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Reviews
Uncharted (2022)
Turn off your brain and enjoy the action.
Solid 7.5
Ridiculous, over the top adventure film. Extremely well casted, Wahlberg is perfect as Sully. Every action scene is like a classic Jackie Chan throwback. You don't have to be a fan of the games to enjoy this one, but if you are, you'll enjoy it more. Ignore the negative reviews, turn off your brain and enjoy the ride.
3 Days to Kill (2014)
This is the Splinter Cell movie that we'll never get...
This feels like a lost Tom Clancy storyline. Extremely well done. Seems to get lost in "older A list actors doing action cheapies" of the past couple of years but this one (and American Assassin, From Paris With Love and Taken, of course) is worth a watch. The storyline is straight up Sam Fisher homage.
Jasper Mall (2020)
Utterly perfect "slice of life" documentary.
The best non music documentary I've seen in a long time. Just a nice slice of life. Very calming, darkly funny with some sad bits sprinkled throughout. Perfectly shot with fantastic interviews and camerawork. I look forward to more from this wonderful documentary team.
Copshop (2021)
Excellent modern western with Carnahan's goofiness.
Say what you will about Joe Carnahan's movies, the man knows how to shoot a fast paced, lively action movie. The entire movie has a modern day western feel to it. Add in lots of dark humor and Carnahan's signature goofy side characters and you have a very entertaining, well done action flick.
Paranormal Activity: Next of Kin (2021)
Ignore the negative reviews and strap in for a horrifying ride.
Ignore the bad reviews and the "Paranormal Activity" moniker (it has nothing to do with the other films), THIS movie was amazing and terrifying as hell! Equal parts The Visit, Midsommer, Event Horizon, and Apostle with shades of Resident Evil 7 and 8. It went from creepy to absolutely horrifying.
I don't want to spoil too much but it has an underlying "ancient evil" and "end of days" religious tone throughout and then the last half...well you have to see it to believe it.
We Are Still Here (2015)
Scary as Hell, Well Worth the Ride.
I have had to turn this film off 2 times previous because I got too scared. I bought it to force myself to finish it and wow am I glad I did. Creepy as hell, great tone and setting, fantastic pacing and an ending that doesn't quit. Really amazing practical effects and makeup. Larry Fessenden and Lisa Marie are great in this. Scared the hell out of me to the point that I was turning lights on but it was so well done I stuck with it. Deserves all the good reviews. 9.5/10.
The People Under the Stairs (1991)
Goofy horror classic.
I haven't seen this as an adult (or a teenager), last I watched it was on VHS taped off of HBO or Showtime. I was surprised by how well it has held up. The tone is horrific and goofy at the same time. The goofy parts start to wear on the viewer but boy are they worth the price of admission. Fantastic acting by all, great practical effects and gore and some truly memorable moments make this Wes Craven cheapie a horror classic and one of his best films. 8/10.
Officer Downe (2016)
Robocop meets Crank meets Sin City.
Speckled with great cameos and directed by Shawn from Slipknot, this hyper active gore fest was nuts. Its pacing and story development was non existent, but boy was it a fun watch. 6.5/10.
V/H/S/94 (2021)
Not as scary as the previous 3 films, but enjoyable nonetheless.
The wraparound story is the highpoint and I think it's the best one in the series. All the segments are solid but they're missing the signature scares that the previous 3 films had (yes I enjoyed VHS Viral, it had 2 mind blowing segments and the wraparound was like a fever dream). Timo's segment could be an entire movie in itself. Extremely well done and reminds me of the guinea pig movies of old times ago. Ignore the negative reviews from people who probably didn't watch it.
Hold the Dark (2018)
Utterly amazing. Another brutal masterpiece from Jeremy Saulnier.
The bad reviews are definitely from people who watched this while browsing on their phone. If they turned all the lights off and paid full attention to it, they would have enjoyed it more. As with Green Room and Blue Ruin, it's hard to define Hold The Dark. Part thriller, part survival film, part horror movie with surrealistic visions and brutal action sequences.
Verotika (2019)
"The Room" of horror movies, watch it with friends and alcohol.
Verotika is The Room of horror movies. Laughable, terrible, over the top acting from stars and b movie actors. Awful special effects. Rediculous, nauseating camera work. Terrible opening credits. Awful CGI. Though we laughed the entire time and will watch it repeatedly for years to come. The anthology style stories go from fantastic, to good, to boring as hell. This would be a solid 10/10 review if the film kept the energy and over the top-ness of the first story. The accents are awful, we laughed the entire time. The 2nd story is ok and actually has some promise but there's TWO overly long, boring strip club scenes. The last story drags on and on and (other than the clear as day Danzig reference) is completely boring.
Give it a shot, watch it with friends, drink, smoke, what have you...
Girl on the Third Floor (2019)
If Cronenberg Directed A Haunted House Film
Creepy, gory and gooey, I'll never look at marbles the same way again. Well done indie horror with 100% practical effects and some great minds. Don't trust the negative reviews. Yes, CM Punk's acting is hit or miss but if you can ignore that you have a finely crafted haunted house tale ahead of you.