neverland888888 Reviews

The Princess and the Goblin (1991)

Barely gets one star, for the Epic Great-Grandmother. (Only one spoiler, under "Fourth")

[1/10 · 20 January 2014]

This is one of the worst films I have ever seen, let alone adaptations of the stupendous novel that was my childhood favorite.

First off, her name is pronounced (Eye-reen), not (Eye-reen-ee). Maybe it's just me, but everyone I know pronounces it Irene.

Second, this animation is horrendous. Absolutely awful.

Third, that song is lame. A song generated for the Disney Princesses written by a six-year-old girl wouldn't be as cheesy.

Fourth, the scene at the end where Curdie beats up the Goblin Queen was literally the worst scene for children in an animated film. Ever.

Fifth, the characters are portrayed horribly. Irene doesn't run away from her nurse, and is eight. The nurse, Lootie, is not a fat idiot. Curdie is twelve years old, yes, but he's also not an idiot who runs off to look for trouble. The Goblin King is not annoying, the Goblin Queen is not... that, and the prince is not a psychotic killer- in fact, in the book, the Prince was barely in there and seemed rather innocent.

Sixth, there is no cat. That cat was annoying. The Goblin Cat was, too, but me and my sister came up with the name "Doofenscourge" (after Doofenshmirtz in Phineas and Ferb and Scourge from the book series Warriors), so now he's just a joke.

Seventh, the original book was a classic masterpiece that was the favorite of JRR Tolkien and CS Lewis. NOT a randomized, made-for-children film created just to get a buck off that parent across the street.

Eighth, while I admit that the Great-Grandmother was cool, she was like, "Someday you'll find magic of your own and you won't need me anymore!" Uhh... where to begin? How about, a) Irene has no magic whatsoever (at least in the book) and never will, and b) THE GREAT GRANDMOTHER WAS SUPPOSED TO REPRESENT THE Christian GOD, AND THE Christian GOD SAYS THAT WE WILL ALWAYS NEED HIM BECAUSE WE ARE SINNERS AND HE WILL TAKE CARE OF US IF WE JUST LET HIM. OKAY?! Gosh, this movie made me resort to all caps. While I have more arguments, I should probably go lie down. Just, stay away from this awful movie.

Frozen (I) (2013)

The Greatest Movie Ever! (Counter-arguments for Reasons to hate it)

[10/10 · 20 January 2014]

Okay, so I loved Frozen, and I saw a lot of people hating on it. So I'm counter-arguing reasons to hate the movie. Before I do, GO PAY MONEY TO WATCH THIS AMAZING FILM!

1.) There are way too many songs.

Yeah, "The Princess And The Frog" has more. Also, each of these songs has a point, which I'll get into later.

2.) Anna is not an interesting character.

Okay, most of this comes from her "dilemma" of being lonely, compared to Elsa's problems. But honestly, guys, Anna had no idea why the castle was locked up and she wasn't allowed to play with her sister, so you can't blame her for that. Also, she had limited contact with anyone but her parents and the few people on staff that were kept. She, after that, is socially awkward, and one of the most realistic characters- let alone Disney Princesses- ever. Seriously, what other character can pull off the line "I Wanna Stuff some chocolate in my face!" without eye-rolling?

3.) Olaf was not funny. NO. Olaf was fantastic. And if you don't agree, let me just say that the kids at my school, who are actually mentally advanced beyond their grade and are performing "Macbeth" (aka "Have a High IQ and low tolerance for stupidity"), all burst out laughing for a full minute straight just for ONE of his lines. And for someone who was expecting Martin-Short-bot from Treasure Planet, let me say that this was a pleasant surprise.

4.) Elsa should have been the main protagonist. If she was, this movie would not have been as good. Hear me out! The whole point of having Anna as the protagonist, at least to me, was to show that these writers can make the most complex, tortured and amazing character without drawing too much time on her. If she had been the Main Protagonist, we would have gotten bored of her eventually and wondered what Anna was getting up to. Also, Anna's POV was more important, as otherwise we would have gotten the dreaded Plot Holes.

5.) The Twist was predictable. Then you must be psychic. I was in shock for ten minutes afterwords.

6.) The songs were pointless. Here are the songs and their points of the story.

Frozen Heart- This sets the foreboding mood, gives us light into Kristoff's childhood, and lets us giggle at what the Ice-Men get right.

Do You Want to Build a Snowman?- This shows how Elsa can't control her powers, how Anna is dealing with the separation from her sister, as well as how the parents died. (I doubt that's a spoiler; it happens in every Disney movie.)

For The First Time in Forever- The classic "I Want" song (which is good), also with a little bit of Elsa's fear.

Love is an Open Door- I like to call this "Parody: The Song," but it still shows Anna and Hans' instant-relationship pretty well.

Let it Go- This is the greatest song in all of humanity! Oh, and it also shows Elsa finding herself and building her palace and outfit. And "wicked" hairstyle.

Reindeer(s) Are Better Than People- Kristoff's relationship with Sven and the outside world are captured here.

In Summer- Olaf's dreams... and hilarity.

For The First Time In Forever (Reprise)- This is the song meant so a certain plot thread (no spoilers) could happen, and also shows how the snow reacts to Elsa's fear and anxiety, as well as Anna's optimism.

Fixer Upper- To show Kristoff's "family"'s characters. Also to parody the fans when they heard that Anna might get together with Hans.

Let it Go (Single Version)- ...yeah, okay, I'll give you that one. This song was pointless.

So there you have it! Six reasons to hate Frozen argued away! Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to watch it for the third time.