blamdrum Reviews

Planes, Trains & Automobiles (1987)

The missing hour and twenty

[9/10 · 23 November 2020]

The original length of this classic was three hours and twenty minutes, a staggering 600,000 feet of film is sitting on a shelf somewhere gathering dust. Forget the remake, release the entire movie! Please, if anyone knows anyone at Paramount films let this happen! I really hope to see the lost footage someday. Paul Hirsch, the original editor of this movie is probably the single best person to re-edit the entire movie.

Money Plane (2020)

Remarkably horrible

[1/10 · 4 November 2020]

My first concern was perhaps Kelsey Grammer was back to snorting mountains of cocain and spent all his "Frasier" money on drugs and needed some quick cash. Then I thought, maybe he was dining somewhere, and started chocking on undercooked chicken and one of the Lawrence brothers saved him with the heimlich maneuver, and he felt obligated to be in this movie.

Regardless, the real story is how...or why this movie was made? Did someone lose a bet? Extortion?

The more I think about the circumstances around the idea and production of this movie, the more obsessed I become with wanting to know more in why it was made.

Maybe it was an investment to avoid paying taxes? That seems like a reasonable explanation. Maybe someone is in a "Brewster's Millions" situation and needed to blow money quickly.

We may never know.

By the way don't watch this movie. Go for a walk, read a book, hyperventilate into a bag and pass out in a truck stop bathroom. All these are better uses of time.

Vivarium (2019)

Twilight zone retooling

[4/10 · 18 October 2020]

I couldn't help but be drawn to the striking similarities to an old "Twilight Zone" episode written by Earl Hamner Jr. entitled, "Stopover in a Quiet Town" in the early '60s. Clearly the story has some differences, but the main plot idea is intrinsicly the same.

The Fanatic (2019)

My review is more entertaining than the film

[3/10 · 20 September 2020]

I wasn't going to watch this movie at all, but it was Sunday, it was free on Amazon and I was plenty stoned so I figured what the heck, let's have a laugh. Let me get this right out of the way, this movie not only takes the cheapest shots, but the "plot" is intellectually lazy. Allow me to explain. For whatever reason Hollywood loves actors when they portray a mentality disabled person, or a straight actor portrays a gay person. (Hoffman-Rain Man, Di Niro- Awakenings, Hanks- Philadelphia and Forest Gump) personally, I'm sick of it. It's not a huge accomplishment. Anyway, I cannot say with certainty, but this is probably what Travolta was going for here, low hanging fruit. The main protagonists, "Moose", is completely unlikable, he only comes across as annoying and crude. And Travolta's performance as a person supposedly with Autism I guess, was so unconvincing that it was just somewhat interesting to watch him act like an idiot, rather than relay a convincing person with an inability to understand right from wrong, or to be unable to read social situations. He just came across as an actor acting like an idiot. Even with the terrible wig, (redundant for Travolta) I just felt nothing but indifference for his character. Right from the opening line of the movie, when his character informs a shop owner that he "has to take a poo", you loose any attachment to the character. There is (not surprisingly) no character development in the movie whatsoever. Virtually every character in the movie is as stagnant as the plot. They all remain lateral, all exactly the same throughout the movie and as uninteresting in the beginning as they are at the end. And the cheapest shot is the actor who plays the "actor" Moose is obsessed with plays a Limp Bizkit song in his car, with forced enthusiasm. (Fred Durst) of Limp Biscuit directed the movie, and wrote the script. It's just so cheap, really! So at the end the actor character ends up shooting off Moose's fingers with a shot gun, because Moose sorta kid napped him in his own house by tying him up in his own bed, in his own house. I guess it never dawned on him to have an alarm system put into his expensive Hollywood home, why would he do that? And also poked out Moose's eye. But then even though he was angry enough to nearly kill him...because he broke into his house and tied him to his bed, he just...lets him go. Just let's him walk out the front door. He even opened the door for him to leave. No point in calling the police or anything. I'm sure this Moose guy won't end up in a hospital, with 4 missing fingers and a missing eye ball, and tell everyone this famous actor just shot his fingers off and poked out his eye. Then the police show up and arrested the actor, because they find his housekeeper dead in The backyard from an pointless encounter with Moose. I'm just going to have to assume the forensic team on the police force are unable to put a time of death for the housekeeper and realize that the actor guy wasn't even at home when she died. We're going to also have to completely forget about the 4 fingers and eyeball that are in this guys bedroom. I'm sure the police won't even look in the house where a woman was just killed. It's like a 12 year old wrote this script. That's it, I can't write another word about this terrible movie.

Overlord (2018)

Enjoyable movie

[8/10 · 20 September 2020]

It seems unnecessarily pedantic to criticize this movie for its 'historical inaccuracies', yeah, it's not historically accurate...the movie also has chemically made zombies in it. Your suspension of disbelief is already at full slack, just enjoy the movie already!

Alpha (II) (2018)

Timeless story well told

[9/10 · 10 September 2020]

This movie is about as close to perfect as it gets. The cinematography is breathtaking, the acting is superb, the flow of the story is well done. And the plot is universally understood by anyone who's ever loved a dog.

The Old Guard (2020)

Original Story, well done

[8/10 · 14 July 2020]

I'll be short and to the point. This is a great movie well worth the time. I'll admit my bias here, I love Charlize Theron, and she delivers in this film. The story is well written, well directed and well acted by everyone in the cast. It's a good combination of SciFi with historical aspects woven into the story. It also has a great and clever set up for a sequel.

Beef House (2020)

It's a parody

[8/10 · 28 June 2020]

Yes, Beef House is awful, because it's supposed to be awful. It's purposefully over the top satire aimed at how stupid and pedantic the average American sitcom tends to be. Over the top characters and impossibly illogical story lines and yet they still find willing viewers. If you only came away with how terrible it is, you missed the message.

Wildling (2018)

I watched it all

[5/10 · 25 May 2020]

Okay, I had hopes for this movie, then about 40 minutes in I realized I was watching a teen "coming of age" type movie. And as a stoned middle-aged man, in a way I was a little embarrassed to already been invested in the character development. But whatever, it was only my cat and I watching so I figured I was already this far into it... Tyler gave the strongest performance, but it seemed the script was weak. By the time the girl began to transform into the 'creature' I had ran out of slack in my suspension of disbelief. Further made worse by how awful the 'creature' was presented in the film. I actually felt bad for the actor playing the main protagonist. She looked more like Chaka from land of the lost than anything even remotely frightening or even interesting. Very sad. I'm guessing it was CGI, but it doesn't matter because it was terrible. Despite strong performances by Tyler and veteran actor Brad Dourif this movie could not be saved.

Kirk Cameron's Saving Christmas (2014)

Holy roller, this is awful

[1/10 · 26 January 2020]

I think it's fair to say that the Scientologist have a better grasp on movie making, with the exception of Travolta's "Battlefield Earth" fiasco. But at least the Scientologist have the imagination to invent an entire new religion. While Cameron sticks with a book that's essentially "Life lessons for the illiterate bronze age goat herder". This movie is actually exemplifies a great example the mental state of a person who's lofty arrogance level is only matched by their ignorance, mixed with a volatile blend of complete and utter lack of self-awareness. This people, is why the evangelical prosperity business is worth billions in the US. The pearl grasping "war on Christmas" diatribe trope is made even more intolerable with the absence of even a shred of the "good stuff" their imaginary savior was to have supposed to have preached to the first Christians. Nothing about helping the sick, and poverty stricken, it's all "me me me me". But what would you expect from a person who claims to have a direct communication with the omnipotent creator of the entire of everything? This movie, and the religion it advocates (as with all equally absurd religions), is and should always be open to ridicule. This should be the message anyone takes from this display of unsolicited sermon homily.

Mac and Me (1988)

Out of touch corporate poo

[1/10 · 11 December 2018]

The only thing more unrealistic then aliens hitching a ride on a NASA Rover back to Earth is the prospect that a single mother could afford a home in California on a salary working at Sears. Firstly, this should have been the end of Stewart Raffill's career, (and everyone else's career that was involved with this steamy pile of 80's excrement). Everyone has a moment in laps of judgement, but they knew what they were doing here. Secondly, this is the zenith of how out of touch huge corporations are with reality. This movie didn't just happen, there were meetings and decisions were made by people wearing ties. Shameful...

The Rift: Dark Side of the Moon (2016)

Mystery Science Theater worthy

[2/10 · 11 March 2018]

I gave it 2 stars because I actually felt bad for everyone responsible for this film. I watched it in my 4:20 hour and it still failed to hold my attention, ended up playing with my cat. Looking forward to the guys at Mystery Science Theater to make it watchable.

1922 (2017)

Base hit for Netflix

[6/10 · 25 November 2017]

As usual when you start off with a story by King, the only place you can go (Unless you happen to be Stanley Kubrick...and you are not.)is down. But, this was alright. The movie had a lot going for it, good acting, good cinematography, and a good interesting story. Since I automatically compare any King based movie on "The Shining", I happened to notice some story similarities. Father with wife and son, descends into murderous activities. Only in "1922", everyone ends up dead, so that's kind of cool.

The movie remained visually interesting throughout the film, but not stunning. Happy holiday!

Darkness Rising (2017)

Darkness-Falling Short

[1/10 · 25 November 2017]

I had "High" hopes for this movie but within the first 10 minutes, I knew disappointment would prevail. And I was right. The beginning of the movie opens with a completely unrelated scene to anything that preceded it. Not sure what that was about, maybe they finished under-budget and decided what the heck, let's spend some money. In the interest of full disclosure, they may have explained the first 4 minutes of the film in last 20; I don't know I didn't bother watching it. My cat sat on my chest and pointed her ass-end at my face blocking the television set, and to be honest even with a diet of Salmon and Tuna, it was a better watch. The only thing scary about this movie was that I'm sure someone lost a whole lot of money making it. Don't waste your time...adopt a cat instead.

Richard Pryor: Live in Concert (1979)

Seinfeld called him "The Picasso of our Profession"

[10/10 · 14 July 2017]

I have not watched any Richard Pryor clips, movies or specials in a very long time. And this was for a reason, a personal reason, I thought that it would make me sad. Tonight I watched the "Wanted, Live in Concert (1979)" for the first time since it was in theaters on Netflix. And I was correct. I have very fond memories of my Father and I watching Pryor and laughing together. What has always pulled Pryor's comedy in for me, and I suspect most of his fans, was not just his brutal honesty but his vulnerability. You can tell that his comedy comes from what otherwise would be a very dark place if not for his interpretation of these events. So from it springs this eternal optimism that can not be ignored. What would send others into a deep depression Pryor finds the humor and puts it back into the world positively charged. I think that's what makes Pryor what he was, a shining light of optimism, turning dark into light.

Thank you, Richard, thank you for the laughs, and the light.

Bad Building (2015)

Bad Movie

[2/10 · 4 July 2017]

It's almost a shame this movie didn't crest over the point when a movie is SO bad...it's good. I kept waiting for that moment but it never came.

But it came close, and here are those moments.

The first moment was when the "film crew" was entering the "bad" building, and a few "creepy" bald guys peered out from hiding spots to watch them walk by. Their make-up was just terrible enough to be hilarious. Oddly enough the creepy blue man group never made another appearance in the film, almost like the filmmakers forgot they added them and include them into the "plot" later.

The second moment was when one of the female cast members, (I don't remember her name because there is virtually no character development in the movie)was pointing a gun into a room, and the door slammed shut on her hand, severing the hand off. What makes this scene hilarious is there is no attempt from the other characters to administer first aid of any kind. One would assume, at minimum a tourniquet would be used to stop the expected bleeding. One of the male cast says, "You're going to be OKAY"! A very funny thing to say to someone a few seconds after their hand is severed by a door.

The other "almost terrible enough" moment(s) is the idiotic crew they have waiting in a van outside the building while our would-be ghost hunters are being killed off one by one. The comparisons to the Scooby Doo cast can not be overlooked. The two women in the van lose contact with the rest of the gang in the building and keep dismissing the obvious tragedy unfolding with excuses of technical problems, or bad connections. If the filmmakers had shown the two women eating pistachio nuts with a disinterested uncaring attitude, or sitting in a van filled with pot smoke, or even in the sensual embrace of lovemaking, it would have been a home run!

Otherwise: Terrible acting, overacting, but let's be fair not even Daniel Day-Lewis could have saved this movie with a script apparently written by someone with serious attention deficit to story line.

Insane (I) (2016)

Massimiliano Cerchi...please find another line of work.

[10 September 2016]

Massimiliano Cerchi...please find another line of work. I could have tie wrapped a go-pro to a squirrel and made a better movie than this. I've seen "adult-themed" films, filmed on VHS in a back yard of a house that has better acting. Good grief, the only thing "Insane" about this, was I watched the entire train wreck, rather than the insides of my eyelids...like my wife opted. Let me point out a few glaring and blatant mistakes I don't think are even taught in film school because they rank with: "Make sure the camera is on". If you have an actor standing at the stove "cooking", maybe actually have something in the pan and have the stove on, plates out, bags of food...ANYTHING to suggest the actor is actually making something, rather than have them pushing a spatula around an empty cold frying pan. Also if you're trying to show actors watching TV, how's about having a TV in front of them.....on. Really? REALLY?? Wow, this was bad. Was this supposed to be a frightening movie? Or an example of how to make terrible waste of hard drive space? The most terrifying thing about this film was the thought that you might be supporting a family on an income producing such magnificent bowel movements you call, film. All I can say Massimiliano is the world does need ditch diggers.

Stitches (I) (2012)

A playful film that doesn't take itself serious

[5/10 · 12 February 2016]

I really wasn't sure whet to expect from this film, I tend to enjoy foreign films more than huge production American films so I figured I would give it 90 minutes. The story line was surprisingly original with a feel similar to Drop Dead Fred (1991). Goofy and playful, the kill scenes are done with a funny over the top clownish feel. Not realistic but they don't need to be. The puns are at times worthy of Olympic quality eye rolls but as bad as they are, they work somehow. Ross Noble's performance was seemingly stifled, you get the feeling he is capable of more but was constrained. Some of the scenes they chose were both not funny and pointless to the story. Having Stitches beat the family cat to death by slamming it on the wall and some dresser was both not funny and entirely pointless, not to mention disturbing. Although you can tell it's a stuffed animal and not a real cat. By the end of the film, you have given all the eye rolls anyone is capable of given and just want the story to end. The film doesn't take itself too seriously and you have to be in the mood for that because they are very serious about not being too serious. It looks like they had fun making it, and they left the end open to a sequel. So if you are a fan of this kind of film, you may be in luck. Cheers!