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Southpaw (2015)
Super Mashup Rocky Sale
Are you a super fan of the Rocky franchise, but lack the time to watch more than two or three at a sitting? Always conflicted over which Rocky's to choose?
Your troubles are over. Introducing SouthPaw, a mash up of many great Rocky moments, conveniently packaged in a single, two-hour movie.
Yearn for the underlying Rocky theme of redemption-We Got That!
Want the transition from rich Rocky to poor Rocky-We Got That!
Want an ex-boxer coach that pushes, while providing street wisdom-We Got That!
Need an opponent to make it personal, with actions and insults that "cross the line"-We Got That!
Need a one-dimensional concerned wife that wants the fighting to stop-We Got That!
Yearn for the Rocky training montage-We Got That! (Due to copyright restrictions, fans must hum the Rocky theme(don't worry you'll know when))
Want clumsy, caring, interaction between a fighter and his child-We Got That!
Want a climatic death to spur Rocky like never before-We Got That!
Need a new Rocky boxing technique that once implemented KO's the opponent- We Got That!
Need a bloody, skill less, round by round, slug fest, montage, climatic ending fight-We Got That!
But Wait There's More-act now and we'll include: The semi-related domestic violence death of a sympathetic, impoverished child.
Cameos by real boxers and boxing commentators.
Directions to Jake Gyllenhaal's SouthPaw Workout (Directions to Jake Gyllenhaal's SouthPaw Pharmacist not included)
Don't Miss, this every once in a while, opportunity
Robot Overlords (2014)
Maintain low expectations
Robot Overlords
I wasn't expecting cinematic wonder, and the attachment of Ms. Anderson and Mr. Kingsley was enough to raise interest, but even the aforementioned talent could not save Robot Overlords.
Truthfully, the acting is acceptable, the special effects, while low budget, are decent and the production, as a whole, has more polish, than a typical "b" movie. It is the "Scooby Do" qualities that sink the show e.g. kids fighting for their lives with fireworks, bad guys are evil, rotten and bad, children save the day etc. etc.
Robot Overlords is much like an adolescent; vacillating between acting as an adult and acting as a child. The result is an awkward film. Other movies have bridged this space, with clever adult subtext and/or humor over their juvenile story. Robot Overlords misses this opportunity, and consequently, fails.
If you and your children are science fiction fans, it could make a movie night but, wait for the dollar rental.
Focus (2015)
Requiem for Mr. Smith
The plot of Focus is predictable, the characters shallow, stereotyped and banal, but the unpardonable sin; Focus is not interesting.
I like Will Smith and have enjoyed many of his movies, but there are limitations. The most evident limitation is that he needs at least an average co-star as his counterpart. In other words, even his broad shoulders cannot carry the entire weight of a movie successfully. Mr. Smith, like most mortals, needs a modicum of assistance for success.
Mr. Smith is not entirely innocent is the disappointment that is Focus, but while lackluster, his performance is satisfactory and based on previous performances, his talent for clever and lusty scenes is unquestioned. The responsibility, for this cinematic failure, lies at the feet of sloppy writing and boring casting.
Margot Robbie's performance was uninspired. Her one dimensional, mean sorority girl persona, lacked passion. The bedroom scenes between Ms. Robbie and Mr. Smith were common, at best. It must be assumed that her inability to reach any depth of character was overlooked, because of standardized, unoriginal beauty.
Focus is not worth watching, save your money and your time.
Escape from Tomorrow (2013)
No. No. No.
I am a fan of the unusual, the bizarre, and the non corporate; I grant independent films a wide berth. I appreciate, odd and complicated, like Brazil and Zardoz, but I found nothing in this movie suggesting the possibility of redemption.
Escape from Tomorrow is a misguided attempt to justify the pedophilic urges, of a henpecked, redundant, forty-something, loser, in a sexless marriage, with a frigid and controlling wife.
The "happy" twist seems to be, that in one alternate timeline, the objects of his pedophilic desires are mystical creatures and unavailable to his alternate self. Absent the homoerotic and sexual allure of children, he is free to pursue a loving relationship with a beautiful girl, barely over the age of majority.
--A timeless moral subtext, straight out of a Hallmark card.
All that and the quality of a very low budget black and white film—don't say you weren't warned
Hammer of the Gods (2013)
Watch only if Hammered
I have enjoyed the recent resurgence of Vikings stuffs in media, but this one is dung. The film meanders about on ominous, overcast, scenescapes, which is fitting, as the plot and characters are equally as cloudy. The battle scenes and battle yells, bring nothing that has not been done, better in other movies and television; same old processed valor film, without the grittiness and hard choices.
Here is thought for all these medieval type shows: If some characters are abandoning core beliefs in superstitions, gods, or god (in an attempt to display reason) why, would they follow some skinny, little punk, because of birthright, when they could have a system to earn leadership. Belief in unearned, unproven, birthright ability, is superstition. (and before anyone squeals historical accuracy, let's remember there are Bugs Bunny cartoon Vikings shows that have more historical accuracy then this one)
Hammer of the Gods is the story the Viking Steiner, who henceforth should be known as Steiner the Douchehearted, because if he had shown any backbone in the first scenes of the film, lives and minutes of could have been saved. And if he would have shown backbone in any of the three times in the middle of the film, the same holds true. Steiner attempts to show he found his spine at the end but, only proves he has a bit more than another pansy.
If it takes the death of half a dozen of his friends for him to learn a lesson, then hope he makes more friends.
Parker (2013)
Standardized, homogenized, McStatham Movie
Parker is a thief vs. thief action flick, with a core theme of principles and honor (in this case honor among thieves). It is difficult to accept such gallantry from a hero, who rides into the sunset with millions, earmarked for the local community and this conflict between, adherence to the social contract, as opposed to, breaking it for personal gain, is never resolved. Parker, is one of the few movies where crime pays.
(Note: There was interaction between, Ms. Lopez and a clearly smitten cop, that dead ended. I would bet that somewhere there is an alternate ending where Ms. Lopez takes the moral highground. Those who embrace the pseudo Robin Hood fantasy of Parker (Real Robins give away the bounty), would be better served watching the true story, Pain and Gain.)
Mr.Statham plays his standard rough talking bad ass, with Terminator like resiliency, and Ms. Lopez plays a convincing dumb bitch. There was an attempt to construct a love triangle but, with the lack of character development, between Mr. Statham and his "wife", only thing built was ambivalence. (Up until the final scene, I was anticipating the revelation that the "wife" was actually Parker's sister, (Parker's family having some boundary issues) thereby opening the door for a Mr. Statham/Ms. Lopez couple.)
If you are a fan of Mr. Statham and have nothing better to do, this might be worth a cheap rental or to watch, when it is picked up by late night TV.
Complete time waster, nothing more, and I like, and gave an extra star for, Jason Statham.
Hemlock Grove (2013)
a vampire, by any other name, still sucks
Welcome to Hemlock Grove, where there are werewolves, vampires, and high schoolers, smoking, drinking and sexing,(at home, at school, and everywhere between) with the impunity and caviler of a 40 something Hugh Hefner.
Hemlock Grove employs many of the same magical, mystical, it's so hard being special, themes, as Twilight and True Blood but, for originality, introduces two, young, pale, skinny, angst ridden, boys with "ancient powers", a little older than those in Twilight and a little younger than those in True Blood.
As it stands, Hemlock Grove is like a big bag of old, greasy, chips-mindlessly eaten, until the bag is consumed and you are left, less than sated, tired, and gassy.
To end positive: Emilia McCarthy and Eliana Jones, brought some compassion and depth to roles begging to be one dimensional; Famke Janssen, effortlessly, had full command of the wealth, entitlement, and bravado, that poured from her character in every gesture. (I didn't notice any problems with her accent; I'm not astute at such things but, did notice her presence slip in the final episodes, (granted the final episodes were painfully substandard all the way around)).
Finally, a cultural observation: A production in 2013, targeting youth and attempting to portray smoking/drinking/drug use, as cool,(and acceptable) for those in high school? Shame is warranted.
The Last Stand (2013)
only in a pinch
The big, the bad, the Arnold, with his signature repartee, which some find substandard, but I appreciate, like those little dogs with the severe under bite. Copious shooting, to include, a belt fed machine gun and a large, explosion producing, recoil-less rifle. A cast stacked with big names, to include, Johnny Knoxville, playing a tamer version of Johnny Knoxville. Super-fast-extra-cool- American-made-cars in high speed, stunt driving, chases. The film has everything. How could it go wrong? It can and it does.
The film is thrown together with cliché and without regard to substance or character, even on a small scale. The shoot outs are right out of the A-team playbook, without Mr. T "pitying the fool", and the driving tricks are industry, action movie, standard. Arnold is even without a memorable catch phrase. (There were a few attempts but, nothing sticks) If anything, Last Stand is a last resort rental, to watch while you clean the house.
Oblivion (2013)
Worth the big bucks
Mr. Cruise proves, once again, why he is a superstar. His performance is again, rock solid; he is, again, easily believable as the love interest of two, right off the supermodel runway, women; both, nearly, two decades his junior. Mr. Freeman, plays the sage, which has become his trademark, and proves why he, also, deserves super stardom. The movie is visually awesome and, as a lover of science fiction, I much enjoyed the story. I was slightly disappointed by the strong use of science fiction clichés, but the line between cliché and homage is often blurry.
Overall, I paid full theater price to enjoy this film and can recommend the same.
Rogue (2013)
not worth the time
Rogue is a cop drama with a female lead that would have been an acceptable low budget foreign film. The stilted dialogue and overplayed stereotypes would be understandable, if English was a second language and knowledge of United States culture was learned second hand. Sadly, Rogue was produced in the United States and the cost of shooting in L.A, combined with the cinematography, suggest large amounts of money abundantly misspent.
The acting is stiff, at times, most noticeably from the lead (Jackie/Grace) but, offenders are plenty. The story has one or two compelling threads but, is rife with cliché and poorly crafted nonsense. Some examples: All male police officers are lazy, stupid and/or corrupt; all "passionate" sex scenes are rough, quick and angry; the "house husband" is without spine; for the first two episodes, the emotions of Jackie/Grace are irritation and contempt---for everyone.
Jackie/Grace lacks a likable, humanizing, redeeming quality. She places her wants and needs before everything and everyone. She lies to manipulate those she is trying to arrest; she breaks and manipulates the laws she swore to uphold and protect; she lies to manipulate her fellow officers; she lies to manipulate her family.
Rogue is the story of Jackie/Grace, a selfish criminal, a liar and a bitch. Don't waste your time with her.
Sexy Evil Genius (2013)
Worth a look
Sexy Evil Genius exposes a couple, often forgotten, universal truths. The first: A close shaven Seth Green can pass for a fifteen year old, any day of the week and twice on Sunday. The second: Even absent a billion dollar budget, CGI, 3-D, spectacular shoot-outs, or gratuitous nude scenes, a decent script, coupled with impressive acting is, as always been, damn entertaining.
I am content the above paragraph summed up my viewing experience of Sexy Evil Genius, however, the content gods of IMDb demand more input. To comment on the main character, the "genius", was she a manipulative, severely psychologically damaged individual? Absolutely. Was she someone that I, or any rational person, would wish to share company? No. Did she, and the film, hold my attention? Yes. Was the entire experience worth my time and the few dollars to rent the video. Yes.
Xue di zi (2012)
Neat sword, dull movie
I concur with many of the earlier reviews, that the initial fighting sequences were well done and the "new and improved" guillotine is very cool. Sadly, the only clear message in this mixed allegiance, personal honor vs. societal duty, convoluted drama, was anti-gun control. Guns beat knives, even fancy, quasi-mystical, super swords and when armed soldiers attack unarmed citizens it's a slaughter- doesn't much matter the morality or rationale. The film tries to find hope, scrolling on the ending screen, that eventually the emperor had a change of heart. I wonder how much solace that provides the faceless thousands massacred, while the emperor contemplated? Perhaps, someone could have explained to the messiah revolutionary, it is not the giving of your life for what you believe that fortifies true change, it is ensuring your opponent gives their life for what they believe.
Mayday (2013)
started strong ended weak--major spoilers
Mayday had promise, but fell flat. It is a British series which, to me, made it unique and refreshing, but it portrayed its citizenry as immature, government coddled, children. Having spent time in Europe, such was not my experience and if currently a British citizen, I would take issue.
Examples of my assertions: Working was a novelty, to those residing in the small town where Mayday takes place and this provides plenty of time for everyone to muck about in everyone's affairs. I couldn't help wondering during the show "Who is paying for the pints?", "Who is paying for rent, heat, food, petrol, etc. and from where is this money magically appearing?" But wait, some did have jobs: Malcolm, the failed developer, who can't face his wife and spends large amounts of money (again, if he is a failed developer where is all this money coming from?) paying to watch teenagers fornicate.(He was of such weak character he didn't even bother to report the murder?) Steve, the failed father, who lacks the spine to make hard decisions regarding his mentally ill brother and must have committed some terrible atrocity to be stripped of all his parental rights. (Steve should have been the killer. It is universal truth "There aren't good and bad people in the world, only good and bad haircuts." (Sam Malone) Alan, police officer and murderer, enough said.
Of the major characters, the vast majority working were evil, while the vast majority supported by those working were just misunderstood--What a charming message.
Aside from glorifying sucking off the public tit, either from poor editing, lack of time, lack of funds or writer laziness, a great number of items were brought up in the story only to be dropped. While the foolish might find this "mysterious" to those who value their time (see "jobs" above) this is a colossal waste.
Examples that come readily to mind: Where did the rocks come from that repeatedly hit the sister in the face? To those who assert some mystic rationale, what was the purpose? Before answering, take a moment and see how far out in speculation land you have traveled, good story telling leaves speculation to a minimum. Again with mysticism, an explanation of the occasional, blurry off center frame filming (which usually denotes the supernatural, drug use, or insanity) would have been helpful Additionally, if speculation was the intended reaction from the Mayday creators, it appeared very plausible that Linus made extra cash doing cam to cam shows with gay men on the computer and that Malcolm was paying not to watch teens have sex, but to watch Linus have sex.
More speculation, of course Everett was having sex with Hattie, that seemed obvious.
I don't remember getting a concrete answer on how Hattie got up into the tree, perhaps we are meant to speculate.
Alan, the police officer....just up and snapped, I guess. Fiona, the nosy and mistrusting wife, didn't see it coming? No buildup? No series of instigating events? Alan's just one of those people with jobs, bound to snap.
Maybe, I'm right, maybe I'm wrong, maybe you agree, maybe you don't and during the show, such speculation was fun and prompted discussion but, having the show end with so many loose ends, again feels lazy and wasted my time.
To end on a positive, Gail (Lesley Manville) provided a brilliant performance.
Jack Reacher (2012)
No reaching in Jack Reacher
There is no reaching in Jack Reacher. Tom Cruise delivers his standard rock solid performance, complete with rock solid physique.(Can you believe he is 50!?) Jack Reacher is your basic action movie, but it's not a bad action movie. In fact, I award extra points for additional details, absent many "canned" superstar action flicks.(More than likely a benefit of using a completely constructed book character but, I haven't read the books) Mr. Cruise is aided by Robert Duvall, playing his time tested and fully believable, tuff-kind-hearted-cantankerous-old-coot but, like Mr. Cruise, Mr. Duvall remains snuggled in his comfort zone.
A plausible diversion and worth matinée price, or a rental but, I would avoid spending high dollar datenight cash on this one.