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KFear
Reviews
Riding the Bullet (2004)
Can i get off now???
is it a horror movie??? Welll...sort of. It has horror movie elements but i'd say it's mostly some kind of a David lynch goes more mainstream and hires a bad lead with crappy editing and not so hot camera work. OK...so maybe it's not David lynch. Maybe it's not really much of anything. But i have it a six for a good reason. It is interesting and that is hard to deny. sssure the plot is a little over dramatic and could be put into the category of an overly metaphorical piece of crap....bbbbut...i liked it. I was interested the whole way through it despite crappy camera work in some cases and crappy editing in a lot more cases. But when the movie came to an end i couldn't help but think that i was very entertained by this mans journey to see his mother and to find out what kind of a person he really was...especially when it came to life and death. There are a lot of elements to the plot that should keep you interested and it's hard to guess what will exactly happen in the end. Even though the meaning is kind of shoved down your throat...try not to swallow it all...you've tasted it before. If you read the nutrition facts on the label they read...blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. Oh...an extra point goes to the gore. not to bad...and unexpected in most cases.
Malevolence (2003)
A modern day slasher with a touch of 70's style horror
Wow...a slasher with an actual story!?!....Noooooo way!!! Well...yes way. Malevolence is a slasher film at it's almost finest. Sure, half the actors were crap, but what did you really expect? It's hard to get even a good horror movie these days and have ALL the actors be very convincing in there roles. But besides the acting, i was very surprised that the film came with a decent plot. When the blood wasn't being shed i wasn't bored silly because i wanted to know in the end...what was going to happen to all the money that was stolen from the bank. That's right!...i bank robbery in a horror movie that was complete with hand guns and halloween masks. Still though...Malevolence gives us some pretty good kills and an average amount of gore. it's not really all that scary but i few parts will keep you close to the edge of your seat. You should be able to enjoy this film for what it's trying to be and the new elements that it adds to the same old horror movie plot line. I think you might be surprised in the long run. oh...prrrobably not a movie for non-horror fans though. a real safe rent for those of us that can never get enough.
Death Valley: The Revenge of Bloody Bill (2004)
Horrible camera work, terrible script, and i hate running zombies
why are zombies running now? must we break all rules? anyway...this movie has a horrible script...period. Also the camera work and editing were wayyy off. the zombies looked OK but bill looked like he was wearing a Halloween mask. People are talking about good gore in this film. WRONG. Good gore can be found in the Living Dead series...this my friend is horrible gore. I did kind of like the eating of the hand part but it was shot in such a weird way. i give the writers and the director a little credit just because this is a rather knew idea. There really is only so far you can take a zombie flick but these guys managed to give it a different spin. Still...that can't save such a horrible film and a half crap horror film. Watch it for originality but don't buy it or spend any money on it. If you find some homeless dude asleep in the alley clutching a copy of death valley...it might be worth the steal...but i warned you.
The Slumber Party Massacre (1982)
An 80's slasher at it's best
i love the 80's well...almost at it's best. I've seen more gore in other 80's horror flicks. but if you want nudity and lots and lots of screaming girls getting knocked off one by one by a mad man with a power drill...it's a real safe rent. the scares will not make you jump out of your seat...but really...it's just a movie meant for you to sit back and laugh at. For slasher fans...it's a must see. hold on though...is it breaking a slasher movie rule to have the killer talk to his victims??? i was wondering that when it happened. still though it doesn't take away from the overall experience. oh yeah. just watch this one...don't bother with the others. they are not at all worth it.
kjfear@yahoo.com
The Off Season (2004)
If you've seen all the other ghost stories on the rental shelf....pick it up
Maybe 6/10 is a just a little bit kind. This movie is very poorly edited and not very well directed by any means. There is no gore...no nudity...and not really much of a story. So why the 6/10??? once you notice somewhat of a mysterious plot unfolding you get caught up in some of the drama and the one or two ghostly encounters. The film itself is so raw it's like watching everyday life up close and personal. It gives a different feel to your regular ghost story. So are the ghosts creepy??? sometimes...but my pants are still dry. sometimes the ghost scenes aren't very affective at all just because the editing and overall direction seemed to be rushed in almost every scene. The 6/10 is for the leading roll...i liked her...and by like, i mean i have a hardcore crush on her. ahhhh :). the 6/10 is also because it's somewhat of a different area for a ghost story to head to. Enough so that it should keep your interest. In the end i think only true ghost/horror fans can walk away from this movie being able to enjoy it to a certain extent. It was a good effort to make an old plot seem like something new...on a budget that was probably next to nothing.
Ohhhh yeah...this takes the cake for worst ending. But if you are a true horror fan...you really won't give a hoot about the ending. For us, getting there is all the fun.
KJFear@yahoo.com
Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid (2004)
Thank God it at least had a plot
First of all...the monkey was the best actor in the movie. Talk about real emotion! Somebody give that thing a banana! anyway the movie actually had a plot. It's an old plot that has been used 1000 times. Everyone says it's too dangerous to go on except for one person who gets greedy and decides that he cares more about money than his peers lives. yyyyyawn. but still...it will keep your interest. The special effects weren't to great. maybe a little bit better than the first anaconda...not much though. They didn't show to much snake action. People will care more about everything else than the snakes. There was one really cool death scene when they were walking threw the swamp though. it made the movie worth my 4 dollars at blockbuster...just barely. anyway...don't watch this movie for the acting. Don't watch this movie for the special effects. Don't watch this movie for great directing and great shots of the exotic jungle. well...on second thought...don't watch this movie at all. It blows. But if you are in the mood for a bad movie that's not 100% bad...than go for it. again...one good death scene and some fine lookin "actors". But rent...don't buy.
Cursed (2005)
Wait for DVD...a vvvery used copy of the DVD
in horror movie terms...maybe it wasn't thhhat bad. it had a couple pretty good horror movie scenes. but first...
1) if you thought this movie had "good" acting...there is no more hope for mankind. The acting was terrible. but...in this kind of horror movie i guess i can let the acting slide.
2) the monster affects were sub par. If you thought the effects were goood...again with the mankind thing. watch dog soldiers...now those are wolfs!
3) Wes Craven...master of terror? Give me a break! maybe the master off sub par pop culture films that just happen to be about killer wolfs and dudes in a dorky ghostly mask. But horror?....no.
So those are the bad things with something a little extra about good IL wes. Horror fans should see this movie if they have nothing else to do. i think they can find something worth their while in it. maybe no 8 dollars worth...but if you are a true horror movie fan it won't be the first time you've been screwed going to the theater in order to get a good scare. House of the Dead?...Boogey Man? but as a horror movie fan (a big one) i found two scenes and small parts of others entertaining. sooo i got my fix...barely. and i think you will too. As a horror movie...5. As a movie movie...3. oh and Wes...just try writing for now on. actually...just retire. you've lost your touch...if you ever had it.
KFear
Oh well whatever...nevermind.