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xanderificus
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Reviews
The Rookie: Feds (2022)
Just trope after trope ... in tiger print
Competing for worst new show of the year. Nash's character was bad on The Rookie but the new writing stepped that up a notch. She's never wrong; she's practically magical in her always-rightness. I'd written another review but referencing the tropes that they use had what I assume was a banned word. So ... between the inability for the character to make a mistake (on two backdoor pilot episodes and three into the run) and the total implausibility of her wardrobe (I swear, I wasn't going to mention it like so many other reviews but Ep4 just started and there's a loosely buttoned tigerprint mess), it's simply not a good show.
Other shows I have watched over the years strictly for the supporting cast (e.g. Bones) but this one's cast is too small and has insufficient chemistry to warrant that.
Not worth your time. Pick another show.
Punky Brewster (2021)
Painful
Watched the pilot and I won't be watching more. Felt like it was written by a committee trying to check every box it could. The canned laughter, the stereotypical wise-for-her-few-years child, the terrible acting... everything was just plain awful.
Assassins Run (2013)
Probably the worst movie I watched in Covid lockdown
Terrible but the one redeeming moment is the prison fight (not a spoiler, it's shown in the trailer twice). That scene was utterly ridiculous but worth rewinding to watch a few times.
Dragon Age: Redemption (2011)
The video game probably had better acting
Cliché after cliché, this is a bad way to spend 48 minutes. Maybe if I were a gamer and knew the storyline of the video game, I might have gotten more out of this. It seems to me, though, that any project of this type (including movies based on comic books and graphic novels) must be able to stand on its own and not be dependent on a small demographic for its success.
This was so bad, it hurt. Written by and starring Felicia "I act with my eyes" Day, this makes Roger Corman look like Kubrick.
Really, the only cliché this was missing was the villain yelling "YOU MADE ME" at the heroes. It was, at least, implied with his "How could I not? It was almost involuntary."
Resident Evil: Degeneration (2008)
"Final Fantasy", it's not.
Not being a video game fan, I've not seen the cut-scenes of the game. I feel like I just watched an 96 minutes of them. Cut-scenes are, I believe, something that are, by definition of their own name, only to be used as brief interludes.
I couldn't help but compare this CG movie with "Final Fantasy" of a few years ago. During that film, I was able to lose myself long enough to forget that the well-animated characters weren't real. Here, the low-grade CG, lack of attempt to synchronize lips to speech, high-school-drama dialog, all bring the package to a point that makes the cartoon "ReBoot" look like Oscar quality.
Queen of the Damned (2002)
The "Martyr Principle" in effect
There's a really bad trend going on where, if someone tries to "cross over" from music to movies and then dies, their movies become better. Actors and singers seem to love to try to jump the line and we'd all be better off if someone stood up to them and said "No." There may be the odd exception now and then, but the majority start with one career for a very good reason: they lack the talent in the other arena.
As much as I hate to speak ill of the dead, Aaliyah's acting is abysmal. I've never really listened to her music but I'm guessing she stretched herself too thin, artistically.
This movie was gawdawful; the fault largely resting with the paper-thin acting talents of the title character. Watching Aaliyah act was like watching the Spice Girls act.
Blade: The Series: Pilot (2006)
Another victim of the "if he raps, he must be able to act" myth
Who? I want to know WHO is perpetuating the myth that if someone is a rapper that they must be able to act! Some can. I won't deny it -- but very, very few...and, even then, it's hit and miss.
I missed the opening credits so I went in unbiased. Several times throughout watching it, I turned to my girlfriend to say, "He walks like he's in some hip-hop video. This isn't some dark warrior of the night. He's got the fake gravelly voice. He's posturing - not acting." It didn't need a Snipes knock-off, just someone comfortable in the character's skin.
The bad guys were alright. No complaints. The plot was fine. No complaints.
It just needed an *actor* in the role of Blade.
100% completely unconvincing in the role.
Funny Valentine (2005)
Could have been better but ...
We just finished watching this on DVD. I like A.M.H. He's done his hard knocks. With that in mind, we rented the movie.
The film was a bit disjointed. Half an hour into the movie someone secondary character starts with a direct-to-camera monologue -- which was fine, but it just came out of the blue. That treatment was repeated a few times and it worked once the precedent had been set. My girlfriend and I both do community theater. The direction of the play made us both think that it had been adapted from a stage play but that there were moments where the director didn't quite know how to make a scene work.
Cathfinn's (other commenter) point is very valid about the borderline softcore porn opening scene. Almost like the director put that in on a dare. Doesn't contribute one lick to the plot and the dialogue about the archetypes of women could have been better supported.
Most of my problems with this movie has to do with the director's decisions. The acting was adequate or better; the plot was sound; the scene changes and camera shots did a lot of harm to the picture as a whole.
***(Possible spoiler)*** Our biggest problem was with the two buddies. Throughout most of the movie, they're a couple of "playahs"; masters of the one night stand. They begin some inevitable progression as a result of Josh's search. Great. Then, once Josh seems to have found someone, they both totally regress into their pre-growth mindsets and then, a little later, seem to (but not clearly) suggest that they might be back on the learned track. Waaaay to up & down to be credible.
War of the Worlds (2005)
What the...?
Could this have been any greater of a waste of my time? This was little more than yet another vehicle for Cruise to be ... Cruise. No acting involved (as usual), just Tom being the usual "Tom character".
* Characters whom I didn't care if they lived or died. Whining, screaming Dakota Fanning; hateful son whose name I never did care enough to learn; bad father Cruise; bitchy ex-wife and limp step-father.
* The flag waves at the start, ribbons unfurled, the statue of The Patriot in Boston, Robbins denying that Japan could ever solve a problem before the US ... all we were missing was the apple pie.
* The aliens start disintegrating people by the hundreds, and we can assume from what we are told to be the magnitude of the attack, by the millions. Yet, halfway through the film, they start to harvest them for their blood?!? What the hell is the point of that? What's more, the red-vein-vine that they cover the Earth with has the exact same vulnerability to our bacteria as the aliens themselves? Come on. And they harvest them only a handful at a time? Sheesh.
I have to stop here. Mentally regurgitating this film is upsetting my stomach.