raindog20 Reviews

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra (2009)

$170 budget and not one writer

[3/10 · 10 August 2009]

I came in with low expectations and got even less. I'm kind of offended that someone got paid to write this because its essentially a big-budget movie made with a fan-fiction caliber script. The plot riddled with holes, characters speak in clichés and the laws of physics are completely ignored. The female characters are treated with the action-movie standard sexism, and there are some subtle racist undertones as well. Seriously, 12-year-old boys write text messages that are more coherent than this script. The screen writers should use their payday to refund the tickets of everyone who went to see this movie.

I'm okay with going a movie just for the special effects, but even that is sub-par. The martial arts choreography is good, and stunning in one scene. The practical effects are believable, but the computer graphics are mostly cartoonish and detract from the visual impact of the film, so its hard to say go see it even if your standard for a good movie is if they blow stuff up in new and interesting ways.

I did enjoy the sheer audacity of its failure. Surely the filmmakers had watched even one movie before and knew they had a piece of Star Wars/James Bond ripoff fan fiction on their hands and just tried to be as bad as possible. This movie has a lot of laughs in it, although probably not where the filmmakers intended.

Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby (2006)

One of the worst movies a bad year

[1/10 · 4 August 2006]

Talladega Nights is what happens when you let actors write their own material. Someone needs to tell Will Ferrell that just because he can get laughs with other peoples' material doesn't mean he can write a movie.

This movie was green lighted with a six-word pitch: Will Ferrell as a NASCAR Driver and the story, characters and plot never really got beyond the six-word simplicity. Every character in the film seems have an IQ of 70 or less and the jokes just aren't funny, and they keep coming, one awkwardly boring scene after boring scene.

Someone really needs to tell Ferrell that if no one believes your characters could possibly exist in any universe there is no reason to laugh, or believe them. I started wondering how people this stupid remember to breath.

Also the technical quality just isn't there, bad computer graphics, lighting, staging, all are of the quality typically found in Mad TV movie spoofs.

This is what happens when you let demographics control movie making. Studio Execs saw the bank Ferrell's last movies made and the NASCAR demographics and figured people will flock to see it no matter how big of a dog it is. Someone needs to grab Will Ferrell and let him know he can't write his own name much less a movie.