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Trigger Point (2022)
Trigger Pointless
Season One was poor so I'm not sure why I bothered with Season 2. Vicky McClure mainly as I loved her in Line Of Duty but sadly, on her own here, she can't carry a show with a truly awful script. The main problem is the terrorists-they are the lamest, least threatening villains I've ever seen in a tv show-all are annoying young white people who look like they've just left college (there is a poor token black guy who's good deeds get him killed). Six episodes of killing people without a real motive-although one act involves killing people on electric scooters which isn't a bad thing! The finale is hilariously bad and predictable with our hero as hostage doing the baddies bidding as they've hacked into the Police CCTV cameras (no explanation as how they achieved this). That last point brings me to the main thing that really annoys me about this show. Time and time again it's mentioned that the bombs/devices are the most sophisticated ever seen on U. K. soil but there is no explanation given as to how our baddies acquired these skills!!
Black Mirror: Beyond the Sea (2023)
Insert your own ending for a Ten!
Not going to repeat the many Nitpicks with this episode, other reviewers have done a better job. One exception-why alternate 1969? To make sense of the early Murder by the Manson Family clones? Performances are excellent, I think I could watch Paul and Hartnett just read the Yellow Pages and make it watchable (hence the 5 score), sets are great and the concept is a good one. But-and you'll see this here a lot-that ending makes no sense at all, it's Dark for darks sake and it really does not work. If you stop watching at just at over an hour, where Paul's character realises what he truly has (and lesson learned)-that is a great ending. Stop watching there and you'll unsee a complete personality transplant and a trick on Paul's character a 5 year old would spot.
Marriage (2022)
A Masterpiece
Of Tedium. The truth is any marriage has large periods of absolute pointless boredom in between moments of joy, grief, arguments, love etc. Put a set of cameras in my house for four hours and you'd be reaching for the remote to switch off in no time! So two superb actors going through the motions of a day in the life of a typical marriage sound like TV gold to you? Masterclass of acting maybe. 4 hours of visual Nitrazepam? Definitely.
Dredd (2012)
Uglier than Otto Sump-Drokk it's Dreddful
The good news is Dredd is better than the Stallone version.
The bad news is, I consider the 95 Judge Dredd to be one of the worst comic book movies ever made, that isn't much praise. In fact the new Dredd is not very good either.
Firstly this doesn't even feel like a Dredd movie, there's no humour, there's no real plot- and yes The Raid does the the same idea better, there's no real threat. This is a plain old siege movie dressed up in old 2000AD progs.
The plot has JD taking out a psychic Rookie Anderson to a triple murder at a tower block and later arrest the perp responsible. The big bad Ma-Ma has the block locked down as a fake Nuclear test and orders the Judges killed. Rather than escape the Judges make their way up past gunned goons to get to Ma-Ma, er and that's it. Anyone looking for more such as Wagners satire, black comedy and subtlety about the Fascist Police state then pick up some 2000AD progs or book collections.
Our heroes can't get a communication to Justice Department (who don't find anything strange about a block going into shutdown when they've just despatched their top Judge to a murder scene at the same location). You can't see this as a faithful adaption of the comic, yea certainly there's the odd reference (Chopper graffiti). But there's no feel to the spirit of the comics. Mega City One looks like a dump, all vehicles and clothes are more modern day-in fact the, lame tired, villains look like they dropped out of Miami Vice (movie or series).
When Dredd does manage to get an alert out Justice Dept sends two whole Judges ( I guess the Mantas and the Riot Foam were in storage), and these are easily fobbed off by the Die Hardlike Computer wiz as "part of the drill"!
Even Ma-Ma has more Judges on her payroll-4 in fact-and this is just lazy writing. I know we've had rogue judges in the comics but this isn't believable to have too many corrupt judges in a system where law is ingrained into them from childhood.
There's just so much wrong with this movie-it's Dredd done on the cheap (at least MC 1 looked like its supposed to in the 95 version). And only Urban comes out of it with any dignity.
If you want to see a great faithful Dredd movie then sorry there isn't one. If you want to see an action packed siege movie then watch The Raid, or better still, Carpenters Assault on Precinct 13.
Iso Cubes for Mr Garland-maximum term!
The Thing (2011)
You've Got to be ******* Kidding
Now I could nitpick the movie like many people have done (the dog is a different colour etc) but that isn't a review. This prequel isn't as bad as I may have thought but it really is pointless. If you watched this movie first then watch Carpenters version then the 82 version doesn't make sense! Why would the Thing make the SAME mistakes that got it caught out at the Norwegian camp? The film starts well, but goes downhill quickly-why get an American expert from 10,000 miles away when you may have one in the US camp (Or the never mentioned until convenient Russian camp?) sorry nitpicking-damn! But that is the problem with this film, there is no suspense, no character development (ok even Carpenter didn't do so well there either but at least I knew who everyone was) and the effects! Oh god some of the CGI was out of a syfy monster movie of the week! There is so much wrong with this film that it spoils the things that go well (other effects are pretty cool when done well). The main problem is no attempt is made to make you think "which one is The Thing?" -and it wouldn't have mattered anyway as one beardy Norwegian bloke looks pretty much like another beardy Norwegian bloke-oh there is two women, our lead-Sorry but she's no Ripley (I'll just drop this flamethrower down, my only form of defence or keeping warm, right here). The other woman is totally wasted, like the time I spent watching this movie. I promised this was a review-sorry just couldn't resist those nitpicks. What is really annoying is the films failure now means a sequel is never going to happen- something they should have done rather than this mess!
The Alfred Hitchcock Hour: The Monkey's Paw--A Retelling (1965)
The Monkeys Yawn
The Monkeys Paw one the most well known horror stories ever so how could anyone go wrong making it in to a scary experience for TV viewing, er easily I'm afraid. Season 3 has it's fair share of clunkers but this equals Thou Ravished Bride for worst of the season. The original tale is short, creepy and nasty and would have worked perfectly as a AHP in a 25 minute slot. This drawn out version takes all the things that made the original so good and makes for tedious viewing-some of the acting is so awful I was wishing I had a monkeys paw to make it all go away. This episode and many others of Season 3 make you realise why there was no season 4 for Hitch, a Shame as all 7 seasons of AHP and the first two of AHH are essential viewing.
Srpski film (2010)
To be seen uncut only
Let me tell you a quick point about myself-I suffer from Post Traumatic Stress due to my brothers suicide and battling Cancer. Now that's out of the way I can say that this film did not affect my mental health one jot, I watched it as a fan of Horror films for over 40 years and, in my opinion, it is a well made film that makes you think. Disturbing, disgusting, sick and vile like The Sun says? Yes it is all these things, but also the best horror film I've seen in years. Well directed, acted (er except the scene chewing film maker), great FX (NO CGI!!) and even the music seamlessly works. If you think this film will shock you then watch yawn inducing horror like Paranormal Activity, but if you are willing to take a risk then this film deserves an audience- BUT-only in it's uncut form, it's out there, the BBFC version isn't worth the time.
Dead Cert (2010)
Awful
What can I say about Brit flick Dead Cert, i could be obvious and say it's dead cert this will be dreadful. Well a film starring Craig Fairbrass and Billy Murray was never going to be a classic but nothing can prepare you for how awful this is, the only thing that could make it worse is if Danny Dyer popped up-oh god there he is!! The Vampire genre is getting so stale that film makers are trying anything, so here we have Cor Blimey guvnor meets the undead. please do yourself a favour and avoid, and Billy stick to the Injury Lawyers ads-much more entertaining and Craig Fairbrass, er perhaps retirement or present a show on Bravo-oh no wait that's Dyers job and he still gets time to make at least 3 terrible films a year!