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Reviews
Road House (2024)
A fitting tribute
Produced by that old school legend Joel Silver. Responsible for some of the most fondly remembered muscle bound romps of the 80s. Looks like he came out of retirement, and recruited Doug Liman to give us a trip back to those good old days. Whilst it breaks no new cinematic ground for sure, but if you like your simple plotted, slick, well shot action movies, then this is a winner.
Mysterious stranger helps local townspeople fend off an evil business man trying to destroy their neighbourhood.
Keeps its tongue wedged firmly in its cheek, with a wink and a nudge in every scene.
If you're looking for complex character beats and a winding narrative, then you'd best look elsewhere, but if you fancy some fisticuffs and broken glass, then The Road House is open for business.
The Batman (2022)
Wasted opportunity
I could see they were trying to go for a more grounded version of Batman, and I can identify with that. Not a problem. I don't even mind that it's a long movie. The problem for me was that it lacked depth of character. Gordon isn't given anything to do. Alfred has only about 3 minutes of screen time, and there's nothing about Wayne enterprises. It lacks chemistry and cohesion. The relationship with "cat woman" comes off as awkward too. There's literally nothing about the bat cave, or any of batmans gadgets/suit either.
The few action scenes are done well, but there aren't enough of them. The story is ok, but again, the villain lacks threat, and there's nothing to flesh him out either which also means the finale is somewhat lacking.
It leaves the whole enterprise feeling a bit empty, which is a surprise given its run time.
I also couldn't shake the feeling that it all felt a bit low budget.
Finally, the film is wearing a 15 certificate which led me to believe it might have been a bit more adult themed and grittier. But it's not, so it lost points and some audience there too.
It's worth a watch on a rainy evening, but ultimately hasn't been the breath of fresh air that I'd hoped for the franchise.
Rambo (2008)
Insane action from the worlds toughest senior citizen
I enjoy a good film, be it comedy, drama, thriller etc. I appreciate fine camera work and cinematography, and i can be found talking loudly and often about the merits of Oscar winners. What we have here though is to be judged on an entirely different level. I grew up with the "one man army" type of film and still have the guilty pleasure of popping in Commando, or Out For Justice into my DVD player from time to time. It was then, with some enthusiasm that i scampered into the cinema in Times Square in New York to get a look at Stallones latest Rambo epic. Its worth mentioning i had my long suffering wife with me too! The film begins and moves along at breakneck pace, with some of the most violent and bloody sequences ever committed to film. It had me absolutely transfixed from beginning to end, and seemed to last about 10 minutes. As you can probably gather, i loved it. I loved to see Stallone on screen again, especially after the disappointing cheese fest that was Rocky Balboa. For me the action and pace were enough for me to forgive some of the wooden acting and questionable one liners. My wife on the other hand was not so complimentry. She thought the whole thing ridiculous and sadistic and complained Sly looked to old and the whole plot was just daft. The fact that Sly is 61 and can still pull it off made me enjoy it that much more. The films release has been timed just right focusing on some of the awful atrocities being committed in Burma, just as First Blood part 2 caught the mood perfectly in 1985. You are not going to want to see this if you are of a nervous disposition, vegiterian, squeamish, or looking for a film to nominate for an Oscar. But if you want an edge of the seat thrill ride into hell and back, you won't be disappointed. When i saw it in the States it had been on general release for three weeks, and every seat in the cinema was filled.....
Today You Die (2005)
Seagal waddles through another action "classic"
Why do i keep torturing myself? Seagal hasn't made a good film for over ten years. Yet whenever he brings out a new one i seem to end up watching it. This is bad make no mistake, but compared to some of his other stuff that has soiled my eyes over recent years, it was quite enjoyable. The plot is laughably linear as they always are. This one is revenge for being framed for murder. Wife and kids kidnapped, Seagal blows things up and shoots people etc, etc. He has lots of lines that he reads himself, there are quite a few fight scenes that are actually quite well edited, and even the effects are alright. The budget looks to have been stretched a bit more for this one and Seagal seems to have been told to give a bit more enthusiasm to his role. You can almost see some of the sparkle from the old days returning. It has all the ingredients that a good action movie should have, but you can't get away from the fact that Seagal is 55 years old and weighs about 400 pounds. Perhaps if he lost some weight and sorted himself out a bit, he might be able to tempt the big studios back..... Best Seagal effort for years. Still only for the fans though.
Black Dawn (2005)
More nonsense by the fat man of action
Very poor effort from Seagal, who in recent times seems to be churning out films on a weekly basis. This is a conspiracy type movie involving a nuclear weapon falling into the wrong hands (yawn!). Seagals character is a mysterious ex agent with an unclear agenda (what again!). None of us watch Seagal films for his acting prowess, we want to see glib one liners and plenty of scrapping. There is precious little of either in this film and the action scenes that are in it are done by someone else. He doesn't even really feature as the starring role, leaving a bunch of stereotypical bad guys and hired goons to plod through what masquerades as a plot. As if what i've told you is not enough to keep you away from this drivel, it is also worth mentioning that the special effects are truly terrible as well. Finally, to sum up, this film features Luke Goss from that vomit inducing band Bros as the lead bad guy. Watch this and you'll gouge your eyes out.
In Her Shoes (2005)
Dull mismatched sister comedy drama
A great cast and some good credentials made this look like a great feel good movie, ideal for curling up on the sofa with my wife. What we got was a dull, seen it all before story of ugly big hearted sister and beautiful mean sister finding common ground. Its got all the ingredients you'd expect, assorted affairs, job related disasters, misplaced cute dog, eccentric grandmother and so on. this would be fine, if the characters made it come alive and the script gave it a little sparkle. But it just plods on and on, tediously rolling out the uninvolving story. Everyone seems to be bored and running at half steam and consequently you can't relate very well or feel any real sympathies for anyone. There are also very few funny moments to break it up either. Could have been, should have been, so much better.
Sudden Death (1995)
Die Hard in a stadium
Van Damme goes all Bruce Willis in this action romp from Peter Hyams. Nasty men set bombs, kidnap people, and make demands. Our hero escapes capture, nasty men snatch hero's kid, police get it all wrong, hero kills nasty men, diffuses bombs, saves everyone. Sound familiar? High production values help this movie keep its head above water. There are big enough set pieces and enough action scenes to keep you interested. But a boring done to death plot, rubbish script, and hopeless acting prevent this being any more than an "also ran". If you're watching for the fights, there's a few good moments for Van Damme fans. If you're watching for the thrills and tension, don't expect too much. One thing worth mentioning about this film is the lead bad guy. He is a really nasty bloke and makes Hans Gruber look like Ned Flanders.
The Driver (1978)
Moody chase thriller
Car chase movies were all the rage in the seventies. As long as you had muscle cars screeching tyres and smashing into things, then you had a winner. This is what "The Driver" is. A loose plot with a detective and a getaway driver playing cat and mouse on the city streets. There aren't many lines in this movie for the actors to recite, they all seem to rely on one word answers and hard stares to convey their "toughness". This, at times gives the movie a creepy film noir atmosphere. This is also helped by Walter Hills direction which gives all the characters an unpleasant edge to them, and all the scenes are dark, dingy and oppressive. This is no feel good Hal Needham vehicle thats for sure! The chase scenes are fantastic though, with proper engine noises, great angles and snappy editing. Might even be better than Mcqueens efforts..... If you're a fan of "Vanishing Point, Bullit, Smokey and The Bandit" etc, then you'll love it. It looks dated today, but if all today has to offer is rubbish like The Fast And The Furious, Torque, etc then we may have to hark back to classics like this for our automotive thrills.
Lionheart (1990)
Gritty action exploitation
AWOL as its called in the UK is, in my opinion Van Dammes finest hour. He plays a legionnaire who finds his brother's been killed by drug dealers in America. He stows away on a boat to the US in an attempt to find his last remaining family. The only way he can make money to help his family (no visa or green card) is by underground street fighting. The film is written for Van Damme and his role as a tough legionnaire lets him get away with grunting his way through the movie in pigeon English and gruff one word answers. The other characters are well cast in their roles and the story moves along at a good pace. Who are we kidding though? We're not watching this for its Oscar winning script or its award winning performances! As with any Van Damme flick, the more time he spends cracking heads and the less time he spends speaking, normally indicate how well the movie will do. Luckily for us the fight scenes are a great guilty pleasure. They're filmed with gratuitous violence in mind, with lots of snappy editing to show blows again and again from various different angles. The choreography is good too with some nice moves on show. If you want an old school, bone crunchin action movie, and to see Van Damme at his best, this'll have you "woo hoo"ing like Homer Simpson! Get the region 1 print though as the UK region 2 version is cut and has serious lip sync problems.
Wolf Creek (2005)
Superior Aussie horror. No wolves though.
Story of 3 young backpackers (one guy, two girls) embarking on a trip across Australia, who when their car breaks down in the middle of nowhere, accept a lift from the wrong guy. Nothing new in the synopsis, but the execution is very good. What this film gives us that the normal slasher flick lacks is emotion. The film really makes us identify with and like the characters. It carefully paints the picture that these are really good natured harmless kids out to have fun and do a bit of exploring. The male character is not portrayed as the macho, annoying alpha male type either. There's lots of nice scenes of them enjoying each others company and having fun, inter spliced with some amazing shots of the Australian wilderness. Even when the car breaks down and the stranger appears, hes a jolly, typical Aussie stereotype, and you really begin to wonder if you are in fact watching a horror movie. However, just as you are starting to feel all cosy with these likable characters, the tone changes quite dramatically and the tension mounts very quickly. Its made all the more worse because of our sympathy for the main characters. Without wanting to ruin the film for anyone, the second half of this movie is a top notch nail biter, with a real sense of desperate isolation and some truly nasty scenes. It owes much in certain places to the original Texas chainsaw Massacre. After watching "Undead" and hating it. I wasn't expecting too much, but i was very wrong. If you like your horror with a bit of substance, this comes highly recommended.
Second in Command (2006)
Low budget political action thriller
The muscles from brussels is back again. Not a bad effort i suppose, given what Van Damme has given us in the recent past. Former eastern block country in political turmoil, US sends tough navy seal (Van Damme) to their embassy to keep an eye on things, but surprise surprise, no sooner does he arrive, then there is an attempted coup to oust the newly elected president. Said president gets rescued and ends up in the embassy under Van Dammes watchful eye. A siege ensues and Van Damme saves everyone. Never saw that coming! Doesn't offer anything new and is made on a shoestring budget (the days of Van Damme commanding big bucks from big studios are well and truly over). Could have been a good action flick if it had had a little more investment, but cost cutting is painfully evident right through the movie. The "explosive fight scenes" the slip case promised were also nowhere to be found. Which, lets face it is why we watch Jean. Those that were there seemed very watered down compared to his old school knuckle crunchers. If you liked "The Marksman" with Wesley Snipes then this might be worth a try. Otherwise... fans only.