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Reviews
Mother! (2017)
I want the last 2 hours of my life back
When you make a "drama/horror/mystery" without any stakes, you done bleeped up. The first 1 minute of the movie sets up a restart button that makes everything that follows completely pointless and robs the viewer of any potential emotional investment. The only way one can feel any sort of fear or sadness is by skipping the beginning and sharing in the main character's apparent blackouts(as those do a pretty good job of making the whole thing feel imaginary, I half expected it to end with him in a mental institution or with her, waking up from a dream). The supposed environmental and/or biblical themes are both cliched and far too veiled to work out if one has not read/seen/heard interviews about the movie.
1/10 would not recommend.
Nowhere Boys (2013)
How to ruin a good thing
The first 2 seasons are a solid 9/10. We are introduced to actual characters with distinct personalities and we get to watch them grow and change. The jock-bully becomes a protector, the attention wh*re learns to forgo the spotlight(or at least tries), the loners learns to ask for help, the logical science nerd embraces magic. Their motivations and personalities are clearly outlined, we get to see the effect they have on other people and how other people in turn affect them.
Then, season 3 happens.
"in Series three we meet a whole new bunch of heroes who find themselves trapped in a totally empty world. We are proud to introduce a brand new cast which reflects a diverse and truthful portrait of Australia today."
Yes, Tony Ayres, it shows. We now have the black kid, the gay kid, the girl and the disabled kid.
The girl is remarkably Mary Sue-like. Not only is she "the best player" on the school football team but she's also the best student and she's pretty and popular. Oh, and she's got more upper body strength than the boys. She also gets control of her magic really fast because she's just so smart and all, right?
The gay kid has exactly 2 traits. He's gay. And he likes musicals. Because all the gays do, right?
The disabled kid is the one that really makes me go "w0t?!" So, he's dyslexic. And nobody knows. There's a 15 year old kid who's somehow managed to fake he can read for the last 10 years and all the teachers were fooled?! But that's not even the worst. He's a 15 year old buy who hasn't figured out how text-to-speech works on his phone.
The black kid is the most developed character of the 4 though I can't see a lot of growing potential in him as the outlined traits are not something that'd need to be changed. If anything, the plot of the series proves him right.
Chilling Adventures of Sabrina (2018)
Chillingly boring
It's my fault, really, for having high hopes for this show. I went in expecting a witty, dark coming-of-age story that'd keep me on the edge of my seat. It is, however, none of those things.
The characters: The only character worth paying attention to is Ambrose. He gets a decent backstory, his motivations, dreams and hopes got me rooting for him. The rest of the characters are bland, one dimensional, they just exist. The black girl is black. The mean bully is mean. The boyfriend is in love. Sabrina is "special". That's it. Nobody else gets a proper backstory and there's never much of a reason for what they do. Except the demons. Who are very talkative and will tell you exactly what they are doing and why they are doing it. Which accidentally ruins the, in my opinion, best scene in the entire shows as you are made perfectly aware of how it's fake and it's only a matter of time before Sabrina saves the day.
The horror is disappointing. Since everything is spelled out, there's no suspense or thrill. I assumed they'd go for gore since that's Sabrina's favourite but, no. I mean, yes, they tried but compared to other gore-oriented horror shows, it just falls flat on its face. I never knew I could care this little about cannibalism.
The story: I'm still looking for it. Does it start in season 2?
As a side note: Whoever suggested they call the primary antagonist "the Dark Lord", should've been fired on the spot.
I wouldn't say it's overly political. I did recently watch Charmed 2018 so my bar might be exceptionally high. They do throw around social concepts but never follow through on them and forget them fast enough for it to have no impact on anything.
Charmed (2018)
But why though?
I accidentally found out last night that the first episode was out and started watching it. By the 12 minute mark, I had to pause it and think about what I'd seen.
It had beaten me over the head with feminist and social justice ideas. It was so brutal and insistent, I was noticing things that would normally fly over my head. Oh, she's a lesbian. Oh, their mum was a women studies professor. Oh, socio-economic commentary in the rain. Oh, they are brown. Rape-culture, cis males, timesup. The only surprise was that the eldest sister's father was not a black boy unjustly killed by racist cops forcing the mum to give her up. I still feel like if the creators of the show read my review, they'd be disappointed they didn't think of that.
The character thta bothered me the most was, obviously, the middle sister. Piper was a peacemaker, homely girl-next-door type, very lovable. This new and improved version is a raging lunatic. Vandalism, assault, harassment, shouting at people, disliking people because "cis male". I can't find a single reason to root for her to survive, she's so appalling.
And, now, the big one:
This show is supposed to be feminist, right? Girl power and all that. Let's compare it to the sexist original, shall we?
In the original, Leo is an observe throughout the entire first season, until the last episode when he heals the Book of Shadows. He does not in any way help the girls.
In the reboot, Harry is constantly helping them, he basically saves their lives in the battle by telling them what to do. From the very first episode, these "strong independent women" depend on someone else. Two someone else's actually, as we get the spirit to also lend them a hand.
In the original, they have to show active curiosity and fearlessness to unlock their powers. They go into the attic, find the book, Phoebe reads from it, powers. That they've earned, at least somewhat.
In the reboot they just...get their powers. No effort, no bravery, no interest. Just happens.
In the original, they have to work out who they are and how to fight demons all by themselves. It's a journey of self-discovery that they undertake all by themselves, through their doubts and insecurities, only to rise stronger.
In the reboot, the White Lighter kidnaps them and exposits all over them as they sit around and listen to him explain everything. What, are they too stupid to figure it out? I guess they must be.
In the original, they have to work to control their powers, they have to learn and it takes some time.
In the reboot, they just...get them. 2 of them right off the bat and the middle one trips over a random idea that just so happens to work. It's a somewhat odd take on the original idea of their powers being tied to their emotions(Piper's fear, Prue's anger all start off as their way of channelling power until they learn to control it and do it at will) while in this new version, only one of them has an emotion and it's...counterproductive? Seems like an odd thing to change.
I don't have high hopes about the rest of the show. I doubt it'll stop shoving politics down my throat and I expect the sisters to be Mary-Sue types throughout while relying on everyone else to hold their hands as they battle evil.
The Curse of Sleeping Beauty (2016)
Great idea buried beneath every stupid horror movie cliché
When we saw the trailer, my husband and I thought it looked very promising. I had this nagging feeling that the movie is going to be a huge disappointment and it was.
From the absurdly annoying trope of protecting the secret of the evil better than the evil itself through avoiding any sort of explanation or reasoning that a human being would understand all the way down to rushing into action before getting the full story, the characters in this movie are painfully stupid. They are also extremely half-dimensional and the tl;dr backstory dialogue(that feels so forced, it broke through my window and stared me down) does not help build any sort of connection with the viewer. as each and every one of them is a walking stereotype(from the smart jackass to the tortured artist) There are so many attempts at jump scares, even the characters in the movie stopped caring towards the end. The "gore" is awkward at best and the most horror I felt was when I realised I paid money to see this movie. The "twist" wasn't even remotely surprising as it follows a very common horror movie trope and became apparent within the first half of the movie. There is no real villain, no protagonist, no resolution, no plot The ending has a distinct Rose Red vibe to it. As in, this should have been a TV mini series with 2 more episodes instead of a standalone movie. I guess they seriously thought they were getting a sequel.
If there is anything good to be said about this movie, it'd be that it creates a rather beautiful world with a Gothic feel to it. The visuals(excluding *cough* blood) and the music are quite good and it's a shame they ended up in a movie so shallow an ant would have a hard time drowning in it.