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Don't Go in the Woods (1981)
So Hilariously Bad, I can't help but LOVE IT!!
Don't Go in the Woods (Also known by the ominous title, "Don't Go in the Woods....Alone!") is often considered to be the "Plan 9 From Outer Space" amongst slasher/horror films. It was made during the time when Slasher films were becoming massively popular. John Carpenter's "Halloween" had just released three years earlier, and the original Friday the 13th was released just one year prior. The popularity and cult following of Wes Craven's 1977 "The Hills Have Eyes" was likely a major influence on director James Bryan, as the killer in this film looks as though he is a long-lost relative of Papa Jupiter's Clan.
The plot of the film (which is VERY thin) revolves around four young campers. The reluctant city boy, Peter (Jack McClelland), his girlfriend Ingrid (Mary Gail Artz), and their two friends Joanie (Angie Brown), and outdoorsman Craig (James P. Hayden). The four trek through the wilderness, apparently trying to reach a cabin somewhere in the woods (they never do reach it, by the way). As they journey through the beautiful mountains, an unseen madman is knocking off other hikers in the woods in various gory ways. He kills a honeymooning couple, a birdwatcher, a mother and son, a man in a wheelchair, and a young artist who is painting the landscape as her infant daughter lingers nearby.
Pretty soon, our madman catches up to our four main characters. The killer is revealed to be a deranged wild man, dressed from head-to-toe in animal furs and wielding a nasty-looking sharp spear. Soon enough, he manages to violently kill two of our main heroes, leaving only Peter and Ingrid. Meanwhile, the local Sheriff forms a search party to look for the murdering psychopathic mountain man.
Like so many who have seen this film, I can say that the acting is atrociously bad. However, I will note that that is likely because most of the film is dubbed over. Plus, I don't think that the bad acting in this movie ruins the experience. In fact, I think it makes it all the more better. I can never stop laughing every time I watch this movie. It is just a film that makes me feel really good. I know it is strange by saying watching an apparent gory horror movie makes me happy....but truthfully, this film makes me smile bigger than any comedy film can. The sheer absurdity of this film is what really makes this a terrific movie experience. And that is not to say that there are no chilling and pretty brutal moments in the movie. The scene in which Joanie is trapped in the maniac's cabin and desperately tries to escape through a small window as the killer hacks her back to pieces with a machete was quite horrifying and brutal, and I did find myself hoping for her to escape....only to be disappointed.
And even though the acting is obviously bad in this film, I did find the main four characters strangely likeable. Unlike most teen slasher flicks with characters going to a specific place for sex and partying, the four in Don't Go in the Woods seem to be going to the woods for a simple adventure away from city life with their main objective to take in all the beautiful sights before the terror begins. Having said that though, the scene in which Craig zips Joanie up in a sleeping bag and begins crying out obscenities was a little odd and seemingly changed his "serious" outdoorsman demeanor to a class clown right before he meets his bloody demise at the end of the madman's stick!
I really did like Peter as the hero of the film and did find myself rooting for him at the end of the film as he and Ingrid stabbed the maniac to death. I mean, where else are you going to find a horror film hero who takes off his cool pink ripped and torn shirt and stuffs grass inside of it to try and fool the antagonist!
Ever since watching this film for the first time in September of 2002, I have never forgotten it. I definitely see the influence it had on films such as the "Wrong Turn" franchise. And while those films definitely and undoubtedly used "Just Before Dawn" (another 80's classic that was released the same year as this film) as a major influence, I still believe I find a bit of "Don't Go in the Woods" being referenced in there subtly.
When watching this film now, in 2020 (a full 18 years after I first watched it) I find myself getting that big grin on my face as the opening theme begins. It truly takes me back to my youth. A much simpler time when you could go to the video store, rent a cheesy gory horror flick, and sit back and laugh and get scared by it in the comfort of your living room. A time when you could see a film that never set out to make itself overly serious.
Boy.....they sure don't make horror movies the way they used to.
Bio Hazard (1996)
Itchy..... VERY Tasty!
The original Resident Evil is one of those classic games that will forever be etched into the memories of every gamer. Its influence on the future of the survival horror genre is still active today, 23 years later.
Resident Evil is my all-time favourite game series. I was introduced to this original classic when I was just 8 years old. And let me tell you.... The memory of seeing the first zombie turn around and face the camera still gives me the chills!
The plot of the game is simple enough. Strange and unsolved cannibalistic murders have been taking place in the foot Hills of the Arklay Mountains outside of an American city called Raccoon City. The R. P. D. S. T. A. R. S (Special Tactics & Rescue Service) unit is sent in to investigate. The Bravo Team are sent in first, but disappear. The Alphas are then sent in to find their comrades, led by Captain Albert Wesker. After landing, the Alpha Team are attacked by ferocious zombified dogs and take refuge in a nearby giant mansion in the middle of the woods. The game then starts, and you have the choice to play as macho tough-guy Chris Redfield, or badass Jill Valentine. The object of the game is to search for a way out of the old mansion (that just so happens to be overrun with zombies, amphibian monsters, giant spiders, deadly crows, etc) while uncovering the secret illigal research that has been taking place on the property by the large pharmaceutical company, Umbrella. Your search will take you on a dark frightening ride that ends within a secret laboratory beneath the mansion.
It is quite funny to hear someone say it today, but when this game was first released, it WAS scary. There was just something about wandering around the empty silent halls of the mansion as the creepy instrumental music played over the audio that really gave one the chills. Even the live-action opening was quite scary and brutal at the time. Yes, it was badly acted, but the creepy slow-motion close-ups of the growling and drooling zombie dogs (while also looking unbelievablely fake) was pretty terrifying for an 8 year old to see. Especially when they gorily tear apart poor Joseph Frost. It really set the mood for the game that followed.
At the time, the game felt pretty challenging but also very fair, which I think is the best way for a survival horror game to be. As long as you kept track of your bullets, first aid (green and red herbs), and inventory space, you would make it out of the mansion alive. But of course, you also had to make sure you followed a correct path in order for you to get the best ending.
Resident Evil is my favourite game. And I will forever have fun childhood memories of playing it and being scared and having fun at the same time
Eat doggie food...
4//
Itchy//
Tasty
10/10
Funny Games (2007)
Brutal, shocking, savage, and funny-FUNNY GAMES
This 2007 Michael Haneke American remake of his own 1997 German film of the same name is definitely not for everybody. It is twisted and violent, though by no means overly gory. It is also not exactly terrifying, as Haneke himself has stated that this film and his 1997 original were never intended to be horror films. However, the film certainly is an edge-of-your-seat thriller that is pretty savage and brutal in parts.
The film is a shot-by-shot remake of the original 97 film, and the plot is ridiculously simple. A family of three, Ann (Naomi Watts), George (Tim Roth), and their young son Georgie (Devon Gearhart) are on vacation, planning on having a relaxing week at their vacation home on the lake in an upper-class countryside. Shortly after arriving, they greet their neighbours who are accompanied by two mysterious clean-cut and overly polite young men named Peter and Paul (Michael Pitt and Brady Corbet) who are dressed all in white. Shortly after requesting some eggs and apparently accidentally dropping a phone into a sink, Peter and Paul take the family hostage and force them to partake in emotionally and physically brutal torture games.
The film is a pretty surreal and engaging experience with a deep meaning to it. Throughout the film, Paul often addresses us (the audience) and makes us feel somewhat guilty about watching the violence on-screen. Both villains appear to not be real villains per se, but rather two characters forced to take their villanoius roles as they feel it is we, the audience, who desires it. Lines such as "Why are we doing this? It's difficult to talk about it", and, "Please don't beg for your life... This is hard for me just as it is hard for you" seemingly give us the message that even the two villains don't really want to kill, but it's what the audience wants.
That is not to say that they are not creepy and sometimes appear to even enjoy what they are doing. Their bizarre antics, such as Peter's childlike innocent behaviour and their complete confusion as to the question, "Why are you doing this?" is pretty unsettling. It all mixes excellently together, and the brutal force of the film is often coated over with scenes of black comedy, such as the two villains continously asking for eggs, only to keep dropping them and breaking them.
I love this film. Really, I don't know why. I think it is just the complete weirdness of it that draws me in-yes, I am talking about YOU, "Remote Control scene". Plus, the excellent talents of Pitt and Corbet portraying these two psychotic, yet friendly, serial killers makes the movie all the more entertaining. Both actors did such an amazing job and had such a creepy and believable chemistry together. You really feel, while watching it, that these two have been friends for a long time and have done this torture to so many other families. And you do get a kick out of them. They will scare you, but they will also make you laugh with classic lines such as, "What are these people going to think of you if you don't watch your figure? ", "So much stress for politeness sake", "Make sure you don't make a mess of the carpet" and my favourite, (right after they have broken the husband's leg and are introducing themselves officially to the family), "I'm Paul. This is Peter. Come and shake the man's hand, where are your manners?" .
This Funny Games, and its original, have every right to become cult classics in the future. I love them both.
10/10
Streghe (1989)
Spirit of a vengeful Witch possess teens and turns them into cackling Menaces
Witch Story is one of those films I remembered watching during my childhood but soon forgot about as I got older. The title of the film evaded me for years, until one day I happened to come across it again on a late night horror marathon on TV. The only thing I always remembered about this film before watching it again recently, was the little girl ghost dressed in white and holding the white ball. Something that a little film called "FearDotCom" would obviously be inspired by thirteen years later....
The story in "Witch Story" (also known as "Streghe" and Superstition 2) revolves around a woman named Helena (Deanna Lund) who is burnt at the stake by a mob of villagers in 1932 due to the belief that she is a witch. In present day 1989, a brother and sister and their friends take a weekend vacation to the old house where Helena and her daughter, Rachel, used to live. Pretty soon, the spirit of Helena is possessing the female members of the group and turning them into Deadite-like entities. All of this goes on until only two remain to deal with the evil.
Being a big sucker for 70's and 80's horror films, I must say, Witch Story is another title I have come to really enjoy. Yes, the acting and dubbing can be weak....but lets face it, that is what makes these movies entertaining to begin with!
Most of the characters don't have that much development, save for the witch Helena. The teens are there just to be killed. The only teen really worth mentioning is the chubby Paul (Jason M. Lefkowitz). I loved this guy! He is somewhat similar to classic chubby horror characters like Shelly from Friday the 13th Part III, and perhaps a little like John Belushi's John Blutarsky from Animal House. He was by far my favourite character. Everything is hilarious with this guy ("Eating is the best fun you can have without taking your pants off"), and the actor really got into the role. Even the way he meets his end by a meat cleaver is pretty funny......and gross at the same time. But it also sucked a little, because I think he died way too early. He was the only one I was rooting for! And come on.....the Mickey Mouse pyjamas he wore were COOL! ;)
The film is pretty gory, as stated. You have stabbings, bludgeoning, a guy being cut up by a possessed girl with a chainsaw, everything a violent B movie needs to make it fun.
I recommend this film to any fan of cheesy 80's horror. It's just a shame this one is a bit hard to find, so I doubt I will be able to add it to my collection any time soon.
Empire of the Ants (1977)
A Pretty good Creature Feature that unfortunatley falls apart in the Third Act
Empire of the Ants is a pretty good SCI-FI/horror flick during the earlier parts of the film. It has a fantastic cast, including the late Robert Lansing, the lovely Joan Collins, Robert Pine, and the beautiful Pamela Susan Shoop.
I especially love the first hour of the film. Joan Collins plays a crooked land developer who takes a bunch of potential buyers to an island. Little do they know that the harmless ants of the island have transformed into giant squealing and screeching mutated monsters thanks to a radioactive dump. The first hour is pretty intense and exciting as the group run through the woods while the ants pursue them, which leads to several pretty shocking and gory deaths. I love the scene where the group journey down the river and do battle with a couple of the giant monsters with the boat oars!
When the group reach a town and we are introduced to the creepy locals.....it is at this point when the film unfortunately slows down and turns into a cheese fest (not that it wasn't cheesy already). It turns out the Queen ant has been enslaving the humans through her pheromones in exchange for her giant warriors to feed upon sugar at the local sugar refinery. This whole third act is especially silly, and it does ruin what was a pretty fun terrifying ride up to that point. That's not to say the finale doesn't have its fun points too, of course. I love the part when the Queen cries out for help and her warriors just begin chomping down randomly and gorily on the refinery workers.
The film is loosely based on a short story by H.G. Wells, who of course is most famous for his novels, The Time Machine and The War of the Worlds. And although this film has hardly anything to do with his original story, the filmmakers did manage to capture the classic Wells SCI-FI feel that was prominent in other such 70's adaptations like The Island of Dr. Moreau.
Empire of the Ants is a good film, and as stated, the earlier portions are quite thrilling and fun. Just unfortunate about the third act which was just way too corny in parts for me.
5/10
Stepfather III (1992)
Pretty good ending to The Stepfather Trilogy
Stepfather III (also known as "Stepfather 3: Father's Day") is the final installment in the original Stepfather film series (before the 2009 remake). Stepfather 1 and 2 were great thriller/horror/slasher films. They were followed up by, and ended, with this 1992 made-for-television film.
So the story takes place sometime after Stepfather 2. Once again, the Stepfather has escaped from the mental asylum and is wandering alone in a thunderstorm in an eerie opening. He finds a back-alley plastic surgeon and gets him to change his physical appearance (without the use of anesthesia!). The whole opening here is very creepy and deeply unnerving. The creepiest is probably the part where the plastic surgeon berates Stepfather for remaining on his premises during his healing process. Stepfather just evilly glares at him through the bloody bandages while casually sipping a beverage through a straw. When the process is complete and the bandages come off, he murders the plastic surgeon and nine months later has began a new life as a man named Keith Grant, working as a gardener. Soon, he meets a new family and wants them all to himself.....or else!
One of the biggest problems many seem to have with this film is that Terry O'Quinn didn't reprise the iconic role. I do agree to an extent, but personally, I think that Robert Wightman really nailed it. He is kind of more whiney and somewhat childlike that O'Quinn's portrayal (which can mess with the continuity that this is the same character), but it is these antics that truly make Wightman's performance terrifying. Just imagine, a serial killer who is like a big spoiled kid who will snap and kill anyone when things do not go his way. He kind of makes the role his own. And while O'Quinn's portrayal was more akin to that of mass murderer John List (who the stepfather character is based on), Wightman was more of a Ted Bundy lookalike type. A bit of an All-American pretty boy who is a violent killer. I have always liked Wightman, ever since seeing him in The Waltons, and I do miss seeing him in movies and TV shows.
The rest of the cast did a very good job too, and the final ten minutes of the film are truly nail-biting. It was also satisfying seeing The Stepfather finally die for real in such a gory way! ( I won't give away too much, but lets just say he got what he deserved and all of his previous victims finally got justice. A perfect violent end for such a violent and insane P.O.S.)
Really, I have never had a big problem with this film. Yes, sometimes it drags a little, but I am just always entertained by Wightman's performance. It is weird, because I also miss O'Quinn at the same time, and part of me wishes he had have come back. But on the other hand, as I like Wightman, I can't complain in the slightest of the casting replacement.
In short, Stepfather III is a good film and good ending to the trilogy.
5/10
Mad Max 2 (1981)
Still the best Mad Max movie
As I started on my previous Mad Max review, the original will always be my personal favourite of the series. However, Mad Max 2 (or The Road Warrior as it is known over in the U.S.) is definitely the best film in both action, atmosphere, and legacy.
I will keep this review short, because what is there to be said about Mad Max 2 that already hasn't been said? Watching this for the first time many years ago was such fun that I can hardly describe it. The final climatic chase scene I believe is still one of the best action sequences in action movie history.
The story, about a lone wanderer driving about in his souped up V8 Interceptor around the post-apocalyptic Australian desert with his dog, and avoiding a gang of psychotic punkish marauders (fending them off with his sawn-off shotgun) and scavenging for fuel is an image that has secured its place in action cinema history.
The plot takes place roughly five years after Mad Max 1, where Max (Mel Gibson) has descended into a lonely, cold shell of a man following the death of his family. He drives through the Australian desert (predominantly the Mundi Mundi Plains) in search of fuel and anything else that can ensure his survival. After a couple of mishaps with a local gang of BDSM-type savage marauders led by the menacing hockey-mask wearing Lord Humungus (Kjell Nilsson), Max finds himself reluctantly helping a band of apocalypse survivors who are in the possession of a functional oil refinery. The events that follow all lead up to the excellent climatic car chase sequence.
As I said, I personally prefer the original Mad Max, but this film is definitely the best movie cinematically (and yes, I am also counting Fury Road). You could make a thousand movies like Fury Road, but the fact is that The Road Warrior is so envisioned and developed in popular culture, that it is impossible to ever make another action film with that same magic and feel again.
10/10
Mad Max (2015)
A Great Game based on the excellent Mad Max Films. The Gas Town Race level is AMAZING!!
As a huge Mad Max fan, I was very excited when this was announced all the way back in 2013. When the release date came around finally in 2015 (not long after the release of Mad Max: Fury Road), I couldn't stop playing for days!
The world design in the game is exactly what you would want in a Mad Max game. A leak post-apocalyptic desert with souped up flaming cars speeding about. Mutated savages, War Boys....the works. The whole concept of building your very own post-apocalyptic car (the "Magnum Opus") out of junk and parts was something that took me hours to get the hang of, but it is so rewarding when your vehicle is finally complete and is able to handle the threats of the Wasteland better.
The graphics are beautiful, and the cutscenes engaging. My favourite part of the whole game is the car race in Gas Town. The whole atmosphere is fantastic, and it is really a unique feel. Just the thought of a bunch of survivors in a post-apocalyptic world having a crazy deadly race at this huge flaming oil refinery like a psychotic version of a demolition derby is something that really pulls you into the Mad Max world. In fact, I really hope George Miller takes notes of these Gas Town races in the video game so he can perhaps make up something similar for Mad Max 5 when it finally goes into production.
The storyline of the game , however, is quite thin and is the only reason I have not rated the game a 10. Max's famous V8 Pursuit Special Interceptor is stolen and stripped by a gang of War Boys led by the main villain, Scaborus Scrotus. Max meets up with a mutant deformed mechanic named "Chumbucket" who tells Max that together, they can soon build a vehicle which will be just as powerful and fast as the Interceptor. It is called the Magnum Opus. To make it complete, however, Max knows that he must win the Big Chief V8 engine from a vile character called "Stank Gum", the current champion of the Gas Town races who wears masks made from human skin of his victims (much like Leatherface).
Late in the game, Max meets with a concubine named Hope, and her daughter, Glory. Romantic sparks are hinted at, but when Max fails to pursue these feelings, Hope and Glory are murdered by Scrotus. Much like in the first film, where Max goes insane due to the death of his wife and infant son, he goes "mad" again after the deaths of Hope and Glory and pursues Scrotus across the Wasteland for his final revenge. He is victorious, Chumbucket dies protecting the Magnum Opus, and Max gets his V8 Interceptor back before driving off in the Wasteland alone once again.
Now, though the story of the game is quite thin, I really did enjoy certain aspects of it. For example, I loved how they decided to give Max a love interest of sorts, because in the movies, he has never really had a love interest again after his wife's death in the first movie. It was interesting seeing Max's attitude with Hope and her daughter. But, of course that tragically comes to an end. I also liked how the plot revolved around Max on a quest to retrieve the Big Chief V8 for the Magnum Opus. I would really love to see a Mad Max film where he solely tries to help out himself, as opposed to helping strangers like he does in all the films. It really does build his character into a lone "road warrior". And through all of this, he is still not heartless, and tries to help others (Jeet, Gutgash, Pink Eye, and Deep Friah)--his obvious former intentions of a highway cop coming out onto the surface.
A couple things I could not understand within the story, however, was just a couple of minor details that contradict the films. The first being, that in the opening scene and through an old photograph, it would have one believe that Max once had a wife and a daughter who looked about 10-years-old. I really don't get that option. In the original film, Max and his wife had an infant SON named Sprog, not a daughter. And of course there are a few references to the biker gang who killed Max's family. Throughout the game, Max finds photographs and other items relating to Harley Davidson motorbikes. This is likely an obvious reference to Toecutter's gang from the original film (the ones who made Max "Mad" to begin with). In one mission, Max has to collect a vehicle with the skeletal remains of a biker (perhaps even Toecutter himself) war lord mounted at the back. Upon adding that vehicle to the vehicle collection in the garage, a quote comes up which Max is thinking, "I hope this does not haunt my dreams". These are obvious nods to the original film, but one nitpick is that Toecutter's gang in the original rode Kawasaki 900's and not Harley's. But this is not important, and the bikes may not even be a reference at all. Plus, I know that this game has been marked as non-canonical.
Overall, Mad Max: The Video Game is an excellent experience and should please any Mad Max fan or post-apocalyptic, vehicular combat fan alike.
9/10
The Evil Dead (1981)
To this day, I think The Evil Dead is still one of the Scariest Movies ever Made
Like most people I know, I was first introduced to the Evil Dead films with 1993's Army of Darkness. The latter was one of my favourite action/comedy/adventure films when I was a boy. I still remember to this day when my father first told me about the original Evil Dead. He told me, however, unlike Army of Darkness, the original film was a "real" serious horror film. He also told me that it was the first movie that he and my mother had watched during their first date....
I was never allowed to watch the film until I was a teenager, and when I finally did.....I was truly terrified. I had never seen a horror movie like it before, and to this day, I have never really seen another horror movie like it since. For me, I really think that The Evil Dead is still a pretty scary movie today.
The plot is rather simple and somewhat cliché. Five college friends journey deep into the Tennessee woods to vacation at a small creepy cabin. They later find an old tape recorder that when played allows demons living in the woods. One by one, they become possessed until only Ash (Bruce Campbell) remains.
There is just something incredibly frightening about this movie that I don't believe any other film has ever been able to recreate. Many viewers find parts of the film funny, but for me, I never did. The part where you see Cheryl (Ellen Sandweiss) engulfed in the darkness of the cellar, looking up and laughing demonically with the blue goo dribbling down her chin is, for me, something truly creepy and disturbing even to this day.
The make-up of the "deadites" may look cheap, but I think that that just makes them all the more creepy. Even the deadites in Evil Dead II (which had a bigger budget) did not seem almost as menacing and truly "evil" as their original counterparts. That being said, I don't even think the deadites in the 2013 remake lived up to the terror of the original.
10/10
Starship Troopers (1997)
"The only good Bug.....is a DEAD Bug!"
When I was in high school, I rented Robert A. Heinlein's novel, "Starship Troopers" from the school library. It soon became one of my favourite books. It tells the story of a young soldier, Juan Rico, as he joins a futuristic power-armored military unit 700 hundred years in the future and soon finds himself fighting against giant spider-like alien insects called the "Pseudo-Arachnids" in an intergalactic war. The book did give me nightmares, due to Heinlein's descriptions of the Bugs (which, to me, were reminiscent of certain scenes from classical sci-fi films like "Them! (1954)".
Shortly after completing the book, I rented the the film, which was directed by Paul Verhoeven. Man....was I in for a great surprise!
At the time, the film was unlike anything I had seen before. Sure, I had watched the Alien films a number of times, and loved Verhoeven's RoboCop and Total Recall, but when I first watched Starship Troopers the first time....I was totally on the edge of my seat.
Yes, the film is a big, dumb action movie with monstrous alien Bugs battling young actors who look like supermodels....but it was Verhoeven's direction that truly made it memorable.
The hilarious satirical political undertones intertwined with the fascist commercials in-between the gory mayhem will keep any moviegoer entertained. And although Verhoeven's take on the story deviated a lot from the original novel (apparently he found it too boring to finish), he still gave us a fantastic action blockbuster that never fails to be entertaining and thrilling. And though I loved the book, as mentioned, I agree with Paul that it may not have made a very entertaining film if it was followed closely. I love both versions of the story.
The Bugs in the film are menacing and vicious. However, I still find their novel counterparts much more creepy. If you have ever seen images of the infamous lost "King Kong Spider Pit Scene", then you can have an idea of what some of the scenes from the book would look like.
To keep it short, I love this film, and am very happy to own it in my growing movie collection.
10/10
Puppet Master III: Toulon's Revenge (1991)
Puppet Master III: Toulon's Revenge.....Blade's Origin Revealed!
The third entry in the Puppet Master franchise is a prequel to the first two, and takes place in Nazi Germany in 1941. Andre' Toulon (now played by the terrific Guy Rolfe) is a successful puppeteer who entertains the local children with magical puppet shows. He is married and deeply in love with his wife Elsa (Sarah Douglas), who he creates a puppet in her image to honor her. Toulon's puppet shows soon get the attention of Nazi spies, who discover that his puppets seem to perform without strings. Because they are interested in creating a line of undead super-soldiers, they believe Toulon's secret could be of use to them.
The research is being led by the good-natured Dr. Hess (Ian Abercrombie), who is constantly bullied and pressured by the evil Major Kraus (Richard Lynch). When they confront Toulon in his theater, they mercilessly murder Elsa. Toulon, with the help of his puppets, manages to escape. Seeking revenge on the Nazis, he places Elsa's soul into the puppet he made for her, which becomes Leech Woman. After ordering them to kill a great number of Nazis, Toulon befriends Dr. Hess. When Dr. Hess is fatally stabbed and dies, however, Toulon puts his soul into his latest puppet, Blade, and they set out to take revenge on Kraus.
Another great entry in the Puppet Master franchise. This one is much more personal and feel-good than any of the previous films and is fantastic at showing the origins of Leech Woman and Blade.
10/10
Puppet Master II (1990)
My Favourite Puppet Master Film
I love most of the Puppet Master films, especially the original five, but Puppet Master II (also known as Puppet Master II: His Unholy Creations) is definitely my favourite. It is often a tie between the first film and this one and the first one for me, and although I love them both, I think I like this one a little better.
The film has a relatively creepy and unsettling vibe to it that neither the original Puppet Master nor the ones that followed ever seemed to portray. Right away, the film starts of creepily as we see the famous Toulon Puppets walking about in a scary old cemetery in the middle of the night. They use the last of the elixir which gives them life to reanimate their old master, Andre' Toulon (this time, for the most part, played excellently by Steve Welles). Even before the opening credits we're treated to the creepy undead arms of Toulon emerging from his grave. Honestly, this used to give me nightmares as a kid.
Then we're introduced to our main characters, paranormal investigators who have arrived at the Bodega Bay Inn to document anything paranormal after hearing Alex Whitaker's bizarre tale. The main lead here is a young woman named Carolyn (Elizabeth Maclellan). After her brother is murdered by Tunneler, she is joined by Michael (Collin Bernsen), whose mother has also been killed by the puppets. They also meet a man named Eriquee Chanee', whose face is bandaged and who claims to be the owner of the hotel. However, it is soon discovered that the mysterious Eriquee is really Toulon, who (since being revived by the puppets) has turned overly evil and has been ordering his puppets to kill innocents in order to extract their brain fluid so he can transfer his soul into a mannequin doll. He also becomes obsessed with Carolyn, who he believes to be the reincarnation of his beloved wife, Elsa, who was murdered during WWII by the Nazis. What ensures is absolute creepy craziness, and comes to a head during an especially creepy finale in which Toulon's soul transfers into the scary-looking mannequin (Michael Todd).
Puppet Master II is a fantastic film that is so much fun to watch during those late stormy nights. I love all the homages it pays to classical horror films, such as The Invisible Man. Many of my friends and fellow horror fanatics who love the Puppet Master series have always noted the second as "too creepy and weird" for them to enjoy. While this is true to some extent, I think the overall weirdness and creepiness is what makes it one of the more enjoyable entries in the franchise. It's interesting though how after this film, the puppets were often shown as gentle and kind as opposed to their murderous ways as seen in this film and the first. Puppet Master 4 and 5 were especially more lighthearted than the first film, and certainly much more so than this one. Even in Puppet Master III Toulon was shown as a hero unlike the villainous creature from this movie. I think that is why I love this one so much. Nothing like it came out of the franchise again, and it is certainly a rare gem in its own series of films.
10/10
Puppet Master (1989)
The Original Puppet Master is still a Fantastic 80's horror film
Puppet Master from 1989 was released at a time when "Child's Play" was still fresh in everyone's minds, having been released a year prior. It also has much in common with 1987's "Dolls" (another Charles Band produced movie). I guess it was the late 80's when "living dolls" were the in thing. Puppet Master has always remained one of my favourite living doll (in this case, puppet) films.
The movie begins in 1939 at a Hotel called the Bodega Bay Inn (an obvious nod to Alfred Hitchcock's "The Birds"), where we see the old puppet master, Andre' Toulon (William Hickey) commit suicide when two Nazi Spies attempt to arrest him. It is apparent that the Nazis are after his secret on how to animate inanimate objects.
50 years later, psychic Alex Whitaker (Paul Le Mat) has recurring nightmares about being confronted by one of his old colleagues, Neil Gallagher (Jimmie F. Skaggs) whilst also being attacked by blood-sucking leeches. He soon discovers that more of his fellow psychics have been having similar paranormal visions all linked to Gallagher, who they soon discover has committed suicide at the Bodega Bay Inn. Throughout the film, it is discovered that Neil may not be quite as dead as he appears to be, and has found Andre' Toulon's secret of how to bring puppets to life. With Toulon, these puppets were friendly and harmless, but with the psychotic power-hungry Neil Gallagher as their new "puppet master"....they are murderous little killing machines who will stop at nothing to kill off Alex and his fellow team of psychics.
Puppet Master has always been a fantastic little entry in the final year of 80's horror. The film is evenly paced and never seems to dwindle. Once the puppets appear and begin killing people, you will find yourself on the edge of your seat to what will happen next. The puppets featured in the film: Blade, Pinhead, Leech Woman (Miss Leech), Jester, and Tunneler all make fantastic antagonists and little did we know when this film was first released that they would soon get their own long-lasting franchise, often great (though sometimes) disappointing sequels.
10/10
The Predator (2018)
The Predator ("Predator 4") is a mockery of the Predator Franchise
Like most SCI-FI fans, I am a huge fan of the Predator movies. I fell in love with the 1987 original when I was a kid, and today, it remains one of my favourite Schwarzenegger movies. I could not watch that movie enough when I was young.
Then came Predator 2 starring Danny Glover. Like the first, I loved the sequel just as much. I always thought Predator 2 did a fantastic job at making the Predator more menacing than its predecessor and it went to prove that the franchise didn't need good old Arnie to move forward.
And yes, I also loved 2010's Predators. Despite it rehashing some of the old ideas from the original, I loved the premise and the fact that it was no longer set on Earth, but on a Predator hunting planet. And despite what some may say, I thought Adrien Brody did a fantastic job playing a no-nonsense bad-ass who could hold his own. I never got around to seeing the Alien VS. Predator movies, but because they were simply spin-offs, I don't really count them as canon to either the Alien or Predator Franchise.
And yesterday......I watched Shane Black's "The Predator", and it is the WORST entry in the whole franchise. I read up a lot on this movie before seeing it. I remember seeing one article that said this movie would "Reinvent the franchise" and that it had more in common with Predator 1 and 2 more so than Predators because it "took place on Earth again".......HAHAHAHA!!!! That is the biggest bunch of B.S I have ever read in my life!!! This movie is NOTHING LIKE PREDATOR 1 & 2!! Those movies were entertaining, this is garbage!
I won't get into a big review here, because I don't like it and frankly will never be bothered seeing it again. Basically, this whole movie is an unfunny parody of the Predator movies. The closest thing I can compare it to, is if they made a "Scary Movie" film that had a segment in it poking fun at Predator.....that's what this film is like. The characters even MAKE FUN of the Predator's name! It's like "Oh, it shouldn't be called a 'Predator' because predators don't hunt....it should be called 'Hunter'" ummm.....no it shouldn't...
None of the characters in the movie take the threat of the Predator seriously. After seeing the creature kill a whole bunch of people in gory violent ways, they still have time to sit around in a motel room smoking, drinking, and telling lame childish jokes about p***y and other sexual organs. Did an immature12-year-old write this screenplay or what??
And the story involving the kid......the little kid......I'm sorry, I have nothing against kids in movies (I love the "It" movie), but a kid doesn't work in a Predator movie. Especially one who can somehow crack advanced alien technology. And the stupid scene with the kid wearing the Predator helmet for a Halloween costume was one of the more dumbest scenes in this travesty.
Jake Busey (real-life son of Gary Busey) plays the character of Sean Keyes, the obvious son of Predator 2's bad-ass Peter Keyes. Now, on paper, this seems FANTASTIC! The son of Peter Keyes from Predator 2 seeking revenge on the creatures for his father's death....but.....NOPE. He does not even mention that he is the son of Keyes. No mention of his father whatsoever! If there was a mention, I probably missed it because I was so bored, but from what I remember, he doesn't even mention his father once. So that opportunity was wasted, wasn't it?
I thought I would mention here, that *SPOILERS*, the only "hunt" that takes place in this movie, is within the last 20 minutes! That's right folks, the humans being hunted by the titular alien only happens in the film's lame third act. I had already almost fallen asleep by then anyway. The rest of the film is just this one Predator being hunted by this dumb gigantic 11-foot bad CGI monstrosity while the stupid humans run about telling their everlasting sex jokes and trying to evade either other human bad guys, or a bunch of stupid Predator hounds that are nowhere near as menacing as what they were in Predators. Heck, one of them even befriends the group of morons!!! Oh yeah, and the person who came up with the bright idea to have the Predator hounds have the famous Predator "dreadlocks" needs to be fired!
Honestly, this movie is just a complete mockery of the franchise and pokes fun not only at characters, history, and the Predator creature of the franchise, but also at the fans themselves. I feel that Shane Black purposely went out and made this garbage to mock the fans, while gallivanting around and saying, "Don't worry, I will make this film good.....because I was one of the cast members in the original".....hmmm.....maybe that's why you were the first character in the original to die by the Predator's hands, Shane......he may have been to the future and saw what you were going to do with his reputation ;).
Jokes aside, I think this is the worst movie I have seen within the last ten years. WORST PREDATOR MOVIE EVER!!!!!
1/10
Night of the Twisters (1996)
Good TV Movie based on one of my favourite books
I first saw Night of the Twisters on TV in early 1996. I was only 8 years old at the time and remember loving it the first time I saw it. I taped the movie on VHS and remember watching it over and over again during the lead-up to Jan de Bont's "Twister" which came out a few months later. It was this movie that got me interested in tornadoes. I had read the book by Ivy Ruckman when I was in school, and it has always been one of my favourite books. And despite the movie not being as good as the book, it is still a nice little film.
The story revolves around teenager Dan (Devon Sawa) who has trouble getting along with his stepfather Jack (John Schneider). He is also getting used to having a new baby brother. During the night, Dan's best friend Arthur (Amos Crawley) helps Dan stay home and babysit while Jack goes to check on Dan's grandmother. While the two teenagers and the baby are home alone, the twister hits the house. Afterwards, Dan sets out on a journey to find his family.
The only thing I have against the movie are some of the differences from the novel. It is a shame what they did to Arthur in the movie, turning him into a complete moronic goof. In the book, Arthur was still goofy, but during the disaster, he was just as brave and smart as Dan. I also didn't like it in the movie when the characters of Arthur and Stacy were side-lined for Jack. Arthur and Stacy accompany Dan in his search for his family all through the book, but in the movie they are hardly seen after the first tornado. Jack was not an important character in the book, and it saddened me to see other characters so important in the book be pushed to the side. I am still hoping that someone in the near future will read the novel and decide to make a more faithful theatrically released Night of the Twisters movie.
Despite that though, I still love this movie and continue to watch it at least once a year.
Mad Max (1979)
Simple Revenge Film that became a Legend
Well....the first Mad Max film. Watching this film nowadays is still a delight and it remains as entertaining and violent as when it did when it was released in 1979. I wasn't born when it first came out, and like many others, I only became aware of it after seeing the sequel, The Road Warrior. When I was little, I was forbidden to rent this movie from the video store, as my parents told me it was much too violent and would give me nightmares. Its silly now of course, but at the time, you could see this was a pretty violent film.
The plot is simple. In future Australia, a small group of leather-clad police officers are the only law standing after Earth's downfall. They appear to be somewhat competent and on top of things until they make enemies with a violent biker gang led by the frightening psychotic Toecutter. Max is one of these police ifficers, and when Toecutter and his gang kill his best friend, wife, and child, Max sets out in his souped up V8 Interceptor to give the bikers a taste of their own medicine.
The original Mad Max is a very simple and cheap film and is WAY different than its three sequels. This movie is almost very similar to other revenge films of the 70's, such as Wes Craven's The Last House on the Left and I Spit on Your Grave. In fact, the biker villains in this film are very much like the villains in Last House on the Left in their psychotic mannerisms and Toecutter reminds me awfully of Krug Stillo. Also, the villains in both movies have the tables turned on them in the name of revenge. Thus, the bad guys in this film are somewhat more realistic than the villains in the sequels.
As mentioned, the film is cheap but that is also what gives it its charm. You could definitely see that Mel Gibson was going to go on to become a star.
This is still my favorite Mad Max movie and i always love watching it at leadt five times a year.
10/10
Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog (1993)
I Love this Hedgehog!
Growing up, I was a big Sonic fan. I remember playing the old 8-bit versions of Sonic and Sonic 2 on Sega Master System and then later playing them on the Genesis. I have about all of the video games, and have recently purchased the newest in the series, Sonic Forces.
When I was a kid, about the time I played the original Sonic games, I discovered this television show and became an instant fan. I loved this show all the way back then, and even now (at 30) I still love watching this show. It's lighthearted and fun, and you can always get a laugh out of it. Even to this day, I can never help but laugh myself silly at Scratch and Grounder's dumb antics as they try to capture Sonic, but always fail in the stupidest way possible. I also love how Dr. Robotnik is always the butt of the jokes in this series (who can forget the episode where his "MAMA" comes to visit, HAHA).
The relationship between Sonic and Tails is something fantastically portrayed in the series too, and you really get the feeling of how close the two are and what bond they share.
I have and always will love this show, and watch it whenever I may get the chance.
10/10
Batman vs. Two-Face (2017)
Fantastic Final Adventure with Adam West's Batman
Batman VS. Two-Face is the sequel to last year's Batman: Return of the Caped Crusaders and a great tribute to the late Adam West, AKA-The Bright Knight.
In this film, the Dynamic Duo (voiced by the great Adam West and Burt Ward, again reprising their iconic roles from the classic 60's TV series) come face-to-face (no pun intended) with Two-Face, district attorney and Bruce Wayne's best friend Harvey Dent (voiced by James T. Kirk himself, William Shatner).
After an accident in Hugo Strange's laboratory, Harvey is scarred by a toxic gas that leaves him disfigured and with a split-personality. It is up to our heroes, Batman and Robin, to put a stop to Two-Face's crimes, but that might prove difficult for Batman, as he must confront his former best friend.
This film is a great little animated movie, just like Return of the Caped Crusaders. I am a huge Batman fan. I love everything Batman, and that includes both his dark and light portrayals. Whenever there is a new Batman, I race to watch it. I grew up with the 60's TV series. Adam West and Burt Ward were my boyhood heroes and to me (even still today) they ARE Batman and Robin. Last year's Return of the Caped Crusaders was a fantastic return of West and Ward voicing their respective superheroes. I was over the moon, and thoughts of nostalgia came back to me. And now, with this brand new Batman VS. Two-Face, this is the BEST tribute Adam West could ask for.
I really enjoyed the introduction of Two-Face/Harvey Dent into this universe, as he had never appeared in the original television show. I also loved that other characters such as Hugo Strange and Harley Quinn (here as Dr. Harleen Quinzel) were featured. In a way, a lot of this really ties Batman '66 into more of the comic book lore of the character.
I loved this film, and it was great to see Adam West in his final adventure as Batman, the Bright Knight.
10/10
Alien: Covenant (2017)
The Alien is back, and its origins are finally explained
I am a HUGE Alien Franchise fan. I have all the movies, collected countless figurines, and sit down and watch the original anthology at least once every year. In 2012, I was over-excited when I finally went to the cinema to see Prometheus, and came out loving it just as much as I loved the Alien anthology. Many people did not like that film. I am usually the odd one out among my Alien franchise friends when I say that I loved Prometheus just as much as the other Alien films in the series. That film seemed new and fresh and I liked how it went in a different direction. I guess when it comes to anything set in the Alien universe, I love, and I am guessing that is why I also came out loving the sequel to Prometheus (the second entry in Ridley Scott's Alien Prequel films) Alien: Covenant.
The film is set 10 years after the events of Prometheus. The colony ship Covenant is en-route to a planet in the far galaxy called Origae-6 when a solar flare damages it, killing 40 of the colonists on board and the Captain, Branson (James Franco in a very brief role). Afterwards, the crew land on a remote planet and meet David (Michael Fassbender) the Weyland Corp Synthetic and sole survivor of the USCSS Prometheus mission. Not to give too much away, the crew discover that David has wiped out all life on the planet (the species which appeared to be the Engineers from the previous film) and has been meddling with the black goo from the Engineer planet. It is also revealed that Shaw (Noomi Rapace from Prometheus) is dead, and has been used in a number of David's bizarre experiments to create "the perfect life form"......that "perfect" life form David talks about eventually ends up birthing the very first Xenomorph creature. This, of course with any Alien film, ends up leading to many gory deaths. It is up to Captain Branson's wife, Daniels (Katherine Waterston), to destroy the creature and try to put a stop to David's experiments before things get out of hand....
Now, I really enjoyed this film. It is the first Alien film for a long time. True, I loved Prometheus, but you must admit it was very different from traditional Alien films in the franchise. With Covenant,I could not help having a huge smile when the Xenomorph is first born. I also love the Neomorphs in the film (the apparent predecessors to the traditional Xenomorph we all know and love). They reminded me of the "Newborn" from Resurrection, which is one of my favourite-looking monsters in the franchise.
This film seems to have gotten a lot of hate from my friends. They seem to say the biggest problem with the film is that it is revealed David created the Xenomorphs rather than the Engineers. However, I actually love the fact that David created them. It is ironic when you think about it. David having been created by humanity would go on to create life of his own, the famous ALIENS, who go on to pose a huge threat for humanity in the original films. Thus, in effect, we created David, who created Xenomorphs, and thus HUMANITY is slightly responsible for the creation of the creatures. There is a theory that David was not the original creator of the species, and was merely copying what the Engineers had created long ago. However, I hope this is not true, as I for some reason,just love the fact that David was the one who created them. It is pretty creepy when you think about it. I guess we'll have to wait for the sequel, Alien: Awakening, to find out if David truly was their creator.
Some questions that I have tried to counter with my friends about David being their creator, are things such as "he did not create the REAL Xenos, as the chestburster burst out of Oram (Billy Crudup) too quickly, unlike the original films when it took a few hours at least". But you must remember, this film is set BEFORE the original films. The Aliens you see here are the first samples of the creatures. David has yet to "perfect" them into the ultimate weapon. This is also why the grown Xeno looks different than the original, lacking the bio-mechanical features. Another one is that many hate the fact that David seemed to be the "Puppet Master" or "Android Queen", as in the film the baby Xeno mimics David, as if David were "God". Well....haha.....yes, the Xenos do appear to serve and obey David......FOR NOW! I am guessing that in the next film, we are likely going to see David create too many of these things who turn on him and eventually kill him, and thus leading into the events of the original films. At this point, David is arrogant and thinks he will be able to control what he will create, not knowing just how savage they will be. We all know exactly how savage these things are, David doesn't, and that will likely be his downfall.
All in all, I loved this film and am looking forward to the next film. Many other fans of the franchise seem displeased with it unfortunately, but as for me, I love it and and am looking forward to 2019's Alien: Awakening.
8/10
Jaws 2 (1978)
Call me crazy......but I prefer Jaws 2 over the Original Classic
I first discovered the JAWS movies when I was about 8-years-old. I saw the original JAWS and loved it. It gave me nightmares for weeks, and made me all the more afraid to go near a beach. Several weeks after watching JAWS, I was introduced to JAWS 2 by a friend of mine who had rented the film from a video store. At the time, I was not even aware that the original Steven Spielberg classic, JAWS, had a sequel let alone three. Anyway, my friend and I both watched JAWS 2 together and it was then when I discovered my favorite entry in the JAWS franchise.....JAWS 2.
The story takes place four years after the original. Martin Brody (again played by the excellent late Roy Scheider) begins to suspect another Great White Shark is stalking the Amity waters after two divers and mother and daughter go missing. He tries again to warn the Mayor (again played by Murray Hamilton), but again, all the town's people seem ignorant of the threat.
Meanwhile, a group of teenagers, including Martin's two sons, Mike (Mark Gruner) and Sean (Marc Gilpin), head out on a sailing trip where they are attacked by the shark. Also with them is Larry Vaughn Jr. (David Elliot), the Mayor's son. The last half hour of JAWS 2 is pure action as the teens are attacked again and again by the shark, as they try desperately to drift toward an island called Cable Junction. Not to spoil it scene by scene, the final confrontation again features Chief Martin Brody and the giant shark--this time including a power cable.
JAWS 2 is usually considered the best of the sequels. I can agree, as I am not a fan of JAWS 3D or JAWS: THE REVENGE. However, I often find myself torn between JAWS 1 and JAWS 2. For a long time, I tried to make myself like the original JAWS, but it was then when I came to discover I always had more fun with JAWS 2. As many other reviewers have pointed out, JAWS 2 is more of an action movie than a horror like the original, and I find that this action is shot in such a thrilling pace that it leaves you on the edge of your seat right up until the end of the movie.
When I was a kid, I also found myself feeling more for the teens of JAWS 2 rather than Martin Brody, Matt Hooper and Quint from the original. Probably because when I first saw it, I was about Sean's age from the film, and could understand what terror the kids must have been feeling during their confrontation with this menacing predator from the deep. I also think there is more of a sense of shock and terror in JAWS 2, as the kids in the film had no idea about the shark. In the original, the three men went out to sea to hunt the shark. Hooper was a marine expert on sharks and had come up against them before, and due to the fact that the three were hunting the shark made it less scary for me. In JAWS 2, the kids are simply sailing when the shark attacks, so I felt it was more of a shock.
Some people may call me crazy, but I have always preferred JAWS 2 over the original. I find myself always wanting to watch the sequel over the original. However, I am still a HUGE fan of the original, and do consider myself a JAWS fan period. Not much a fan of JAWS 3D and REVENGE as stated, but then again, I never mind sitting down and watching any of them, but my favorite will always be JAWS 2.
10/10
Mad Dog Morgan (1976)
Good Acting by Dennis Hopper, but not a true telling of the real Daniel Morgan
I am a HUGE bushranger fan. I have written many essays, read many books, and watched many movies about them. And if anyone out there was also a bushranger fan and Australian history buff, they would soon realize after watching this movie, that it is not quite true to the real-life tale of the notorious bushranger Daniel "Mad Dan" Morgan.
Firstly, I want to say that this is still a pretty good movie. The cinematography is great, the Australian setting, and the eerie Aborigine music that plays in the opening credits sets this relatively violent movie up in the most perfect way. Dennis Hopper does play a fantastic part as the fictionalized version of Morgan, who in this film is portrayed somewhat as a Ned Kelly or Ben Hall type bushranger--romantic Robin Hood-type folk hero. After witnessing a bloody massacre of Chinese gold diggers, he escapes into the bush and becomes a bushranger in order to stay alive, but is caught soon afterwards and sent to prison where he is brutalized not just by his fellow prisoners, but by the hateful police officers as well. Once released, he swears vengeance on those who have wronged him. After being shot and wounded, he is nursed back to health by Billy (played fantastically by Aussie actor David Gulpilil). Soon, the two team up and begin their revenge in the Australian bush. By the time the film ends and Morgan is killed, we feel remorse and sadness for him......which is one of the BIGGEST problems of the whole movie.
Daniel Morgan (AKA John Fuller/John Smith/Sydney Native/Dan the Breaker/Down the River Jack) has always been one of my favourite bushrangers that I have studied. The real Daniel Morgan was a bloodthristy criminal who would NOT hesititate for a moment to shoot and kill anybody he pleased. He was known to have brutally murdered a couple of Chinese settlers in the bush, and cowardly shot John McLean in the back during his time outside of the NSW town of Morven when McLean rode on horseback to get help after another man (John Heriot) who was also shot by Morgan. This historic event was documented in the film, but rather poorly I thought.
The character of the young Aborginie Billy was likely based on one of Morgan's associates named German Bill. Morgan and German Bill got into a bloody police gun fight, where German Bill was killed. Morgan didn't care though, as he didn't care much for human life. Everyone in the 1860's here in Australia had heard about "Mad Dan Morgan",and were terrified to venture in the bush at night in fear of encountering him. He stood 6-feet tall with piercing eyes. Thus, all of this is what I was hoping to be portrayed in the movie version based on his life.
However, putting history aside, I really did enjoy this movie for what it was. This film has now become known as an Aussie Western, or "Bush Western". The acting was good, the premise dark and sometimes depressing, and it did really capture the mood of what life was probably like in Colonial times Australia.
All in all, I give this movie a 5/10
The Video Dead (1987)
Pretty cool zombie film about ghouls coming out of a possessed TV
The Video Dead is a film I remember from childhood. It used to scare me but re watching it again I can appreciate the comedy of it all.
The zombies in the film are all well done and look particularly gruesome and are almost developed characters. The death scenes are pretty awesome too though the long drawn - out scene of a Filipino maid being strangled to death is quite ridiculous. Even when she drives an iron into the head of the zombie strangler and STILL manages to get herself choked to death is hilarious. However there is a great chainsaw death and some other great gory scenes that will stick with you for a while.
All in all a pretty cool movie but if you're a fan of classic zombies like Night of the Living Dead you may not be entertained.
6/10