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Christmas with the Campbells (2022)
I can't believe people don't realize this is a PARODY
Come on, people: this movie is a PARODY of Hallmark Movies! It is SATIRE. That means the inappropriately raunchy comments, how the parents are doing weird things like rough sex, purple drank and huffing paint are meant to MAKE FUN OF THE ULTRA-CLEAN HALLMARK MOVIES. It is HILARIOUS.
The R-rated dialogue, the incredibly awkward and cringeworthy break-up, the completely out-of-character Justin Long, and the ridiculous past love, are all meant as JOKES. Justin Long is SUPPOSED TO ACT TERRIBLY, with a TERRIBLE ACCENT, and completely inappropriate machismo. If you don't believe me, watch the extra behind the scenes clip on the DVD (yes, they still make those).
The plot is ridiculous, the movie is completely predictable, but some of the one-liners are bust-out laughing funny if you realize the movie is a SPOOF.
Longmire: Goodbye Is Always Implied (2017)
I can't get those images out of my head.
Let's face it: this last episode, which is longer than all the others, was a regular season finale with a very incongruous ending tacked on. The pace of the two parts are totally different, and some of the conclusions were pretty lame, given how awesome the show was through 6 seasons. But of course the worst sin was the overly long undressing of Longmire and the endless sex scene that followed. I really didn't need to see that, I fast-forwarded through most of it, and I'll probably still need therapy. I guess it was a nod to the septuagenarian female fan base, but who else wants to see that?
Ghosts (2021)
Ignore all the whiny reviews of the first episode, and the comparisons to the British version
This show is actually very funny in its own right. It makes fun of everything, and the one liners are fast and hilarious. The leads are all great, but as an ensemble cast with rotating character storylines, it never gets old.
Cold Feet at Christmas (2019)
Better than some, Good laughs
It's not Shakespeare, it's not profound, but it IS funnier than some Hallmark movies it's trying to clone. The wedding dress and the fiancé are hilarious. Yes, there are some implausible events. Yes, it is uneven in parts. Yes, at times it seems like a high school play. And why are they snowed in down the mountain but it's sunny and dry near the summit? But it is funny, and the opening and closing shots of the farm and forest are really nice.
Roadkill (2020)
Political bias aside, it's BORING
Sure, there are swipes at the Right in the first episode, and swipes elsewhere at the Left. The acting is very good, but the show is BORING. Very little happens, and what's worse, anything that DOES happen, happens to people you couldn't care less about. While watching, I brushed up on my Duolingo and Solitaire.
Bloodshot (2020)
Deserves a higher rating
I don't understand why the rating is so low. Sure, Vin Diesel is a limited actor, but he plays his part well. The other actors are very, very good, the story line has some really cool twists, the action is fun and the CGI is solid. By the way, they mention this in the DVD extras, but aerosolized flour is extremely explosive, so the the flour scene is an impossibility!
June in January (2014)
What's up with the music?? A preview of the schlock yet to come.
Hallmark Movies used to to be high quality, believe it or not, presented every so often as the Hallmark Hall of Fame. Increasingly over the past 7 years, they have been churning out predictable nonsense on an assembly line in a Canadian factory. It's gotten so bad that during the months-long Christmas SEASON (a true, 3 month season) that only one or two movies are actually worth watching.
This movie is one of the earlier failures. Most movies around 2013 or before were actually funny and watchable. This one is a bizarre mash of incoherent plotlines, coupled with nearly inaudible dialogue. And why is it inaudible? The SOUNDTRACK. It's like a "circus waltz" that pops up at inappropriate times and then goes away just as suddenly. It's like someone not watching the film starts and stops the music by putting records on and playing with the tonearm. The music is usually inappropriate to what's going on in the movie. And it is LOUD. Like, REALLY LOUD. It's sweeping orchestral music, so loud you can't hear the conversations and must used closed captioning, and......it's blaring while a couple is talking over a cup of coffee at the kitchen table.
American Experience: The Poison Squad (2020)
Wiley was a Republican
So was the President at the time, Theodore Roosevelt.
And so was the 59th Congress, which passed the Pure Food and Drug Act of 1906 and sent it to Mr. Roosevelt.
If you want to bray about politics, you might want to know the true history of the Democrat Party.
Deputy (2020)
So woke
Literally by the first line, the rebel without a clue had alienated the vast majority of real Americans, by confusing and conflating illegal invaders with real immigrants. Then our rebel goes from brushing his horse to Jerry-rigging a trap after 12 squad cars lose their quarry. I guess LA doesn't have helicopters tracking runners anymore, and I'm just glad no one walked into that alley while our hero was driving 70 mph down it. And then it gets worse from there. Click.
Christmas at Pemberley Manor (2018)
Second attempt at a reviewo
I wrote my first review while this movie was initially airing, and it was rejected for some reason. I gave this movie 3 stars because of the the distractingly loud background music, which was so loud that closed captioning was required to understand the soft-speaking actors. I believe this has been rectified in subsequent airings. Although it is pleasant, this movie is nothing special. Some of the dialogue is funny, but there is zero chemistry and the relationship is forced. And you can tell there was no budget for this movie, with nobody at the town festival, and the filming was obviously done in warm weather. It's not the least Christmassy Hallmark movie ever made (that trophy goes to A Bride For Christmas), but it's pretty thin.
Legion: Chapter 6 (2017)
I fell asleep
This episode was so slow and so boring, I took a nap during it and at the end, absolutely nothing had changed. I couldn't give any spoilers if I had wanted to, because nothing happened. It was all a boring dream sequence when all the major players are inmates at the asylum. Snore. Pass this one and hope for better upcoming episodes.