dylancorbeill Reviews

No One Will Save You (2023)

One of the worst films of the year.

[1/10 · 23 September 2023]

I can see why the trailer for this movie didn't show a whole lot, because everything about this movie is embarassingly awful. Comically awful. It's not scary in the slightest, it was written by an idiot, the acting is terrible, and the decisions that were made in making this crap baffle me to no end. The aliens are the bog standard grays that you see parodied everywhere and it gets tedious watching the main character making the dumbest choices imaginable.

And that ending. What garbage.

If this were made by a film student that uploaded this to their youtube page, i'd be impressed, seriously. But this was made by people who are apparent professionals and if it were written by an AI I wouldn't be surprised.

Absolutely atrocious. You know you've failed miserably when a youtuber comedians make a much more competent horror film than you do.

The Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It (2021)

Unbelievably lame

[1/10 · 22 June 2021]

Zero atmosphere, bad acting, first draft writing, and no scares. Not surprising seeing as it's from the director of the awful la llarona. It's an insult to not only horror fans, but general audiences as well, and if this is the send off for the series, then all the more disappointing.

What a pity.

Dead End Drive-In (1986)

Criminally boring

[1/10 · 3 April 2021]

I'm all for schlock, but only when it isn't mind-numbingly boring like this.

Awful acting, awful pacing, and only 10 minutes of action which is lame at best. The very definition of a rip off.

Blood Lake (1987)

Vacation footage marketed as a slasher film

[1/10 · 1 April 2021]

You know you have a quality flick on your hands when 15 minutes of said film is dedicated to a bunch of idiots just waterskiing.

Seriously. 15 minutes.

I mean, I wasn't expecting anything remotely good. At the very least I'd get a few laughs, but there's nothing to work with here.

It's not funny bad. It's just awful bad.

Scary Tales (1993 Video)

Adorable and inspiring

[1/10 · 14 March 2021]

Despite its bland title, Scary Tales is pretty much like the legendary "Who Killed Captain Alex" (except it's an American horror film) in the sense that the people involved merely wanted to entertain their (non-existent) audience and have a good time doing so.

Now obviously this film isn't the least bit scary and the acting is awful, but at times it's smartly written and the special effects for a no-budget film are impressive for what they are. Most importantly though, it's entertaining and adorable to watch a group of friends make their own version of "Tales From the Crypt" or "Creepshow", therefore making it worthy of your time and money.

My only complaint is that the first and last segments overstay their welcome a bit, and the interludes with the "host" aren't as long as they should be, but all in all, a good z-grade film. Also, the AGFA/Bleeding Skull blu-ray comes with the directors' follow-up film "Darkest Soul" as a bonus!

Support this film and make it the next "Captain Alex"!

Limbo (II) (1999)

A pointless, pretentious student film

[1/10 · 3 March 2021]

I consider myself a fan of experimental films. Some of Brakhage's works are fascinating, Lynch's films of course are fantastic, etc. But this is garbage. A bunch of weird, abstract scenes, terrible acting and awful sound quality is does not a good experimental film make.

Remember the "Tampon in a Teacup" scene in Ghost World? Yeah, this is just as cringe-inducing and annoying. If you want good experimental, watch "The Holy Mountain", because at least it has a message. This is just noise.

Shoah (1985)

Mentally exhausting and emotionally devastating

[10/10 · 20 February 2021]

What else can be said about this 9 hour documentary about one of the greatest atrocities of the 20th century? It is a bit long in the tooth, absolutely. But it is an essential document that not only includes witnesses and survivors, but perpetrators as well, describing in horrific detail the gruesome nature of their work.

Though it could've benefitted from archival footage to make a bigger impact, it still drives an emotional knife straight to your soul.