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Reviews
Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness (2022)
Doctor Strange and the Multiverse of Convenience
I've no doubt that Marvel fans are going to love this one for the most part, I myself walked away from it feeling more than a little let down. The best part of this movie is the distinct Sam Raimi flare which really does make it feel like a truly unique addition to the MCU, unfortunately the plot falls well short compared to some of the MCU's best. Even with a significantly long 2 hour runtime it felt like it could've used 30 more minutes or so to let the weight of the events and the characters motivations breath and feel more compelling. Really big things happen in this movie but it felt like we were constantly being rushed from one scene to the next with each one only offering the most basic and succinct development possible. What they do with Wanda in this movie, even taking into account the events of WandaVision, feels so sudden and almost out of place, but you go with it because the movie tells you to before whisking you away to the next scene.
My biggest gripe though is that throughout the entire movie it felt like anytime they hit a complex or difficult part in the script, something that if explored more could've really elevated the storytelling, they were quick to just wave it away by writing in one convenience after another. In a movie about multiverses and infinite possibilities the solution to most problems is too often the simplest and most unimaginative one. Though, I guess, in a movie about magic that's to be expected but was still very disappointing. I expected the MCU to pull off something more creative like I've seen them do before.
On a more personal matter of taste I honestly just don't find the concept of the multiverse interesting in the first place. It takes away any real stakes as there are now infinite ways to fix any problem that arises, which was made clear in this movie. I just don't care about disposable 'variant' characters, I care about the characters we've been with since the beginning.
*MILD SPOILERS AHEAD*
Finally, while there are a bunch of cameos on display here, some a bit more interesting than others, I just didn't feel excited about them. There's a whole scene in this movie that relies on the hype you're expected to have at seeing these characters in action and I just didn't care. As messy as I felt the story was I was still far more interested in continuing on with it than taking this 10 minute detour to showcase some cameo characters that we'll most likely never even see again. I'll admit that's just a personal preference of mine and I'm sure a lot of fans are going to go nuts for it.
Kimi (2022)
At least it was only 90 minutes long.
This was honestly the least thrilling "thriller" I've seen in quite some time. Despite some of the seasoned cast and crew everything about this movie just felt amateurish.
Fugget About It (2012)
5 for effort
This show really tries to be funny. Like Family Guy (which it is CLEARLY trying to emulate, don't lie to yourself) it goes for a jokes per minute approach to storytelling. Unfortunately the jokes are insultingly simplistic, frequently unclever, bottom of the barrel jokes. The writers give it a good try but seem to be under the impression that crude, foul-mouthed, sexual humor is funny just because it's a cartoon. They often forgo any subtlety or cleverness to make a joke land and just go for the obvious, low hanging fruit punchlines.
Like the foul-mouthed, rambunctious little girl (basically Stewie Griffin or any of the children from South Park) whose only jokes seem to be her saying bad words that get bleeped out or doing over the top things like breaking a bottle and threatening somebody with it. It's funny because she's a little kid and she shouldn't be acting like that!! Get it!? It's funny!!
I can completely understand why this show was cancelled. It got a chance to find its footing and audience and it just couldn't. I honestly think it got one more season than it deserved.
In a world full of adult cartoons like Family Guy, South Park, Rick and Morty, Archer, etc. It tries to be like all of them without bringing anything even remotely original or clever to the table.
Malignant (2021)
Cut it out...
I think it's adorable that people are pretending like this movie was made by a cheeky auteur rather than admitting this is a steaming pile of garbage....
Hostel: Part III (2011)
This is why one star ratings exist...
I never really thought of myself as a BIG fan of the first two Hostel movies until I saw this one. This third instalment makes the first two look like masterpieces comparatively. Bad acting, bad characters, bad twists, and really bad kills compared to the others. Not really worth going into too much detail with this one. It was just a total stinker across the board.
Anything that makes Eli Roth look like a cinematic storytelling genius is bad.
Escape Room (2017)
Offensively bad
This movie just beat out The Happening for the worst movie I've ever seen. I wish I could give it even less stars.
The Great North (2021)
Another Fox Dud
I don't hate it, but didn't find any charm or humour during the few episodes I watched. Maybe, MAYBE, it just needs a season or two to find it's stride but so far it's just not there and I'm not willing to stick around to find out. Incredible cast that always get much bigger laughs out of me when they're on Bob's Burgers. I was disappointed, but at least BB is still going strong.
Hellraiser: Hellworld (2005)
Adding my positive review to counter the bad ones...
This movie is trash. I can't deny that. But for me it's one of those terrible movies that I love despite its many, many, many, many, many flaws.
I'm not here to change anybody's mind, or rant about why it's not as bad as people claim ( it totally is.) I just happen to like it, even if the rest of the world tells me to go to hell.
Army of the Dead (2021)
"It'S a ZoMbIe MoViE, wHaT dId YoU eXpEcT?"
People that use that phrase to justify this and other bad movies are about as brain dead as the zombies in this one. Even if I did turn my brain off and tried to simply enjoy this movie for what it was the characters and storytelling offered were so dumb so often that it was too distracting to just roll with. I'm not going to waste my time here listing all the dumb stuff this movie does, but feel free to read through other reviews here and you'll get the idea; this movie could barely go 10 minutes without something completely idiotic happening or being said.
My biggest gripe is probably the run time. I honestly laughed out loud when I went to watch it and saw how long it was. Snyder is either so in love with himself and his artistic vision that he finds it impossible to shave down his movies to more reasonable run times or he padded the hell out of this one because he thinks long movie = good movie. Either way he seems to be mistaken. This movie had SO MUCH fat that could've been trimmed off. Characters that could've been removed completely, shortened scenes, tighter dialogue, less time spent on useless distractions that go nowhere (the pregnant zombie queen, the nonsensical time loop theory scene.)
There are so many other movies that have done everything this one tried so desperately to do, only much better and in less time. I would advise anyone reading this to just go watch one of those instead. Yes, there are movies that are just pure, dumb fun to watch and require little to no effort to enjoy... this is not one of those movies. This one is just pure dumb, full stop. I'm glad a lot of people enjoyed it, I was really hoping that I would too.
Love You to Death (2015)
Good for a laugh but bad for anything else...
This movie is a great example of what unoriginal mediocrity looks like. I'm convinced it was written by a 12 year old creative writing student who grew up with parents that only ever watched bad soap operas.
Child's Play (2019)
Truly Horrendous
I wasn't looking at this through rose tinted glasses because of the cheesy original, I hated this movie for what it was. Acting, plot, dialogue, kills, characters, humor all fail miserably here. I was surprised to see the rating so high here but after reading through the high reviews I'm thinking there's some shenanigans going on, lol. Nobody seriously thinks this is the best horror movie ever made. Right? RIGHT?! I'm not ready to live in a world where that's true.