chumgriffin Reviews

Color Out of Space (2019)

Spaced out of color

[1/10 · 22 January 2020]

Cage is making an awful lot of bad movies lately so when I saw the rating on this I took a risk and watched it filled with hope he has turned things around. Boy was I wrong. The dialogue, directing, acting was very poor . The story was very badly told and was filled with clichés that would drive anyone crazy. This film was partly shot in Portugal where drugs are legal and I reckon the actor Tommy chong must have passed around a lot of weed to everyone involved because that can be the only explanation how every aspect of this movie was a complete mess.

Extra Ordinary (II) (2019)

This film by any other name would smell just as bad

[1/10 · 19 October 2019]

Another embarrassment to Irish film. The dialogue seems to be written by a chimpanzee and then edited by a 4 year old to make sense of a sort. Acting is not apparent but I cant blame the participants who have to spew out such juvenile attempts at jokes and puns. If this is all the irish comedy talent can do in Ireland I think they should retire gracefully and go back to reading the beano which seems to be the origin of their source material for this extraordinary mess. Technically it looks like the cameraman was having a bit of fun practicing shots he learned in film school, probably because he was bored watching the material he was filming.

The Perfection (2018)

Deeply flawed

[2/10 · 27 May 2019]

This movie has moments of tension, drama and horror, but then so do I after waking up from a night of heavy drinking. Allison Williams is typecast i.e. screwy brunette with screwy eyes. The initial introductory scenes make you believe this script might produce something interesting but then it quickly descends into ridiculous, bizarre and scarcely credible sequence of events. I usually hate the word feminazi but I think the final third of this movie will serve those of that ilk well in their beliefs. This had good beginnings but ended up a truly imperfect mess.

Black Mirror: Bandersnatch (2018)

Cant snatch my time wasted

[1/10 · 29 January 2019]

This was truly filmed for those people who really think we are living in the matrix. Yes of course you are intrigued at the beginning but after half an hour you begin to nervously feel you have been duped into watching this. By the end you will feel like you just lost an hour and a half of your life unless you think you do not live in the real world at all in which case you deserve to watch this nonsense movie on an endless loop.

What We Do in the Shadows (2014)

Bloody brilliant

[10/10 · 21 November 2018]

This is a superb comedy. It was written, directed and performed brilliantly. If you don't laugh at this you are probably dead inside. I am at a loss for superlatives because there are not enough to elevate this work of comedic art to the pinnacle of entertaining cinema.

Black '47 (2018)

A rotten Potato

[2/10 · 30 September 2018]

I hungered for this to be as brilliant as some of the reviews promised and it really disappointed me to discover the reality of this films wasted endeavours. The lead casting as usual for an irish movie was made up of non irish actors which is very sad for Irish talent. Specifically , james frecheville who impressed only because of his ability to imitate the thousand yard stare attributed to veterans of the Vietnam war. This was no Vietnam or even Irish braveheart as has been described in some reviews and this was mainly due to scenes which lacked realism , authenticity, savagery or even just simple blood and guts. Scenes would cut away just as a murder was about to happen , and I guess it was because they just didn't have the creativity or budget to do it well. Cinematography and lighting were very poor also. Locations were abysmally chosen and CGI was very visible in some scenes. There was a distinct lack of character development and it was one of those films where you didn't really care who lived or died. There were lots of little directing errors apparent too , even the simple drinking out of a flask looked fake, the famine victim scenes were poorly staged too. My advice to Irish film makers is if you cant do it right or especially better then just don't do it at all. This film made me sad for all the wrong reasons.

First Reformed (2017)

This is not a thriller

[3/10 · 1 August 2018]

Yes, if you are thrilled by this you live a very monastic life indeed. While it does offer some serious drama, there is nothing here to be excited or even thrilled about. It plods along building a tingling expectation, teasing something or probably niggling something and then it dies like the rotten stinking fish of a movie it ultimately becomes.

The Break with Michelle Wolf (2018)

Screeching brakes with michelle

[2/10 · 28 May 2018]

Besides a lot of poor jokes and silly but only mildly funny sketches, what totally made this unbearable was Michelle's screechy voice which will irritate your ears after 5 very long minutes. A bit like listening to metal scraping against metal only far worse.

The Cured (2017)

Dead boring Zombie guiltfest

[2/10 · 14 May 2018]

This film did nothing at all that was good for the Zombie genre or Horror genre. It was pretty depressing and boring throughout. It was poorly written and poorly directed. I felt a tinge of sympathy for some of the actors who had to make stupid choices and were obviously directed in that way. I would advise to avoid watching this unless you are a Zombie yourself , and if you are not , then after watching this you will feel a little more dead inside.

Beast of Burden (2018)

Beast of Boredom

[2/10 · 2 March 2018]

The plot is simplistic, the dialogue is the same, the acting just so so.. Whoever convinced Daniel that sitting in a cockpit of a plane for most of a movie would be riveting viewing should be fired. It was boring , silly, and the end of the movie just hammered the final nail into this utterly disappointing attempt at a thriller. Do not waste your time even out of curiosity.

Looking Glass (I) (2018)

Look at a glass for an hour

[1/10 · 17 February 2018]

Just do the above for an hour and avoid watching this complete mish mash of a nonsense script. It has lots of holes and character choices that make no sense. One thing I can absolutely guarantee you is that if you don't take my advice and choose to endure viewing this silly tat, then once you get to The End credits you will say to yourself dammit, I should have taken heed of that harsh review.

Braven (2018)

brilliantly bad braven

[2/10 · 2 February 2018]

This film gets 2 for some of the scenery and some of the ridiculous action scenes which made me laugh. The acting, the directing, the dialogue, the casting all failed miserably . It was one of those movies where you keep asking yourself,, why did he do that? or why did they not do that? or just why why why. There was a distinct lack of logic in almost every action the characters took. It is amazing that when the final edit was done and they had a screening that those involved did not think for a moment to reshoot the terrible action scenes. Some of them were embarrassingly silly . If for some unknown reason you want to watch the movie because of Jason momoa, then you would be better off just buying a poster of him and stick it on your wall and look at it. It will save you from wasting your time on a completely forgettable attempt in film making.

Maze (2017)

Holes aplenty captured doing bird.

[2/10 · 21 January 2018]

I was hoping this would have moved irish cinema forward a bit. Unfortunately it succeeded in doing the exact opposite.

There was a great lack of authenticity regarding the prison atmosphere, the supposed northern Ireland accents of some of the actors, the location( shot in Cork southern ireland and didn't care to hide that fact in the film). You would expect a prison drama to be a bit gritty and claustrophobic and maybe even instill a sense of menace. This felt more like an adult day care center where you could sit and drink a cup of tea with your custodian. Some performances worked but overall the film was embarrassing to watch as the amateurish holes appeared one after another.

The X-Files: My Struggle III (2018) Season 11, Episode 1

Outrageously poor

[1/10 · 5 January 2018]

I am almost at a loss for words here. If you were a fan of the original series then I advise you not to watch any episodes of this long drawn out farcical attempt at TV production. The Dialog is beyond ridiculous, its like someone threw a bucket of bad clichés into a hat and then picked them out randomly and then scrambled them to make them even worse. The plot is puerile and overly melodramatic. The camerawork and direction was so terrible it was constantly noticeable. The acting was truly terrible . I actually felt embarrassed for the actors . Obviously they didn't feel embarrassed and I am disappointed that money still means so much to duchovny and andersson that they would sell any shred of credibility as actors they have left. The sound in this was appalling , again overly melodramatic, but I realised that the sound must have been put in at the last minute to hide the painfully bad dialog. I passionately advise against watching it, you will thank me for saving you from coma inducing silliness.

Mother! (2017)

Mother of all thats wrong with film

[1/10 · 15 December 2017]

What you will learn from this film is what the words Metaphor means and what the word Allegory means. What you will also learn is that mental torture-porn movies are now a genre ( The killing of a sacred deer falls into this category also). If you enjoy actors walking around a house iterating sentences with a question mark after every one of them , and as a result will make you question every part of this film too, then it might be your cup of sedative. As I gradually understood the allegory and metaphors, I was instantly shaken into thinking what a pompous , arrogant, supercilious director mister Aronofsky has to be. I can just see him thinking to himself,, "Oh how clever am I ,woohoo". Of course, some viewers of this film will not be so annoyed or irritated because no doubt the obnoxious apprehension might titillate the reptilian brain. My advice, drink a nice coffee and eat a nice cake and talk to your goldfish, or if you don't have a goldfish, just talk to a wall. You will be better served.

The Killing of a Sacred Deer (2017)

The killing of a film career

[3/10 · 15 December 2017]

Ok, firstly do not let curiosity lead you to watch this film lest you might miss something that will enrich your life even by a millimetre. Yes there are some decent actors here, except for the wooden Colin Farrell. In this movie he plays a surgeon who has a wooden character and Colin actually overacts the woodiness to an almost unbearable monotony, like he is just reading the lines off the page of a script and told to do it badly. He excels at it . This is not a compliment. The filmwork and soundtrack is adequate but the plot is preposterous. It is disturbing in the kind of way that you might witness someone having a bad accident or open heart surgery, yes you would look for a second, but this film is over two hours long , so if you want to torture yourself mentally or just feel bad in general, then knock yourself out and watch it... My advice would be to knock yourself out literally, it will have the same result but less long term suffering will be incurred.

El Camino Christmas (2017)

Dishevelled mayhem and one joke

[1/10 · 8 December 2017]

I was expecting this movie to be a comedy and I think the movie did try a joke that worked about the halfway mark. Then it drifted into drama of a sort mixed with action of a sort. A really woeful sort it turns out. This movie script would not be greenlit by anyone with an ounce of insight and foresight . It is very apparent that product placement paid for this movie. Shame on you ben and jerrys. This film did affect me emotionally on one level, I actually felt sorry for Tim Allen, so that's the only plus really. Finally, The Christmas in the title is probably in the title because the film is released around Christmas and the film makers want you to think,, Oh,, a Christmas film! Nothing to cheer you up here at all. Avoid watching and clean your toilets instead,, more pleasure to be had I reckon.

Dunkirk (2017)

World war 2 light touch

[6/10 · 8 December 2017]

This film was enjoyable to watch for a few reasons. The aerial scenes were quiet enveloping and realistic. The soundtrack will keep you on edge. The acting performances were good enough to convince. The camera work was accomplished. The problems with this film were its lack of graphic realism. Barely a drop of blood can be seen, almost as if a censor had banned the true horrifying visions of war lest it offend or raise the age limit for audiences. Casting a famous boy band member is always a big no no if you expect to be taken artistically serious. It comes across as a gimmicky cameo which just ruins the scenes when that Boy band guy appears. He does an okay job,, but its like putting Madonna on a ship as a nurse,, you look at her acting but think to yourself, oh look Madonna in a world war 2 movie, and this just cuts you out of the movie if you are in anyway engrossed. Christopher Nolan, cop yourself on and stop disrespecting your audience with such cheap gimmicks. Overall, it is worth a watch , but it will never ever be considered as the definitive Dunkirk movie, that is yet to be created.

Bullet Head (2017)

A complete mess of dog poo

[2/10 · 8 December 2017]

Normally , when I see a film that is badly written, badly directed, badly conceived, badly everything, I always consider the actors last, because frankly they are only working with the material laid in front of them, following directions, spouting lines of dialogue written by someone else, etc etc.. So they usually get a pass. In this case however, I have to say that Adrien Brody and John Malkovich cannot be that broke or that desperate to sign up to this absolute shambles of a project. If they had any artistic integrity or self esteem left then they should have jumped ship or at least fire their agent for not assuring them a get out clause, rather than tarnish their careers with engaging in film making that belongs in the garbage bin of mediocrity. Even then I think the bin would protest at its newest resident. Do not let the trailer fool you into thinking ,, maybe worth a watch, you will feel conned at the end.

Singularity (I) (2017)

Derivative in every aspect

[1/10 · 5 November 2017]

I feel sorry for John Cusack. He must be desperate to end up in s film this poor. The acting is very poor , the special effects are very poor, the directing is poor. The only amusing part was to cast an actor who looks a bit like Jennifer Lawrence and they even give her a crossbow. Very useful for killing robots. This movie is appalling. I could not follow through to the end. I hope for your sake you do not waste your time with this rubbish.

Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets (2017)

Spectacular arty fun space-ride

[10/10 · 1 November 2017]

The most visually enjoyable sci-fi film created in a long time. Yes it had some flaws , but the sheer magnitude of digital creation and artistic inventiveness far outweighed these shortcomings. Funny, exciting and entertaining is what you get nothing more nothing less. An ultimately supreme popcorn movie.

Brawl in Cell Block 99 (2017)

is there a worse word than terriblè?

[1/10 · 13 October 2017]

vince Vaughan is a certain character in some comedies, he will never be anything else based on this foray into some kind of serious role, the film is so unconvincing, I nearly wept with pity at how bad the dialogue, acting, costumes, editing, cinematography etc etc, most of all vince is so wooden that he would make a still baseball bat look like an Oscar winnning performance . this is truly an awful film to watch, I feel sad for him

A Ghost Story (2017)

A cure for insomnia

[2/10 · 21 September 2017]

If you are going to see this at the cinema, bring a box of matches so you can keep your eyes pried open while you attempt to stay awake. If you suffer from any form of depression do not watch this movie. If you want to suffer some depression, watch this movie. It is bleakness at its dreariest. It is not entertaining in any way, it does not convey any messages of wisdom, it doesn't have a single uplifting bone in its weighed down dusty skeleton. Watching a corpse decompose for an hour and a half might be more rewarding than watching this.

The Orville (2017–2022)

A dog licking his...

[1/10 · 11 September 2017]

I really wanted this to be good . The initial pitch of the story seemed like it could be fun. I am a fan of sci-fi and comedy shows, especially some of the shows that Seth McFarlane has voiced. Here are some of the problems with this show. Seth Mcfarlane is a very talented voice actor but on screen he reminds me of a ventriloquists dummy whose operator is just after taking sleeping tablets. He has no screen presence at all , and in fact almost sucks the energy from scenes he is in. Some of the other actors do a good job but some are poorly cast and do not seem comfortable with their lines. And this is the big problem, the lines, the writing is puerile, derivative, unfunny drivel. I cannot believe how bad this show is written. Like the title of my review, if you are a person who laughs at a dog licking his balls, and continues to laugh and laugh while watching a dog doing this, then this show might raise a smirk or two . For me, this is totally forgettable garbage TV.

Future Shock! The Story of 2000AD (2014)

A moanfest

[4/10 · 23 August 2017]

At the age of 9 I read the very first edition of 2000ad in 1977 and continued to enjoy the dark comic reality show until the late 1990s. This documentary was interesting . It did have several flaws for me. I wanted to hear about the character development more and the story lines. But, and everything that comes after but is usually bullshit, but in this case it is not:-) I see this documentary as a story of artists disenfranchised, and as such it is merely a another dark story, albeit uninspiring and just sad . Apologies if my judgement upsets you mere mortals