chris-j-chuba Reviews

Argylle (2024)

Dua Lipa isn't in the film :-(

[4/10 · 5 May 2024]

Dua Lipa is the very attractive blonde who appeared in the movie trailer but disappears very quickly after the movie starts. Since this is supposed to be a spoof / comedy, she could have remained in the movie either as the lead or fictional alter ego. By fictional alter ego, I am referring to how the lead actor sees characters from her book popping up in her real life. Anyway, I felt cheated because I had this movie pegged as a guilty pleasure with Dua Lipa hamming it up but it was not to be.

The movie starts out well, has a few clever twists, and then peaks with the appearance of Alan Cranston who certainly knows how to play a villain well. But the movie gets progressively more silly to the point where I lost interest in it, yay, another farcical fight scene, can't have enough of those.

Law Abiding Citizen (2009)

The ending was fine

[8/10 · 1 April 2024]

This movie both repulsed and intrigued me in the same way as 'Eden Lake'. The man seeking revenge was really interesting to watch but his choice of victims made him less sympathetic. It had a touch of the 'Silence of the Lambs' Hannibal Lecter' where a seemingly powerless person uses his overpowering intellect to manipulate events. This was the best part.

Many commented on not liking the ending and their observations were valid, especially on how it was contrived. But it was fitting because the DA finally got one big win over the evil genius. It restored some balance to the movie.

I didn't root for the protagonist because I didn't like his choice of victims (except for one) but a movie like this must have victims; so be it. I loved the revenge against Darby, the actual thug who assaulted his family, it was very macabre and fitting as Darby was the most loathsome character in this movie. The events were well within my 'suspension of disbelief zone' where I didn't mind the liberties they took to get things done even if it was unrealistic.

Regarding his choice of victims, how about the clowns on the forensic team who botched the DNA evidence? I'm not going to blame the defense attorney because it is his job to be an advocate for his client.

The Booth at the End (2011–2012)

Why was this cancelled?

[10/10 · 28 March 2024]

In the world of cranking out cheap shows for streaming services, how did this one not make the cut for a season 3?

The production costs is basically non-existent. You only have to pay Xander Berkeley and 3 other actors to sit in a booth and talk. How expensive can that be?

I actually loved that they didn't have action scenes, we listen to the stories in the first person. I'm tired of the movies that have all action scenes in that they are so predictable, good / bad guy will trade blows that have no lasting effect and then good guy wins (yawn).

Here we have people asking the main actor for impossible things as he says, 'yeah, that can happen', as he then gives them a crazy assignment.

I loved this show, too bad we didn't get more episodes.

Manhunt (2024)

Great period piece

[10/10 · 22 March 2024]

With all period pieces you need to convince the viewer that you are in those times and have a storyline to carry the show. They totally nailed it.

The pacing is great. Events unfold at an even pace and capture the tension of the moment. The viewers complaining about inaccuracies are being very nitpicky. They got the most important aspects of the story correct as well as the technology of the day. Yes, horses need feed, you can forage but that slows you down. This is an important detail, it slowed down Boothe's escape. And yes, Boothe did bluff the guard at the bridge to get into Maryland, news of the assassination had not gotten to him yet.

Today, news of the event would be known almost instantly but not then. Arguing about light fixtures is an irrelevant detail.

This felt like a procedural crime drama set in the 19th century. The unfolding of the investigation was very convincing.

Greyhound (2020)

A ww2 version of 'Master and Commander'

[5/10 · 11 March 2024]

This is a ww2 version of Master and Commander but not nearly as good. To pull that off, you need to show the tradecraft of the day and enough action scenes to keep it from being a documentary. They did a good job on showing the tradecraft but the action sequences were too contrived for my taste.

For example, they spot a torpedo and have 20 seconds to respond, they have the ship do a crazy list almost putting the deck below the waterline as the capt stares at the torpedo barely missing his ship. A simple turn would do; the power of the torpedo was that you don't see it until it hits. Also, they had the capt of the U-Boat howling and taunting the destroyers over the radio. That is absurd, using the radio gives away his position and hunting destroyers is suicidal. Again, the power of the U-Boat was its stealth. Once it loses that it loses everything. U-Boats would target the convoy and then try to disappear, not duke it out on the surface with its one deck gun vs destroyers bristling with deck guns.

They did a good job of making you feel like you were on a ship in a hostile environment and showing the strengths and the weaknesses of the tech such as the sonar and radar but the action sequences made me roll my eyes more than once; 'Greyhound, this is Greywolf, today you are all going to die, A-WOOO (cringeworthy howl)'

Nefarious (2023)

You will kill 3 people before you leave

[10/10 · 18 February 2024]

This was a great horror movie. It didn't occur to me that this was a 'Christian' movie until near the end and even then, I'd call this a Christian friendly movie along the lines of the 1970's Exorcist which had a strong secular appeal.

The Christian element made the movie better because the demon comes across as rational and highly intelligent and when you listen to it, you understand its hatred and brutality all too well even as it horrifies you. In a purely secular movie, demons are watered down into generic monsters.

Flanery's performance was off the charts great. The actor who portrayed the Psychiatrist gave a solid performances but I'd call out Tom Ohmer's performance as the warden, exceptional.

Tom Ohmer was a minor character but his portrayal of the long suffering warden helped keep this movie grounded. You felt like you were in a death row prison with all of the grimness that entails.

Demon to Psychiatrist, 'you will kill 3 people before you leave here today'. I loved how they resolved this. I was expecting some standard tropes involving incompetent prison guards but they took it in a different direction.

One Night in Bangkok (2020)

A main character with no emotional appeal

[1/10 · 12 February 2024]

I don't mind that this is a remake of collateral; it's just a bad remake with a protagonist we do not care about.

The writers try to portray the protagonist as sympathetic but it falls flat because we never see the original wrong that sparks his revenge killings. There was a car accident. It killed his family and the wrongdoer never went to jail because of his family's connections. I get the rage but it was an accident. It doesn't justify killing an entire family. The writers should have used 10 minutes to show us the original wrong but instead they show his victims making perfectly logical arguments. 'I was a fixer, I had nothing to do with their deaths, I only helped after the accident, they would still be dead no matter what I did'. It's hard to argue with that logic.

The writers could have eliminated 10 minutes of redundant dialogue to show us the original wrong. For example, the killer is in the hospital and says to the cop ... 'I don't want to hurt you or the nurse'.

Cop, 'Then let her go, you are a good man doing a bad thing' This continues for several minutes.

In 'Collateral', we get emotionally involved because Tom Cruise is ruthless. We need to see him get his comeuppance but here we have a grampa that we neither like or dislike all that much.

Identity (2003)

The ending ruins the the movie

[1/10 · 5 February 2024]

The ending is so bad that it took away any enjoyment I got from the rest of the movie.

This is a mega-spoiler. They crammed every hackneyed horror movie cliche into the last 3 minutes of the movie and then ask yourself, is 3 minutes of continuous groaning worth the moderately good middle of the movie?

Why the ending was so bad 1. They did the jumpscare twist made popular in the first Friday the 13th movie in the 80's (but I thought she was safe!).

2. They did the big reveal (the creepy kid was the mastermind)

3. They did the dumb cops are no match for the supernaturally strong villain.

The protagonist is enjoying her new orange grove (yes, I know it is a metaphor inside the villain's mind, but go with it) then the creepy kid shows up and kills her. We are then treated to a series of flashbacks and gasp! The creepy kid responsible for all of the deaths. Puss-n-boots did a joke about this when Humpty says, '... AND I WAS THERE!' Meanwhile, the villain in the real world, escapes the prison transport because an attendant opens up the screen to talk to the villain. The Villain strangles him with his handcuffs as the driver crashes the van.

Why does this happen so often in movies, why do drivers always try to keep driving rather than pull over? Stop the car, leave the car, and then draw your weapon, or at least call for help. The villain is handcuffed. That should give you some advantage but instead the driver does the ONE thing that guarantees his death.

Perhaps in 2003, these tropes were still fresh but not today. The middle of the movie was okay, so if you don't mind, or are willing to laugh at, the ending then watch it.

Fargo (2014–2024)

The soundtracks are distractingly loud

[8/10 · 29 January 2024]

I subtracted a star because I hated the soundtrack so much. Either the music didn't match the scene and was too loud, or it matched and was too loud. In every other show, the soundtrack never bothers me, even if I think the music is bad because it's in the background. Here, it is always loud and in your face and takes over way too many scenes.

Do we really need to hear a loud pounding drum when a confrontation is taking place? It's as if the director thinks he has to tell you that this is a dramatic scene by slamming us with drums.

I love Yes' Roundabout but why play most of it in, 'Tragedy at the Commons'? Again, I wish I could ignore it but the director cranks it up.

Less is more. You don't have to blast soundtracks during all of these scenes. Keep it in the background.

Bob's Burgers (2011– )

The end of every episode is bad but the rest is OK

[8/10 · 21 January 2024]

They cap the end of every episode with a Belcher giving a speech of what they learned that day. The writers spoon feed it to us as if we did not understand the show we just watched, 'the Belcher's may be poor, and do crazy things but in the end they always do the right thing'. Linda, "I thought (blah) but now I realize (blah) is all that matters".

It's like Patricia Heaton's narration at the end of 'The Middle' or an episode of Davey and Goliath. We just saw the episode, there is no reason to explain it to us.

The previous 20 minutes are typically amusing. We get to watch socially dysfunctional characters do outrageous but believable things. Bob is the badly needed straight man. He has his quirks but is mostly the victim of the surrounding characters. He has become the most tolerant person on earth.

The only characters, that are too far gone to enjoy watching are Ollie / Andy (too dumb and loud), Hugo (a loud, petty, vindictive monster), and Gene (needs his own topic). Characters in the 'too far gone' category, are when you cringe the moment they get screen time and you cannot wait for it to end. On the other hand, mean characters can be fun to watch even though you hate what they do.

Gene Belcher shouts every single word in a monotone voice, he does disgusting things and is a narcissist. For some reason, he has a fan base so you may disagree with my assessment, to each their own but as Gene says, 'OUR .. NEXT .. BATH .. IS .. GOING .. TO .. BE .. VERY .. AWKWARD .. MOTHER!'

Friends (1994–2004)

Chandler vs Ross

[7/10 · 3 January 2024]

Chandler's humor is the only thing that still makes this show feel fresh. His sarcasm revealed truths in a humorous way. It was not mean. Phoebe, despite her foibles was kind.

I hated Ross. He is a toxic, narcissistic character. He expected 'Raysh' to abstain from men while he continued to pursue women. He tried to portray himself as the lovable goofball by using a fish face, but reveals his true nature when he flashes his mean eyes and even tries to control Raysh's work environment. I liked the tanning episode because he got his comeuppance with his know-it-all attitude. He acted as if he knew more about tanning than the people who work there.

Rachel and Monica were good characters and the best fountain dancers :-) Joey was fine but sometimes made me cringe. Unlike others, this show feels dated to me but it is watchable.

Fargo: Linda (2023) Season 5, Episode 7

It was all just a dream

[9/10 · 27 December 2023]

Just in case you are wondering, the entire sequence about the camp for abused woman, led by Sheriff abuser's wife was a dream sequence. Most likely imagined when she was in a near coma after the car accident. It was a way to reveal her background story in a creative way.

Here are the tells ... 1. Her puppet show was too perfect, it would take weeks to make all of those characters and sceneries. 2. She is back in the diner, having the exact meal, at the same time of day as when the 'dream' started.

I warned you that this had spoilers.

It was an okay episode as Juno Temple always delivers. Also, I find the guy who is channeling 'no country for old men' very interesting. The good husband is okay but has too much screen time, sheriff bad guy is too much of a stereotype.

Those Who Wish Me Dead (2021)

Not that hard to follow

[8/10 · 9 November 2023]

I'm surprised that there are reviewers who did not understand the plot. It's fine to hate this movie, only saying that it was coherent.

Short version: corrupt officials hire hitmen to hide their crimes.

A forensic accountant tracks money flows to uncover criminal organizations, he discovers money laundering and suspicious bank transfers. The father said this to his son in the car. He notifies the DA to open an investigation. Public officials who have access to the DA's office found this out and hired the hitmen to kill the DA and his family. They blew up the house, after the murder, to make it look like an accident. The amount of money involved and specific crimes are not listed but it is enough to motivate the bad guys who successfully destroy the DA's records to prevent any follow up investigations (specifically stated in movie).

The bad guys pursue the dad because he is the only other person who knows about these crimes. They track him down and kill him. They pursue his son, 'just in case', the father gave him evidence.

They shoot the sheriff because he and the deputy were approaching them and were a threat to their entire operation. They were obviously going to kill the deputy after he served their purpose of tracking down the son. They lie about having his pregnant wife at a secure location in order to have leverage over the deputy who does not trust them.

The crumpled paper is the location of the location of the evidence; not the entire evidence. The boy is safe at the end of the movie because the crime is now known to the general public making it impossible to cover up.

This movie has weak points, and it is fine to hate it, but lack of a coherent plot is not one of them.

Dollhouse (2009–2010)

Some interesting moments but doesn't age well

[5/10 · 4 October 2023]

The chemistry between the cast was great but the episodes were of mixed quality because JW kept changing directions. His final direction made me gag, yet another Zombie apocalypse.

First it started with stand alone, 'personality of the week'. Unlike others, I thought these were fine because it gave the actors a chance to pretend they were different people in the same bodies. Then JW explored the possibility of Rossum corp giving their clients immortality by permanently transferring themselves into new bodies. I liked this very much, this was the entire premise of 'Altered Carbon'. Finally, JW created a global apocalypse arc. I hated this with a passion because it opened the door for tired cliches and was completely unnecessary. Sticking with immortality would have served them well. I hated the apocalypse arc because it made no sense. There is no rational motive for Rossum to turn all of us into blank zombies instead of trying to fly under the RADAR to make billions of $ and achieve immortality.

Dollhouse: Epitaph Two: Return (2010) Season 2, Episode 13

Does every JW finale have to be an apocalypse?

[1/10 · 29 September 2023]

The storyline sets up the all too familiar storming of the castle to save save humanity.

The only thing missing was a voiceover, 'this is the last they will be together; those who survive will never be the same' as they play soulful music with wordless singing, 'la la la la LA LA LAHHH'. After all, no one ever said that being a hero is easy; friends will die and there will be endless kickboxing.

This felt contrived because there was no reason for Rossum to turn everyone into murderous, zombies. Rossum only needs 2% of us to achieve immortality with mind transference (imprinting). The rich still need the rest of us to tend their estates, serve them lobsters, and make their lives pleasant. Building a giant transmitter to turn all of us into murderous zombies makes the world unlivable, even for them. Let's see, we can either 1. Harvest a small number of people to achieve immortality and make billions of $, OR 2. Turn the entire world into a post-apocalyptic nightmare, so obviously they chose door #2.

Avatar: The Way of Water (2022)

Have the sky people EVER won a battle?

[4/10 · 5 September 2023]

Have humans ever won a battle, or a skirmish, against big blue? I'm fine with having the natives win but don't enjoy it when you just rehash fight scenes from the first movie as if humans never learned a thing.

The 'sky people (us)' return after some number of years and proceed to make the same mistakes over again. The most annoying one is that our hovercraft, potentially a great weapon, is worse than useless. All Blue has to do is throw a spear or arrow through the glass canopy and it will either hit another valuable asset or explode on impact. I get it, team blue is really strong so their spears and arrows have more force but still, all we have to do is make the canopy a bit stronger and we get to use our hovercraft again. We already have plexiglass that can stop bullets from an AK-47 at point blank range, can't we improve on that?

Instead of making arrow proof glass, they do form a new infiltration squad but they end up being useless canon fodder.

In short, 3 hrs of tedious, repetitive action.

Parks and Recreation: One Last Ride (2015) Season 7, Episode 12

And they lived happily ever after

[5/10 · 5 September 2023]

I loved the series but the finale was meh. It was void of all the whacky humor and bizarre plots that made this series so good. But if all you are looking for is to see what happens to each character so that you can say goodbye to them then by all means watch it but don't expect anything more than that.

Soooo much sugar, ''Ben finally gets that surgery to become a Hobbit/elf and go on a nationwide tour to promote 'Game of Cones'. Or, 'so-and-so finally buys that puppy mill and move to California.' I'm spouting nonsense of course. For the real endings, remove any story lines that are even remotely colorful, Ron's was a little colorful but predictable, 'and each one ended up with a happy and fulfilled life'.

Downhill (I) (2020)

Watch if you like awkward social situations

[9/10 · 11 July 2023]

1. Marriage colder than the top of the Alps in January.

2. Pushy, European hotel manager who just will not let things drop.

3. The friend who tries to bail you out but makes things worse.

4. The over the hill dad realizing that he's a dud, spouting dad wisdom, 'today is all we have' (as wife rolls eyes) The dad, of course, had visions of his grandsons repeating, 'today is all we have' at their eulogies as a treasured insight.

5. The dad, really did bail out on his family in a moment of panic.

Every married guy should watch this so that in his #5, he will protect his family, not because he is brave but because death is better than letting your wife hold this against you for the rest of your life.

Transformers: The Last Knight (2017)

Michael Bay's checklist to make bad movies

[1/10 · 24 June 2023]

1. Every movie must be 3hrs long, keep adding secondary characters until you get there.

2. Have a pointless love interest with no chemistry.

3. Have fight scenes pop up out of nowhere just to show off special effects.

4. Pay a famous actor to do what amounts to an extended cameo, no matter how forced.

5. Introduce stereotypical, secondary characters that were popular in the 80's, the cute kid and the comedic relief, black guy

6. Have heroic deaths, where each hero gets to give a speech as they die in the arms of their best friend. Play epic music just in case we don't understand the moment.

7. Even after 3hrs, leave the audience confused about the plot and behavior of main characters. What was up w/Optimus Prime was he a redeemed bad guy or a restored good guy, why the mood swings?

8. Have the main villain who was indestructible at the start of the movie, badly lose the last fight of the movie.

I felt bad for Laura Haddock, she could have served a purpose other then 'love interest' had they combined her role with Hopkins, and dropped Hopkins. This would have shortened the movie by 30 minutes (oh yeah, rule #1). But instead they gave her a trite role, 'the scholar who was the ONLY one who could FIND the artifact only to hand it over to Wahlberg the ONLY one who could USE it)

Riverdale (2017–2023)

The 1950's season is dreadful

[4/10 · 26 April 2023]

I enjoyed first few seasons. The over the top reimagining of the series was a guilty pleasure. I chuckled when they turned Ms. Grundy as a sexy librarian type rather than an elderly schoolmarm.

But S7, the 1950's season, suffers a common pitfall of period pieces, some producer (or whoever), gets so consumed trying to re-create the period that they forget that they still need to write a story. They think, 'Wow, I found an actual cereal box from the 50's, I can use on the show!' The comic book episode, 'Tales in a Jugular Vein, is a great example of that. All style but pointless. I miss the bemused opening narration of the Jughead in the first few seasons. (BTW the show, 'Taboo' is a good example of how to do a period piece correctly, it actually had a plot)

S7 is using, what are at best, side themes, and pretending it's a story. It's true. The 1950's was an oppressive, golden age, for the adult white male but is that all you have to say? We already knew that.

There is nothing fun or interesting in S7.

The King of Queens (1998–2007)

Kevin James, master of cringe humor

[10/10 · 26 April 2023]

Even after 20yrs, I still watch some episodes. How often does that happen? It's at its best when Kevin James does things that is unbearably childish and petty, yet relatable. He acts out fleeting thoughts that I've had but quickly reel in. Those moments are both funny and painful. He reads way too much into a pretty waitress' friendly gesture, has to get credit for a play he made in a football game no matter the cost. He isn't really going to say / do that is he? And Kevin James delivers w/aplomb.

I regret that they dropped Lisa Rieffel, aka Sara Spooner, the 'hot sister', after the first season. They could have kept her around as the 'Holly character' (hot mess). They probably thought it would take away from Leah Remini's role of being the hot wife who married down. But I think that was manageable as a once in a while character.

Memories (1995)

Was the 3rd story actually good?

[1/10 · 20 March 2023]

Story #1, an average mess, I groaned and watched story #2 which was insufferable. The main character lacked all self-awareness and was dumb as bricks as were the military who tried to stop him.

The military tries to stop him from getting to Tokyo by blowing up a tunnel, okay but they blew up the far end just after he entered but left their end open. Then they blow fans into the tunnel which will circulate air back to them because they just collapsed the other side. Had they blown up both tunnel ends or either entrance before the idiot got there on his scooter, all would have been well. This was the crowning moment on top of a chain of stupidity.

Yellowjackets (2021– )

Yes, it is Lord of the Flies

[4/10 · 3 March 2023]

When a group dressed in animal skins, howl as they chase you down, and then later make an offering to a tree shrine, you are in LoF. LoF was about the break down in social norms when people are isolated.

The pacing is dreadful as was the constant switching between three different timelines in the same episode. You see pre-crash, post crash, and current day all spliced together.

I am hoping this show improves, the last episode was the best of the lot. Let's see how they develop the supernatural element along with the cunning but disturbed Misty (the only interesting character).

No rescue for 19mo's?

This is the weakest plot point. Ground control would have the revised flight path from the pilot. Yes, the Canadian Rockies are treacherous but a low fly over would spot the uncovered, plane wreck.

A search party would use that as a starting point to track the survivors. 3mo's is believable and plenty of time for people to get desperate, but 19mo's is over the top.

Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Surrender Benson (2013) Season 15, Episode 1

The criminal who can defeat God on His best day

[8/10 · 15 January 2023]

I'm giving this a high rating because it is good for type. This is one of those 'supernaturally gifted villain vs bafflingly dumb cops' stories. Stories like this are good in that you keep watching because you must see the villain get his comeuppance and this keeps building every time, he gets away with something. The actor who plays the villain, BIll Lews did very well. He gets under your skin.

This takes 4 episodes. This is part 1, the other 3 are 'Psycho/Therapist', 'Beast's Obsession', and ending with 'Post-Mortem Blues' (part 4).

The bad part about stories like this is that they have the cops do dumb things to keep the story going. It starts out well. The despicable Bill Lewis outwits the SVU because they underestimate him, and he catches a lucky break. But then it gets progressively more absurd. He can go anywhere and do anything with impunity. An example, he rapes and tortures a woman for 18 hrs leaving behind DNA with the victim immediately blurting out his name when the police arrive. But they end up discarding the DNA evidence, the victim/witness conveniently dies without warning shortly after leaving the hospital and they never use Lewis' statements from his interview. Oh no, he said 'hypothetically' before describing the crime, it's not a confession! Okay it's not a confession but the fact that he knows all the unpublished details is certainly worth mentioning to the jury (they don't). To make matters worse, Lewis puts them on the defensive by attacking Benson's part of the interview in the courtroom.

Regarding the DNA evidence, the medical examiner has no answer to provide when Lewis brings up the possibility of cross DNA contamination. That could give a false indication of Lewis presence if there was another perp but doesn't explain why ALL the DNA matches Lewis.

The dumb cop theme keeps getting worse when Lewis finally shoots himself to setup Benson for a murder charge. The IAB guys glare at her when Benson says that Lewis used his left hand to shoot himself. IAB, 'Det. Benson, Lewis is right-handed, why would he use his left hand!' Well, you could test his left hand for gun powder residue rather than create false drama for the 4th episode.

I liked Donal Logue's performance. Harvey from 'Gotham', he becomes an acting commander of SVU, and he was able to bring the fight to Lewis rather than flounder like the rest of the staff. I found this episode flawed but I can see how people could like it.

Cruel Intentions (1999)

Like watching a 1930's black and white movie

[1/10 · 29 November 2022]

When people say, a 90's movie, they are correct but not in a good way. It's dated. It has 90's tropes.

The male protagonist is a dispicable, sexual predator. He uses revenge porn against a woman just for believing his lies. He becomes enraged when a person actually tells the truth about him and he seeks revenge.

He blackmails a gay football player (charmingly called a fudge pusher) by threatening to out him. It's the 90's, being gay is considered shameful The movie redeems the male protagonist by having him make one contrived grand gesture at the end (awe) This is trope #1.

Trope #2. A woman (Sarah Michelle Gellar) ends up being the main villain because she enjoys using sex almost as much as the male protagonist. Since this is obviously a chauvanist view, the movie has her do one despiable thing so that we cheer when she is humiliated as the man is lionized.