the forest. No explanation of who he is either - and he's just left to rot by the husband! * So you don't have the budget to shoot anywhere cool? Fine - use no wide shots. I think this may have been done in a Texas suburb.
Actors that can't act AT ALL. A director that couldn't compete with grade school children in directing. Music? The person that gave the idea about holding down the Samba 2 key had it pretty on target. Dialog? Vomit.
The money spent on this movie? WHO COULD HAVE GREENLIGHTED THIS? PLEASE...GIVE THE MONEY TO ME INSTEAD!!!!