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An error has ocurred. Please try againHere is my ranking of the films and my predicted ranking for future films.
Reviews
Star Wars: Visions (2021)
OH MY GOD STAR WARS!!!!!! I REMEMBER STAR WARS!
Did you see the references!?! Did you hear blasters go "pew, pew" and sabers go "wooosh"!?!?! I know it's just like all other Star Wars but now it's anime so that makes it fresh!!!! I LOVE STAR WARS REFERENCES!!!!!!!!!
Star Wars: Episode IX - The Rise of Skywalker (2019)
JJ doesn't quite stick the landing, but he did great work.
Yesh, it's rushed. Yeah, it crams a lot in one movie. You know why? Because Last Jedi didn't follow up on Force Awakens and JJ had to do the work of two sequels.
Overall, it's pure Star Wars and it isn't a carbon copy of Return of the Jedi. It has that same kid friendly, lighthearted feel that Return of the Jedi has but feels like it's own movie. There's plenty of references in the movie but they're all recontextualized and still feel fresh.
Yeah, I had issues with it but it's soooooo much better than The Last Jedi. At least it follows up on established plot threads.
Knives Out (2019)
Starts really strong, slowly turns into complete crap.
The first 30 minutes of this movie were really, really good. The cinematography is gorgeous, the dialogue snappy, the editing engaging. But it all fell apart once the first twist is revealed and Rian Johnson starts getting self indulgent.
I really don't like that he likes to have meta lines about how stupid his writing decisions are as if that justifies them. For example, we get the most borning car chase in cinema and when it's over one character says "that has to be the dumbest car chase I've ever seen". Seriously, I'm not even kidding. The detective sounds like a Foghorn Leghorn parody and they point it out at the end of the movie as if that makes it any less ridiculous! The writing gets flat out stupid at times because Rian Johnson is a moron. There's a scene where the detective claims that the case is like a doughnut with a hole that needs to be filled by a doughnut hole. No, I'm not kidding. Rian Johnson is this stupid! Our lead character can't lie or else she vomits uncontrollably. No, that's not from a Simpson's episode, it's from the latest Rian Johnson picture.
I was at a sold out showing and more people clapped at the end of the Dora the Explorer movie! Sorry, this was yet another messy Rian Johnson script filled with too many characters and random plot developments.
Doctor Sleep (2019)
A decent horror movie that significantly suffers from Gus Van Zant syndrome.
I didn't go into this movie with plans of hating. I wanted to like this, and I was genuinely enjoying the movie when it was original.
If you casually like The Shining and don't know much about movie making, you will probably love this. If you have studied The Shining countless times and have an understanding of Kubrick's editing and filming style, you will hate this movie.
They seriously recreate ALL of the most iconic scenes with crappy parody actors standing in for the Torrance family. They reuse original footage from The Shining and touch it up with cgi snow and hotel damage. The soundtrack and sound design is ripped straight from the film. It constantly uses dissolve edits without understanding why and when Kubrick would. I'm very quiet during movies and there was a scene at the end that seriously made me scream "F you" at the screen.
This movie is disrespectful to the hard work and dedication of every cast and crew member of The Shining, especially Shelly Duvall.
Countdown (2019)
So bad it's good! Loved this horrible movie!
It's honestly sp dumb. Final Destination with a phone. I couldn't stop laughing the whole movie, it's so outlandish and poorly executed. This movie represents the pinnacle of lifeless, cliched, recycled horror tropes. If you want the next "so bad it's good" movie, get a ticket. If you're a stupid teen you may genuinely like it though.
Joker (2019)
This movie isn't worth the controversy or praise. Worst Joker ever.
I don't care about the controversy but Joker is 1000% self indulgent "give me an oscar because I'm weird" crap. I couldn't stop laughing at how bad Joaquin Phoenix was. Never thought I'd say it, but Jared Leto was better. At least he had more crime interaction and did Jokery things. This was a big baby dancing and crying for 2 hours. I couldn't believe it. The plot is also paper thin and is mostly lifted from better movies.
Movie attempts to have social commentary about mental health yadda yadda and fails miserably. It's like it was written by a high schooler who just learned what psychology is and has seen Glass too many times.
Currently the film is being over praised as "brilliant" and it's simply not. The only brilliant person on set was the director of photography, because it is an excellent looking movie.
I wanted this movie to be good but it's literally just Joaquin Phoenix prancing like an idiot and being sad. It's not even that violent or visceral. The only reason to watch this is to be able to discuss why it's so horrible.
Game of Thrones: The Iron Throne (2019)
The people have spoken, this episode was horrible.
A masterclass lesson on how to ruin every single character after building them up for 8 seasons. No, I'm not pissed my fan theories weren't true. No, I'm not jumping on the bandwagon (I thought episodes 1-3 were excellent). And no, this was not a well crafted ending that holds the spirit of Game of Thrones.
I tried to read some 10/10 reviews to get another perspective, but they are almost all defensive and simply blaming fans. Nobody has any valid arguments as to why this is a good conclusion except "shut up fanboys, sorry you're such haters".
If you like it, fine, but don't pretend the masses aren't valid. I thought this show would stand the test of time but season 1 is already dated and the final two episodes were the worst Game of Thrones has.
Pet Sematary (2019)
2 stars for the cat and good gore, otherwise a vapid remake.
Don't drink the kool aid on this one, it's an inferior remake and a horrible adaptation. Even without comparing, the movie fails on it's own terms. Nonsensical character motivation, paper thin plot and void of all emotional connection between the actors. My friend (loves the book, is just ok with the og movie) had to walk out, she couldn't handle how poorly the story was being told.
Pet Sematary mainly sucked because it was so damn safe, boring and felt like an average remake, not a creative way to redo the story. Everything similar to the movie wasnt as fun or entertaining (except the hospital gore scene and the makeup on the mom's chained sister) and everything different wasnt nearly as good. Even though the makeup looked better with the undead guy and the sister, the movie had no clue how to purposefully and emotionally include them in the story. It felt obligitory, like they know the characters are in the story but the film makers have no idea why. The cat was the best part. One of the best movie cats I've ever seen, I could never tell when they weren't using a real or puppet cat, as far as I know there were no cgi cats. Or they just looked really good. The movie did not overuse CGI, which is a plus. Overall, everyone is going to forget this movie in a few months, just like the Carrie remake.
If you want to convince yourself that the movie is automatically good because it looks more modern that the 89 version, have at it, but you are choosing comfortable aesthetics over good storytelling. Honestly, the 2019 film is more laughable. At least when you laugh at the og, it's fun. This is just a sad, souless cash in motivated by the success of the IT remake.
The Lego Movie 2: The Second Part (2019)
Rainbow colored vomit
I did not enjoy Lego Movie 2. It was a cluster of ideas from a group of kids aged 4 to 13, all of which have ADD. Lego Batman had a focused story, even with the random references. This movie was rainbow colored vomit someone spilt over sparkling poop. I seriously laughed more at the Emoji Movie, and I say that with zero hyperbole. I know it's for kids, but this movie also has a MASSIVE plot hole that it expects us to forget. I won't spoil it, but let's just say the movie doesn't think you were paying attention during the first 5 minutes and tries to have a twist.
Positives; The animation was 11/10. The Legos had details like uneven paint, fingerprints, smudges, broken parts, plastic edges that didn't get cut down etc. Nothing looked perfect, and because of that, the animation became perfect. The Queen's songs were fun. They had 3 jokes that made me laugh out loud. Other jokes were funny, but the movie tells a new joke before the last one is finished and it's nauseating. People were leaving before the credits started because it was all too much. Maybe my own ADD clashed with the movie and we cancelled each other out but this was probably the longest 90 min of my life. And I'm a fan of 3 hour movies.
Overall, everything was definitely not awesome. I feel compelled to post this review because I know it will get too much blind praise just because it's the Lego Movie. I think it's time for the Lego Cinematic Universe to end.
Unsane (2018)
Deserves a Razzie for Worst Cinematography.
This is an incredibly lazy and cheap movie. Not only does it rely on tired tropes we've seen a million times, but it was horrendously shot on an IPhone. The director claims it looks just as good and people won't notice. Well I noticed about 4 seconds in but I was mistaken and thought it was shot on a home digital camera from 2005. That's how bad it looks.
Not only does it have poor picture and a silly aspect ratio, but it's so limited with the lens angles that it comes off looking like amateur work.
The use of an IPhone is not some groundbreaking technique in film and it will not serve us well in the future. This movie will not age well because it used a limited digital video format.
I don't recommend this at all. The story isn't even good enough to make up for the atrocious "cinematography" (or complete lack of).
Mulholland Dr. (2001)
A dated and over rated Lynch movie.
I was so excited to see this movie. Everyone told me "oh it's so crazy! Really makes you think! it will blow your mind! It's so original!" Well I watched it and it is not original or mind blowing and it is certainly not a great movie.
First off, Pros: It is a very beautiful and well shot movie. As always David Lynch is a masterful director and injects this film with a lot of his odd, seemingly pointless, yet entertaining scenes. This movie is not hard on the eyes at all and for most of the movie I was enthralled and entertained.
So what are the cons???
It ends with a clichéd "psychotic lesbian" story that's been told a million times. Girl meets girl, girl loves girl, other girl decides to date a boy instead and the crazy gay person goes postal. That is everything that happens.
The big gimmick is that at the end of the movie the audience is left to wonder what was real and what was a delusion. But the story is so uninspired that in the end I didn't care what was reality and what wasn't. Because regardless of the ambiguous scenes, when it's all said and done it's another late 90's, early 2000's cautionary tale to fuel homophobia.
Sorry folks. This is David Lynch's most over rated film and one of the most over rated thrillers of all time. The ending ruined everything for me and turned it into garbage. I am not one to immediately dismiss a movie for something like this. I love other movies with negative portrayals of psychotic gay people like Silence of the Lambs and High Tension, but those films had other qualities that still kept things interesting. This is a self-indulgent, pseudo-intellectual story that is ruined by a cliché ending from an otherwise very original and talented director. I really wish I had never seen it and was still mystified by the idea of the movie.
The Hateful Eight (2015)
The best films experience of 2015
Even though i had read the script, I was on the edge of my seat the entire time. This movie had more suspense and build up than any other Tarantino movie. I love how this film took its time to verbally and visually flesh out the characters and everything paid off in the end.The ending was also much better than the original script, and took me by surprise.
Anybody who wants a less stylized, subtle Tarantino flick will be very happy with this. I know many have not liked his post Jackie Brown films and this is, as some say "a return to formula". I love when Tarantino stylizes his movies, but it was a nice change. Even though he did back to back westerns, this film is completely different from Django. This movie is definitely not for the low brow fans of Tarantino who are just there for the fast paced violence. Although the end of the film is very violent, many people will be squirming in their seats.
If you are a fan of suspenseful, 3 hour 60s Italian westerns and Tarantino, this will be one of the best movie going experiences you will have in your life. Really hope QT finally gets the best director Oscar, he deserves it. Sam Jackson and Jenifer Jason Leigh both deserve to be nominated as well.
As for the 70mm experience, it was great to return to film and the sound quality was perfect. I absolutely hate digital projection,its pretty much a giant computer screen that someone presses play on. Not only that, but if we don't sit in the back row, my eyes hurt so bad afterwords and my girlfriend gets nauseous. Anyhow, we were given giant booklets with info on the film and its history once we entered. There were no previews or obnoxious advertisements, the film simply began. The overture was short, but very epic and Ennio's score was not his usual epic Spanish horns that QT has used many times in the past. The score was very tense and unnerving, which fit the film wonderfully. While I love his old stuff, you can tell he was going for something completely different. The intermission was silent for about 8 minutes, and then a song began to let people know it will be starting back up soon. I have not seen the theatrical version (cant wait too though) but I am guessing the narration once we returned will be altered because it had a "when we last left our characters" feel that wouldn't work in a movie without an intermission.
This was the best time I have ever had at the movies. I drove 4 hours to see it and it was completely worth it. I may just have to make a second trip. Tarantino once again has proved that he is the greatest director working today.