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JohnZoidberg
Reviews
Starship Troopers 2: Hero of the Federation (2004)
Not as bad as I'd been told
Look, I know it isn't the first movie, but ST2 actually isn't as bad as everyone makes out. Phil Tippet clearly had a lot of fun with the story and the ideas, and on the DVD the 'making of' special is quite interesting (even though I think everyone is completely familiar with the CGI movie making process these days).
Sure, it doesn't milk the same bravado seen in original, but the story and concept of the new bugs is fairly reasonable and clever.
I think the ICK factor may have been taken to the nth degree, but I'm now keen to see the 3rd flick, especially with Casper back on board.
My only gripe is the ending with the anti-hero and his decision to stay and kill bugs. I mean really, irrespective of what he'd been through, he's saved the frickin human race, surely you'd be pardoned for THAT!!! *sigh*
So give it a go, but don't be expecting Citizen Kane cos it ain't!
The Nutt House (1992)
Worst Film Ever
Seriously, the Trivia for this film says that the writers/producers/whatever had their names removed from the credits 'after' they saw the result??? What about paying attention 'during' the filming...I cannot understand how 'anyone' could have needed to wait until 'after'the filming was complete to realize that this was a turd on the face of humanity. I don't know what that means exactly, but it sounds bad and that's the point.
I needed a random inoculation after seeing this film, not to mention the days, no 'weeks; of grovelling to my friends who I convinced to watch it with me.
Picture this....the lights are down, the popcorn is out, I've built the mood by describing the trailer I saw on another Video...the film starts....and within about 5 minutes I notice the sound of popcorn being chewed has stopped. Silence has filled the lounge room....
Of course, in hindsight I should have turned the video off, but like a train crash where the driver of the train turns out to be the conductor's pet poodle rather than a qualified individual, a certain fascination took place. Sure, I felt sorry for all of us knowing we would never be the same, but we were all unable to look away...yet no words were spoken. Stunner perhaps? It's possible, but 13 years on I still have flashbacks to the ridiculous sheep-like noise which echoed through the room every time the main character had a personality change...
Who can forget the looks on the faces of my fellow movie watchers who moved straight past blaming the film itself for being so bad to blaming me for renting it. I can still feel the stabbing pain of their dagger laden looks....the "Well...I'm going home" which was 'overlooked', simply for a swift and silent exit from my house. The empty feeling I was left with in a house full of sleeping parents in one room, sleeping brother in another, and me...alone in front of the television watching the credits (sans Writers/Producers mind you) roll up the screen, my thoughts bypassing the obvious "what were you people thinking!!" and moving straight onto "What the hell just happened!?"...
My life was never the same...(until of course I saw Jaws 4 when in fact it was 'exactly' the same as when watching this!) So, I highly UNrecommend this film.
Check out my 'other' UNrecommended films cos I sure can pick 'em!
Wolf Creek (2005)
Great acting but disturbing content
Okay, it's a slightly disturbing story with tourists being fodder for some nut in the outback, and it was made even more disturbing by the fact that when I woke up this morning after having seen the film last night they gave the result of the trial of the guy charged with killing the poor British tourist in the outback a few years back.
The film is very well acted, anyone who has seen Mr Jarrat in other stuff knows he did an excellent job, and the traveling group also acted excellently, very convincing the whole time.
I think the reason everyone is reacting so strongly to this film is because, despite the story not being completely "factual", it is based on several crimes which are still in our recent memories. Like I said, the verdict of one of the cases was broadcast THIS MORNING! It does take a while to get going, but the purpose is obviously to help develop feelings for the cast, which makes what happens that much worse. Hollywood Horror films involve deformed hillbillies or monsters etc, so the thoughts that a REAL person could do this is pretty disturbing.
The "disgusting" parts are mostly implied, with a few exceptions of course, but they are well presented as they DO make you shudder or say (as I did).."Oh sh#t!"...
It isn't going to be a film for everyone, especially young folks, because if they watch it they SHOULD be affected by it, if they're not, then that's a worry in itself.
Wake Up, Ron Burgundy: The Lost Movie (2004)
Ummmmmmm...
Look, I loved the PROPER Anchorman film, but this was reaaaaallly bad. The kind of bad that makes you wish you could get that time back in your life, the kind of bad that makes you think "what on Earth were they thinking to film this in the first place", the kind of bad that makes you wish you'd taken 50 more minutes when stepping into the kitchen to grab a snack during the film, the kind of bad that makes leprosy look fun, the kind of bad that makes you think you wish you rented a Pauly Shore film instead....seriously, I cannot explain how very bad this was.
Having said that....there were some semi-amusing laughs, but they are all so much LESS funny than Anchorman. Sure, they tried to make it entertaining and fun, but the entire subplot that was left out of Anchorman that made it here was genuinely left out for a good reason...it wasn't even a little bit good.
Do yourself a favour (or in the USA, a favor), and don't watch this DVD...it will tarnish the good movie that Anchorman is and you don't want to do that.
Okay...I'm alright now.
Catwoman (2004)
Really, was this as bad as everyone said? I don't think so...
Look, I'd heard a lot about this film and to be honest, that swayed me in the direction of not bothering to see it in the cinemas, but curiosity finally got to me and my wife and I borrowed this last night.
AND...I'm glad we did.
The film is fairly pedestrian, and to be honest really misses the traditional comic book hero bad guy, but then it isn't really the same as the comic book, it is ANOTHER take on it.
The DVD has some worthwhile extras, especially one on the History of Catwoman that really helped to set the scene for us as it explained how there are many different "brands" (if you will) of Catwoman.
Anyway, I won't go into a big psychological chit chat of it all, suffice it to say that the film isn't actually that bad if you get it into your mind that it ISN'T the same person as Michelle Pfeiffer or any of the incarnations from the 60s. The whole story of how she BECOMES Catwoman is different too! I suggest that the film is good in it's own right and is definitely worth a look. It really is irrelevant to say "I prefer the Batman Returns Catwoman" cos it is a completely different person! Perhaps if they'd called the film Katwoman or LadyCat or something, all the poo-pooers would have taken a chill pill.
I gave it a 7/10 cos I actually enjoyed it and got interested in how the thing was going to play out. I put aside my assumptions and watched with an open mind - something more people need to do.
Stiff (2004)
Entertaining & humorous
No, that isn't the name of a Pub near my house, it is a description of this TV movie set in good IL' Melbourne, Australia.
Most people would recognise David Wenham from Van Helsing as Hugh Jackman's little off-sider, but he is the main star of this (hopefully) series of movies where he plays Murray Whelan who seems to end up in many awkward predicaments throughout the show.
It is probably aimed more at Australian audiences to be honest, but it is well written, well acted and very amusing in parts. Murray Whelan is a likable character which may explain why there are a couple of his adventures out there.
As far as a mystery goes, it wasn't terribly hard to work things out in the end, but as it is sort of set up as a potential series of films, it is very good at telling us about the character and giving us an understanding of what he's about.
Good to see a cameo of our state Premier in there too! Looking forward to more in the series.
Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)
Loved it!
Great humour, great soundtrack, great actors....the whole set.
Look, it's predictable in that you can guess the outcome, but the movie is very funny and each actor gives a little differently.
I'll admit, when I saw this in the cinema, my wife and I did most of the laughing, so it probably isn't everyone's cup of tea, but it really appealed to us - perhaps we are just vulgarians. :) Anyway, get the DVD cos the extras are the icing on the cake - it's nice to see when they've gone to a little trouble for the consumer.
Good to see "The Hoff" in a cameo too, he truly is a legend of...umm...something.
Elvira's Haunted Hills (2001)
Oh dear....
I was a big fan of the original Elvira film, but this one was just terrible. This time the lame jokes weren't even lame, they were pathetic.
I can honestly say that Elvira's Haunted Hills hurt my brain.
Stick with the original, this does nobody any good, not the actors, the film makers, the viewers, small furry animals running in a meadow somewhere...nobody.
Also, it is dedicated to Vincent Price...who is CERTAIN to have rolled in his grave as a result.
How about this, put the TV on, insert the DVD into the player and press play...then, pick up your car keys and go to the movies instead.
Equilibrium (2002)
Not bad at all
I'd never heard about this film until watching it the other day and I have to say I was pleasantly surprised. Sure, there is a bit of a Matrix feel about it in parts, a bit of Big Brother in other parts, and the premise that a society can suppress their feelings was a little hard to swallow at first, but I really got into this film.
Christian Bale is good as the 'seemingly' cold hearted cleric out to stop all 'sense crime'...and I can see why he's gone on to do Batman Begins, he just seems right for it. The supporting cast really are that, they contribute to the story, but it's Bale that the film is following and his journey is very well presented.
It is always hard watching a movie when the initial idea or concept seems very strange and foreign, but Equilibrium manages to help you get over that by giving you a good story and characters you are interested in (I wanted to slap his son).
I know I said nothing in this to tell you what was going on, but I urge you to watch it and wait until the end when things start cookin'.
Christina's House (2000)
Look, I've seen worse, but it was a little long...
This wasn't really a bad movie, but it wasn't really a good one either. I think what concerned me more was that the father's behaviour was sort of ignored once we realised there was a killer in the house. He was still a bit of a suss individual!
Anyway, I digress.
I thought Christina did quite a good job, and Howie was good until he seemed to turn into an extra from House of the Dead at the end. The guy who played the Policeman seemed a bit too angry too easily and I'm not sure I'd want him on my local force. I'd like to see one of these movies where the bad guy doesn't appear to have super strength and 9 lives.
The one good bit was when we realised why the windows were being weather-proofed, I think I even let out an "ahhh"....so points for that.
I must start writing these reviews without spoilers...yeah, starting from the next one I'll do that :)
Hell Asylum (2002)
Oh dear...
Really not entirely sure what these guys were thinking...
I mean, I give them credit for making the film, but a little more attention to the script and less on the gore. All those guts really just looked like a spaghetti accident.
Seriously, why would a guy who wants to make this show and has gone to the trouble of preparing the whole building wait until the actual day to pork his girlfriend. It just isn't clever writing, and while I'm at it, what's the point in having 5 different girls and establish their different characteristics and personalities if you only use it to establish that one hates bugs, let's throw bugs on her. The whole video interview section was painfully long and in the end proved largely irrelevant. Sure, you're showing the viewer their personalities, but we get that later on...
If my hair wasn't already falling out I'd pull it out through frustration...
On the bright side, there's no sequel.