salted11 Reviews

Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (2007)

An improvement on a franchise that shamelessly capitalizes on superior individual titles...

[6/10 · 9 January 2008]

As a kid, I was a fan of comics and the appeal of Aliens vs. Predator in print seemed a no-brainer for purchase. It brought two of my favourite screen franchises in a head-on collision that thrilled me through every episode. Several years later, Aliens vs. Predator is brought to the silver screen. My curiosity peaked, I sit dumbstruck through the first installment as some craptastic back story involving pyramids and Predator enslavement of the Incans or some crap unfolds. Who the hell thought that was a necessary addition? Two space aliens both with complete backstories fight because they're badass, why complicate matters with new ideas from left field? Anyway, what the first AvP movie was missing was AvP. Now, several years later, the franchise is revived and the R-rated trailer definitely brought me back to the theatre. Someone was paying attention. The movie starts with a lone Predator heading out to take care of the mess brought on by a crashed Predator ship. The only reference to the first movie is the introduction of the Pred-alien, bringing forward an idea first seen in Alien3 when the Alien is incubated in a host other than a human takes on the traits of the new host. So all that's left is the Aliens kicking the crap out of some humans with a big, bad-ass Predator following up. And make no mistake, the Predator is in town for business. A lot of the familiar cues and visuals Predator fans are familiar with will be seen and heard (the jungle music as he draws near, the flashing eyes when invisible, the triple-laser sights), and the Aliens are most often played by real men in costumes, creating a more realistic visual experience. So now that we have the main title characters, what about the backdrop? What about the humans? Director: "Hey screenwriter, what are we going to do about these humans in the film?" Writer: "Hold on, I'm almost finished watching my Planet Horror, Red Dawn, every movie where a bunch of yokels hole up in a gun store and try to take their destinies into their own hands." Director: "Ah, got it, sounds good." Nothing new there. Anyway, its nothing surprising on that front. There won't be any Oscars, but there's a lot of creative death and destruction. What I wanted the first time around I got more of the second time. Let's hope the third time has Space Marines.

28 Weeks Later (2007)

It started well, but afterwards, I just stopped caring.

[6/10 · 13 May 2007]

Aliens was a good sequel. It had marines. Bad alien screws stuff up, send in the Marines. They're all tough as nails with lots of cool kit, then it all goes to hell. This flick is something like that. London is supposedly Rage virus free and so a US-led NATO force is now on the ground helping with the reconstruction. The first thing I noticed was that there was an armed soldier about every three feet inside the Green Zone. The second thing I noticed was that the NATO force had no representation at all from like, you know, NATO. But whatever, this is a zombie movie right? I mean, they wouldn't make the flick if the zombies didn't come back, right? So right around the time they come back, I suddenly am told how the movie ends, but I won't ruin it for you, if you see it, it'll be pretty obvious. The rest of the movie is then spent trying to overlook the obvious ridiculousness of the American response and obvious lack of preparations. For instance, the zombies are fast and like to jump on people and bite them. So if I was planning a mission involving running zombies that bit, I think I'd want to put my soldiers in a big metal box with wheels. You know, like a tank. Or a personnel carrier that is armoured. I think they're called Armoured Personnel Carriers. Oh yeah, and the plan for containing the safe population from the infected, I think I'd want to avoid putting them all in one dark room with a fire exit that is completely unguarded. Might make for a problem. Oh yeah, and if I was flying around in a helicopter, I might want a guy in the back. You know, like a doorgunner. Oh, and if you're told to bring a kid along with you, that he's like, the saviour of man-kind, but he's also retarded and keeps wandering off without telling anyone and not responding when his own sister screams his name at the top of her lungs even though he's about three feet away? I'd leave the little turd behind. So is the movie worth seeing? Sure, why not, it's production value is good and there are some good shots, but when you're being shocked more from the steady stream of incidents of poor judgement rather than the zombies ripping people apart, you might want to think about renting it.

Casino Royale (2006)

Bond is back on track

[7/10 · 26 November 2006]

By far the best Bond film in years. Following the degeneration of Roger Moore, the Living Daylights was a reinvigoration of the Bond genre, with Timothy Dalton delivering a grimmer, more humourless Bond. Critics did not receive the two Dalton movies well, and after a prolonged period, Director Martin Campbell was brought on scene to deliver Pierce Brosnan into our midst with Goldeneye. Following the over-blown and steady crap of the next two Brosnan movies, whose Bond seemed to meld a hardened exterior with a very campy Moore-like humour, Martin Campbell is counted on once again to deliver a Bond film that will engage viewers, maintain the themes we all enjoy about this character, and tell a story that is relevant for this day and age. Cutting much of the chaff of invisible cars and zip lines hidden in belt buckles, Bond must utilize his wits and skill at arms to maintain the aim of stopping a global terrorist banking syndicate from becoming a major player on the world stage. The villain is ruthless in how he conducts business, torturing and bribing his way through his affairs. He displays sinister physical characteristics often attributed to Bond villains, but still remains fallible, in that is seen several times throughout the movie that there is always a bigger fish. Bond himself, as portrayed by Daniel Craig, is a secret agent in the making, grappling with what his soul is worth compared to the service of Queen and country. His arrogance now has consequences that he must atone for, and shows that years of super secret training can still lead to mistakes that must be answered for, and then corrected. The heroine comes with a name that is both intriguing, but not vulgarly expressive, although even this Bond theme is poked fun at as part of the well written dialogue. Her initial exchange with Bond more than cements herself within the movie, showing that there are places for strong female leads in these sorts of movies, as seen earlier in Bourne Identity. Martin Campbell weaves all of this with three major action scenes that are impressive to behold in their complexity and obvious difficulty for both the actors/stunt-men and the cinematography to properly capture it. Failings of this movie are few, but some are obvious, primarily in several shameless product placements for Sony, and another for Omega watches. Also, despite the lack of major gadgetry, there still could have been more originality in Bond's spy gear. Him holding a PDA showing him navigation to his destination is nothing new today, and something a bit more showy, like a watch laser or pocket rebreather would have been welcomed. Nonetheless, the two and a half hours will be well spent by anyone so inclined to give this newest Bond and newest movie a chance.

Brick (2005)

I get it, but I just don't care

[5/10 · 3 September 2006]

This is one of those movies that to love it is to "fit in" with a select group of aesthetic movie enthusiasts and film students and to rebuff it is to be tagged as "not understanding it" or just being another drone of the standard Hollywood viewing crowd. Brick is a detective story, as the tagline states, with our protagonist a young man in his high school years, in love with a woman that keeps slipping through his fingers. The required murder happens early, leaving our hero to navigate his way through an "underground" of drug-pushing minors, dumpster leaning hash-heads and surviving the odd schoolyard tussle. The ending, if you are a fan of the pulp detective genre, is somewhat telegraphed, but not something to be counted against. The language used is a slang that is poetically descriptive, yet rooted in the drug-based culture it is springing from, similar to A Clockwork Orange. It is easy to see that this is someone's masterpiece, an independent film that was a labour of love. Sadly, the movie fell short for me on several occasions. The dialogue, wordy and descriptive, is mumbled throughout, and I had to put on the subtitles to fully comprehend what was being said. The protagonist is never developed at all, and not saying that many detectives in movies are, but when transposed upon a high school student, a bespectacled loner with no apparent parents or hobbies is somewhat one-dimensional and hard to empathise with, especially when the love of his life seems to be a promiscuous, flighty dope fiend. The setting for the movie is in a large school, or several back alleys, all often completely empty of anyone, suggesting either an impending zombie attack or perhaps a locale from Mad Max. Several times, the hero and his able side kick state, "We shouldn't meet in the open like this," to which I say, "Who cares? There isn't even any traffic!" Perhaps this is a device to add something, but in the removal of any other surrounding form of life, I can only see it as missing something. The small cast of the movie makes it quickly apparent that anyone sharing screen time with the hero is up to something, making it easy then to tie all the pieces together well before the big finish. In the end, the hero naturally gets his man, but only after leaving so much incriminating evidence of himself behind that I cannot but shake my head at the ridiculously quick resolution. If I had seen this in the theatre, it would have been a walk-out. I recommend this only to someone who is perhaps doing a thesis.

The Descent (2005)

A two hour heart attack

[7/10 · 15 August 2006]

The poster lists this movie as the suspense successor to Alien and for once, I can agree with the hype. While horror/suspense movies are generally a genre that requires me to be in the right frame of mind to truly enjoy, I can remember the first time I saw Aliens and was fully on the edge of my seat. The kind of edginess that is independent of who is with you or where you are; the gasps and jumps are involuntary. But once the movie is seen once, the surprise and suspense are lost and another title must be found to replace the same feeling. This is one of them. The Descent offers a slow build-up, introducing the characters who are believable as friends and anonymously unknown to the North American audience so no preconceived opinions of who will make it out and who is wearing the Star Trek "red shirt". While character development is minimal, there is nonetheless a developing tension within the characters that builds to a tragic and rather original conclusion. CG effect monsters are replaced with traditional makeup and gore that present a visceral, real (and probably, given the situations probably realistic) depiction of the atrocities that ensue. My only criticism is for the first half of the movie, some of the characters are difficult to distinguish from, as costumes and hair are similar the inevitable culling commences.

An Inconvenient Truth (2006)

A moving eye opener, but can it overcome media-controlled apathy?

[8/10 · 27 June 2006]

An incredible documentary. We live in a world where the 24 hour media presents fearmongering coverage that gives us only the issues that are in someone else's interests. Individuals have to read between the lines every day to try and get proper perspective and form an informed opinion, and this documentary should be the starting point for all of us on this incredibly contentious issue. No doubt many will criticize this film for its viewpoints, but fundamentally, I think Al Gore's point is made quite clear. Pollution is bad whether you believe in global warming or not. Our population is exploding, whether you believe in global warming or not. Technology does exist to affect and possibly reverse the trends we are seeing, whether you believe in global warming or not. Al Gore obviously has been following this issue for most of his life and whatever the bias of evidence he presented, he portrayed himself as a deeply motivated individual, with a moralistically centred cause that he wants to try to convey to others. This documentary should be seen by all with an open mind and whatever your opinion afterwards, get involved and read more. Choose your own direction, but realise that apathy is never an option. For more on globalisation and the balance of environment and economy, read Thomas Friedman "Lexus and the Olive Tree" and "The World is Flat". For an opposite viewpoint, told as fiction but with "non-fictional" research, Michael Crichton's "State of Fear." There is so much information out there for us, given by good people. With 24 hours in the day, can this not become a daily issue for all of us? Hopefully the status quo will not continue into the next Presidential term. P.S. Given the quality of his public speaking alone, just think of what the world could have been like...

Nacho Libre (2006)

The fullest definition of "rental"

[3/10 · 27 June 2006]

This movie has everything that a full blown "rental only" should be. All the jokes were seen in the trailer. The story is flimsy, predictable and about as entertaining as watching a twenty minute short. The movie is entirely framed around Jack Black, no one else is even remotely likable or watchable, with the exception of the super-hot nun, who was cast for looking pure and innocent. Once all the jokes that you saw in the preview have passed (most of them in the first twenty minutes), then the humour turns into "Look! Look at Jack Black's face! Look at all the silly things he can do with his face! Wow, I spent twelve bucks for that!" Oh yeah, and also, "Oooo! Listen to Jack Black make a funny accent! Mexicans have such funny accents, but Jack Black makes it funnier! Ooo, he did something with his eyebrows while saying something stupid, but in a Mexican accent, it was funny!" If I had two more arms, I'd give it four thumbs down. If you have to see it, rent it.

Freedomland (2006)

Julianne Moore owes me, big time...

[1/10 · 1 June 2006]

I thought the Forgotten sucked. This movie was easily the worst movie I've seen in years. I would rather have been a victim in a "Saw" movie than be subjected to an hour of a half of Julianne Moore being crazy. How can you establish a character to be respected in the community and trusted to care for children when she is border-line psychotic and is completely relying on the good graces, and patience of others to find her son? This is not one woman's battle to find her son against all odds. This was one woman's plea to have a nap while one cop did stuff, a black Reverend stirred up descent in his community against a ridiculously staged imprisonment of an inner city slum by cops, who looked very surprised when the inevitable race riot started. There was not one redeeming thing in this movie, other than it was good to see working again. It's about racism. I get it. But the premise was so utterly absurd, I can't believe it could be followed through. It's a story, true enough, but in my mind, there are so many other ways to do it. Do cops play favourites with white and black issues? Maybe. Would cops shut down an entire projects to shakedown a community into giving up a potential car jacker with world-wide media covering the story? Maybe in China. Julianne Moore, the grieving mother, who so obviously obstructs any effort to find her son, while at the same time, subjecting the audience to how much she loves her little boy, can only foreshadow the inevitable "twist" which was hypothesised within the first twenty minutes. Then the twenty minute, wailing speech that somehow tries to justify, or redeem one of the worst depictions of a mother I've ever seen. Then the movie still carries on for another ten minutes or so. Don't open it. Don't rent it. Don't start watching it. It's like a train wreck. You may want to see it through to the end, and when it's over, you'll be angry. Remember those stupid commercials the studios put out telling us not to pirate videos, that it's against the law, that it's stealing? I think I just got robbed of my rental fee.

X-Men: The Last Stand (2006)

The More Things Change, The More They Stay the Same...

[5/10 · 1 June 2006]

I was very disappointed. Perhaps I was expecting too much. Perhaps it was too much hype. But at the end of the day, I walked out of the theatre and thought, "That just plain sucked." A few years back, a studio exec walked into a boardroom and proposed a notion to his bosses that must have seemed revolutionary at the time. "Let's make a comic book movie." "Sounds great," they said, "but what's the catch? What'll be the draw?" Raising a finger, the young revolutionary said, "We're going to make sure it doesn't suck." And so came X-men. And Spider-man. Batman Begins. Audienced raved and were amazed. Then came X-men 2, and Spider-man 2, again, just as good, if not better than their predecessors. Remember Batman Forever? Batman & Robin? That's what X-men 3 is. Schlock. People rave about the special effects and the "pulse pounding excitement." Great. I liked the Matrix, too. The first twenty minutes of set up had me hooked. I was interested. Then suddenly character development left the building. Iceman has girl issues. Wolverine throws out a few quips. Cyclops, who could have been a contender, was never given any material to work with. A character that has lasted over thirty years in comics, could not even be given a chance in the movies. And I'm not slamming the movie solely on the poor use of one character. The dialogue was horrible. The old, "we all stand together" line in the hallway before the final fight might have come from a Saturday cartoon. The storyline, which could have grown into something as good as Joss Whedon's original from his line of comics, basically set up the end piece of action on Alcatraz. The ending was a video game, of one boss fight after another, with nothing being fleshed out or accomplished. People are killed with the wave of a hand, Wolverine saves the day, credits roll. Brett Ratner owes me 12 bucks and I'm going to file this movie with Highlander 2. People wanted more mutants and more action. The studio gave it to them and didn't bother with a fully fleshed out storyline and sensible dialogue.