PatheticCinephile Reviews

Dawn of the Planet of the Apes (2014)

I have a very distinct opinion about this movie.

[4/10 · 7 July 2017]

So in anticipation of the next Planet of the apes movie, War for the Planet of the Apes, which I am extremely excited for but not for the same reason as everyone else, I have decided to review one of few films which I have a very distinct opinion on. First of all I admire the original 1968 Planet of the Apes very much and one of the reasons one of the reasons I went to see this movie was because people have claimed it to be better than the original. Unfortunately with all the praise this movie was getting it was disappointing to find that this movie was not good.

I am the only person so far that doesn't like this movie. I don't know anyone who didn't like this movie. I will state my reasons for not liking this movie.

The first thing I have to start with is the characters with the exception of the protagonist Caesar. I am guessing you are wondering why I am excluding Caesar from the negative aspects of the film but I will get to that later. Anyway, I think most of the characters in the film are either dull or clichéd. I will give some examples and you will understand(or not). One example is the antagonists. The character Koba in my opinion was a very clichéd villain and so was Gary Oldman's. How were they clichéd? Well, the problem is that the villain just hates and has really no other interesting motivation. Another example is some of the human characters which were just dull and that is all I can really say because there isn't much to them.

The second problem I have with this movie is the plot. There isn't much to say about the plot because again like most of this movie there isn't much to it and it also feels very familiar. The other problem with the plot is that it doesn't ever seem to try to grab the viewer's attention. And the final problem with the plot was the horrific climax. The problem with the climax is that first its a complete shift in tone, second it is poorly executed and over the top in the worst way and third it is completely lacking in suspense.

I think that now there isn't much left to complain about therefore I will resort to slightly complaining about the visuals. I think that the visuals are definitely something that the movie did right but at the climax they were the complete opposite. Even though I may not like this movie it does have one if not two redeeming qualities. One is of course Andy Serkis's Oscar worthy performance. The other redeeming quality is Andy Serkis's character, Caesar. I felt that Caesar was an interesting protagonist with well realized struggles that Andy Serkis helped portray.

Overall Dawn of the Planet of the Apes is a dull, clichéd, poorly written movie, even though it has an interesting protagonist and a phenomenal performance from Andy Serkis and that is why it gets a 2/4. I hope the next movie improves on this.

Transformers: The Last Knight (2017)

just the worst...of the transformers franchise

[1/10 · 30 June 2017]

So if you don't know this I have watched every single transformers movie and I hated them all. But even though they have awfully shot action sequences full of repeated shots or clichéd characters and clichés and nonsensical plots the films before this one had some form of being at least watchable. Even the previous one which many claimed to be unwatchable was still in my opinion watchable even though yes it is very long. This one is the complete opposite of what the others are.

This FIFTH(REALLY!!!) installment of the crappy franchise is fascinatingly bad and the strangest part is how unwatchable it is. I mean there are some things it does better than its predecessors one being that it removes stereotypes. In the previous films there were many sub-characters which were just a bunch of stereotypes and it was very insulting and it seemed the director wasn't even familiar with the term. Luckily this movie didn't have as many but it did have some rude stereotypes, so be afraid. The other thing this movie did better was that it didn't objectify women as much. But there was one scene which had the typical female objectification the other movies had with one the characters wearing a very revealing dress.

Anyway now I have to get to why this movie was unwatchable. The first reason was the plot. This movie basically has no plot and has more than a million subplots making it quite hard to follow and also made it quite nonsensical. Some of the subplots were also quite pointless. It also has what you would expect in a Transformers movie which is the clichés and clichéd characters. I don't really have to say anything about that because they are always so overabundant in these movies so I am just not going to say anything about that. The other thing that irritated me was how pointless the changes of the aspect ratio were. Nolan in the dark knight franchise changes aspect ratio whenever there is a fight sequence so that you get a better view of the scene. In this case I am not really sure what the director's aim for the aspect ratio change is because it just changes at any random scene. The other problem was the camera-work. I felt sick at every shot because every single shot is so shaky and it feels like the cameraman was drunk. The final problem is how unfunny the elements of humour are so overabundant. The humour always felt tired and I don't think it was even trying to be funny.

Overall this movie is overall a clichéd, awfully written and poorly executed mess of a terrible but still entertaining franchise and just like every installment in the franchise I am going to give it a 1/4. Do not watch this movie and encourage a stop to this terrible franchise please.

Jupiter Ascending (2015)

Painful and that is it.

[1/10 · 20 June 2017]

I will start my review by saying one thing...DO NOT WATCH THIS MOVIE!!! I know it looks really great and it was made by the Wachowski Brothers and they made The Matrix which was one of the best sci fi films ever made. Sadly though after making a movie going in the territory of Terminator 2 and other great sci fi films they have slipped into Battlefield Earth territory.

Okay maybe this movie is not as bad as Battlefield Earth but it is almost as unwatchable. This movie didn't just bore me with uninteresting characters and a too multi-layered plot but it angered me with its sense of not wanting to be original in any way. Some of the aspects of films it ripped off were so noticeable that I think the directors just copied those aspects. Sometimes these aspects were major parts of the movie and that easily could annoy anyone who loved the movies they ripped. Anyway originality or not aside the film is also very poorly acted by Mila Kunis, Channing Tatum and(I am not joking here) EDDIE REDMAYNE of all Oscar winners. The characters are boring and uninteresting and it doesn't help that the movie doesn't really seem to be trying to make it interesting. The plot is mixed and at times in some way repetitive and hard to follow. The concepts were sometimes in a way promising but never delivered anything interesting. I also felt that Mila Kunis's character, Jupiter Jones(Yes that is her name), was very weak and always needed saving.

Overall Jupiter Ascending is probably one of the worst sci fi films ever for being not original, terribly written and lazily acted which easily gives it a 1/4.

Arrival (II) (2016)

A response to this year's bad sci-fi films

[6/10 · 22 April 2017]

I think we are all familiar with movies that have aliens coming to earth and not destroying things. This is not something that in this century hasn't been shown much in science fiction films. In the 20th century it was much more common with movies like close encounters, E.T, the day the earth stood still, contact and others which probably weren't as great. This century so far has had only one movie like that which is district 9. Everyone went to see it and they were blown away. It was obvious there would be no movie like that in this century. We were wrong apparently. Along came Arrival. When it was announced I was excited and it didn't disappoint. Not only is it well acted, not only is it well plotted and not only is it smart, the greatest thing about Arrival is that it is original. Most aspects of Arrival are original, from the look of the aliens to the look of the spaceship as well as its concepts and pace. I guess what will fascinate most is the incredible twist ending which will I am sure in the future be as iconic as the twist in 1968s planet of the apes. I won't spoil the ending for you so don't worry. The performances were pretty good but best of all was Amy Adam's performance which should win an Oscar. The concepts of this movie were pretty thought provoking and original mostly. The look of the spaceship and aliens was original as I already said but cannot be described. I highly recommend this movie for anyone and I will give it a ⅘ for being original and smart.