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Firefly Lane (2021)
Horribly sad & boring
Wow, the pilot episode seemed to take about five years of endlessly boring flashbacks. Sarah Chalke I love from SCRUBS, and Katherine Heigel is another wonderful actress. Together, I thought this show would be great, but the stories and writing are ponderous. I thought I was slipping into a coma ten minutes into the sixth flashback scene.
Saved by the Bell (1989)
Screach was an Abomination
I could never watch this show because of Screach. He was just something from hell. His character was awful, and he was like 25 years old pretending to be 15. Dustin Diamond looked 40 when he was 25. Hard living makes most people look older. Screech was an awful character, played by an awful actor. Fortunately, there won't be any Screach in any future reunions.
Michael Jackson and Bubbles: The Untold Story (2010)
Before the Little Boys, there was Bubbles
Michael Jackson started getting weird with chimps before he evolved to spend time with little boys. This documentary tries to take the high road, to seeing Michael Jackson as some kind of complex, emotionally disturbed person who could relate better to animals than he could with people.
On the Rocks (2020)
Banal Boring Drunken Bum Character Got Old
I remember when Bill Murray replaced Chevy Chase on Saturday Night Live. I never got what was funny about him. He just talks at the camera with his pock-marked expressionless face. Like some kind of a talking mannequin.
On Caddy Shack, the Bill Murry scenes with the gopher are the dumbest and least funny parts of that great movie. Bill Murray and the gopher brought the funny pace down.
In Ground Hog Day, Murray made an easy movie where the same scenes were re-done for 90 minutes of Bill Murray over and over again. Never got what was funny about it. I honestly did not see any growth in his character. Bill Murray cannot act. It was the same drunken bum, 90 minutes later.
The Razor's Edge was another movie about personal transformation. Bill Murray never pulled off any transformation. It is always the same untalented and boring guy, staring straight at the camera, and reading his lines in a monotone.
Bland, boring, Bill Murray. Nothing funny, no punch lines, no funny jokes, just his pock-marked ugly face staring blankly as he reads his lines. That is the Bill Murray Story. Mediocrity sucking itself into a great career just because he has lingered on for fifty years of blankness.
These Naked Celebs Have an Important Message for Voters (2020)
Gross & Unnecessary
Instead of providing a positive and intelligent promotion for voting, Hollywood lowlifes have to promote voting by being naked.
Amy Schumer & Sarah Silverman naked is gross and disgusting. Please put your clothes on and I promise to vote.
Eight Is Enough (1977)
Creepy Family of Clones
This show was sickening. The father was played by the creepy and repulsive Dick Van Patten. I always wondered about him. All the kids and the family are like automated clones. They have fake issues, and then they all come together to resolve them in a neat little package at the end of every episode. This is the most fake family in the history of television.
Green Acres (1965)
Inbred Hillbillies Meet the Original Kardashians
The Gabors were famous for marrying rich guys that died, and they basically forced themselves onto talk shows to talk about their crummy lives as rich widows living in America. For a while, every Gabor sister was on TV every day. Everyone had to find out what these Hungarians thought about life as rich widows in the U.S.A.
Then Green Acres came along, and Zsa-Zsa Gabor forced herself onto a TV series, so she could be her obnoxious and vapid self every week on a TV show. Her husband was played by Eddie Albert, who was the most empty soul-less blank slate in the history of entertainment. He was perfect for the role of the husband of Gabor. The big joke was that he & Gabor moved from their wealthy life in New York City, to be in the country, but he still dressed in attorney suits, and she dressed in expensive gowns. What a totally annoying show this was.
Tracker (2001)
Highlander Retardo
Adrian Paul pretends to be brain dead in Tracker. He is an alien soul that gets sent from planet Uranus to track down 218 escaped criminals. While the other aliens inhabit living human bodies, Adrian Paul possesses a cardboard advertising poster on the side of the road. So he starts out brainless, and it gets worse from there.
When Paul takes over the cardboard poster, he makes it into a three dimensional being. How he creates flesh and blood out of cardboard is never discussed. However, Paul has no brain, so he walks like a toy robot, and he always has his mouth open, and tries his best to look mentally defective. Paul is great as a moron, but not very good as a tracker.
Most of the criminals take advantage of his mental deficiency and get away or beat him up in every episode. Eventually Paul tracks them down, walking like the Frankenstein Monster on LSD. Very funny in a very pathetic way. What was Adrian Paul thinking?
Paul has an alien criminal sidekick, Nestov, who is the most racially offensive stereotype that I have ever seen on TV. Imagine Huggy Bear from Starsky & Hutch, or Jar-Jar Binks from Star Wars Phantom Menace, but even worse. It is hard to watch when that guy is on. It is offensive on numerous levels. Adrian Paul also treats the guy in a very condescending manner, which just adds to the racists overtones.
The rest of the cast is wooden. Mel plays the woman who finds him on the road. She takes him home in spite of the bizarre and creepy behavior. She gives him a place to live, and lets Paul destroy all her electric appliances so that he can customize them into alien tracking systems. Just a totally ridiculous relationship. Because Adrian Paul has the personality of a four year old boy, Mel treats him like a child, and the relationship between them is weird in a sicko way.
The TV series is just horrible. There are some good episodes with interesting aliens and ideas, but most of it is some kind of romance sit-com without any romance, because the lead guy is brain dead.
Spawn (1997)
Awful Dark Art, No Action, Just Yapping
Every episode of this cartoon starts with creator Todd McFarlane yapping away about the story. He thinks he is Rod Serling from The Twilight Zone, but he falls short. The McFarlane intro is usually boring.
The cartoon finally starts, usually close to four minutes into the 23 minutes of cartoon. Spawn does nothing except more yapping about how much he wants his wife Wanda, who married another man and had a kid in the five years since Spawn/ Al Simmons died. Yap, yap, yap, and no action.
Most of the time, Spawn lets all the innocent people get killed, and then at the end he might kill a couple of villains. End of another boring episode of Spawn. The cast of supporting characters is totally unoriginal. You might as well add the Spawn character to an episode of Kojak. It is all the same dialogue. Pretty boring stuff.
Ink Master: Race to the Finish (2020)
The End is Now
Back Stabber Jerell turned on his own team in episode 13, and they were eliminated. Now Jerell gets his reward. Like the Scarecrow on the Wizard of Oz, Jerell must find a heart, and some human values, so he can be a decent person, and a friend to others.
Beautiful Angel, who looks like a sweet fire-cracker, got some well-deserved respect and kudos from the judges. She also won her part of the contest.
Oliver Peck, who looks like cartoon character Yosemite Sam has been fired from the show. Sad, because he is the best tattoo judge on Inkmaster.
There is a big surprise at the end of the show. Quite a shock, as I thought these shows were filmed several months before they aired.
Diverted Eden (2018)
Worst Movie Ever Made
One action fight scene just cuts out in the middle, no idea what happened, or how it ended. The next scene has absolutely nothing to do with it. Just the way this movie rolls with scenes that have no connection to each other. Most of this movie does not make any sense.
It starts somewhere in the Middle East, when a couple of Hum-Vees are attacked. The next scene is eight years later, and nothing is explained as to who got killed or injured in the first scene. Apparently the characters eight years later are the same one from the Middle East? No way to know, just guessing.
David Joseph is the lead actor, and he is beyond horrible. His daughter was kidnapped. Unlike Liam Neeson in Taken (and the sequels); David Joseph has no plan, and he is the dumbest character in this movie. AT the end of this movie he comes up with a motorcycle gang to attack a limousine, and it is the worst action gun-fight scene in the history of cinema. It is not even funny, just tragic.
The rest of the cast looks as confused as the audience. Nobody has any continuity as to what they are doing. It is almost as if this movie was filmed as several short subject movies, and then edited together to make one movie.
Peyton's Places: Two-Way Players (2019)
Pathetic Peyton & Egomaniac Thug Deion
Just what we needed was more of Peyton Manning & Deion Sanders. Just when it seems like every NFL show has Deion Sanders yelling out gang messages to his homies, even Peyton Manning gets down on his knees to gobble up some Deion.
Wow, Game Day Prime is only Deion Sanders now. Nobody else. The thug face of the NFL. Deion obviously thinks he is god. There is no end to this egomaniac. If he could be on the NFL channel and ESPN 24 hours a day, he would.
Peyton Manning is the same. Another egomaniac who is on every possible TV commercial, and forces himself into every NFL event. These two NFL clowns are repulsive.
ALF (1986)
Weird Creepy Furball
Alf is the polar opposite of everything that was good and fun about E.T. the Extra-Terrestial. Alf was a combination rip-off of E.T. and the Star Wars Ewoks.
Alf is the creepiest and most disturbing TV show I have ever seen. The weirdo furball in the hokey costume is super-inappropriate, and everyone treats this ridiculous thing like it was real. I have always wondered why Mr. Tanner did not go to the local sporting goods store and buy a shotgun to exterminate the vermin. That would have been a funny final episode.
War of the Worlds: Episode #1.2 (2019)
Horribly Boring Garbage
No aliens again, for the second episode in a row, a TV series about an alien invasion features zero aliens.
We do see a lot of people laying around, parked cars, and a few folks looting stores. The main character, the lady scientist played by Lea Drucker, manages to run around screaming a lot. There is no point even discussing what is going on in this episode, it is just a total waste of time.
If you have seen the beginning of The Omega Man, Resident Evil, or 28 Days Later, when the characters are running around a desolated town, that is about it. Nothing happens, just some cheap scares and a lot of talking, sulking, and moping. Very boring waste of time.
Awkwafina Is Nora from Queens (2020)
Sad, Crass, and Dull
Where are the funny moments? The "moving out of home" stories have been done a million times, and they were all funnier than Nora. I sort of like Awkwafina except that she seems to be all about a fake character, and not a real person. After a few minutes, it is easy to see through the non-person, and all you have left is bad writing.
BD Wong is a great actor, and he looks listless and depressed to be on this show playing Nora's Father. His lack of enthusiasm and straight-up reading his lines is the definition of "mailing it in." I have never seen so little from BD Wong before, and part of it is probably that he realizes that his role and his lines are awful. He went to the party and got flat soda instead of champagne.
Magnum P.I.: A Game of Cat and Mouse (2020)
Bobby Lee is the Weak Link Again
Bobby Lee, the 3rd rate comedian who used to be on MAD-TV back in the 1990s, guests on Magnum again. He plays Jin, the very annoying and needy criminal who keeps coming to Magnum for help. Jin also seems to be very attracted to Magnum, but then he also hits on Higgins. The ambiguous sexuality is kind of gross coming from a fat old guy.
Apparently, somebody on Magnum PI owes Bobby Lee a lot of favors, and they keep sticking him into Magnum. Bobby Lee creates a vacuum of death when he is on the show. He wants to be funny and charismatic, but he reminds me of Pee-Wee Herman (not in a good way).
As usual, Jay Hernandez is a blank slate. Either he knows the show is canceled, or he has given up on being any kind of actor. Fortunately, the interesting Perdita Weeks as Higgins, and Tim Kang as the police detective save this episode. Too bad that Magnum cannot be re-cast so the Tim Kang can take over the role. Kang can make a character real, and he is a hundred times better actor than wishy-washy Jay Hernandez.
Evil: Book 27 (2020)
Shooting Blanks All The Way
Nothing supernatural happens most of the time. This show spends most of the time at court hearings.
Katja Herbers gets wise and has new locks and alarm system installed. Then she is so incredibly stupid that she gives keys to her annoying brats, and hijinks ensue thanks to the kids. All these kids are under 13, so it is legally child abuse that they are alone in the house at any time, but especially at night.
The evil characters are usually three steps ahead of Katja, Colters, and Akbar. This series is a soap opera about conflicted characters failing over and over again. Mike Colters is the only reason I watch. He deserves better.
Evil (2019)
Insane Screaming Banshee Kids
Wow, every episode, at some point Katja Herbers goes home and the four screaming banshee brats are there, yelling their ugly little heads off!! The voices of those kids should be used at Guantanamo Bay. No doubt every terrorist would confess after hearing those kids yelling and screaming for a few minutes.
It seems like the main character has the rudest and most obnoxious kids that have ever appeared together on a television program. In episode 12, one of them was having heart surgery, and hoping those kids would sound less shrill if there were only three of them.
Becker (1998)
Some Good Characters
Becker (Ted Danson), Reggie (Terry Farell), Hattie Wilson, and Alex Desert all had great chemistry, and their lines bounced off of each other very well. They were funny. The episodes with only Becker, Reggie, Hattie, and Alex are great.
Unfortunately, you had creepy Bob (Saverio) the pervert, and Linda (Shawnee Smith) who sounded like nails grating over a chalkboard. Bob and Linda were buzz-kills. Creepy Bob was always making perverted remarks to the various female characters. He was the building janitor. Every time he was on the show, I wondered how many of the tenants had been raped and murdered in that building? Could Linda ever pass a drug test? Would any professional ever hire or keep a loser like Linda?
After season 4, Reggie left, and was replaced by the incredibly overly smug Nancy Travis. She has nothing funny about her. Later on, in season 5, the big gigantic slob from LOST joined the cast. He was even less funny than Bob, but in a sad and depressing unfunny way.
Becker was pretty good in the first four seasons, especially when Linda and Bob were not present.
Peyton's Places: Da Bears (2019)
Da Big Useless Dork
Peyton Manning, who has around $500 million in the bank, and nearly 45 years old, has nothing to do besides dumb commercials . So now he shows up at events like some kind of Jehovah's Witness, and forces people to shower him with praise and tell him how great he is. Apparently, there is no limit to his ego and need for adulation.
In this episode of the horribly crappy Peyton's Places, he meets up with the has-beens who played the 1980s Chicago Bears fanatics in a few spots on Saturday Night Live. Peyton shows up as if back in the 1980s, and manages to suck the life out of anything that was memorable or nostalgic about those two losers that played Da Bears fans.
Peyton is such a drag, and he is forced on anyone watching Monday Night Football. Sad but true.
Chrisley Knows Best (2014)
Horrifying Disgusting Family
Hopefully these tax dodgers will be in prison soon, and the show will get canceled. When it is all said and done, don't be surprised if Papa Smurf had his hands on the cookies of some of those kids. This is one sicko family. Maybe the kids are not even really his?
Hill Street Blues (1981)
Dysfunctional Loser Police Squad
Where Police Squad was a comedy about dysfunctional loser cops, Hill Street Blues was a depressing drama about dysfunctional, corrupt, addicted, abusive, losers who used the Blue Line to cover for their fraudulent and bogus police activities.
Everyone loves this show because it shows a Police Department that is totally off the rails, where not one character is a decent human being or a good police officer. The best example is the immoral Furillo, who is banging the district attorney and constantly engaged in marital spats with his psycho hag wife, who seems to be in the precinct headquarters in every episode.
It goes downhill from there. These are the grubbiest and sleaziest cops that were ever on any police show. The only TV series that can compare in terms of slimy cops is The Shield, where at least they were upfront and honest about being corrupt and evil cops on that show.
Hill Street Blues is a sad disgrace to the memories of every police officer that ever gave his or her life to the cause of public safety, and Justice.