kooleshwar Reviews

Lucy (I) (2014)

Sets you up for Coacaine and Caviar......delivers Soggy Fries Instead

[4/10 · 12 August 2014]

For starters...I'm a big fan, I've been a fan since I became a movie buff in 2002, waiting patiently in line for the copy of Leon, La Femme Nikita etc etc to become available at the DVD library.

Luc Besson is the pioneer of mixing multiple genres Kitsch , Art House,Action, Drama, Comedy always with a view to commercialism.

All his trademarks are there, the car chase through an European City in an ordinary car, The Slap, Suave Calm but violent Sidekick, the Mexican Standoff with Classical Music, the claustrophobic action set, Love taking a backseat but always around.....etc etc

But If there's anything Luc Besson can do, its combine the feminine and the violent.

He can make the same woman in the same clothes look ugly once, beautiful immediately after, sometimes he does it at the same time, he has shown Scarlet Johansson in lingerie and still not stirred you sexually.

Its the same with violence, he glamorises it, but it repulses you at the same time, at other times the most grotesque act seems so cool.

He has his fare share of critics if but none will disagree when I say that Luc Besson understands human emotions, violence and women. Respect.

Despite the ridiculous plot(please don't go if you're going looking for plot holes and scientific logic), the actors have remained true to their work, ranging from honest to flashes of brilliance.

Scarlet Johansson though I've maintained just doesn't have the versatility to play such roles, but she adds that glamour than unknown actresses just cant.

Technically Luc Besson has been and will always remain brilliant, and analysis of this aspect of his movies can fill pages.

In the end though I would like to describe my experience from this movie with the shortest of short illustrations.

You go into a Chefs Signature Restaurant, you're super excited, your friends who don't know of him less so, but some of your enthusiasm has rubbed of on them and besides everyone in the restaurant does their job well and your waitress is smoking hot.

He serves up signature dishes in the earlier course, stirring up all the areas of your tongue and taste buds, indeed even stirring up a whole range of emotions in everyone's body.

Everyone is anxiously waiting for a fitting finale , everything is ripe for it, the musicians in the restaurant are building up a crescendo , your expecting, Foie de Gras , Cocaine and Caviar, Dal cooked for days bye a blind , deaf cripple.......

The music is building....wait for it...

The credit card and rolled paper comes in.....wait for it...

The feel somewhere a salmon is being pulled from a fish tank...wait for it.....

In the background you can see the dying old lady, stirring Dal ...wait for it....

And then you get served Soggy Fries....

The vagaries of human thought doesn't allow us to enjoy such an experience no matter how good the earlier courses were, if you've built yourself up for something and that doesn't happen, than almost nothing that happened along the way will matter.

This my friend sums up my experience in the movie.

-s Finalle will soon be included in the definition of #epicfail and damp squib.

+/-s scarlet Johansson , ridiculous plot (sometimes too much even for me despite expecting it).

+s Technically Luc Besson, signatures et all, Cast remains true.

4/10...this discounts my epic disappointment as a fan, if your not a movie buff or a fan than you could probably add another star.

Transformers: Age of Extinction (2014)

A whole new kind of Exploitation Film

[5/10 · 1 August 2014]

I firmly believe that exploitation films have taken a whole new meaning and are no longer the work of ambitious seedy individuals with their 8mm cameras.

The new exploitation films are works of ambitious misled directors armed with unlimited budgets, IMAX3d cameras, greedy studios and casts who could only care about the paycheck.

The budget ensures that you don't need to exploit a single premise, god bless money/power...

Because now you can exploit everything..

1) Single premise movie based on a toyline with silicon wafer thin plot......lets make a 2.75 hour movie on it.

2)15 yr old girl wearing alluring clothing, but wait shes 17.....that's legal.....where??!!.....lets make a 2.75 hour movie on it.

3) Big 3 Car manufacturer who needs to sell cars....but that means many many useless characters and screen time.....no problem...lets make a 2.75 hour movie on it.

4)Talented actors need to get paid, and the cinemagoer has to have underaged , in your face romance ala Blue Lagoon , and the boss secretary romance ala Iron man and others.....lets make a 2.75 hour movie on it.

This doesn't seem like an entirely bad thing BUT ALAS.

There are hardly any Transformers (maybe 12-15) who are half baked, and who don't even get 50% of the screen time.

If you are going to keep reminding us that the chick in the movie is 17 and its legal to allude to statutory rape but not show it,THAN WE MIGHT AS WELL HAVE MORE SHOTS OF THE SAID GIRL IN A LITTLE LESS CLOTHING SAYING EVEN NICER THINGS than shouting dad every 2 mins...what kind of exploitation film is this??

GM needs to sell cars, and their paying for it, so why not show the entire range including vintage ones, add new car transforming robots,(when did we care about staying true to the toyline anyway), A MONTAGE OF CHOICE GM CARS WITH THE ACCOMPANYING SIGHTS AND SOUNDS WOULD HAVE BEEN MORE INTERESTING THAN THIS MOVIE.

If we are going to pay talented actors just because they need the money, MIGHT AS WELL HAVE BETTER WRITTEN SCRIPTS AND DIALOGUES,SOME MORE CHEMISTRY etc etc. The supposedly funny and epic parts were "Ohh so not what they wanted it to be".

While I've watched my fair share of exploitation films (not including The Blue Lagoon and its bad Sequel .....hmmm brooke shields.......slurrp), this movie unfortunately doesn't succeed at EXPLOITING ANYTHING BUT THE AUDIENCE.

The few things going for this movie is the phenomenal CGI, a few good action scenes, the honest acting,and the "ï still cant get over how amazing it is" IMAX 3D format.

I cant help but feel watching it in any other medium especially on a small home screen would knock of 2 stars of this movie.

-s tries to exploit everything succeeds at none of them,mostly bad dialogues, plot holes etc etc.

+/-s good honest acting with a wafer thin script.

+s IMAX 3D, superb CGI, some genuinely entertaining scenes especially in the second half.

Kick (2014)

No "Kick" even for Hardcore Salman/Bhai Fans...

[4/10 · 28 July 2014]

"Main Dil main to Aata Hoon , Samajh main nahi"....this Dhamakedaar /kicky dialogue sums up Salman Khans life better than any article or future book written on him ever can.

And as such is the highest kick of the few high kicks in this movie.

Just for kicks, lets enumerate some of the low kicks.

Mainstream Bollywood aims for new low kicks by copying movies made in the south which at best border on ridiculous and mostly will cross over into absurd territory, its only fitting that the man who has pushed Star Studded movies onto the other side is Salman Khan whose own life runs much like South Indian films.

Silly is OK but most of the movie borders on ridiculous, and not the cool ridiculous satirical /poke fun at yourself Dabangg way, but just plain old stupidity.

Shameless melodrama, haphazard direction and story, poorly choreographed action scenes, etc etc etc.

And I thought I could repeat the word "KICK" 786 TIMES IN THIS REVIEW LIKE THE MOVIE DOES....BUT I JUST COULD NOT.

Page after Page could be filled with the various below the belt kicks that this movie gives you....but lets get to the high kicks.

Every Salman movie is about Salman and as such Salman fans wont get the kick that they Wanted(note the pun). This is more like the 20th cigarette a chain smoker has, gives you a mild kick, but only leaves you feeling full of self pity.

Nawazuddin and Hooda do a great job of what little roles they have and as such are the only bright spots in the acting department, seeing them bring such honesty to such a ridiculous movie gives major kicks.

The 4 songs are all catchy , Honey Singh/ Himmesh Reshamiya, hot chicks filled goodness, with the random Salman steps to boot, super kicks.

I love the fact that movies have given up trying to have albums with 12 songs and instead have only 4 songs each of which are blockbuster, my personal favourite is Tere Bina Kick.....Fakri hmmm Fakri....mann karta hain naam mein hi ....

Jacky is there to do a Job and By God she does, lehenga, skirts, microminis, librarian, the homely girl who goes wild, every kick that an Indian Man seeks from a woman she has delivered, god bless her soul for making this movie tolerable.

-s was there even a script writer or was the entire movie hammed? Kick,kick,kick,kick,,,,,,OK I give up...

+/-s Salman Khan...love him,...hate him.....

+s Songs, Jacky, Hooda, Nawaz...technically/visually very sound.

In the end "Picture Na Toh Dil Mein Aata Hain, Na Samajh"..If you go for this movie you're going to end up Kicking yourself(one last time)..you're much better off watching the official promotional music videos and trailers on-line.....they are the best part of this movie.....(I say this while watching the Tere Bina video for the 5000th time on YouTube).

Starship Troopers 3: Marauder (2008 Video)

Meets DTD standards, wastes Theatrical Potential

[6/10 · 17 July 2014]

You cant be buying/downloading/watching a Direct to DVD movie and expect theatrical standard production values.

If your looking for a hidden gem STOP now and look elsewhere, this isn't one of those rare cult classics that was somehow overlooked for box-office glory.

Yes the special effects are campy and frankly I cant get the obsession with CGI when most times old school animatronics/props and special effect tricks do a much better job than computers especially on a budget.

But still I suspect that besides wasting the potential of an obviously talented brick and mortar special effects team, the movie has below par special effects even for DTD standards.

The story is frankly brilliant, filled with satire , dark/slapstick/dry humour, multiple themes and deliberately campy dialogues.

And most of the actors have done justice to the script, including the supporting cast and extras, the only ones raising doubts were Jolene Balock who just wasn't in it, or just isn't talented enough.

The only thing really lacking script wise is some genuine dark/ depressing moments, which could have allowed us to be genuine elated in others.

I cant emphasise how much of a better movie this would have been if it would have made the paradigm shift from CGI to old school special effects.

In the end its the depiction dysfunctional military future that's the real winner. And the cast has done justice to it.

Genuine Campy B-Movie Entertainment.

-s emphasis on CGI.

+/-s no real dark moments, why nudity without titillation.

+s Genuine effort from cast and crew, THE PREMISE/SCRIPT.

Dirty Deeds (2005)

Dirty Effort.....

[4/10 · 24 June 2014]

This could have been your standard adult-teen-rom-com.

But from the onset it reeks of indifference.

The entire team moves through the movie like zombies, as if all they could care about is the paycheck at the end.

Common how difficult is it to make a formulaic film and enjoy it???.

We the audience enjoy it, we know what were getting into when watching such movies and more often than not.... we enjoy ourselves.

But everyone in this movie comes across as bored but still trying to be cool.

The premise of the movie isn't bad, 10 dirty deeds is more than what some movies have been made on, but the potential has been squandered.

The stereotypes, which are critical for this genre, go through their roles with absolute lack of conviction.

The energy levels are very low starting with the Protagonist who acts like he couldn't give a f^&k.

The raunch levels are enough to get an R rating but not enough to being anywhere near gratifying. It doesn't help when all the wrong people are showing their boobs either.

The finale is absolutely pointless and makes us feel like losers by deriding the very foundation that adult teen comedies are based on (people do stupid things once in a while ...and its OK).

The only good thing going for this movie is that its short and you don't really ever get bored.

-s misguided attempt at epic scenes, abysmal energy levels, shoddy acting.

+/-s the protagonist is already the cool guy.

+s short and doesn't really get torturous or boring.

The ratings are more a function of the directors previous film which I consider one of the genre classics.

The studios have punished him for this effort and we can contribute too by putting this movie low on our watchlist.

Holiday (2014)

Standard Bollywood Paycheck Affair.

[4/10 · 16 June 2014]

The team behind Holiday supposedly had a "vision" before they started on the movie and it can be described in vivid detail as PAYCHECK......hmmmmm paycheck....

So how does Bollywood encash its cheque??!! Switch on any Hindi movie channel, watch dubbed south Indian movies for 1 week.

Note down the names of a few of the movies you saw and feel will sell.

Contact director/writer of said film.

Either he will agree to remake it in Hindi, or you can buy the rights and ask another desperate (and hopefully less talented) team to do it.

Finding an actor for a remake used to be a problem, but thanks to blessings of the greats like Aamir, Salman that's no longer the case.

Actresses are even easier, either you take sonakshi, or put out an ad for a south Indian actress who wants to make it in Bollywood.

Everything else is just a formality, a few songs, 1 or 2 from honey/ mika singh if you can afford it, some cool stunts, a few overacted scenes involving love, family ,loyalty to country/village/city/house/boss.

Being a remake by the original South Indian team technically the movie is upto standards but neither excels or fails in any department.

Complaining about trivialities like script, cast, stereotypes isn't prudent when you know what your getting into.

So lets get to highlights.

The timing was perfect after the IPL before the Football world-cup with no major releases and a bankable cast.

Your never completely suicidal at any time, at the lowest point you will wallow in self pity and shame for giving into boredom/helplessness and taking the effort to watch such a movie.

If your reading this review now, the drought has passed, the football world-cup is on, a few entertaining low budget movies are in the theatres, just wait till the movie is released on TV.

Do the right thing and don't encourage such ordinary cinema unless you absolutely have to.

-s script, dialogues, epic scenes bordering on ridiculous, poor songs.

+/-s Sonakshi (love her hate her.....), Southern Formula (love it...hate it...), Secular terrorists (sic).

+s standard technical values, Akshays Panache and Charisma.

The Amazing Spider-Man 2 (2014)

Creates a never before combination of genres.

[4/10 · 14 May 2014]

How we perceive movies and indeed our ratings on them can be a result of many factors.

But to tag this movie as.. Action.

Adventure.

Fantasy.

Is indisputably the most misleading genre description of any movie I've ever seen. (to be fair I, like millions of others went in expecting the same).

The Tags of this movie should read more like..

Epic Romance.

Drama.

Tragedy.

with sub genres of action, adventure, comedy.

I a closeted Rom-com lover but AP2 has the kind of romantic background score, and dramatic pauses , which are not to be found even in chick Rom-Com's like Notting Hill.

The romance is neither cute nor funny and is always laced with a hint of heaviness that everyone who's ever been in any doomed relationship will feel.

And the drama, ooohhhhh the drama if the romance wont bring you to tears .... We have the fact that each and every character in this movie can be described as....

sad.

borderline demented.

disturbed.

confused.

suffering, or more likely a combination of the above.

As for tragedy, those who know spider-man know what I'm talking about (but wait there's more), and for the others ...take my word there are multiple tragic elements to be found.

Each and every character who has more than 5 minutes of screen place in this movie can be seen crying including the villains, bringing me to tears for watching this movie (not in a good way).

Technically , there's a lot of hamming (and not in the cool way of the earlier batman movies), the special effects are to the high standards of todays blockbusters, and the background score and music is good for the genres that I believe this movie should fall under.

A few may like the various directions in which comic-book movies are heading, but give me the less complicated fun of Thor, Iron Man and The Avengers any day.

-s lots of hamming, misleading genres.

+/-s drama, high promises from the sequel.

+s stellar cast, great special effects (IMAX 3D hmmm), Emma Stone yummy.

Captain America: The Winter Soldier (2014)

Par is the new Best..

[6/10 · 28 April 2014]

Lets see where this movie excels that puts it in the best movies of all time.

1) Special effects.

2)Iconic Comic book hero.

3)Quick lipped sidekick.

4)Big name actors.

5)Hot girl with a sultry voice.

Surely this is a formula that the world hasn't seen since Superman, Batman, Hulk, Avengers, Thor....

But this movie has so much more..

1) An iconic villain/enforcer/mercenary who seems so scary in posters, who could have remained silent the entire film and scared the crap out of us but instead speaks only confused lines as if hes about to burst into tears.

2)Twists that are so predictable that you needn't even show off about getting them.

3) Chemistry between the characters that could have simmered , boiled, titillated ....given us the awwwwwwww.......but gave the ummmmmmmm instead.

4) Part of an increasingly entwined and rich universe, but with focus on quantity and not quality, 3 villains 2 henchmen, numerous other smaller characters.

I seriously cant think even one other film that can match the above parameters.

*****end of sarcasm******.

There's nothing in this movie that makes it deserving of such a high rating.

I was entertained hence the 6 but quite disappointed at the film-makers for just touching many right areas instead of focusing on a few.

-s too many things happening at one time, altogether un-iconic villains/henchmen (a superhero film is only as good as its villains, boring predictable twists, no epic scenes.

+/-s touched on too many right areas without focusing on them.

+s stellar cast, excellent (but par) special effects, good addition to the marvel universe.

Risky Business (1983)

Risky Choice....

[7/10 · 17 April 2014]

I decided to watch this movie when I found this appearing on many lists when I searched for "Best adult/teen/sex comedies".

The big star, recognizable supporting cast and the gratuitous nudity, and me being a Fanboy of this genre meant I had to watch this movie.

The first thing that hit me was the music and the artsy starting montage, straightaway my instincts were triggered and I re-aligned my expectations for a movie where there will be "more than meets the eye".

The hypnotic ethereal and eerily foreboding background score, right from the opening scene told me that movie is going to have more drama and coming of age elements than I had originally expected, and probably more nudity too.

The director/cinematographer were always looking at more than a teen comedy because there are many dramatic and probably deliberately artistic elements to the movie.

You are under constant threats/promises which are never actually carried out.

It promises you increasingly graphic nudity....but instead gives you increasingly titillating, poetic and passionate scenes with no nudity.

It threatens to turn overly dramatic and tragic, but instead always promises hope and encourages us to "to live a little" even in despair.

You expect complete character building, but the characters remains enigmas and their relationships remain a mystery throughout.

It looks like its going to get rip-roaring funny, but instead keeps us smiling with one liners, and some twists and turns.

I went in for epic teen sex comedy, I came out with serendipity instead.

Deliberately or otherwise, this movie doesn't keep its word, and based on this fact, principally I cannot reward it with higher ratings.

-s many attempts at art seem deliberate, doesn't really have any big/epic moments in any emotion.

+/-s remains enigmatic and open ended throughout.

+s hypnotic background score, stellar acting, captures the time and human emotions/ thoughts at that age brilliantly.

Proceed with caution.

300: Rise of an Empire (2014)

This Isn't, Spaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrtttaaaaaaa.

[6/10 · 25 March 2014]

Its about Athens and united Greece....and face it....the art loving Athenians just aren't...well........ Spaaaaaartttans...

The wussy Athenians did try to outdo everything the Spartans did...

1)More blood more gore more digital abs...

2)Sexual undercurrents..

3)Far worse odds of victory....to the point that the rational mind has to reject it....

4)More than one epic battle...

But in trying to be that which they're not, they almost wrote over that which they are.....Artists.

So matters that make good movies...like Drama, Emotions, Dialogues, Choreography, Screenplay,Charismatic Male lead, Background score etc played second fiddle, its not that they were bad at it, its just that if the Spartans could do it, they should have at least TRIED to do it better.

It took the Persians and Eva Green in particular to actually bring some spice to the proceedings but a Villain is only as great as the Hero is, and the wannabe Athenians ensured even she loses her sheen after a while.

The Athenians do provide a good attempt at satisfying blood-lust without really boring you....

But they could have learned so much from the Spartans,then again history tells us that people almost never learn from their predecessors....

If you know your history and enjoy this form of art...go forth and Godspeed....

Van Wilder: The Rise of Taj (2006)

Sticks to the formula and hidden male fantasies...

[7/10 · 21 March 2014]

We all know the formula of the "Teen Sex comedy sequel" and what to expect of it....

When i say formula....i mean a winning formula ....because i didn't really expect or want anything else from this movie and nor should anyone else.

If anything this movie was less raunchy than i would have liked it to be and probably thats the only genuine criticism i have of this movie.. (obviously people who watch foreign films,.. tend to rate and opine most on any site and thats apparent in the skew of ratings in favour of dramas vs comedies).

So which hidden male fantasies has this movie covered.

1)The British accent......and its not my colonial hangover.....just hearing girls with British accents does something to men....when you combine that with pretty or hot....

2) The other guys girl......countless studies....same conclusion....

3)The ugly guys who gets the pretty girl....I'm fat and i want Scarlett Johansson to fall for me.

4)Giving it to the bully....it may not be a sexual fantasy but there was always this guy.....and we all wonder now....

5)Being the big dog in school.

6) A girl who sees the inner goodness behind the asshole.....seriously I'm a good guy...i just want to be what i am.....and super sexy girls should see that...

7)Happy Endings....its not just the massage parlours where guys want it.....i don't know about sexual orientation ....but most guys are in the closet teen-rom-com lovers....(when its not girl centric)....

I could have spoken about the wide range of quality in other aspects of film making in this movie...

But seriously unless a "Teen Sex Comedy Sequel" completely sucks at most of them.....do you really care....

You know what you want....go for it....

Gunday (2014)

Bromance over Romance....

[5/10 · 12 March 2014]

Its amazing what a 5 hour bus journey and a phone without candy crush can make you watch nowadays...

With Indian movie halls inflating at double the Hindu Growth Rate almost everybody has become a discerning viewer now....and as such a kitschy ode to the 70s set in the 80s (yes this movie is historically accurate ask the Bangladeshis)....is not really anybodies theatre movie...

Inspired by the sizzling chemistry between the 2 male leads and the number of self help books I've read I'm going to give in to feminine side and only write positive things in this review...

This movie is full of delectable twists and turns which are unpredictable as daily Soaps on TV...

Irfan Khan brings an honesty and panache to another weak supporting role in a way only he can, in the midst of the mandatory glorifying of criminals and blaming the system he continues to speak the voice of reason and as such he and Saurabh Shukla are the only people keeping the drama from reaching the escape velocity of Jupiter (Rahul baba ki jai).....

In my heightened emotional state (do you really care why??)....I was susceptible to the over the top drama in the film....if i wasn't constantly distracted by the skimpiest blouses ever to grace Indian Cinemas I might even have had cried....we Indians love our starlets and with the blessings of the Lord, Priyanka Chopra will continue to show...i mean give her all in such roles....

Visually and technically its been true to its theme and the banner......were just a few dozen films away from the banner reaching such high standards on the small matter of the script.....magar Karan Arjun ayenge.......

Your exercise to add value to your life at the end of the review is ...

Say to yourself......

1)Dont judge yourself for watching movies when its free and your bored...

2)Pyaar badi kameeni cheej hoti hain....

Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters (2013)

Seems amateurish and straight of a template....

[6/10 · 28 February 2014]

The template probably read..

1) Competitive girl.

2) Heroes filled with self doubt.

3) A twist.

4) Rehash some mythical characters from the first movie.

5) Add a few characters.

6) Fit a script in somewhere.

The GOOD part though is that the above template is enough to please most kids, young teens and adults like me with the correct expectations.

Unlike Harry Potter and even the highly underrated Chronicles of Narnia this movie doesn't feel like its from a new book or even thats its part of a richer universe.

The acting is pretty standard with only the characters of Clarrice and Mr.D showing any panache.

Technically the movie is weak especially considering the 90 million dollar budget, someone should be checking the accounts of the special effects team.

It has a few good one- liners and the bare bones script is enough to keep you interested throughout, even though it never reaches the point of making you laugh out loud or reach the edge of the seat.

The movie seems more like a series of scenes stitched together but the decent qualities of the scenes ensures that you can neither be too disappointed nor too pleased with your overall experience of the movie.

The World's End (2013)

Crazy in a way only the British can be, epic in the right setting..

[7/10 · 26 February 2014]

Disclaimer.

I watched this movie "happy high", i may even have had a beer or 2 extra under the influence of the rampant alcoholism in this movie, and as such my experience from this movie was much better than my rating suggests but i have scaled it down by knocking of a point, in dedication to sobriety.

I recommend watching this movie with lots of beer and a few guys, this should push this movie into epic zone.

The combination of the British accents, absolute lack of political correctness (minorities in the English country side, i think not, PG-13 rating *&^% that), and content that only those who Don't have access to big studio money and demographics can put in their movies, Make for a truly Different and Refreshing movie experience.

It isn't a teen comedy,sex comedy or rom-com, is about a bunch of guys, in a mid life crisis, getting drunk, and that's exactly the kind of portrayal that this movie depicts, profanity et-all.

There's a well documented twist, that borders on predictable depending on how many movies you've seen (i get them always, Yes!! im humble).

Where this movie goes wrong is

1)The premise takes a back seat, despite remaining integral to the script even after the twist. This caused me to become less attached to quest and its finale.

2) The movie has constant feeling of deja-vu, there's really no epic scene, and the ending lacks the feel good factor that you come to expect from a movie like this, the ending as we 30 yr old internet generation call it is just blah.

What it does have is excellent acting, an ensemble cast by British standards,its great technically (refreshing to see animatronics). Lots of good recurring themes and jokes (love the dead mum track, and andy's sister).

Sorry for stating the obvious but this movie isn't for everybody, you have to be a lover of crude irrelevant comedies to like (or even love if its the right setting) this one.

Screwed (2013)

Maybe some day someone will remake this.....

[6/10 · 24 February 2014]

This movie has almost all the ingredients of a sex comedy (read my past reviews to know which ....if your a fan of this genre you already know).

But to add to that it had a few concepts and scenes that could have made this movie epic.

1) The concept of the tape (most sex comedies are based on less).

2) The weird black guy (as recurring non storyline characters go this is better than most).

3) The nuclear family ( responsible for some of the funniest scenes in the movie).

I can excuse the bad production values and the poor soundtrack and background score (and so should you its a C- movie after all).

But why the hell does a R-rated sex comedy have no female nudity, hell why the hell doesn't it even have any hormone inducing exposure.

Why market surveys and demographics may have ruined most modern big budget films, even the dumbest person should know if your making a film for a person whos willing to see a B or C (R rated) sex comedy, then the least he is expecting is loads of gratuitous nudity.

To add insult to injury the script bloody demanded it.

Maybe someday some better filmmakers with a decent budget will remake this movie and and titillation to it.

That would make a great or maybe even epic movie.

This remains your average B or C movie.

RoboCop (2014)

Paycheck Remake that may not get paid out...

[6/10 · 23 February 2014]

This movie has the signs of a Paycheck remake

1) Ensemble cast 2) Big budget 3) Milder rating 4) More Emotions

Filmmakers and studios have an certain ideas about what is going to sell in todays market and after that its only about assembling a team that will do it.

The original was darker, bloodier, relied lesser on special effects, and if i were to discuss concepts and scenes where it was superior i would run out of words.

So I'm going to tell you where this movie did it better...

1) The fast robocop ...as faster lighter , leaner robocop makes a lot of sense in the future and in a remake.

2)Michael Keaton...he brings a vibe to the screen that the original "old man" just could not.

This movie makes you realise that even the best special effects are no substitute for a good animatronics, a brilliant director and a good script.......even for a sci-fi film.

Once again i would like to register my protest against crying heroes....i know you want to appeal everyone....but seriously does nothing else turn women on??

As a remake this is another victim of greed with watered down version of cult classic and even though i enjoyed the film by constantly reminding myself that i have paid good money to enjoy myself and not continuously thinking about reviews and comparisons,i was tempted to rate the movie lower in the delusion that it may direct movie makers away from such unnecessary remakes.

BUT The fact is this movie couldn't have received a higher rating even as a standalone film with a merely decent cast (exclude Keaton and wasted oldman), very good but now run of the mill special effects, non epic action scenes, and one too many emotional scenes.

I, Frankenstein (2014)

What else can you expect

[7/10 · 8 February 2014]

Id like to believe that i usually have it bang on what to expect in a film.....especially those that meet my tastes (see my past reviews)...

This is a mid budget Australian-American film.With a reasonably talented cast and crew.

I should be expecting good special effects, fast paced action , simple but neatly written characters, short runtime, sequel potential (which means leaving everything with potential for addition including characters) , some skin show (including six packs).

Now every once in a while a pitch black, transporter comes around but lets face it most of the times these movies rarely reach cult status.

In line with the above , while not excelling in any one attribute this movie pretty much satisfies all other aspects of a regular mid budget fiction action film.

Closer scrutiny and thinking will bring forth some plot holes and some very obvious areas on not exploiting full potential. Many times we could have a genuinely thrilling or scary scene and it ending up being just good, and after the very good gargoyles the look of the demons was ohh so buffy.

The IMAX 3D adds a whole new dimension to the overall look and feel of the movie and especially the cinematography.

I would recommend anyone watching this to go for the IMAX version with correct expectations which this movie WILL meet.

Forgetting Sarah Marshall (2008)

Lacks the big moments.....not the kind of raunchy that most men enjoy

[6/10 · 30 January 2014]

I've seen more Adult comedies than most people.

There are certain things people like me expect from such movies.

1) gratuitous female nudity/ non nude titillation.

2) A reasonable script which can even be based on regular events like parties, vacations, college life.

3)Hot chicks.

4) At least one thing about the movie being big, be it a premise or a scene or even a dialogue.

Luckily there are many of us out there who share similar tastes and there is a steady state movies that fit the above which get released year after year.

Every once in a while there comes a movie that most of the above but tries to something more.....and sometimes it doesn't really do much for the film.

This film is all about Jason, to the point that you just don't want to see him anymore. Lets face it he just doesn't have it yet for us to see so much of him....literally.

Which bring us to the other talking point of this film, male nudity, it probably served it purpose to create the stir that it was supposed to create , but when you see it in the context of the film, it really seems totally unnecessary, especially towards the end when it actually turns redundant to the point of annoying. When you couple that with the lack of titillating scenes involving females the disappointment starts knocking of stars.

The other thing about this movie is the lack of the BIG, even the most regular adult comedies will have a premise or a dialogue or a scene which will remain in your memory for years to come and this movie just doesn't have them.

But this movie does have what you will expect from its Apatowish cast.

Well written characters and script (loved Russell brand).

Witty if not hilarious dialogue.

Elements of the hopeless romantic (its more rom com than adult comedy).

Decent Acting all around.

It just doesn't have what it takes to be above good despite what the ratings suggest.

The Wolf of Wall Street (2013)

Excellence in only one aspect of a film ....when do you stop caring..

[6/10 · 11 January 2014]

i have never been more confident about the title of a review capturing my thoughts about a movie so completely.

This movie has brilliant performances ...the excesses shown as part of the lives of the protagonist and his associates (most of which i have learned are true)...have been shown with a blend of extremism and restraint which will guarantee nominations in all the awards..

The issues begin early on starting with the plot.....because the story revolves around characters who barely change throughout the movie....and around a series of events in their lives .....the movie becomes utterly predictable and boring towards the end....

The editing is leisurely as if a deliberate attempt at an epic is play.

The cast is able to pull of individual scenes with aplomb but the weak plot and poor editing ....which has stretched the movie to the EPIC length of 180 minutes doesn't do this movie an favours..

We all know from the beginning how this is going to end...but after a while the sense of foreboding reaches the point where you almost know how every scene or incident is going to end.

This movie is possibly a victim of its Cast and crews greatness...and their misdirected shot at making another legend..

If the end despite the amazing talent behind and in front of the camera this movie remains a bunch of amazing scenes..

Dhoom 3 (2013)

Bollywoods Biggest and Best Production ....but everything else.....

[31 December 2013]

Yes its true ...everything about this movie is in extremes...

1) Biggest Stars....Aamir Khan...need i say more.

2) Biggest Release of any movie ever.

3) Big Budget Production and Special Effects...

And some more....

Katrinas legs were as long as Aamir is tall (Yash Chopra has a way of making the Heroines look sexier and better than they are ...one case being Kajol ....but when your able to do that with Katrina....needless to say most men ran out of saliva in the theatre...

Abhisheks most wooden performance .....Udays....most foolish....

Most shameless self promotion.....

You get the point don't you...

So when you see this movie you have 2 options....

1) You go along with the ride....enjoy "INDIAS BIGGEST MOVIE EVER"....decent songs....big stars........superb special effects and picturisation ...well choreographed songs and action sequences...and load of oomph and style...did i mention Katrina Kaif....

2) You admit your human.....and its not possible to leave your brains at home.....and remember that a movie is supposed to have this ridiculous thing as a script.....and then your problems start....

If your the types who likes to carry his brains to a movie your going to have a problem with everything right from the ridiculously overpriced tickets (580 for a weekend show).....

Im not going to get into the nitty gritties....if your prepared for spoilers and like parody then you will find dozens of articles that will tear apart this movie and stimulate your brain in a more positive way than this movie.....

As most Indians who have family and friends.....i will have to see this movie....

Its best to get it done with...

And end any conversation or review of this movie as being about personal tastes.....

The Pink Panther 2 (2009)

Better than expected.............but what the hell did others expect??!!!

[8/10 · 12 March 2009]

The ratings of this movie are a perfect example of how such critic driven forums can often be misleading to the average moviegoer.

When i reviewed "The original" pink panther i wrote about how the movie was well beyond its sell by date.

When i reviewed the new pink panther i realised how right i was and how steve martin and the new guys have put so much more effort into the new movie.

But what i still cant over is the fact THAT WHAT(THE ORIGINAL) WAS CONSIDERED AS CHEESY LOUD AND TASTELESS BACK THEN IS NOW THE TOAST OF THE CRITICS and somehow when they watch "a new take(probably only a few characters are shared)" AND NOT A REMAKE FROM ANY ANGLE, of the same movie they expect something special,(and by special they mean humour only fellow critics will get).

Proves that "YESTERDAYS OLD S#*T BECOMES TOMMOROWS PRICELESS ANTIQUE".

I sensibly expected a honest, slapstick family comedy that had something for everyone and thats exactly what i got.

In fact when i saw the ratings i even scaled down my expectations and ended up enjoying this film much more, i honestly hope that im misled about a few more movies by this forum.

The acting from the entire cast was superb in whatever little or large role they had.

YES FINE TALENT WAS GIVEN VERY LITTLE TO DO, but we can either keep whining about that, or be happy that they performed well in whatever they did.(The critics would love a 4 hour extravaganza with loads of character building, if they really want that then go see brokeback mountain, EVEN THE ORIGINAL WHICH THEY HOLD IN SUCH HIGH ESTEEM HAD NONE OF IT).

Steve Martin was simply superb, however you feel a bit of overexposure to him and they could have well diverted some MORE attention away from him given the fine cast.

YES HE Isn't PETER SELLERS, if you want him then go watch the originals you fools.

The humour is great although in the attempt of making everyone happy you have some jokes that are too childish and others that shouldn't actually be told to children.

Once again i felt let down by the lack of exploitation of stereotypes, everyone expects at least some amount of them in movies and by purposefully not fully exploiting them the movie missed out on quite a few tricks.

The story was good.

BUT ONCE AGAIN WAS SO PREDICTABLE THAT ANYONE WHOS CROSSED THE AGE OF 10 WILL MAKE A VERY ACCURATE GUESS ABOUT THE EVENTUAL OUTCOMES.

And even though this movie has lots of funny scenes it really lacks that one really big one that many expect from a movie, a few scenes come close but none emerge as winners.

In all this is a movie that doesn't promise much but does what it was meant to do in the first place.

Which is to provide good entertainment to all age groups with minimum fuss and runtime.

So what the hell else did you expect?!!! -s tries to please everyone and hence has some jokes not suitable to everyone, VERY VERY PREDICTABLE, LACKS THE REALLY BIG SCENES.

+/-s much talent was wasted.

+s superb job all around especially from martin, something for everyone, DOES WHAT IT WAS SUPPOSED TO DO.

total 8/10(this is considering that it exceeded my wrong low expectations, on absolute terms its more of a 7 but given its much undeserved low rating i decided to stick to 8).

Quantum of Solace (2008)

James Bond is dead so why did i watch this?!!!!

[4/10 · 6 December 2008]

Yes i did watch this movie with a negative bias.

I knew when i watched Casino Royale that the new guys in charge of bond has purposely changed as much as they could about the franchise with intent of widening its audience under the guise that bond had to change with the times.

And even though i normally don't read normally read reviews before i watch a movie, in this case i made an exception because bond is one favourite franchises (others include the original star wars, indiana jones, and other classics of the 70s and 80s).

And when i the reviews confirmed my suspicions about almost every sacred relic in the bond franchisee being destroyed I made up my mind not to see this movie.

But humans are self destructive and i found myself in a theatre watching this movie.

When bond didn't pounce and shoot at the beginning of the movie i knew i was in trouble.

WITHOUT GETTING INTO DETAILS ITS SAFE TO SAY ALMOST EVERY BOND STEREOTYPE AND SIGNATURES HAVE BEEN DESTROYED IN THIS MOVIE.

Its been said before and i repeat that this movie feels more like the bourne series than bond series, (which were very ordinary films compared to the books), which is no surprise considering that so many people from those movies find themselves here.

The length allows for no story telling and it feels like a chapter in a book rather than an entire story.

The lesser said about the villain the better gone are the days of the bond super villains who inspired as much interest as did bond, there is an attempt to resurrect spectre in this movie but given the new teams ruthless attempts at changing everything i don't see many positives there either.

The villain feels like a puny lackey than a menacing ganglord whos worthy of bond.

AND They've TAKEN OUT THE INTERESTING AND Powerful STRONGMAN AWAY TOO.

I CAN KEEP ON RAVING ABOUT HOW THE MAKERS HAVE A BIGGER BOURNE HANGOVER THAN MAKING A BOND FILM BUT WILL REQUIRE PAGES AND CAUSE AN EMOTIONAL BRAKEDOWN.

So lets get to the good parts.

Miss fields looks gorgeous but is compensated to some degree by the normally vexing olga looking ordinary.

Even though the action scenes feel like bourne some of them are quite good especially if you like the shaky camera which im not too found off.

The acting is top class as far as standalone acting goes but lacks the flamboyance and flare that came to be associated with bond.

Not a single character can be termed as interesting.

IM STILL COMPLAING IT SEEMS TO STRAIGHT TO THE CONCLUSION.

FOR THE CLASSICAL ROMANTICS THIS MOVIE IS A BIG DISAPPOINTMENT.

FOR THOSE WHO CELEBRATE CHANGE REGARDLESS OF ITS RESULTS THIS IS A GOOD MOVIE.

FOR THOSE WHO WATCH IT LIKE ANY OTHER MOVIE ITS MERELY OK.

Please proceed with extreme caution if you fall in the first category.

-s bond is dead, lousy villains, no character is interesting, no storytelling.

+/-s shaky camera, how much change is good????.

+s good acting for any other movie, some good action scenes.

total 4/10 ( factoring in the fact that it fell below my expectations however if i fully factor in how much this movie has disturbed me I would have given a much lower rating, please watch this movie as any other spy action flick if you wish to derive maximum pleasure from it, I STILL WISH THOUGH I HADNT WATCHED THIS FILM).

RocknRolla (2008)

A typical/ not your typical guy ritchie movie.......

[5/10 · 3 December 2008]

Almost everything about this movie is about guy ritchie....

The problem with that is that it makes watching this movie very risky.

The main issues are..

His style has barely changed across the years.

And his movie are all about the ending which normally culminates in comedy of errors and chances and twists of fate.

After seeing so much ( or so few of his movies) there is no doubt that every Guy Ritchie movie i have seen has been less pleasurable than the earlier one.

The good part though is that my mind seems to have a hit a plateau instead of continuing downwards.

Which brings us to the real risk.

After sitting through 90 minutes of his movies, seeing event after event of randomness and character building you wait in anticipation for the ending which you may hate you may love but will definitely send you in a tizzy.

Here however you have the most sedate guy ritchie ending to date.

Its almost as if nothing happened and leaves you feeling quite disappointed.

This movie has its memorable moments as all his films do but these few and far between, once again i would like to stress how much guy ritchies movies are about the end.

The other guy ritchie traits such as top notch acting direction camera-work background score are all there. But these have been of such high standards in all films that only a move in the other direction would merit any surprise or mention.

As a standalone film this would have been a merely a decent film.

If this is your first guy ritchie film than you would enjoy it more but its recommended that you see snatch or lock stock to be really blown away as this may dull your experience of watching those masterpieces.

From the number of times I've mentioned guy ritchies name you can see that this movie is quite like putting all your eggs in one basket except that its rare that you come out merely with what you started when you play such a high risk game.

in this case ill consider myself lucky that i came out not feeling completely disappointed.

however i would advise that you treat this movie with caution and set your expectations right when you watch it.

-s typical guy ritchie, lacklustre ending.

+/-s typical guy ritchie.

+s typical guy ritchie which means technically superb.

total 5/10 (factoring in the fact that it fell below my expectations, however most people will take one look at the directors name and see this movie hence expectations cannot be ignored, proceed with caution).

Saas Bahu Aur Sensex (2008)

As ordinary and disappointing as its namesakes (especially sensex)..

[5/10 · 25 September 2008]

First thing that occurs to you about this movie is maybe that it was released 6 months to late.

Because the saas's and the bahu's are here to stay but tell anyone to invest in the sensex now and you can consider yourself lucky if you get away with only a shouting.

In fact everything about this movie seems a bit off..

The saas bahu has been parodied so many times especially thanks to 20 comedy shows on TV that its lost almost all its charm.

The politically correct semi-urban/middle class society with its mix of Muslim, punjabi, bengali etc etc stereotypes (DONT GET ME WRONG I LOVE STEREOTYPES AND I MAY HAVE EVEN LAUGHED ON ONE OR MAYBE 2 JOKES BUT AS A PRACTITIONER OF RACIST HUMOUR MYSELF I KNOW WHEN SUCH HUMOUR IS WELL BELOW PAR)....is actually well beyond its sell by date (probably in the 90s).

The cast is a mix of has beens, will be, or plain forgettable people there is talent (ill discuss that later), most of it lost in the sea or mediocrity.

Offbeat films is one thing, such films usually pride themselves on their subtle social themes,real life themes etc etc but this movie FITS THE STEROTYPE OF THE OFFBEAT FILM TO THE HILT....

Everything is so predictable and so uni-dimensional its scary even those who have shone in their roles have uni dimensional characters.

There are a few songs and the lesser said the better.

Enough to drag this movie till 4 now the good parts.

As said by everyone this movie belongs to Faroukh Shaikh (people say Kiron Kher too,but her role just to uni-dimensional and she is talented to be given credit for this), HE IS THE ONLY ONE WHO BRINGS SOME MEASURE OF HUMOUR TO THIS MOVIE AND ALMOST ANY GOOD SCENE IN THE MOVIE INVOLVES HIM.

The others such as Dubey, Kher and other actors do a decent job of hamming/portraying what stereotypical one dimensional characters they have to play ENSURING THAT THE ACTING/ROLES NEVER REALLY IRRIRATE YOU.People with any less talent would have made this really torturous.

Masumeh looked sizzing for a while before even she gets on your nerves, Tanushree has miles to go, maybe she should wear much lesser clothes to distract us from her ordinary acting.

The only brilliant moments for me (although it may be a personal thing) was the way they captured the euphoria of the sensex climbing maybe if they had modified the movie as a satire of the market itself instead of the ending it showed this could have been much better.

In whole an ordinary movie that has a few good moments inter-spaced with mostly ordinary below par moments but never leaves you feeling bored.

Watch only with only low expectations, this movie promises much more than it delivers.

-s one-dimensional, stereotypical, nothing new, weak songs, script wastes the potential.

=/-s masumeh sizzles initially then...., the rest of the actors they showed potential but maybe the roles were to limiting.

+s FAROUKH SHAIKH, THE SENSEX EUPHORIA.

total 5/10 (if i don't get bored i usually give the movie at least a 5 or 6 but i don't want to set the wrong expectations especially since the Sensex Euphoria scenes may only be my personal favourite).

Bachna Ae Haseeno (2008)

A mix of many potent formulas ..............gives only an ordinary mix.

[7/10 · 20 August 2008]

While the invincibility of Yashraj may have been a myth since day one (they've delivered flops and big ones all their lives remember Lamhe), what they did regularly deliver were iconic films (subhash ghai had the lead as far as hits were concerned).

His formula is and will remain forever simple.

1)UNREQUITED LOVE.

Each and every one of his biggest hits have had this, and it mostly involved the protagonists.

2)FIGHTING FOR LOVE.

Once again mostly involved the protagonists. But never with a villain, always with the circumstances.

3)LOVE LOST AND FOUND.

Need i say more.

4)Exotic Foreign Locals. Normal characters played by larger than life personas.

A potent formula that has succeeded more often than not.

Yet every movie retained its individuality.

Building a new compound based on the formulas is OK, BUT WHEN YOU MIX THE READY-MADE COMPOUNDS IS WHEN THE WEAKNESSES CREEP IN.

The movies story is inspired from at least 2 Hollywood films/serials (one of which i have seen but i don't remember).

Then we have parts of the movie straight out of DDLJ...

Actually I've driven the point home, this movies un-originality is clearly its greatest weakness, AND ITS GREATEST STRENGTH.

Because we love the Yashraj Formula don't we.

Ranbir Kapoor can act better than most débutant's but clearly he has very far to go, the upside is that i cant see much of him in his roles, and maybe he will become a finer actor much sooner than say Sharukh who has played himself most of his life.

Minisha Lamba s@#ks plain and simple, no glamour, looks permanently forty, and clearly the most irritating character.

Deepika looks mostly unfeminine but once again its surprising that she can act, however its mainly her expressive face that saves her, otherwise her acting is weak.

WHICH BRINGS US TO BIPASHA.

She clearly steals the show here, and i say this despite knowing this movie is clearly about Ranbir, despite being mismatched SHE LOOKS STUNNING, actually gives the best performance of her life (still has a long way to though especially in the emotional scenes), the hot pants scene and the tie me up scene gave me palpitations.

Technically this film is superb as it should be, HOWEVER EXOTIC FOREIGN LOCALES Don't HOLD THE SWAY THEY USED TO, AND THE OVERUSE FOR THE SAKE OF COMMERCIAL GAIN WAS CLEARLY IRRITATING.

Lets not mention the ugly Xbox placements.

The songs and its placement were quite weak, we have only 2 really good songs of which one is a remix played in the credits. I STILL Don't UNDERSTAND WHY THE ENTIRE SONG HAS TO BE PLAYED IN A MOVIE, A SONG AND ITS VIDEO IS PROFITABLE AS IT IS, EVEN IF IT Isn't PLAYED FULLY IN A MOVIE (sanjay gupta has proved it to us).

Most of the stories feel pretty half baked and AS A DRAMA HATER IM TELLING YOU THERE WAS CLEAR LACK OF EMOTIONS IN THIS MOVIE,you sit through the entire movie and you barely feel any emotion.The only time i felt a bit stirred is when he reflects on his life, and i was happy to see thats nothing there that cant be rectified or that will leave a scar.

The humour is also mostly good, with most of the jokes succeeding, Hiten Paintal does an excellent job, mainly as the comic relief.

In all we have a formula flick, whose greatest strength is also its greatest weakness.

-s the formula, DDLJ hangover, ugly product placement and location selling, Minisha, LACK OF EMOTIONS.

+/-s The formula, Deepika, Isn't less drama/emotion normally good (i think they call it breazy movie).

+s The formula, Bipasha, Ranbir, good humour.

Total 7/10 (actually outdid my expectations (I've seen Tashan), and I've factored that in, almost no one has really-REALLY liked the movie, most share my views, SO ITS BEST YOU GO WITH MODERATE Expectations OTHERWISE DISAPPOINTMENT IS ON THE CARDS).