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Alcatraz (2018)
Worthless
I can't give this film a Zero, although it truly deserves it.
the prisoners need haircuts; they're wearing dress shirts instead of chambray shirts. The General is wearing camouflage (not available back when this film was supposedly portrayed) and his moustache needs to be trimmed back.
I wish I hadn't purchased this film.
London Has Fallen (2016)
This movie has fallen
I saw the original movie, Olympus Has Fallen, years ago and it was a marginal movie at best. Nice action sequences, but it was about as far fetched as the original Red Dawn.
This one came out, so I figured I'd give it a fair shake. Nope. Nothing different from the original movie, just location. It's the same dreck from the original movie, just a new location. Same types of well-organized terrorists, same protagonists.
Just a plain, old fashioned action movie that should have been left on the cutting room floor.
Don't waste your time.
Crash Dive (1996)
Absolute DRECK!
Horizontal escape hatches? Plastic name tags on dungarees? Stars on the white shirt of the admiral?
The "USS Sarasota"(?) looks like an old Essex class carrier and, until recently, all attack submarines were named after denizens of the deep, not a fictional character.
Internal architecture is ALL WRONG for a submarine, especially an attack boat.The arms locker is unlocked, hatches that don't even look like submarine hatches, bulkhead cuts that look like a destroyer, and enough room in berthing to hold a tea dance.
I truly cannot believe that the communications suite is not in an enclosed area that can be locked, despite the fact that just about everyone on a submarine has a security clearance.
This movie deserves to be relegated to the scrap heap. It's not even as good as U-571, and that movie was horrible.
Subconscious (2015)
A SyFy wannabe?
Being a former submarine sailor, I was intrigued by the title and cover. So, on a whim, it entered my shopping cart. After watching this garbage last night, I wish I had left it on the shelf at the store.
They portray Lionfish as being locked up and sealed, yet there are features one would find on active museum ships that allow tourists below decks to keep them from doing touristy things.
This film reeks of SyFy imagined theatrics. Poorly lit, even considering that it was filmed inside Lionfish, it shows people who, with two possible exceptions, are completely unfamiliar with submarine operations.
Give this one a very wide berth. After watching this film, U-571 is actually believable!
The Marine (2006)
Merde!
I think I've finally seen a movie worse than SyFy's. As another reviewer put it, it is nothing more than John Cena running, hitting and wreaking havoc on an area that bears NO resemblance on the Low Country.
He's called outside by the colonel where he's handed his discharge papers in a standard business envelope. He's wearing US Army camouflage and cover in an era when the Marines have long adopted the digital utilities. The Marines have NEVER worn the patrol cap he's wearing.
A military discharge package is much, MUCH larger and takes a lot longer than handing an individual their papers.
WWE should stay out of the movie business. For that matter, they should stay out of entertainment.
Poseidon Rex (2013)
SyFy! Yech!
Well, they're getting better at hiding the fact that their movies are being produced by some poor, starving artists in Canada.
Never did I see the M-16s be reloaded. I sure would love to have had a bottomless 20 round magazine on my weapon in Germany. And who would fire a small calibre round at something that big? For me, give me a 40mm quad mount.
Light Anti-tank Weapons (LAW) are disposable -- unless they appear in SyFy movies. Not only do they not have to be reloaded, they don't even have a back-blast! Must be one of those Canadian modifications.
The airplane in the hangar had a Canadian registration. I assume that scene was shot in Vancouver, not Belize.
On to the girls. Not that I'm not a fan of pulchritude, quite the opposite. But these girls boggle the mind. Are they artificially enhanced? Are they real or are they pneumatic? Bellies that could be used for a lye soap washboard, tight waists, long legs --- time for a reality check.
Bermuda Tentacles (2014)
Can SyFy produce any good movies?
I happened across this dreck when channel surfing. After watching it for a few (intolerable) minutes, I just started picking it apart.
Uniforms? Well, they're using the new Navy Working Uniform, aka, Aquaflage. And they are using the correct Navy rank insignia, although it should be embroidered, not pinned on. But, the officers are wearing enlisted uniforms. How do I know? Officers and Chiefs have the name tapes embroidered in gold, whereas the enlisted have theirs embroidered in light blue. Strike 1.
Ranks? They refer to one individual as "Chief." To call an individual "Chief" in the Navy is referring to their rank. Yet, there is "C.P.O. Vincent." He is constantly referred to as "C.P.O. Vincent," not Chief Vincent. "U.S. Navy Shipman"? What is that? Strikes 2, 3, and 4.
"USS Nemesis"? The hull number on this battleship is 63. BB-63 is former USS Missouri, now a museum ship at anchor in Pearl Harbor. Strike 5.
Oh, before I forget, there is the DSRV that has a control room bigger than the ship's office on Perry Class Frigates. DSRV (Deep Submergence Rescue Vehicle) has a crew of 2, not the crowd carried on this "DSRV." Strike 6.
Will SyFy ever do any research before putting garbage like this before the public? I'm dreaming, right?
Lovelace (2013)
What a waste!
I've seen biopics before, and, thankfully, most are actually enjoyable. This one, however, ranks just below that one of the late Robert Crane.
It claims that there's nudity throughout, but four brief exposures does not constitute nudity. But that wasn't a feature that drew me to this waste of plastic.
Deep Throat, even taking into account that this film was made during the heyday of pornography, was a better biopic. This film's acting, with the sole exception of Chris Noth's, was pitiful. Why he had to lend his name to this dreck is beyond me. I'd much rather be subjected to more films starring Tom Cruise.
Keep your money in your pocket. Don't even think about picking this one out of the bargain bin at the megastore.
The Philadelphia Experiment (2012)
Another SyFy Flop
Had I known that this movie was from SyFy, I would've left this one on the shelf.
SyFy is developing a rather disconcerting tendency to use absolutely horrid animation. Additionally, the low budget of the films they produce preclude the use of any type of technical advisors.
Using Army rank insignia on a supposedly Naval uniform is a big NO NO! And his "wash khakis" look as if they came off the shelf at K-mart.
USS Eldridge should not be plastered all over the ship, nor the hull number. And when Eldridge fell from the sky onto the building, the resulting impact would've broken her back.
This one is going directly to the pawn shop so I may recoup some of the money I spent on this abomination.
USS Seaviper (2012)
Categorically the WORST submarine movie EVER made!
This movie is so far below awful, it defies description. I thought that U-571 was the worst, but, compared to this, U-571 rates a very strong 10.
Let's start with the German side of the picture, shall we? The movie starts somewhere in the vicinity of Kiel, in Shleswig-Holstein. The German being spoken and written is Bavarian German. The two dialects are about as far apart as the Deep South and Bostonian English. They can't be further apart if they tried and, usually, cannot be understood by each other. That pretty much ends the German involvement in the film.
The C-47 has a bomb sight (?!). The pilot and co-pilot are flying without benefit of headsets. The co-pilot has a bullet hole in his forehead while he struggles with an inept Japanese soldier trying to bayonet him in the throat. The Japanese soldier survives being shot. The pilot knows how to repair radios. Does the stupidity of this movie ever end?
The remainder of the film centers around a small handful of American sailors. We see officers, both flag rank and commanding officers, wearing neatly groomed beards, something never done during WWII. We see one officer playing poker with the Chief and other enlisted and losing his shirt in the process. Uh, officers fraternizing with enlisted? And this officer is referred to as only "Officer" Cutter. What kind? What rank? For that matter, no one else wears any insignia of rank other than the admiral and Executive Officer Roitman. And he's wearing the insignia of an ENSIGN, the lowest officer rank. The Chief (why aren't there other Chiefs on board?) regularly pops off at officers and even slugs one. He's also under foot during Battle Stations Torpedo instead of being Diving Officer, as would normally be the case. The Captain goes ashore AND STAYS THERE! The rubber "raft" has a rigid hull.
The periscope goes up and down much too slowly. This is not a good thing. The feather attracts attention. The "destroyers" look much more like corvettes. The exterior shots of the hull show rivets, not a welded hull. Torpedoes come out of the same tube or the wrong tube. The Pharmacist's Mate, a pill pusher, performs an amputation -- shall we go on? The crowning touch to this farce of a movie is when the boat is at 350'. The fans are off, rigged for quiet, and the crew is up and about carrying on as if nothing wrong was happening. They should have been in their racks, stripped to the waist and drenched in sweat.
One more thing -- US submarines of that era were named after denizens of the deep, not some made-up mythical creature.
If I were still on the boats, I would consign this piece of dreck to the TDU and drop it to the ocean floor.
Starship Troopers: Invasion (2012)
Very Poor Adaptation
If this is the coming of a new era in movie making, I'd much rather stick to the old methods.
I bought this latest version to continue the old Heinlein series, thinking that Casper van Dien and the rest would reprise their old roles. Boy! Was I in for a surprise.
After the first few minutes of CGI animation, I thought the live-action would begin. What a novel way to begin a movie. Sadly, it turned out that the entire movie would be CGI, and done badly at that.
Over exaggerated musculature, impossibly firm female forms, poor lip-synchronization, complete lack of facial expressions -- this is what you have to look forward to during the run of the movie -- and, of course, the ever-present 4-legged "arachnids". The main characters didn't even resemble the actual actors from the first movies of the SST franchise. They didn't even sound the same! The very least they could have done would be to have the original actors voice their own characters.
PLEASE, let this franchise die.