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Replicas (2018)
This Movie was Butt
I could scarcely believe what I was watching. I knew it would suck. I just... I just wasn't prepared for it to suck QUITE so hard.
Watch it though. It's fascinating in its inanity.
Apostle (2018)
Good But a Bit of a Letdown
I, like most folks on here, was massively excited to see what Gareth Evans brought to the table for his newest feature and by all accounts, it was shaping up to be great. Brutal cult horror starring Dan Stevens and Lucy Boynton? What's not to like? Well, the story for starters is remarkably poor-paced. We begin with an eerie, slow burn feel, but after the two male leads break into the home of the three leaders, the story begins moving at a very fast and rushed speed. The villain also leaves a lot to be desired. He's evil and cruel, but the buildup felt forced and insultingly hamhanded. Other than these unfortunate truths, the movie is great. It's phenomemally well-shot, and the idea of a deity held as a slave for prosper is frankly brilliant. I just wish the script had undergone a few more revisions before leaving the writers' room. It's too bad. It could have been great.
A Cure for Wellness (2016)
A Horror Epic
Unlike the reviews would have you believe, this is not a bad film. It is instead, a very ambitious film, and a very DIFFERENT film. I pride films on their originality, and this one provided it in spades. It was brilliantly shot, well-written, and absolutely haunting. It's frankly, a movie I'd call brilliant, in that it's almost an epic tale. There are a lot of subtleties and social commentary, which is something not often seen in a mainstream film such as this. It is due to its wide release, I believe, that it was so panned. This is a movie for smart people, with its themes of corporate corruption, breaking society's mold, the fear of winding up where one's parents did before them, and history repeating itself. As for negatives, other than a couple of logical flaws and some ham-handed foreshadowing, A Cure for Wellness is a special movie, and one horror fans should savor.
A Very Murray Christmas (2015)
If you're expecting any sort of story, or comedy for that matter, "A Very Murray Christmas" is not for you.
I am not giving this movie a one, because while I found it terrible, it's not the worst thing EVER. This film is simply a bewildering waste of your time. It's not funny, and it lacks any sort of narrative. It boasts several cameos from actors in the comedy field, but the film is essentially just Bill Murray dreaming of singing carols with them.
Murray stands in what I initially believed to be his apartment, and sings a song for two minutes, is greeted by Amy Poehler, who wants him to film a Christmas special, which he begrudgingly does, and sings another song with Chris Rock. He then loses power, no longer has to do the show, and is snowed in. He subsequently sings 15 more carols, passes out drunk, meets George Clooney and Miley Cyrus, and for 15 minutes, I sh*t you not, sings Christmas carols uninterrupted. He then wakes up in his apartment, sings "We Wish You A Merry Christmas", and left me in shock as the credits rolled. My middle finger slowly extended.
By the time I was finished, I was just left confused. Confused as to who wanted this, and why. I swear, it borders on being an opera. Knowing this, I'll allow YOU to decide whether or not this is your cup of tea.
Detention (2011)
I like to think that this was an accident.
Well, this movie was an insult to the craft. I have never actually seen a movie that is worse than this one, and I've seen lot of movies. Just this week, I watched Scary or Die, Taken 3 and Patrick: Evil Awakens. These movies are, by no means, good, but they didn't make me ashamed to admit that I enjoy film. This movie, however, did. Before I continue, I'd like to say that there was much more wrong with the movie than 1000 words can hold.
For starters, it is trying to be the Scream of our generation. The stereotypical teenagers being killed off one by one, constantly referencing movies, and pointing out clichés. This movie though, was absolutely terrible. The characters were unlikeable, and unbearably predictable. The visual effects were cool to a certain extent, but they couldn't even afford to break real glass. Here's where I'll get into the REALLY crappy aspects of the movie. Time travel. It's a thing. And I won't go into much detail, but let me just say: It makes no damn sense.
Well, I'm running out of characters to use, but another HUGE issue about this movie has not yet been brought to light. One of our characters is part fly. Why? It actually serves no purpose in this story. He pukes acid, can sprout wings, and is super strong (a typical fly trait). We are led to believe that this will at some point come back as a plot point, but he gets butchered soon after this realization comes to light. Seriously.
So, watch Detention if you so wish, but be prepared for shockingly poor acting, predictable story progression, nonsensical plot, serious plot-point abandonment, and really BAD character names.
All in all, this is the worst movie that I've seen in years. And I have seen Patrick: Evil Awakens.