kms1592 Reviews

Santa Claws (1996)

Puts the T&A in Christmas

[4/10 · 23 December 2023]

Even by the low standards of the Christmas slasher genre, this is a third tier effort. I was shocked while watching it to learn that it was made in 1996. It looks more like 1976. Maybe that's what they were going for? The plot is thin, but serviceable. Marital problems arise between an adult film photographer and his wife, who stars in the films. Creepy next door neighbor who killed his own mother & lover as a child has developed an obsession with her and now seeks to realize his fantasies by solving her problems the old fashioned way--with a gardening fork. The acting is lousy, the dialogue is terrible and the gore is hilariously cheesy. Yet it's still fun enough, especially if you're into gratuitous nubility, which this movie offers in spades. Worth watching if it's free and will keep your attention better than some if you go in with low expectations.

Natty Knocks (2023)

Better Than Expected

[7/10 · 21 September 2023]

I watch a ton of horror films, especially on Tubi. Roughly 80% are so boring or just plain bad that I either fall asleep or turn them off. So I had really low expectations for this but figured I'd check it out. It turned out to be far better than anticipated. The story isn't totally original, but it's got enough different elements that it doesn't feel stale. The cast, especially the girl who plays the babysitter, do a pretty solid job. Bill Moseley is creepy as always. Not sure why so many people seem confused as to what is happening and when. It's pretty clear throughout. And I liked the ending, as it kept the film from being too predictable. So if you like standard 70s-80s B horror with slasher themes (but not much actual gore), you can do far worse than this movie.

Parasite (2019)

Sadly, Woke Culture Comes to Korea

[5/10 · 17 February 2020]

After watching the similarly overrated "Host" a couple years ago, I wasn't keen to jump on the bandwagon for this one. But so many people told me how "amazing" and different it was and kept recommending that I see it. So after it won all these awards and they put it back in my local theater I broke down and saw it. Well, that was a waste of $13.50 and two hours. It's billed as a genre bending comedy/drama, but in my opinion it misses on both fronts. There's nothing especially humorous in the dialogue or even the situations. Poor family scams rich family for jobs and money. Ooh, that's so original, except that it's not. The fact that the poor family is so unsympathetic makes it just unbearable. They're vile and annoying. Is it a clever commentary on class structure in Korea? Not really. Just hamfisted platitudes. The rich couple come off as far more likeable in fact. As for drama, there really isn't much. Yeah, they try to take a dark turn towards the end and there is a feeble attempt to make things dramatic, but I just kept looking at my watch wondering when this bore-fest would end. Then it just kept dragging on.

And for the record, I spend lots of time in Asia, including Korea. I've seen lots of Asian films. I have Asian relatives and an Asian spouse. It's not cultural misunderstanding here. I just think, like that similarly shallow representation of mental illness in the even more boring "Joker" film, people want to praise something that they think brings attention to some uncomfortable issue. Guess what? Variations of this class structure have existed in Korea for hundreds of years. Things are better now than they were. There are plenty of options that don't involve scamming and murder. But if you can feel better about yourself by claiming to empathize with the lower economic stratum by suffering through this film, more power to you.

The Witcher (2019– )

Interesting Premise Turned into Garbage

[4/10 · 21 January 2020]

I'd never heard of the video game, but I had heard of the books and I read the first of them recently. To be honest it was pretty uneven, but it had its moments. The references to Eastern European culture and mythology was a nice change from the norm. Geralt is a mildly interesting character, albeit not that likable. And while the main actor does a decent job here, in general the show suffers from bad pacing, too many boring characters, an impossible to follow timeline, and way too much political correctness. It's nearly as bad as the recent Star Wars trilogy in beating you over the head with "sensibilities." This simply wastes what was an interesting premise. On the positive side, the action scenes are pretty good. But beyond Henry Cavill, the acting is way below the level of GoT. And he doesn't get enough time because they're too busy with the boring minor characters. Sad how they just turned it into more vanilla fantasy.

Stranger Things (2016–2025)

Duller Things Revisited

[6/10 · 21 January 2020]

Well, at least the character development was slightly better than season 2. But you can basically watch the first episode then skip ahead to episode 7 and you haven't really missed anything. It just drags along aimlessly. They should really shorten the seasons or come up with new plots. It's getting like the Star Wars sequels in its bland repetitiveness. Maybe changing cities next season will add life to a show that's always been overrated for nostalgia reasons.

Joker (I) (2019)

It's Rob Zombie's Halloween in the Batman Universe

[5/10 · 11 October 2019]

I'm not a big super hero movie fan at all. And I really can't stand the ridiculous Marvel cross-over movies with 72 story lines and 55 Avengers running around. But this sounded different and intriguing and there was lots of buzz. Sadly, it falls pretty flat for me. The performances were preachy and predictable, but not necessarily bad. Just not that engaging. The moral here is simple. Don't be a jerk to people, no matter their socio-economic or mental state. Fine, I get that. Despite what people have said, I'm not sure it's really glorifying violence, though pretty much all the characters in the film are d-bags and seem to have it coming. But my real problem is that so little happens. I don't need tons of explosions or CGI, but the basic backstory could have been handled in 45 minutes, then move into some actual crime or something.

This really reminded me of Rob Zombie's remake of the Halloween movie. On the one hand I appreciate doing something different. On the other hand it starts to creep into preachy pretentiousness. And do we really need our psychotic killers to all be sympathetic? At one point I was wishing for Jared Leto's Joker to show up and wisk me away. So I appreciate the effort, but this won't be the definitive Joker film for me.

Godzilla (2014)

Pacific Rim Job

[4/10 · 3 November 2018]

This movie had potential, but in the end it just sucked you know what. The human characters really weren't very compelling. The decision to make Godzilla some kind of monstrous savior smacks of the child-friendly Toho Studio releases of the 1960s-70s. They should have gone for the dark, destructive, nihilistic force instead of the kid-friendly version. There was no need for other monsters in this one. And some of the scenes, like where a character falls over 100 feet into three feet of water and is unscathed, are even less realistic than the monsters. Finally, when will people stop casting members of the Olsen family?

Stranger Things (2016–2025)

Cure for Imsomnia

[6/10 · 29 October 2017]

The first season had its moments, even with the misrepresentation of D&D and the frequently long episodes. Season two never should have happened. Each episode is duller than the one before and the 80s nostalgia vibe has just gotten tired. The performances are fine, but none of the characters have really grown much. And since they weren't that interesting to begin with, this is a problem. Highly recommended if you're having trouble sleeping, though. This will knock you out.