jaxbubba Reviews

Legacy (IV) (2020)

Poorly written tripe...

[1/10 · 12 June 2020]

I've not seen a more poorly written thriller than 'Legacy' in some time. Where mercenary hitman with chainsaws decide to leave their prey alive to ensure a happy family reunion at the film's end, and the film's foreshadowing of archery and hemophilia are never incorporated into the film's plot intensity or climatic conclusion.

Film's like 'Legacy' aren't difficult to write, and follow a very simple formula to accomplish success: (1) kill someone of importance to the main character (i.e. - family member), (2) do something stupid to get caught by the film's antagonist, (3) escape, and (4) seek revenge. This is script writing 101; however, none of which were present in this feature.

The premise of the film was simple enough. While on a hunting trip in the isolated wilderness, a father and his adopted teenage son are turned into the prey of unknown assailants. They are unexpectedly joined in their fight for survival by a stranger who reveals the disturbing truth about the son's biological father, an international crime lord, and why that crime lord has sent trained assassins to kill the teenager.

Again, this film was like a episode of the 60's Star Trek tv show, where only non-essential personnel were fodder for the kill. Seriously, we were only missing the red uniform tops to identify which poor unsuspecting extra was going to die next. Mothers, Fathers, Stepsons, and lead agents need not worry, no matter how many times you ridiculously enter / re-enter the assassin's kill zone.

In conclusion, this movie is a huge waste of time. 98 minutes of slow uneventful storytelling, and in the end you really could care less what happens to anyone on the screen. The "red herrings" are abundant, however, none come to fruition or any prevailence (i.e. - bow & arrow, chainsaw, hemophilia, etc.) I found this film very lackluster, boring, and not very entertaining. I really can't recommend viewing this feature.

36 Saints (2013)

Just plain awful

[1/10 · 25 October 2014]

A pretty ridiculous film in which the faith of the world resides in the hands of thirty-six (36) unsuspecting / unknowing souls.

A gravely serious introductory voice-over lays out the convoluted plot: Every generation is protected from evil by 36 individuals who "carry the suffering of the world." If they're wiped out, it's apocalypse now.

As the film begins, an unfortunate plane crash (the year prior) has whittled the current number from thirty-six to nine, and they inexplicably all reside in Washington Heights. Yes, you heard right, six billion people in the world and the nine (9) remaining people who control the faith of the world over evil... and not only do they reside in the same place, but attend the same prep school and all hang-out with one another. Let's just say that "Lilith" and her hoards of the unholy, have no problems systematically wiping out our totally clueless teenage saviors.

Two New York City cops (Franky G, Jeffrey De Serrano) are warned that an age-old demon is on a killing spree, but their lackluster detective work does little to stem director Eddy Duran's slapdash pileup of strangely coy kill scenes (each mimicking the demise of the victim's namesake saint). The audience knows the culprit (though not her appearance): introductory narration informs us that Lilith, Eve's outcast predecessor in the Garden of Eden, is after God's "36" chosen. But before the police can determine her agenda, people must die by hanging, stabbing, shooting, bludgeoning and crucifixion. And we must witness a succession of scenes trying, but often failing, to tease us with tense buildups before thwarting our expectations.

For whatever reason, obligatory final girl Eve (Britne Oldford) is an aspiring actress trapped in a terrible indie horror movie. Whether that's meta or moronic isn't really worth the debate. Both are equally bad and neither are worth your time or attention.

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Mall (2014)

Tarantino WANNABE

[1/10 · 23 August 2014]

UGGGHHHhhhhhh!!! If you have never had the experience of sitting through a 90-minute feature film and as the final credits start to roll, you ask yourself, "WTF, over???" Then boy do I have a film for you....

Director / Musician Joe Hahn braved his first Comic-Con when he was 14 years old. Now 37, the Linkin Park beat maker is making his directorial film debut with "Mall", a movie about a horrific shooting at a shopping mall.

Hahn had 18 days to shoot Mall, which focuses on five "disgruntled suburbanites" inside the mall separately, but the narrative is driven by a single person. The movie follows a group of suburbanites who find themselves at a shopping mall in the wake of a random shooting and how their outlooks on life are transformed as a result.

"Mall" is based on Eric Bogosian's 2001 novel of the same name, and it was slightly altered for the big screen by Sam Bisbee, Joe Vinciguerra and Vincent D'Onofrio. The latter two, respectively, also produced and and acted in the film.

Paragon Pictures acquired the North American rights to the film, which comes from a screenplay penned by Vincent D'Onofrio, Joe Vinciguerra and Sam Bisbee, adapted from a 2001 novel from Eric Bogosian. D'Onofrio, best known for his roles in "Full Metal Jacket," "Men in Black," "Ed Wood" and TV's "Law & Order: Criminal Intent," will also star in the thriller along with Gina Gershon, Cameron Monaghan, Peter Stormare and James Frecheville.

"The script needed a main voice to lead you through the film; Jeff (played by Cameron Monaghan) was chosen as the one because of his character arc in his personal growth and realizations about life." There is a quote in the film where Jeff says, 'I am not stuck, I am unstuck.' In that moment, Jeff chooses his own destiny to not take the easy way out like the other characters in the film."

However as the film progresses, it becomes a complete mishmash of ridiculous story lines that may or may not intertwine as the night unfolds. It's almost like "The Breakfast Club" except the five (5) lead characters are as follows: the pervert, the whore, the loser, the killer, and the token black guy. None of whom know each other before the day begins. Throw in four more high school rejects to add mayhem to the story line and "PESTO!"...what you have here is a low-budget Tarantino knockoff-wannabe!!!! And not in a good way either.... Do not waste your time and / or money on this one.

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10 Rules for Sleeping Around (2013)

Pee-Yew!!!!

[1/10 · 18 May 2014]

TV producer Leslie Grief has rarely ventured onto the big screen since working on Walker: Texas Ranger. His last experience, directing and cowriting the 2006 Chevy Chase bomb "Funny Money", might have convinced a more cautious man to stick to exec-producing generic reality-TV fare. Instead, Grief returns with "10 Rules for Sleeping Around", which should hammer the last nail into the coffin of his theatrical aspirations. Inept in just about every way, the farce about two pairs of would-be philanderers may well prove to be 2014's most unenjoyable comedy, provided Adam Sandler doesn't have a third Grown Ups planned for this summer. Unlike Grown Ups, this picture will make only a brief flicker in theaters before reaching "Video-On-Demmand" purgatory.

Jesse Bradford plays Vince, the numbskull who sets the story in motion by convincing his wife, Cami (Virginia Williams), that they should have an open relationship governed by a douchebag decalogue of his own design; things go predictably awry when Cami decides to exercise this freedom with a cougar-hunting Hamptons horndog. At the same time, Vince has sold his dim-bulb bro, Matt (Chris Marquette), on proposing a similar sexual arrangement to his easily flustered girlfriend, Kate (Tammin Sursok), who's soon chasing Cami out to the Hamptons to join in the misbehavior. Mistaken identities and misinterpreted clues pile up as the four characters separately try to crash a party-of-the- season thrown by a notorious Hollywood hedonist (Michael McKean).

These leads have scores of credits among them, but as directed by Grief most would have a hard time landing a gig in a deodorant commercial. Dialogue spills out indiscriminately, its lack of comic timing not helped by Richard Nord's editing.

Failing at banter, Grief tries to score laughs with some faux-naughty outrageousness, most of which involves a teenage boy running around naked, with feathers stuck to him, with an amorous dog in hot pursuit. A funnier film might have gotten away with having this desperate kid fend off his canine pursuer with campus anti-rape slogans like "My body, my choice!"; this one simply begs to be found offensive in addition to stupid and desperately unfunny.

So to some this all up, bad writing, bad acting, bad direction, a horrendous script, and a all too familiar plot adds up to one disastrous film... If I was force to have to watch this film while in flight, I would seriously consider using the emergency exit; yes, it's that bad!!!!

Extraction (II) (2013)

Poor Poor Danny Glover...

[1/10 · 18 May 2014]

They say in Hollywood that there is no such thing as a small role, only small actors... However, Danny Glover's appearance in this low-budget $1.1 Million dollar production is just plain embarrassing. When actor Vinnie Jones ("Euro-trip" and "Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels") is getting higher billing than you, it just may be time to turn in your SAG card.

The film stars Jon Foo as Mercy Callo, a member of a black-ops team who moves in on a brothel to catch a wanted suspect holding a mysterious flash drive. Mercy captures the target, but hesitates to follow orders to terminate him when he is convinced his captive knows more than what flash drive holds.

"EXTRACTION" goes on to follow Mercy as the only survivor of a botched prisoner extraction mission. To save the lives of thousands of innocent civilians, he has to catch a terrorist arms-dealer with the help of a criminal—who may have information about a pending large-scale attack.

It's "The Raid" meets "24" and totally feels like a made for TV action thriller; "Extraction" has quasi-entertaining fight scenes and a plot that's been regurgitated time and time again. "Extraction" marks the first feature film by the website Crackle and the film is written and directed by Tony Giglio (Chaos).

In all honesty, despite the film's formulaic alignment with select contained-action classics, the film is a huge disappointment for any hardcore fans of Jon Foo who are used to seeing more lively work illustrated previously in films like "House Of Fury" and "Tom Yum Goong". The stunt coordination by seasoned veteran stuntman, actor and action director James Lew and co-fight choreographer Lin Oeding was pretty lame while watching both Foo and Hentschel trading blows with the film's screenfighting extras. But it's only at the biggest fight scene at the cusp of the film's third act between Foo, and actor Paul Duke, where Foo gets to flex his muscles a little more, but only a little.

All in all, "Extraction" isn't Jon Foo's best work. Some of the action seems to play it safe, and isn't really worthy of viewing if you're a Jon Foo fan or an action movie fan in general. Even worse, the film sets itself up for a possible sequel. At any rate, the film can be seen for free viewing at Crackle's official website.

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Not Safe for Work (2014)

Die Hard - LITE

[7/10 · 12 May 2014]

Director Joe Johnston has built a career on big adventure movies like "The Rocketeer", "Jurassic Park III" and "Captain America: The First Avenger", but he opted for something a little different with his latest film, "Not Safe for Work". A low budget indie thriller produced by Jason Blum (Paranormal Activity), the story revolves around an office worker (Max Minghella) who is trapped inside an office building after hours with a killer on the loose.

Tom Miller (Max Minghella) is a paralegal for a huge law firm who stumbles upon incriminating evidence while researching information for an upcoming trial. His discovery of evidence leads to his immediate termination. However, while leaving his office building for the last time, Tom witnesses a very suspicious occurrence which forces him to return to his work space.

The events that follow unfurl much like a "Die Hard" film; however, with only 1/100th the budget, and 1/1000th the "Bruce Willis" factor ... But still completely captivating nonetheless.

Tom becomes trapped in his office building with a demented killer (J.J. Field). As Tom rushes to protect those employees working late, he soon discovers that his legal firm has been hiding sinister secrets that could put thousands of lives at risk. This film comes from the same producers of "Paranormal Activity" and "Insidious". A really nice psychological thriller where an ordinary office becomes the twisted killing ground for a psychopathic killer.

This movie was quietly moved from a theatrical release to a direct-to-DVD / VOD title, which usually proves to be a bad sign. However, I found this low-budget indie film to be totally riveting, and quite entertaining. Definitely worth seeking out, and definitely worth the cost of renting.

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Silent But Deadly (2011)

An homage to the second-bill double feature film

[6/10 · 13 August 2013]

If you were ever curious to know what would happen if Silent Bob (Jason Mewes) was to become totally infatuated with barnyard nannies, so much so, that their harm would lead to your demise... then boy do I have a film for you!!!

"Silent But Deadly" is a quasi-decent Slasher-Comedy. The start is wonderful with goat loving Thomas being hunted by his hick of a father, who is not just angry that his son was spying on his two wives but also that his two Russian brides are actually only interested in each other rather than him. William Sadler comes out with the fantastic line "Goddamn Russian lesbos , worst money I ever spent". Just after those immortal lines are uttered then Capper kills the kid goat and Thomas takes his revenge.

"Silent But Deadly" keeps the laughs coming with a wise cracking 3 feet tall Sheriff and his able but often put down deputy. Sheriff Shelby is a riot and his one-liners are great , he is a small man with small man's syndrome and poor Deputy Jimbo is often the butt of the Sheriff's jokes and wrath.

There are many things to like about "Silent But Deadly" including Mewes performance as Thomas, he is almost entirely mute apart from just before he kills someone he speaks the name of the implement he will use for the murder "Delicatessen Meat Slicer" for example ! This is genius. Also the performances of Prentice and Antoine as the Napoleonic Sheriff and his long suffering Deputy are brilliant. They play off each other really well and have many laugh out loud moments and great scenes together.

The one bad thing (and for me it is horrendous) is the appalling CGI . Other than the first kill the rest are completely unbelievable; however, highly entertaining. There are so many talented FX guys out there and CGI is just used out of pure laziness . Though the total budget on this film was a mere $500k, cost difference between FX vs CGI is non existent and it just really made me dislike a film... that on the whole I was really enjoying.

"Silent But Deadly" was first screened in Canada in 2011, and is now scheduled for release in the US in September 2013. "Silent But Deadly" is a fun Slasher film, that would be best enjoyed with friends over a few beers (okay, maybe a lot of beers). It's no "Scream" or "Scary Movie" but it is still an amusing "B" movie slasher/comedy film that could have easily been so much more. The film actually really reminded me of the "second-bill" film of a drive-in Double Feature, complete with blatant random nudity and a cast mostly composed of misfit idiots.

Dark Skies (2013)

Refreshing, and surprisingly thrilling

[7/10 · 24 May 2013]

I have to admit that I am not an avid fan of PG-13 horror films. To me they are just a watered down semblance of the real thing, and a Hollywood ploy to garner a larger marketable audience base (i.e. - teen males 13-17). However, I was shockingly surprised by how much I truly enjoyed this film. Writer / Director Scott Stewart (Priest / Legion) did a phenomenal job with what limited resources ($3.5 Million budget) that he had, to bring to the screen a well written, well acted, and highly intense horror / alien abduction genre film.

This film was a combination "Poltergeist" meets "Close Encounters of the Third Kind". The Barret family is feeling the tolls of a struggling economy. Daniel Barret (Josh Hamilton) has been laid off from his job for several months as the film opens, while his wife Lacy (Keri Russell) is trying to keep the family afloat selling real estate. TIMES ARE TOUGH!!!! This family is truly on borrowed time. Matters only get worse as mysterious unexplained occurrences start to manifest in their home during the late hours of the night.

Again, I cannot champion Scott Stewart's abilities to draw the audience into this family's dire circumstances enough; I was really feeling their pain with every unfortunate situation that was thrown at them. However, where this film truly shines is in its editing!!!! YES, I SAID EDITING!!!! Director Scott Stewart had a very, very limited budget; so the special effects used in this film were pretty much nonexistent!!! The alien creatures in this film were little more than "black stick figure entities with faceless lollipop heads". If these creatures would have spent any face-time on the scene, the audience would have laughed its way out of the theater; however, what Direct Scott Stewart elected to do was splice them into "flash" sequences (one second you see them, the next second you don't), and the effect was AMAZINGLY ominous, intensely frightening, and edge-of-your-seat spellbinding!!!!

Perhaps my favorite character in the whole film had to be J.K. Simmons as Edwin Pollard, the alien expert. I only wished this character would have had more screen time. As Daniel and Lacy finally accept that they might actually be dealing with something more than just some "bad karma", Lacy resorts to the internet and finds Edwin Pollard. However, unlike Zelda Rubinstein (Psychic Extraordinaire from "Poltergeist"), Pollard (Simmons) has pretty much accepted the alien existence on Earth and his inability to do anything else but track their global activities / abductions. When the Barret's ask why they were "selected" or "targeted" by the aliens, Pollard responds "That would be like the rats in science labs inquiring why they are being injected with cancer!!!" A fantastic analogy that pretty much sums up this whole entire film!!

All in all, a really incredible film that highly recommend and encourage that you to seek out!!! Further proof that good cinema does not require 100 million dollar budgets to entertain the masses. I'm actually becoming quite the Scott Stewart enthusiast; I have yet to see a bad film made by him. If you are in the mood for some really nice film-making, with plenty of boom for the buck; then "Dark Skies" just might be what you are seeking.

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Stand Up Guys (2012)

Pure Genius!!!!

[7/10 · 24 April 2013]

Movie Review: "Stand Up Guys" (*** 1/2 out of 5) - What do you get when you put Al Pacino, Christopher Walken, and Alan Arkin all together into one motion picture.... Pure Genius!!!

Al Pacino is Valentino (Val), an old-school, small time, two bit crook. Val took the fall for a botched robbery 28 years prior. Being a "Stand up guy", Val did his time and kept his mouth shut, and never revealed any information with regards to the crime; he didn't cop a plea, rat out his friends, and he was tried and sentenced to the full extent of the law. Val's best friend and cohort in crime is Doc (Christopher Walken). While in prison and even now as Val prepares to be reintegrated back into society, Doc has always been there for Val. However, Doc has a heavy burden weighing on his conscious. It seems that during all the gunfire shot amid the botched robbery, Val inadvertently shot and killed the only son of the crime syndicates Boss, Claphands (played by Mark Margolis). Claphands has waited 28 long years for retribution; and Doc has been ordered to execute the hit on Val, and he only has 24 hours to complete the task or suffer repercussions himself for noncompliance.

Great acting is like a fine wine, it only improves with age. What Pacino and Walken do on screen is absolutely mesmerizing. The heart-felt camaraderie between these veterans of the silver screen (and silver hair) is amazing to witness; even more so is the agonizing guilt and torment that Doc (Walken) is internalizing. Doc's only mission this night is to ensure that his oldest and closest friend, has the best 'last night' of his life. The kicker to this whole situation, is that Val (Pacino) is no idiot. Val realized that having survived prison was all in the grand scheme of Claphands' plan, for Val to experience every single pitiful day to the full extent of his prison sentence, only to have Claphands' vindication be exacted upon his release. Val's only question is, "Who is going to pull the trigger?"

Director Fisher Stevens and writer Noah Haidle do a great job bringing debt, warmth, and compassion to these (should be) highly unlikeable characters. However, Pacino and Walken are in their element. Though the years are starting to definitely show in these icons of the Hollywood stage and screen, their talent can not or will not be denied. This is never more prevalent than in my favorite scene of the whole movie when Val decides to go to confession to atoll for his sins (of that day)... As the priest is pretty much godsmacked by what he has just heard, and Val departs the confessional. Doc looks to Val and asks, "Are you good to go, have you been absolved your sins???" Val retorts,"Close enough." I highly recommend this film. This film has so much more happening below the surface than being presented on screen; the depth and skill possessed by this cast is something special to behold, and more so to enjoy.

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Gambit (I) (2012)

It's NOT you typical Coen Brother Production

[6/10 · 18 April 2013]

Webster's defines a gambit as a chess opening in which a player risks one of his pawns or a minor piece in order to gain an advantage of securing a larger more valuable piece or position. This British import re-make of the 1966 Michael Caine / Shirley MacLaine comedy caper is devilishly delightful and features the ensemble cast of Colin Firth, Cameron Diaz and Alan Rickman. Written by the Coen brothers Joel and Ethan, this films lacks the laugh out loud comedic antics that you have come to expect with a typical Coen Brothers production; however, this film is an engaging movie to sit through and effortlessly hits all the sweet spots that a heist comedy should hit.

Colin Firth (The King's Speech) plays Harry Deane, an art curator working for Lionel Shahbandar (Alan Rickman), a maniacal businessman who possesses little or no concern to the employees that work for him. Deane, who despises his boss, devises an elaborate scheme to swindle his boss using Shahbandar's biggest weakness, his fondness of art, more specifically Monet artwork. Shahbandar paid $11 Million Pounds (British Sterling) for Monet's 'Haystacks at Dawn'. Deane hopes to entice his boss into buying a forged Monet's 'Haystacks at Dusk' replica companion piece for $12 Million Pounds (British Sterling) in which Deane will authenticate as the real genuine article.

Prior to putting this genius plan into action, Deane shares his complex connivery with the audience in a dream sequence of how exactly this diabolical plan of action would/should fall into place. In order for this whole plan to work, Deane needs to secure the services of one more very essential person to his plot, P.J. Puznowski (Cameron Diaz). It seems that PJ is the great, granddaughter, of SGT Puznowski, who lead the raid on the Nazi stronghold of European stolen artwork which so happen to include, Monet's 'Haystacks at Dusk'. Deane is adamant that if Shahbandar is so obsessed and blind to Monet's artwork that he will do or pay any amount of money to complete his collection. However, nothing seems go as Henry Deane planned, it's a total debacle from the beginning.

The true star of this film is Alan Rickman!!! He's funny, arrogant, chauvinistic, evil, belittling, in other words, MAGNIFICENT!!! He steals every scene that he is in. Seriously underestimated by Deane (Firth), Shahbandar (Rickman) is a cut-throat businessman; Rickman (doing his best Alan Sugar, British magnate, impersonation) isn't as eagerly venerable to the dangling bait Deane has to offer.

A very cute movie nonetheless; I am actually now very interested in seeing the Michael Caine / Shirley MacLaine 1966 original. This film is definitely worth seeking out on DVD, Cable, or On Demand. Again this is not your typical Coen Brother's slapstick, in-your-face comedy, but instead a more adult refined sort of comedy. British in nature; however, be warned that some of the disturbing images of Alan Rickman from this film may resonate in your memories for a long time to come.

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Oblivion (I) (2013)

A very average SCI Fi film

[5/10 · 17 April 2013]

Even from the opening monologue of this film, you can tell that there is something just not quite right with the information that is being presented to the audience. The year is 2077. Fifty (50) years prior an alien invasion force known simply as "The Scavengers" or just plain "Scavs" destroyed the Earth's moon causing catastrophic global nature disasters (i.e. – earthquakes, tidal waves, tsunamis, etc.). Cities were toppled, worldwide panic and chaos followed, then the alien invasion commenced. In order to fight off the alien attackers, the world nuclear arsenal was dispatched. The War was won, but the planet was lost due to nuclear contamination leaving most of the planet uninhabitable. What was let of humanity was forced to leave the planet, and colonized on Titan, Saturn's largest moon.

Jack Harper (Tom Cruise) is Tech 49, one of the last few humans stationed on the planet. He lives in a tower thousands of feet above the Earth where he and his communications officer and lover Victoria (Andrea Riseborough) are part of an operation to extract the planet's remaining resources, especially water. Jack and Victoria maintain contact with civilization via a video link with their commander, Sally (Melissa Leo), and are due to join the rest of humanity on Titan in two weeks. Assisting Jack in his work are weaponized 'drones', airborne machines that scour the landscape to destroy the remaining alien resistance.

Five years prior the government mandated mandatory memory wipes; however, Jack is suffering from recurring dreams and flashbacks of New York before the invasion and an unknown woman. This is quite peculiar given that New York was destroyed some fifty (50) years prior, and in the dreams Jack is an adult. Even more strange is this highly expansive and elaborate drone system that was erected to defend a devastated and abandoned planet. However, things really start to get interesting when 'the scavs' activate a homing beacon and a spaceship containing human bodies in stasis crash lands on the planet.

I have nothing negative to say with regards to "Oblivion". The film was fine. However, is 'fine' what you are looking for when you are going to see a Sci Fi film??? I THINK NOT!!! There is nothing (forgive the pun) "EARTH-SCATTERING" about this film. The story is fine, the plot twist works, the acting and on screen chemistry are okay. But I did not leave this film thinking to myself, "OMG, THAT WAS AWESOME!!!!" It was more like "Oh, okay, yeah that seems to explain everything." I'm sure this weekend this film will do stellar business; however, I believe word-of-mouth will bring sharp declines in the following week's receipts. For those of you planning to see this film regardless of this review, do yourself a favor and see it during the Matinée Bargain showings. I would actually suggest waiting for its release to DVD or On DEMAND. Again, this is not a HORRENDOUS film; but it is a quite AVERAGE film.

Oz the Great and Powerful (2013)

Not so Great and Not so Powerful

[4/10 · 15 April 2013]

After hearing all the poor reviews of this film, I was not looking forward to seeing this movie. Even more so, when the first 90 minutes of this film was basically a scene for scene re-telling of the 1939 original, complete with black & white opening sequence, and people from the opening sequence being place throughout the colorized segment of the film (i.e. - Zach Braff as monkey boy, Joey King as China Girl, and Michelle Williams as Glinda). The film only became interesting in the movie's built up to it's climatic conclusion, the epic battle of GOOD vs EVIL in which the Emerald City and the well- being of all the people of Oz are at stake. The question that you have to be asking yourself, is thirty (30) mins of a two hour film worth investing my time and energy; and I would probably have to say, no it is not!!!

If the cinematography of this film was mesmerizing, and Oz was was like Pandora in Avatar, something beautiful to behold, then maybe that could be a saving grace for this film. However, it's not. The actors are readily identifiable as walking in front of a 'green screen' and the Disney animation easily compares to the 1946 animation of 'Song of the South'. It's really that archaic and bad. After Sam Raimi's success with CGI in his Spider- Man trilogy, the folks at Disney should be irate, embarrassed, and ashamed. However, the new Oz Waterpark ride looks like it will be amazing!!!

The actors of this film added even less to this production. Not being a huge James Franco fan, his role as Oz has done nothing to change my opinion of his acting. Mila Kunis (Theodora) and Rachel Wiesz (Evanora) did their best with what they had to work with. While Zach Braff was his stereotypical self, though most of his role was voice over for flying monkey boy, Finley.

All in all, this film is was actually not the epic failure of say 'John Carter'; however, it was pretty close. I can only hope and pray that J.J. Abrams outsources his CGI animation requirements for the upcoming Star Wars VII film or we may be in a world of Jar Jar Binks. Not a great film, nor a good one either; my biggest fear right now is that it may be my next in-flight movie on my next trip home... Talk about being afraid to fly!!! If you still feel the need to see this film, I would highly recommend waiting for it's DVD release or On Demand. I do not see this film becoming the next cherished "It's a Wonderful Life" or "Wizard of Oz" over the next 30 years.

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Warm Bodies (2013)

Zombie Romeo and Juliet

[5/10 · 12 April 2013]

I have to admit that it actually took me two sittings to finally get through this film; however, once you get past the utterly preposterous plot premise of this film, the movie turns out to be kind of cute in the most ridiculous set of circumstances that you could possibly imagine. The basic plot line is as follows: boy dies and turns into a zombie, boy kills girl's boyfriend, zombie eats boyfriend's brain, gain knowledge of girlfriend, zombie falls in love with girlfriend. You can easily see why after only the first 24 minutes of my first attempt to view this film, I quickly diverted to watching something else. However, the film does get better, and even somewhat more ludicrous as the film proceeds. But we will get to that…

The film centers around "R", a teenage zombie with lots on his minds, but he is constrained within the rotting corpse of a zombie. He reminisces of days gone by, and collects household treasures that he can relate (snow globes, vinyl records). His only pleasure in his afterlife existence comes with the consumption of human brains. The brain holds all the memories and experiences of its human host, and all these events and recollections get transferred to the zombie as the brain is ingested. These life images provide the zombie with a brief euphoria of what it was like to be alive. So when "R" (Nicholas Hoult) ate Perry's brain (Dave Franco), Perry's memories of his girlfriend Julie (Teresa Palmer) came rushing into "R" s zombie soul. While feasting on Perry's brain "R" happens to glance up, and quickly realizes that Julie (his new memory) is about to ravaged by a horde of zombies as well. He rushes to save the damsel in distress, and thus ignites the first spark of life ever to be felt by the undead.

The story that follows is your typical dweeb boy falls for the hot cheerleader teen angst PG-13 film; however, writer/director Jonathon Levine does employ lots of zombie humor to keep this story fresh and fun. The longer Julie and "R" are together, the more human "R" becomes. However, turmoil arises when the truly undead, the "bonies", sense that their world is changing as the newly undead are starting to experience feelings. Add in that Julie's father (John Malovich) is the leader of the human resistance force to kill all zombies, and what you have here is a 21st century twist on a Zombie Apocalypse meets 'Romeo and Juliet' tragedy complete with its own balcony scene.

Needless to say, this is not Shakespeare… nor does it try to be. This film is light-hearted fun with plenty of quirks to keep you amused. I actually found the closing five minutes really, really enjoyable with comments like "damn these zombie fingers" and "I no eat (you)". This is definitely not your typical rom-com, but under all that rotting flesh, a romantic comedy is exactly what this film becomes. A moderate recommendation, well worth the price of renting. So give this film a shot, and I think you may be pleasantly surprised.

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Beautiful Creatures (2013)

Absolutely Wonderful!!!!

[8/10 · 5 April 2013]

Wow, I am totally shocked and amazed at just how much I liked this film. Based on the novel of the same name by Kami Garcia and Margaret Stohi, this film is definitely geared towards the same 'tweener fan base that catapulted the "Twilight" franchise into a multi-billion dollar conglomeration. However, I much more enjoyed this film to any of the Twilight films (except maybe the finale – that one I really enjoyed).

The film centers on Ethan Wate (Alden Ehrenreich) and Lena Duchannes (Alice Englert). Ethan is a small town boy, born and raised in Gatlin, South Carolina. His only goal in his life is to graduate high school and get and far as he possibly can from Gatlin. Alden Ehrenreich does a wonderful job portraying this dire individual with his quaint southern drawl, desperately seeking any and all alternatives to getting out of his current situation, and fleeing Gatlin as soon as it is humanly possible. The town's motto is the following: "there's two types of people that live in Gatlin, the people too stupid to leave and the ones too stuck to move." The arrival of Lena Duchannes to the small town of Gatlin causes quite a stir to the town and school populace. Lena is the daughter of Macon Ravenwood (played wonderfully by Jeremy Irons), and thought to be pure evil to the town of Gatlin.

What really funny about the whole situation of this film, is the town is actually correct. The Ravenwoods and Duchannes are "casters" (witches). There are apparently two types of "casters": light casters (good witches) and dark casters (bad witches). It seem that Macon was originally a dark caster; however, changed into a light caster in order to influence Lena into becoming a light caster as well. Male casters can choose to be either light or dark casters; however, female casters are defined by their "true nature" upon their 16th birthday and are not able to make their own choice as to being good or evil. To add insult to injury, the Duchannes females have been cursed, due to an incident which occurred in 1862, when Lena's great, great, great, great grandmother fell in love with a mortal. To make matter even worst, Lena's mother, Sarafine (played by Emma Thompson) just happens to be the most evil and powerful dark caster on the planet.

This film is fresh, vibrant, and exciting. The family dinner scene just prior to Lena's 16th birthday ritual is absolute phenomenal, where family members from both the Ravenwoods and Duchannes have descended upon poor little Gatlin in preparations for Lena's "caster" determination. I highly recommend seeing this film!!! I just loved it!!! Writer and Director Richard LaGravenese does a excellent job keeping the audience fully entertained and engaged throughout this 124 minutes film, which just seems to fly by effortlessly.

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G.I. Joe: Retaliation (2013)

I didn't hate it.....

[5/10 · 3 April 2013]

Ummmm, I guess the best thing that I can say about this film is, "I didn't hate it"!!!! I'm not sure if my expectations were too high for this film, or if I was too tired to enjoy this film (I may try to re-watch and re-assess this film over the weekend). However, this I know for sure, Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson and Channing Tatum cannot act!! Their on scene chemistry was nonexistent, painful to endure, and excruciating to watch. THE BEST THING TO HAPPEN IN THIS FILM WAS THE EARLY DEMISE OF DUKE (aka – Tatum)!!!

The action sequences in this film were actually well executed with high impact, and lots of excitement. By far my favorite scenes of the film were the mountain fight sequences in which Snake Eyes and Jinx battle the hordes of Cobra cronies in order to abduct Storm Shadow. This was "G.I. Joe: Retaliation" at its best!!! As if it was scripted straight from the comic books / cartoon series… The Cobra soldiers decked out in their signature red outfits, chasing after Snake Eyes and Jinx, all while tethered to repelling ropes atop a treacherous mountain facade… it was "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon" meets "Cliffhanger" … a non-stop adrenaline rush of action and mayhem!!! Too bad the rest of the film could not live up to this quite original, highly entertaining sequence.

However, where the film fails miserably, are the transition sequences between the action sequences. This is where the audience is forced to undergo the horrific acting, poorly written dialogue, uninspiring camaraderie, and literally movie stopping mumbo-jumbo which nearly brings the film to a screeching halt every time the action sequences are over. It's totally unforgiving how bad these transitional sequences were scripted, acted, and directed.

All in all, this is not a bad film; however; this is not a great film either!!!! I am sure watching this film in a theater atmosphere would only enhance your viewing experience. With that said, I will give this film a lukewarm recommendation; if for nothing else, to see and enjoy the mountain action sequence described above. I definitely believe if there is indeed a third G.I. Joe in the work, that the director would actually go back and read/view the source material (comics / TV series)… there is way too much missing from these first two interpretations of a highly enjoyable childhood memory.

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Olympus Has Fallen (2013)

Die Hard Meets the White House!!!!!

[7/10 · 31 March 2013]

I truly enjoyed this film; however, I could not get the image out of my head how much better this film could have been if this film had indeed been the premise for Die Hard 5. The ridiculous plot, the diabolical villain, and John McClane finessing his way through halls and hidden corridors of an enemy overrun White House… this is the film avid Die Hard fans wanted "A Good Day to Die Hard" to be about!!! This film parallels Die Hard 1 in ever plot point imaginable; except there are no Barra bonds. However, would of's, should of's, could of's is not what this review is all about. So let's talk about "Olympus Has Fallen".

Gerard Butler stars as Mike Banning, a former Secret Service agent / black ops ranger who's only interest is to one day return to duty protecting the President of the United States. As the Prime Minister of South Korea is visiting the White House, a planned strategic assault on the White House has been coordinated to coincide with the Prime Minister's arrival. Taken completely by surprised, the White House (Olympus) quickly falls into the hands of a ruthless North Korean assailant, Kang (played wonderfully by Rick Yune). Once the Secret Service realizes that the White House is under attack, they quickly hurry the President and Prime Minister to the President's protective bunker below the White House. Except there is a traitor amongst them, and the protective bunker now houses the three (3) key people needed to unlock the US arsenal of nuclear missiles and the madman who wants their access codes.

Butler does a great job portraying the severely overwhelmed, over-matched would-be hero. One man against a super villain and his horde of minions with their endless supply of the most sophisticated weapons known on this planet (I bet even you think this sounds like a Die Hard film right about now)… anyways I digress. My biggest complaint of this film has to be Aaron Eckhart as President Benjamin Asher. I'm afraid if I am one of only three people on the President's staff entrusted with keeping the codes to our nuclear stock pile in check, then I definitely feel that I would be willing to give my life to ensure that these codes never fell in the hands of a ruthless terrorist. However, as each of these people start the get tortured for their access codes President Asher caves in and orders them to give up their code (WHIMP). Even Mr. Takagi was able to take his access code to his grave in Die Hard 1, rather than give it up to the evil Hans Gruber, and he was only protecting Barra bonds.

Anyways, this film is a real action adventure with plenty of guns, bullets, and explosions. Definitely your Saturday Matinée type movie with plenty of excitement to keep you entertained and amused. If you are an avid movie fan, you can even keep track of how many similarities you find between this film and Die Hard 1 or better yet make a comment on whether or not you agree/disagree if this would have been a better Die Hard 5 premise. Either way, this film is no thinking required, senseless, mind-numbing action adventure fun.

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Gangster Squad (2013)

Not a bad film.....

[5/10 · 26 March 2013]

Movie Review: "Gangster Squad" (*** out of 5) - I was quite surprise by how much I actually enjoyed this film. The film is loosely based on the story of the Los Angeles Police Department officers and detectives who formed a "Gangster Squad" unit in an attempt to keep the city safe from the likes of mobster Mickey Cohen (played by Sean Penn) in the late 1940s-early 1950s. The film features an ensemble cast that included Josh Brolin (Sgt. John O'Mara), Ryan Gosling (Sgt. Jerry Wooters), Nick Nolte (Police Chief Parker), Emma Stone (Grace Faraday), Michael Peña (Officer Navidad Ramirez), and Giovanni Ribisi (Officer Conway Keeler).

Mickey Cohen (Penn) is on the verge of establishing the largest wire gambling hub on the west coast which would effectively give him control of all of California. He has already bribed city officials, dirty cops, judges, and elected officials; and pretty much owns the city of Los Angeles. With the wire gambling hub, Cohen will basically have control of every dollar bet on the west coast. Chief Bill Parker (Nick Nolte) recruits Sgt. John O'Mara (Josh Brolin) to wage guerilla warfare on Cohen, due to his special operations background and training during World War II; he mission is simple: dismantle Cohen's empire by any means possible and force him out of Los Angeles.

The film has that film noire feel to it, and Josh Brolin was perfect casting for the role of Sgt. John O'Mara. However, more enjoyable was Mireille Enos as Brolin's somewhat supportive and pregnant wife Connie. Ryan Gosling plays the pretty boy well, while Emma Stone's Grace adds just the right amount of eye candy to lure the likes of both Gosling and Penn.

This is not quite "The Untouchables"; however, the cinematography is wonderful, the film is well written and well acted, and the plot works (though it's a little predictable). This film is definitely worth seeking out. It is interesting to note that the film gives the impression that the Gangster Squad was responsible for Mickey Cohen's arrest. In reality, Cohen was arrested in 1950 for the more mundane crime of tax evasion. He was also not sent to Alcatraz until 1961, over a decade after the film's time frame. Funny how Hollywood loves to rewrite history….

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Promised Land (2012)

An interesting well told tale....

[7/10 · 6 February 2013]

A really fascinating film regarding an industry in which I had virtually little or no idea about. Being naïve with regards to the mining hazards involved with attaining natural gas resources (fracking), I was probably as shocked as the citizens of this Smalltown, USA, being depicted in this film. Basically an 'Erin Brockovich' in reverse as the film is being told through the eyes of the Mega-conglomerate representative, Steve Butler (played wonderfully by Matt Damon) being asked to secure the mining rights for this whole sorely economically deprived small Midwestern town. It's an all or nothing, do or die, one time offer, for this dying Middle American town; however, do the environmental risks outweigh the possible financial gains? Exquisitely written by Matt Damon and John Krasinski, and expertly directed by the acclaimed Gus Van Sant, this film effectively encapsulates the struggles currently being experienced by the American farmer. The ease at which BIG BUSINESS (and their fat checkbooks) can sweep in, scoop up, and devour everything and anything in front of them is truly appalling to witness.

This film centers on Steve Butler (Damon), a small town boy from Iowa who has productively transitioned to the world of corporate America and is rapidly climbing the ladder of success. Being raised in a small town as well, Butler readily identifies with his perspective clients. He walks their walk, talks their talk, and he dresses down (more casually) to order to convey a more hometown personable sales approach in these very trying times. In Butler's defense, he unequivocally believes that his presence in these towns is to help the farmers and save these small towns; however, he does have a bottom line, and he is trying to accomplish his task at the least possible cost to his $9 Billion dollar company.

However, the film's true star is John Krasinski as Dustin Nobles. Nobles is the one-man environmental activist team from Athena, here to stop or at least make the populace aware that there are definitely some environmental catastrophic possibilities linked to the natural gas 'fracking' harvesting process. Nobles is also very personable, there to win the hearts and minds of the population. A small town boy from Nebraska whose family lost their farm after mining operations literally tainted their water supply and killed the land. Basically a David versus Goliath story, where the Goliath (Butler) actually believes that he's there for the greater good of the town.

I really enjoyed this film, an interesting tale on a subject matter in which I thought was the safer, better, cleaner alternative to our fossil fuel dependency. However, it seems that all things come with a price and/or risk. I can see why this film did not do better at the box office, because stories told from the side of corporate American seems to be supporting the evil villains in the story. Nevertheless, I highly recommend seeing this film. The film is definitely worth the price of renting, and totally worth your time and energy to seek out.

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Parker (2013)

It's your typical Jason Statham film

[5/10 · 5 February 2013]

'Parker' is everything that you have come to expect in a Jason Statham film. A badass central character with vengeance on his mind, after being wronged and left for dead in the film's opening sequence. This is not Shakespeare here, you know exactly what you are getting from the moment that you purchased you ticket. A totally predictable film, that leaves very little for the mind to decipher. However, I happen to be an avid fan of Jason Statham, and though I have some serious casting and character choices that writer John J. McLaughlin (Hitchcock / Coma / Black Swan) had decided to add to this film… as a whole the film does seem to entertain and amuse on a very moderate level.

Parker (Statham) is a thief. He lives by two rules: (1) only steal from people who can afford it, and (2) no one (innocent bystanders) gets kills or injured during one of his capers. As the film openings, Parker is part of a five-man crew with intentions to knock off a local fairground. However, after successfully executing the heist, an altercation ensues after plans for a second endeavor does not sit well with Parker. Shot and left for dead, Parker's new mission in life is retribution!!

The film introduces Jennifer Lopez (Leslie Rodgers) as a possible love interest for the Parker character, which makes absolutely no sense to the film's plot because Parker is happily involved with Claire (Emma Booth), the love of his life. Leslie (Lopez) is a down on her luck real estate agent, forced to live with her mother, Ascension (played wonderfully by Patti LuPone). Lupone steals every scene that she is in. Leslie is at the end of her means, willing to do anything in order to change her current life's path. When her flirtations toward Parker do not get her desired reactions, she decides to delve into the pseudo-background established by our reprisal seeking protagonist. The Leslie character is just fluff and filler to this whole escapade. Someone pleasing to the audience's eye who can get into dubious situations in which the Parker character can come to the rescue for. The film would have been 1000% better without the Jennifer Lopez character.

Not one of Jason Statham's better pictures; however, it does tick all the right boxes for an action adventure. If you are a fan of the genre and/or actor, I am sure that this film will satisfy you cravings for the action medium. This is without a doubt, a totally predictably, rock 'em sock 'em, shoot 'em up flick; and Parker is unquestionably one bad mother trucker… However, I would highly recommend waiting to see it on DVD.

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Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters (2013)

A tad bit amusing...

[5/10 · 4 February 2013]

Hopefully this film will put an end to all these Hollywood fairy tale, live action monstrosities. From 'Mirror, Mirror' to 'Snow White and the Huntsman' from 'Grimm' to 'Once Upon A Time' it's really almost comical how every other studio in Hollywood will initiate similar projects once one studio decides to "greenlight" a certain genre of film. This film is certainty not the worst of the bunch; however, the mish-mash of fantasy, action adventure, shoot 'em up genres with questionable date appropriate weapon usage emphatically left me perplexed while watching this film.

His film stars Jeremy Renner as Hansel; coming off a hugely successful year with 'The Bourne Legacy' and 'The Avengers', I am positive that this film will not add much credibility to his acting body of work. Furthermore, it is interesting to note that in an interview at Cannes in 2011with Famke Janssen (the film's nemesis Muriel); she stated that she only took her role as the head witch because she had to pay off her mortgage.

Based on the children's tale in which two children, siblings (brother & sister) are abandoned in the forest by their father and then stumble upon a witch's cottage made totally of candy. Hansel and Gretel's reputation of conquering Witch Hunters is catapulted to legendary status as they successfully annihilate children abducting witches throughout all the lands. It seems that that the two siblings have become immune to witch's hexes, which is somehow associated to their initial witch eradication as children.

This is not an awful film, and I have to admit that I actually enjoyed the incredibly violent, morbidly grotesque, and extremely graphic murder death sequences that this film excelled at generating. From decapitations to drawn and quartering, this film certainly wasted no expense to visually articulating its ghastly tale of the wickedly macabre. If more time could have been taken with regards to plot, script, and CGI effects; this film could have possibly been just a tab bit more palatable. However, with all that said, I am actually going to give a lukewarm recommendation to see that film. Definitely worth the price of renting, this film will easily appease those sick and twisted viewers out there who enjoy nothing more than a good 'tree trunk to the face' head explosion, or better yet, a horde of witches diced into bite size morsels as they are chased into a piano wire mesh entrapment. Again this is not award winning caliber acting; however, it is moderately amusing.

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Pusher (I) (2012)

Not the sharpest crayon in the box.....

[4/10 · 4 February 2013]

If you were ever curious about delving into the wonderful world of small time recreational narcotics dealing, then this film would have to be the 'must see' film for how not to do so successfully. A British import, this film centers around Frank played by Richard Coyle (Coupling). Frank is definitely on the bottom rung of the London cocaine distribution scene; however, he does have a small niche of clubs and patrons to peddle his products. Director Luis Prieto does an excellent job of portraying Frank's meager existence to the audience. Without doubt not the brightest bulb in the chandelier, Frank's biggest downfall has to be his naivety to the industry. Always eager to make that next big score, common sense just seems to evade our film's most optimistic entrepreneur of illegal vices.

Frank has two character flaws which undeniably hinder is ability to succeed in this profession: (1) he is a habitual user of the staple that he is dealing, and (2) he has elected to surround himself with a less than stellar cast of miscreants, and an even lesser class of clientele. Both of these defects lead to bad decision choices, which evidentially lead to Frank's demise. As anyone who has ever seen Scarface can attest, the two best rules in drug trafficking are (1) trust no one, and (2) never use your product. These sentiments are never more prevalent than in this film's two key scenes in which Frank's whole existence is shattered. In his first misfortune, Frank decides to give $18,000 pounds to a stripper to go to Amsterdam to pick up a half kilo of cocaine; and his second mishap, Frank had to destroy a kilo of cocaine in order to not get busted by the police in what was possibly a 'drug sting' operation. Both incidents had serious repercussions in our would-be pusher's life.

This is quite the departure of roles for Richard Coyle, who excelled as the clueless, breast-obsessed, likable Jeff character on the BBC series Coupling. As drug dealer Frank, Coyle effectively communicates his desperation and despair on-screen to the audience as seemingly nothing goes his way. Perhaps this is most significant in the film's closing sequence as a slimmer of light finally befalls our unlikely lead character. Director Prieto's final close-up shot of Frank's facial expression of dismay is simply priceless; it absolutely without a doubt summarizes this whole movie in one single frame. "WTF?"

I am really not sure that I actually enjoyed this film enough to recommend seeing it. I have serious reservations recommending any film(s) which glorifies the use of illegal substances. Yep, I'm that guy. However, there are way better films of this genre which would include 'Transpotting', 'Scarface', and 'Goodfellas'. I would suggest foregoing this film, and opt for something with a more positive outlook.

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Mama (I) (2013)

Just plain awful

[1/10 · 2 February 2013]

If I had to summarize the review of this film into just two words, those words would have to be, "Gawd Awful" or "Pure Stupidity"; both statements equally and eloquently captivate the essence of unbelievable stench that this film exudes. Written and Directed by Andres Muschiette, it's actually quite comical to count how many times both he as his wife Barbara's names appear on the screen during the film's opening credits. Rated PG13, this film is further justification as to why you should not bother seeing horror movies geared toward younger tween audiences.

The film centers around two sisters, Victoria and Lilly. After their father shoots and kills his business partner and their mother, he flees the scene of the crime with the two siblings in tow. High speeds and icy roads lead to an auto accident in the middle of nowhere. This motley crew is able to find shelter in an abandon house in the middle of the woods; however, with no food or water, Jeffrey decides to shoot the siblings. Before Jeffrey can pull the trigger of his gun, an entity (Mama) sweeps into the house and whisks Jeffrey away to oblivion.

In the five years that follow, Jeffrey's brother Lucas is still seeking closure to the events which occurred has hired trackers to comb the surrounding woods in hopes of finding his lost brother and nieces. The trackers stumble upon the abandon cabin, where the two sisters (more animal than human) still reside. The authorities are notified, and after a lengthy child custody hearing the two siblings are placed with their Uncle Lucas, with visitation rights granted to his sister-in-law Jean, and child counseling sessions arranged with Dr. Dreyfuss. As you may assume with a film of this nature, the Mama entity is not eager to lose her two adopted children, and thus follows them to their new dwelling. Also the Mama entity is just a tad bit jealous, so in an act of rage she inadvertently throws Uncle Lucas down a flight of stairs putting him into a coma… This action brings us to Lucas' wife, Annabel, played by Jessica Chastain. Receiving incredible accolades for her role in 'Zero Dark Thirty', I can only imagine the horrors that must have been racing through her mind when she heard the studio decided to move up the release timeline for this film to capitalize on all her new found fame.

Anyways, to make a long story short, it seems the Mama entity is destine to remain on Earth until it can right its wrong. In this particular instance, she is trying to find her lost baby. Forced to jump off a cliff with her child in her arms when she was alive, she was separated from her baby in the fall. If the movie would have followed the rules that it established, then the film may not have been better; however, it would have at least made sense. In the films climatic conclusion, where Mama entity and dead baby carcass are finally reunited, the heavens should have opened up, and the two should have ascended into eternal bliss… but did this happen???? Oh no, that would have made complete and utter sense to this completely ridiculous film. Instead writer/director Muschietti decides that the Mama entity should leap off the cliff with her new improved living daughters.

This is definitely one of those films in which you have to ask yourself, "Well, what happened the following day?" In the span of twenty-four hours, Dr. Dreyfuss, sister-in-law Jean, and youngest sibling Lilly are all dead, only Lucas, Annabel, and Victoria know what happened and that a vengeful ghost was the culprit. So as they are explaining all this to the police, do you think that they would get prison or psycho-ward?

This is truly a horrendous film and a total waste of Hollywood resources. To even associate Guillermo del Toro's (Pan's Labyrinth) name to this project is insulting and misleading. I cannot recommend seeing this film. You would be best serviced to avoid seeing this film.

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The Baytown Outlaws (2012)

A true guilty pleasure

[7/10 · 1 February 2013]

I just stumbled across another guilty pleasure, that I truly enjoyed. Filmed in a "B Movie" genre style, this movie is a combination 'Mad Max' meets 'The Warriors' with plenty of blood, guts, and raw carnage to go around. Budgeted at only $4 Million dollars, Writer/Director Barry Battles does an excellent job of getting plenty of bang for his buck with his limited resources. This film was highly entertaining, brought depth to it characters, and was a totally unexpected pleasure to view.

The film centers around three unlikely heroes/anti-heroes, Brick, McQueen and Lincoln Oodie. Not the sharpest crayons in the box; however, after watching the film you will see that they mean well, and that these boys actually have hearts of gold. Orphaned at a relatively young age and forced to raise themselves; the Oodie brothers are vigilante guns for hire. Without giving too much away, let's just say that the Oodie brothers are paid to eliminate the seedy underbelly world of drugs, organized crime, and all things that are bad (and under the radar) in Montgomery, Alabama. Their world is turned underside down once they accept a job from Celeste (Eva Longoria) to kidnap her son, Rob (Thomas Brodie-Sangster) from her ex, Carlos (Billy Bob Thornton).

Once our trio of misfits successfully secured Rob in their possession, all hell breaks loose as Carlos puts out a contract on the Oodie brothers for Rob's returns. The gangs called upon to ensure Rob's return include a group of hooker biker chicks, a post apocalyptic road warrior crew, and a scalp hungry Indian clan complete with bow and arrows. It's pure unadulterated gratification as the body count and blood splatter action sequences are top notch and exceptionally executed, and totally unforeseen in a film with such a small budget. Clayne Crawford (Brick), Travis Fimmel (McQueen), and Daniel Cudmore (Lincoln) do an unbelievable job breathing life into their blood encrusted characters. Kudos to writer/director Barry Battles for successfully building characters that the audience actually cares about; character development in a film of this variety was definitely not expected, and absolutely great to see.

I highly recommend seeing this film; however, this is definitely not a film for everyone. Fans of the 'B Movie' / blood splatter bullet blaring action genre will find true delight in this film.

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The Impossible (2012)

Phenonemal but Forced....

[6/10 · 30 January 2013]

First and foremost, I would like to state beforehand that I cannot even begin to imagine the pain, devastation, and anguish that the Belón family must have endured during this most heinous event. This is truly an incredible story of survival, in which I highly recommend seeing; however, I do have some serious reservations as to the 'deliberate' emotion-seeking story telling techniques that director Juan Antonio Bayona and writer Sergio G. Sanchez decided to use in order to tell this tale of woe.

"The Impossible" is the 'based on true events' story of the Bennett (Belón) family. Maria Bennett (Naomi Watts) and her husband Henry (Ewan McGregor) and their three sons Lucas (Tom Holland), Tomas and Simon were on holiday over Christmas at a tropical paradise resort in Khao Lak, Thailand. An error with their third floor reservations got them upgraded to an oceanfront bungalow; however, it is curious to surmise if this was a spot of good luck or just one of life's awful twists of fate. While relaxing poolside on December 26, 2004, the Bennett (Belón) family was present during one of Thailand's most devastating natural disasters, the 2004 tsunami , which ravaged and leveled most of coastal area in which they were residing. The painstaking details that director Bayona goes through to recreate this catastrophic ordeal is absolutely mind-bogglingly. Again, I am more than confident that this reinterpretation of this ungodly event pales in comparison to its actual occurrence. However, director Bayona does portray the calamitous, perilous, inauspicious aftermath of the devastated Thailand coastal area quite effectively, and the days that followed even more so...

However, here is where I am torn between being the completely immersed audience member awestruck by the events which are being presented to me versus super sensitive critic who is highly skeptical to this Hollywood retelling of this most hideous tribulation. Granted, this had to be an arduous experience; but I definitely feel that director Bayona pulled out all the stops in order to 'milk' the most impassioned audience reactions. Here are some examples of what I mean: (1) possibly one of the most touching moments in this film, is when 12 year old Lucas Bennett is able to reunite a father and son in the Thailand Hospital in which his mother has been taken to. However, this brief moment of joy in this most tumultuous place is ripped from the audience's beguilement as Lucas runs to tell his mother what he has done, only to find an empty bed and the thought that she had passed away. (2) The film's climatic scene in which the Bennett family: father, brothers, mother are finally reunited plays out like an Abbot and Costello routine with all the near misses of each other, retracing the exact same footsteps as the previous lost individual, the just oh so nearly seeing each other only to have the other turn at the exact moment as the individual walks out of sight. The intensity is supposed to build until the entire family finally find each other; however, the scene is so 'intentionally' drawn out and overly dramatic that it actually (almost) becomes comical. (3) However, my most disturbing sequence of the entire film has to be the closing sequence (which was possibly the most true scene of the film). Obviously the Bennet (Belón) family was a very affluent, well to do family. So as the family has been finally been reunified, and the mother (Maria) has successfully undergone surgery, the family is whisked away on a private jet to Singapore. Here my issue whether it's true or not (which I tend to believe actually did happen as shown on screen), the image of this family departing Thailand alone on an empty airplane in which they are the sole occupants, when hundreds maybe thousands of others were sitting there at that same airport in distress was just disheartening. Not an image that I would have decided to end this movie on.

I know this review sounds harsh, and I apologize; however, I do still recommend seeing this film. It is truly a testament to the human survival proclivity, and I cannot begin to even phantom the despair and anguish endured by this family. I would like to add that I am sure that I would not have enjoyed reliving this experience by deciding to bring this abominable life incident to the big screen as Mrs. María Belón Alvárez elected to do either... but I digress. Rent this movie, enjoy this movie, recant my observations... but I am positive that my review comments will resonate in your mind as you watch it!!!! This film absolutely has a 'forced' feeling undertone to it.

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Hit and Run (I) (2012)

A small budget film, and it shows.....

[5/10 · 28 January 2013]

Dax Shepard (Parenthood) writes, directs, and produces this quasi-entertaining farce about a guy (Charlie Bronson a.k.a. Yul Perkins) currently hiding out in the witness protection program for turning state's evidence against his fellow bank robbers Alex (Bradley Copper) and Alan (Ryan Hansen). When Charlie's girlfriend, Debbie (Kristin Chenoweth), is offered a teaching job in Los Angeles; Charlie decides to throw caution to the wind and drive his fiancée to her job interview.

Unbeknownst to Charlie is that Debbie's jealous ex-boyfriend, Gil (Michael Rosenbaum) has discovered Charlie's real name, Yul Perkins, and also found out the names of the people who Charlie turned state's evidence on. In order to get his former girlfriend back, Gil has contacted Charlie's (Yul's) old crew via FACEBOOK to let them know that Yul (Charlie) is headed back to Los Angeles.

The events which follow are a mish-mash of high speed chases and ridiculous sets circumstances which include: a lemon party (look it up), Tom Arnold (as an idiot Marshall), Bradley Cooper in dreadlocks, and the removal of a $12,000 car engine in which no one was aware just to facilitate our two lead characters to upgrade to a better, faster vehicle. However, the major issue with this film is I couldn't care less about anyone in this entire film. It is evident that Debbie is aware the Charlie/Yul is in the Witness Protection program prior to their roadtrip to L.A.; however, once she figures out why or what he did in his previous life she totally freaks out (note to Debbie: DUH, people in the Witness Protection Program are usually there for a reason!!!!) Second, Charlie and Debbie are in love, which leads the audience to believe that they have spent some extended amount of time together in the last four (4) years of Charlie /Yul's placement in the Witness Protection Program; so the jealous boyfriend plot line really doesn't work for me. And finally, and possibly the most disturbing aspect of this film is the evidence that Charlie/Yul "turned" was not found credible to convict anyone. So the whole premise for this film is a wash from the get go.

Again, this film is mildly amusing; however, not enough for me to recommending that you seek it out. However, if you were to perchance upon this film while thumbing through the 1600 channels on your direct TV guide, then maybe it might be worth you interesting your time to watch. Not an awful film, but nothing overly spectacular either. Made for a measly $2 Million dollars, this small budget independent film has already re-comped its initial cost and then some.

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