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steve-1570
Reviews
Evil: Z Is for Zombies (2021)
It's Harebrained.....
.....not Hairbrained, for goodness' sake.
How this got past the production staff, I can't imagine.
I didn't hear a voice-over, by the way.
So far, this season has been very good, all the same.
A Werewolf in England (2020)
Entertainment All The Way Through
Very funny and never a dull moment.
The werewolves weren't bad either.
Just good old British entertainment from beginning to end.
100 Degrees Below Zero (2013)
Spoiler = It Is Terrible
I have watched a great many of The Asylum's efforts and, to be perfectly honest, I found that the majority of them are much more enjoyable than the reviews here might lead one to believe. Admittedly, the Mega Shark ones are utterly abysmal, but most of the Earth-in-Peril ones have been perfectly watchable. That is not the case with 100 Degrees Below Zero. Poor Jeff Fahey. Avoid like the plague.
Cold Case (2003)
Spontaneous Human Confession
Whilst seen by many as a poor copy of the superb Canadian television show, Cold Squad, Cold Case is actually a lot less than that.
The team's remit appears to be to look at any unsolved murder cases - often dating back to the first half of the twentieth century - and piece together enough anecdotal evidence (as opposed to actual physical evidence, which is almost never unearthed) with which to flesh-out a story.
The one bit of detective skill they demonstrate is the uncanny ability to locate surviving participants in the often-ancient series of events.
We are then treated to a series of hazy recollections, hearsay and gossip - accompanied by a dramatised re-enactment of the alleged events - related fluently by the witness/suspect, with our central protagonist, Detective Rush (a less suitable candidate for the job of police officer one could not imagine), forever appearing on the verge of tears, as she listens to them ramble on.
Naturally, several of these witnesses will have had some sort of tenuous motive to commit the crime, so each becomes a possible suspect for the intrepid Nancy Drew....er....Detective Rush.
Now, remember that there is no actual evidence linking any of these possible suspects with the crime. None whatsoever. So, how is the case solved?
The guilty party simply confesses!
How wonderfully convenient.
This leaves us with a couple of conclusions:
a] The Philadelphia Police Department must have been staffed by utter incompetents, between the early twentieth century and the first few years of the present century.
b] The present Philadelphia Police Department has a constant stream of people, often over eighty years of age, queueing-up at their door, desperate to confess to long-forgotten crimes.
Carver (2008)
Texas Chain Saw Hostel Camp
This film has a number of similarities with The Texas Chain Saw Massacre, plus some of the more gruesome elements of Saw and Hostel.
A group of people in their twenties are on a camping holiday in the American backwoods.
They agree to do some work for somebody and find a few reels of film and a projector in a barn.
They watch the films, which feature some disturbing images from what they assume are home-made horror movies.
The films look pretty realistic for home-made horror movies.
Nearby lives a large, demented, psychopath who happens to appear in the aforementioned films.
Need I say more?
Unthinkable (1984)
Family Life
Mom (Honey Wilder) and Dad (Eric Edwards) go away for the weekend.
As they are leaving, they tell the maid (Tamara Longley) to keep an eye on the "kids" (Bunny Bleu and Scott Irish).
Before you can say "Jack Robinson", bro and sis are at it in the jacuzzi. Here we see a very assured performance by miss Bleu, but Irish f**ks her with little confidence. The maid takes on the plumber, then she takes care of the "boy".
If any further proof were needed that it takes more than just the ability to get wood to convince in this field of the arts, Irish provides it here as he f**ks her very poorly indeed. The scene is saved however by an excellent blowjob finish by Longley, with much sucking post cumshot.
Older sister (Pamela Manning) and her husband then pay a visit, with the inevitable orgy ensuing.
The parents return as bro and sis are misbehaving upstairs, but go straight to the outdoor pool to get it on. Upon completion, they hear those unmistakable sounds from upstairs and go to investigate....
I have fond memories of this mid-career opus from director Gary Graver, having first seen it in the mid-late 80s. A recent viewing has confirmed my first impressions of an outstandingly enthusiastic performance by the husky-voiced Longley. She can tie me up and talk to me in Latin any time she sees fit to do so.
Olympic Fever (1980)
Sporting Saga
It's the Olympic Games (not the Winter Olympics although there's snow everywhere!) and the US women's swimming team are training with a performance-enhancing supplement - their coaches' semen - and it works!.
Ron Jeremy is the Russian team's coach and affects a truly ridiculous accent. He discovers the US team's secret and demonstrates the technique to his girls by sucking his own dick.
However it turns out that US sploodge is superior to the Russian variety as the US team takes the first three places.
Swallow it all down, girl - it's good for you!.
Butt Banged Naughty Nurses (1997)
Hospital Drama
Introduced and linked by Sabrina Johnson, this is a set of five scenes, all except one featuring one girl with two or more men. The common theme is that the girls are dressed as nurses (unrealistically) or paramedics (realistically). The girls are all at least good-looking (Careena Collins) up to gorgeous and the only set of implants in sight are those belonging to Nici Sterling.
The first scene features Chloe, a slim and cute brunette, being introduced to three supposed doctors, but there is no pretence that this is anything other than a porn film. Chloe gives blow jobs and is fucked in and around a hospital trolley. As the title implies, anal is obviously included, but there is no DP. She takes three facials, only one of which is of any quantity, the stud is no longer erect when he tries to squeeze out the third facial.
The second scene is the only one with any semblance of a plot as Papillion and Nici Sterling drive their ambulance to a country road where Mark Davis has come off his motorbike. They give him mouth-to-cock resuscitation at the roadside after identifying him as a porn stud from his wallet. Papillion is obviously named after the butterfly tattoo which she has where her pubes should be. Nici Sterling takes an anal with Papillion in the 69 position taking A2Ms. Papillion then takes an anal in the reverse cowgirl position and Nici in the missionary position. Papillion takes the facial and then the two girls swap the cum back and forth.
The third scene is less interesting as Careena Collins dressed as a fairy god-nurse enters a room in which Sean Michaels and Mark Davis are sitting on a couch. They get straight down to the action which includes reverse cowgirl anal and DP. She deep throats Sean as far as anyone could and takes two facials.
In the fourth scene Mark Davis and two other men are sitting on loungers in a large garden. Again there is no pretence at plot as they send for nurse Missy to administer to their needs. This she does enthusiastically, beginning with lots of oral and going on to take DPs in both positions - here a medium distance camera angle is lacking - and takes three well-directed facials.
Finally the creme de la creme (literally) as Sabrina Johnson, sitting on what looks more like a dentist's chair than a doctor's examination couch invites five 'doctors' to see to her. She takes as many at one time as she can, for example taking anal in the missionary position and doggy style while sucking some of the others. She takes a DP in both positions each with a succession of partners on top. She then takes a couple of facials direct while the others cum into a glass cup which she drinks from, swallowing the contents and calling it her 'cup of tea'.