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Better Off Ted (2009–2010)
10/10
Better That Anything Else You Have Ever Seen
24 December 2022
With age comes the gift of wisdom and the fact that I have seen more TV shows than you gives me the authority to proclaim, declare, pronounce, and . . . Uhmm (the good thesaurus is in the other room and it's cold in there) . . . Uh, promulgate "Better Off Ted" to be the wittiest and cleverest Situation comedy ever to appear on any broadcast TV Show performed by humans.

Superbly directed and fast paced, the attractive cast is programmed to deliver their clever gags (did I mention the show is clever?) at a swift pace, which is made even more rapid due to the merciful absence of a laugh track.

It was created and produced by a veteran runner of a number of fine shows, Victor Fresco, who also created and contributed to such fine zombie shows such as."Santa Clara diet." He's sharper and more successful than you are.
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3/10
Artsy - Phartsie
18 October 2022
Of all the movies the late Ken Russell (1927-2007) made, some were exceptionally good ("Crimes of Passion," made just after this one), most were exceptionally bad ("Whore," "The Secret Life of Arnold Bax," and many others), but all were exceptional, as he always tried to do something different; no cops and robbers, no car chases, no shoot outs. So whatever your opinion of him, you must at least give him credit for that. He tried to be original, and he always tried to make "aht" films.

But as bizarre as this movie tries to present itself, it's really just hokey melodrama. Worst of all, in no way does it offer a realistic depiction of a psychedelic experience. Art Linkletter could have devised a more realistic vision of psychedelia. Roger Corman's 1967 B-movie "The Trip" (written by Jack Nicholson) was more authentic . . . And a better movie.

Since Russell obviously didn't try to make a thoughtful reflection on the psychological effects of mind-altering drugs, what was his intent? What kind of movie is it? Jettison all the psycho-babble jargon, and you have the art-house equivalent of a werwolf movie, but with better special effects (for what was possible in 1980).

One of Russel's trade-marks was to call for obvious over-acting, as if the actors were performing on the stage of a community theater, and this movie is no exception. Then, you have such hackneyed cliches as scene after scene of the night wind blowing through an open window causing the curtains to wave in the moonlight. Subtract from that an inferior script (e.g., Eddie: "Truth is transitory!") and a banal premise, and you're left with an average "Twilight Zone" episode, but with "2001" trip-scenes.

David Cronenberg made sci-fi movies with the same basic story (scientist goes too far), but he's a more effective filmmaker.

I suspect that most of the laudatory reviews here were written while thinking, "This is no B-movie! This is "aht" !
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8/10
Hitchcock's Daughter
28 July 2022
Warning: Spoilers
The main problem of this movie is its improbability. I've also read complaints about the acting (except for Ms. Ryder). The problem is not with the acting, but with the script. Throughout the movie, I kept thinking, I don't know anyone who talks like that.

But one could make the same observations about most movies by Alfred Hitchcock, "Vertigo" for example, and they are hailed as classics.

Everyone complains about this movie's ending, but years ago when Alfred Hitchcock was a popular director, he often had no happy endings, there would be no resolution to the dilemma, and people would likewise complain. That became known as an "Alfred Hitchcock ending."

When I saw this movie in the theater, I too was flummoxed by the sudden ending. "I don't get it!" I said to the black couple behind me. "What? Does she call the police?" The cute Filipina seated in my row confidently said, "No, she . . . ". Later, on the way home, I thought that was wrong, too. It could go a number of ways. That's an Alfred Hitchcock ending, so I liked the movie. It's not a masterpiece, but like Hitchcock's fare, it's something different, and you will guess only a few of the surprises.

But the public's taste now would prefer that she'd pull out an Uzi and gun everyone down. They'd like that ending.
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Dark Waters (2019)
9/10
This Movie Could Have Been A Dog, But . . .
20 June 2022
Considering the slow pace of the movie and the topic (corporate wrongdoing), and considering that you already knew the plot, this could have been a cripplingly-boring view. At first its washed-out, olive-drab color was annoying, but imagine if the color scheme were bright, with lots of vivid reds and yellows - say, like a 1960s made-for-TV movie. The darkness of the picture adds to the dark mood of the drama.

All of the reviews here express outrage over the villainy of the chemical giant, sentiments which demonstrate how effective the movie is, but someone (me) should point out that people are moved by this film because of the superb acting (to be expected from Oscar winners and nominees) and especially the artistry of director Tod Haynes.

There are so many gripping scenes which a lesser director would never have thought of - the brief glimpse of the shadowy figure appearing in the parking structure, for example. Haynes and cinematogropher Edward Lachman had used the same color scheme in their 2015 movie, Carol, to the same oppressive effect. (I haven't seen Wonderstruck, their 2017 collaboration for Amazon.)

Yes, the movie gets its point across, but that's because its so well made.
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10/10
The Beethoven of the Bizarre
9 June 2022
Most of the published reviews include the phrase, Not for everyone, and that is true on different levels. Those who are waiting in line to see "Top Gun: Maverick" would do well to avoid this movie just as they avoided vaccinations. It's a difficult movie, one that requires focused attention and the ability to solve the hermetic riddle of the plot, as well as a pensive nature to consider how this reflects on our society, and mostly, the guts to view repeated shots of guts (mutant guts, no less).

Another thing to reflect on is how little motion pictures, cinema, have progressed since the first films of the Lumière Brothers. In the U. S., theatrical movies began with "The Great Train Robbery," and that became the staple of what Hollywood produced. After years of horse chases and shootouts, automobiles replaced the horses and automatic pistols replaced six-guns. The most notable difference is that now the bad guys usually chase the good guys.

But every once-in-a-while, word gets around to the minority that something distinct and original has somehow been released. "2001: A Space Oddessy" was a milestone as was "Life of Pi," but in general, the two auteurs who have made the most original movies and pushed the limits of what movies could do are David Lynch and David Cronenberg. With both directors, their best works are based on their original scripts.

Over the years, I have favored Lynch as the better filmmaker (although he had a few stinkers), but with "Crimes of the Future," I consider David Cronenberg to be the finest film maker of all time.

The principal reason for this is that in so many of his films, there are scenes of things so weird and uncanny that they come from some region far beyond what my imagination is capable of as well as the imaginations of anyone I know. Cronenberg is the greatest surrealist since Dali.

But it's not weirdness merely for the sake of shock value. There is social criticism behind the super-realistic gore which dominates the movie. The New York Times (and other publications) has reported that humans now ingest the equivalent of one credit card of plastic each week. What effect will this have on our species? Are the endocrine disrupters in plastics causing the sudden and controversial rise in sexual dismorphism and gender dysphoria? How can such problems be solved?

The movie's opening scene shows a child who has a taste for eating plastic, and he dines on a waste basket. The premise of "Crimes of the Future" is that a new breed of humans have (by Lamarkian evolution?) converted themselves to a diet of industrial waste, which sounds like a boon for the planet, but the police are out to stop them. How did all this happen, and is the protagonist the cause?

Another thing I admire about both Cronenberg and Lynch is that they are not afraid or shy about featuring nudity and erotic scenes. The humanist minority fought for years to jettison the puritanical Hayes code which lowered all movies to the level suitable for children, grandmothers and pets. But then, as the Boomers aged, they decided that they no longer wanted to see anything erotic anyway. Here at last is something which does not deny that sex is a vital part of life. Unfortunately, by the time the story is set in, reproduction is not doing well (and there's talk of cannibalism), and hipsters are instead turned on by surgery performance art.

So there's a lot to consider and much to see in this movie - so many subtleties that I plan on watching it again - but not before or after a meal.
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Miss Sloane (2016)
9/10
Should Be Taught in Schools
5 April 2022
One facet of this fine movie is that it illustrates how government in the U. S. A. Operates, so it would be more instructive to school kids than memorizing the list of presidents or state capitals. It's also telling that, despite the original story, superb screenplay, fine direction and cinematography, this movie would not have been released had it not been for European financing, and it was shot in Toronto.

In addition to the power of lobbyists and political corruption, some may find the most important thread of the movie to be the debate about gun control, but that misses the central point. Elizabeth Sloane actually cares nothing about gun safety: she could just as easily have picked prescription costs (the pharmaceutical industry spends far more on lobbyists) or food purity. She is a flawed person who is unable to form relationships and is neurotically driven to win at all costs, so she picks a cause which has always lost to see if she can beat the odds. Her ambition is self-destructive; hence, the over-the-top ending.

The story is fast-paced with realistic acting, and if you think you know what will happen next, you will be proven wrong. But the fact that "Miss Sloane" was not a hit at the box office, nor did it become famous, demonstrates that Hollywood knows what it's doing in making expensive movies with superheroes, shoot-outs, car chases, thunderous explosions in space and special effects created by hundreds of compositors.

For grown-ups who instead prefer character dramas with a serious plot and fine acting, this is one of the best movies of recent years.
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The Real Life of a Composer
12 July 2021
A cheaply-made TV movie about the romantic life of English composer Arnold Bax (1883-1953). Set in 1948, it is remarkably accurate, as Bax loved women and had many affairs, including a long relationship with virtuoso pianist Harriet Cohen (1895-1967) played here by Glenda Jackson. As in the movie, Cohen expected Bax to marry her once his wife died, but he never mentioned his wife's death or proposed, as he preferred to chase after younger women.

Directed by Ken Russell (1927-2011), who plays the lead role (and bears a remarkable similarity to the elderly Bax), the plot is rather dull but might appeal to lecherous old men. Some brief nudity featuring Russell's wife at the time, Hetty Baynes, as Annie.

One example of the quality of production occurs when Bax follows Annie from the theater, and the London street is parked full of autos of the1990s.
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Domino (I) (2019)
7/10
Why This Film Got Such Poor Reviews
2 April 2021
Brian De Palma is a great director, but he has released some stinking movies. This, however, is not one of them.

I suspect that many of the negative reviewers are a reaction to the central plot, Islamic terrorists committing suicide bombings. Many of the Sunni persuasion have taken offense to portraying their faith in a bad light.

If that weren't enough, Guy Pearce (with a splendid Texas accent) portrays a villainous CIA agent. .You know how in US cop shows how the federal agents (any federal agents) are always trying to overrule and interfere with local police? It's one of those.

But if you can tolerate the offense to Islamic terrorists and arrogant Americans, this is a pretty fine movie. Not a great script and production from five different European nations (Too many cooks . . .), but great direction.
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The Doors (1991)
2/10
The Gizzard King
6 November 2016
According to According to *No One Here Gets Out Alive* by Danny Sugarman, that's pretty much the way Morrison acted in real life: A mean, fat,narcissistic, drunk. But that's true of many rock stars. If you were disappointed by how this movie depicts him, maybe you should choose better idols.

Look up all the live footage of the performances of The Doors now available, and Jim Morrison generally does nothing but stand frozen at the microphone stand, crooning with his eyes closed. He was not much of a performer, and Val Kilmer was a far better Jim Morrison than Morrison ever was.

Despite Stone's clumsy attempts at being artistic, this is one long soap opera.
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1/10
The Work of a Genius !
28 March 2014
Warning: Spoilers
You will, I sincerely hope, not be offended if I were to speculate that you were enticed into inquiring into this movie and, for that matter, even reading this very review, because of the movie's title, yes? And the title obviously reflects on the movie's content which is focused on the reproductive arts. And, I shall further speculate that were the movie instead titled, say, "Existentialism" or such, and the story concerned a group of nuns who begin to question their faith, you wouldn't be reading this at all, would you?

Of course you know that von Trier is a celebrated director, but you didn't quite get around to seeing his masterpiece Dogville, did you? Nor, I suspect, have you seen his quirky 2007 cinema, The Boss of It All. In fact, the only reason you are even remotely interested in "Nymphomaniac" is that it depicts venery in an explicit manner. Confess! It's all true, isn't it?

Wait! Keep reading! Don't go away! It's OK! I know you're not like that, because you have standards. You would never watch or read porn. That's so . . . so . . . so >degrading< and low-class. But since you're a mature adult, very open minded and not bound by the strictures of organized religion, you have no objection to serious cinema with erotic content, do you? I mean, as long as it's tastefully done?

I'm here to assure you that "Nymphomaniac" is >not< pornography, because none of the actresses (or actors, mustn't be sexist here) have had any breast augmentation, nor do they wear cosmetics in the manner of slatternly women. For that matter, rest secure in the knowledge that absolutely nothing arousing occurs during any of the movie. No pleasure whatsoever, so it's safe. Your dog could watch it and not begin to look at you funny.

That's why von Trier is, without question, an absolute genius. Sex is one of the few natural pleasures we enjoy here in this vale of tears, and just as the finest minds of industry have ruined the joys of victualry and turned the simple act of eating into a problem, the brilliance of of von Trier is that he has ruined sex. "Joe," the protagonist of the movie, has sex frequently, but she doesn't enjoy it at all, and von Trier does his best to make certain that you don't either.

If you think about it, that's not such an easy feat. Suppose that you were given a camera, a crew and a group of attractive actors who don't mind nudity and simulating sex acts and were told to make a movie depicting venery, it would be difficult for you to make something completely unpleasant to watch. But von Trier has accomplished something you could never do: in this movie, no one has any pleasure. ex is presented as something perverse and unpleasant. "Joe" only engages in it because she's emotionally disturbed, or because her domineering girlfriend made her do it, or because of some Freudian mumbo- jumbo, and she obviously dislikes each experience, starting with the first brief penetration that hurts her.

>SPOILER ALERT!< Don't fall for the brief scenes near the end, of her actually enjoying her three lovers. Those are fantasies she tells in response to having Bach played for her. The music of J. S. Bach is the sublime representation of empyreal purity, and Bach fathered twenty children, so it's good, clean, church-sanctioned, procreative sex, not the naughty fun kind. (Ooo, look! He's bathing her! How lovely! How clean! How innocuous! What movie is this?) But as soon as the music stops, she announces, while in union, "I feel nothing."

The hypothetical sex movie you would write and direct would be unlikely to have acting that is as bland, tedious and affectless as the acting in "Nymphomaniac," but that's the way Lars von Trier wants it, because viewing good acting would be a pleasure to watch, and he wants to drain anything enjoyable out. I can imagine him shouting direction, "No! No! Make it even more lifeless! More monotonous!"

An obvious exception to this is the salient performance by Uma Thurman, but in that scene, the fine actress is introduced for the sole purpose of making a deliberately unpleasant situation even more disturbing. It goes on for an excruciatingly long time, because von Trier wants to rub your nose in the message: sex ruins lives and makes people miserable. The scene is comedic, but only in the way slapstick is.

Von Trier is not the first director to make a movie depicting sex as repulsive. The late Ken Russell also wrote and directed movies with that effect. Like this movie, Russell's movies were also promoted by ads and posters featuring an enticing shot of a woman in ecstasy, but that was just to lure you in. The movie itself taught you a lesson of rue. It is, after all, the glorious puritanical heritage of those of us of Northern European descent. We're not like those filthy people down there in the tropical climes, going at it like they was rabbits. Shame, shame, double shame on their gratification and pleasure! No wonder God punishes them!

All the enthusiastic reviews here are written under the pretense that there is some profound message embedded in this movie (especially the bedpan scene). The profound message is that sex must be presented strictly in terms of social isolation and as a manifestation of emotional disturbance. "Joe," represents all the repressed feelings of guilt and shame metastasizing deep within you. After all, if sex were depicted in a uniformly joyous light, you'd have to go to some sleazy site where they'd rip-off your credit card information.
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9/10
Relentlessly Violent, Morbid and Depressing
2 March 2014
Warning: Spoilers
When I attended a screening of EM/HtK, it was poorly attended. That may because of the blizzard that night, or it may have been because a popular on-line site of movie reviews gave it a mere 53% on their Lettuce meter. At the time, their highest rated film was The LEGO Movie, and that, I think, explains this movie's poor reception in the US.

It's a famous truism among Hollywood producers that "People don't go to the movies to get depressed," and Americans might've liked this movie more if, after all the mayhem, the female lead and the young desperado had ridden off into the sunset and were last seen walking down a beach at sunset and holding hands.

But for those of us who admire realism, not cartoon fantasy, this is an extraordinarily gripping movie. As Europe suffers through the effects of the IMF's austerity penance, unemployment among young people in some nations approaches 50%, and in such circumstances they turn to crime. This is the case not only in Madrid and Athens (and Detroit), but as people migrate north, everywhere, including Stockholm, where this movie is set.

Actor Joel Kinnaman's role is diminished from the first movie in the series, and it's also less interesting, but the rest of the cast more than makes up for this.

¡ ≥ SPOILER ALERT ≤ ≥ SPOILER ALERT ≤ !

If you have not yet seen EM/HtK, please read no further.

The only false note in this grim movie is near the end, where the two sympathetic characters, Nadja, the young woman who has been forced into prostitution, and Jorge, the guy who begs his dead mother for forgiveness for all his misdeeds, fall in love but are tragically gunned down by a shotgun-wielding assassin from the mob. Getting blasted by a 12-gauge at point-blank range would, in reality, have left her viscera splattered across the room, and when the guy takes a load of buckshot in the upper back, he miraculously does not go into shock or even cough blood. Instead, as they are wheeled into the ambulance, they smile and make dewy eyes at each other.

It's a mawkishly sentimental scene in an otherwise uncompromising movie.
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9/10
They Don't Make 'Em Like They Used To
25 May 2013
The story is a typical *things are not always what they seem; sinister powers are covering up* paranoid fantasy, and there's not really much to the murky plot, but director Alan J. Pakula and his cinematographer, Gordon Willis make the movie worth watching just for the visuals. The unusual angles and strange long shots made me realize that cinema was actually more advanced then. Today, despite the over-reliance on special effects, movies all look pretty much the same, and there's not much imagination at work. You could watch this movie with the sound turned off, and it would still hold your attention because of the interesting visuals.

This should be taught in film schools as a demonstration of what can be done with a camera.
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Side Effects (I) (2013)
10/10
A Grownup Movie for Grownups
24 April 2013
Hey, typical moviegoer over 30, Hollywood knows what you want to see! You want to see 3-D computer-generated cartoons with talking animals, and when the anvil falls on the guy's head you get to hear birds chirping in 5.1-channel Dolby® digital sound, and since it's 3-D, the stars around his head come out over you in the theater? Surely you want to see a revenge story where the mild-mannered hero is turns out to be an ex-special forces guy with a wall full of weapons hidden behind a secret panel, and he has a handgun so powerful that when he shoots-up the gang of swarthy bad guys, their bodies explode in fountains of blood? OR, you want to see comic-book superheroes and plenty of digitally-generated special effects? Then you >must< wish to see bikini girls with machine guns? (No plot, just bikini girls with machine guns.) What's that? You don't want to see any such standard fare from Hollywood? Well, it's not like you have a choice.

Fortunately, every few years, a movie which might appeal to grownups -- mature people with sophisticated tastes -- falls through the cracks and is shown in theaters for about a week. Steven Soderbergh's "Side Effects" is such a movie, and although it will not appeal to the lucrative youth market, you (having read this far) will enjoy it.

You will enjoy it, despite that it starts out slow, and there are no car chases. You will enjoy it despite that you must pay attention to the details of the intricate plot and not simply wait until something explodes in a huge propane-fireball again. You will enjoy it because has the best script of any movie since Hitchcocks "North By Northwest" and the best acting you've ever seen.

"Side Effects" demonstrates what movies for mature viewers should be like, and that it's still possible for Hollywood to make something artistic. I urge you to see it in a theater, because you'll be voting with your dollars, and if you don't, the entire multiplex will return to screening nothing but constant junk for juveniles. This may be the last chance for grownups to take back the theaters! Go!
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2/10
The World Methodist Council Presents . . .
27 March 2013
When I purchased my ticket to see Spring Breakers, the girl at the counter issued a verbal warning that the movie contained "Much nudity, sex and violence." "Keep going," I replied. "You got my attention." She should've instead warned that this movie is a bring-down. At first, it's like a high-quality version of the Girls Gone Wild videos. Stunningly-beautiful examples of young American womanhood getting it on, and it's superbly filmed. That's the best idea for a movie since . . . since . . . Girls Gone Wild! How could anything go wrong? Primarily, there's the script. It may have been written on the back on an envelope or a cocktail napkin. Or they may have taken it from one of those dreadful 99¢ amateur Kindle novels. A movie consisting solely of scenes showing Selena Gomez and Vanessa Hudgens . . . uhm . . . "showing affection" would've made me happy, but after the scenes of drug and alcohol use, the girls meet up with a local gangsta who wears gold prosthetics on his teeth. James Franco is deliberately made-up to irritate one's retinas.

At this point, if only they had concentrated on the girls, the movie could morph into a Floridian version of the X-rated 1999 French film *Baise Moi* (banned in Awstralier), but the pace is more like *My Dinner With André* -- without the dialog.

It's suddenly a chix-with-guns movie, and I'm down with that, but for a violent shoot-'em-up flic, it moves painfully slow. A slow action-movie? That's like 3-D in black-and-white or a horror movie with cute, cuddly bats. How can it be that scenes of the girls fondling firearms make you wonder when the movie will end? The crippled dialogue becomes more-and-more annoying, and the apologetic ending induces dismay.

It would be silly to complain that such a movie is unrealistic and not even plausible, but the scenes of the holdup and then the girls wearing bikinis to court are absurd. Each quarter-hour becomes progressively worse, and I began to suspect that the the movie was covertly funded by the clergy in an effort to turn youth away from sin.

Leaving the theater, a kid in the group of youngsters ahead of me exclaimed, "That's the worst movie I've ever seen!" Spring Breakers may thus induce young men to join the priesthood. *See?* it says, *Give into temptation, and this is what will happen.* The wages of sin are tedious to watch.

Anyone can make a bad movie, but it takes a perverse genius to ruin fine T&A.
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King Kelly (2012)
10/10
If Movies Have a Future, This is IT !
13 February 2013
This is my favorite movie to come along since Memento. It is labeled as a comedy, but although there are hilarious scenes throughout, much of the movie is very intense, bordering on unpleasant.

Yeah, yeah -- there's the T&A, but there's something more important here. What makes the movie for me, is that it is thoroughly and absolutely realistic. I have known selfish and manipulative people like Kelly (guys as well as girls), and I'm certain you have as well. I suspect that some of the negative opinions of this movie are really people instead mad at the character of Kelly, and that is because at no time while watching it will you realize that these are all actors reciting a script.

The acting is so good that it creates an effective illusion that you are watching it all take place from someone's cell phone. The story is entirely plausible, the drug scenes are realistic, and I can imagine that something like this actually happened, even the part about the cop.

This movie is definitely not for everyone. If you are entertained by the blockbuster special-effects-fantasy-superhero movies that Hollywood manufactures, you may not appreciate a movie in which there are no good guys to root for; a movie with no special effects and no happy ending. No one falls in love and rides off into the sunset as sentimental music swells up on the soundtrack.

I'm amused that the credits list the lead actresses as "cameramen," but even if it wasn't shot entirely on an iPhone, the scenes are effectively done.

If you are not averse to a dose of reality in a movie, here's a slice of not-so-squeaky-clean life among youth in suburbia.

Highly recommended for the cynical.
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