themonkwithnoname Reviews

Upgrade (2018)

'Now while you have the advantage'

[10/10 · 6 September 2018]

'Now while you have the advantage'

Movie scene doesn't get more badass than that.

A highly intelligent and highly operable AI controlling a human brain and him like a puppet to masterfully revenge his lost one.

Of course, some more touches would've been good. Like STEM being able to pick up lock or drive in a heartbeat.

Now as being vox populi...

I don't know if it is a brilliant marketing ploy to release it on Youtube bypassing most movie theaters or lack of faith- but at least it worked for me. I mean: can't complaint. Brilliant movie with STEM's snarkly comments and machine like fight scenes made my day.

Please have more faith in your product. I did half of the advertising myself to trumpet to everyone despite most people not knowing. Guess, the underhype is good too!

Loved it. Thanks for it. These are the stuffs I like. A little Law Abiding Citizeny for me in the beginning but spinning wayyyy out off that opening motif hit it out for me.

I for one would much prefer to watch this than MI:Fallout or something.

Lie to Me (2009–2011)

This goes hard!

[10/10 · 20 July 2018]

I think it is fair to say Lightman plays God. However the real people on godmode are the brilliant creators, producers, writers and creative minds behind this show.

I immediately got hooked from the pilot's prologue of the phenomenal marriage between anthropology and forensic lie detection. It only got better from then on.

Before I pour odes on Lightman's quirkiness who happens to be a 'walking question mark' I have to laud Kelli Williams' portrayal of Dr. Foster. She sure comes out to be a clear winner - silently- of a soft spoken sage with African reginal wisdom and compassion in an absolutely empowering and strong character. Perfect foil to Lightman's eccentricity and to keep him grounded. In fact, the script reads off your mouth and inner thoughts when at one point Emily blurts out how she loved her company even more than her own mom's.

Speaking of which, it has a lot of psychological and emotional dynamics and sub-layers and drama. Lightman reminds me of Spader's character in Boston Legal and it does have a Boston Legal vibe all over it- which I LOVE by the way having long run out of options and fuel after exhausting each and every episode of the latter.

So it was godsend in a way and saved my life. I don't watch TV or TV series but some shows like this one and Prison Break forces me to be on marathon.

And in fact Kelli Williams was also in the The Practice - pre-cursor to Boston Legal.

It is a bit like a detective template with law firm office vibes. And just like Boston Legal it doesn't shy away from taking bold strides and making bold statements.

Interracial dating, Muslims are terrorist as well as plight of father having seen his Islamic son get slaughtered, Korean culture, holding police or fire fighter's responsible ... in fact just like any creative endeavors the producers tell hard facts as it is and doesn't shy away to sugarcoat it in a PC-laden culture and goes hard from an omniscient narrative sparing no one.

In fact, just like some "god-like" characters take neutral point of view akin to comedians- again going back to Spader's unscrupulous characters be it Alan Shore or Reddington, Jim Carrey's Mask, Deadpool, the caller from Phonebooth, Jigsaw, Hannibal Lecter, the Joker... all these are transcendent of mortal views of ethics in their human form of game.

I mean for God's sakes, Lightman lies as he pleases, bends rules and laws, outright and blatantly deceives, fakes news to set people up... almost as if he can transgress any boundaries simply to the carte blanche of his mastery of his game.

It borderlines ego- almost as if that of a sociopath- but it is more of a restrained form of narcissism developed from years and years of research in the jungle and cultivation of his talent to a form of supernatural genius which he again and again tries to drill and inculcate in his protege's head - Ria Torres- that talent without perspiration is a genius well lost.

I could go at lengths about the mentor-protege dynamics, the touch on his parental obligation, Loker's lack of internal filter and what not as a nice capstone, but it would be one long essay.

Tout court, if you love intellectual, character driven dramas that faces tough challenging question marks of the modern zeitgeist, then this show is for you.

Prison Break (2005–2017)

Paul T. Scheuring is a genius!!

[10/10 · 28 June 2018]

And so is the entire production team behind it.

Of course subplots within subplots - such as baiting in the cell phone store, such as little nuanced details of a man being flogged in Ogiya Prison in opening credits, the solid character development to the length of even side actors, the touch of Tuareg ability to navigate in desert from birds, giving strength to the personality of Middle-Eastern actors as well as transcending beyond good vs evil to fully showcase the terrorists' mindset with the dialogue "you are negotiating still" during breakout for a fantastic reference to game theoretic prisoner's dilemma and of course the signature touch and tour de force of cryptography... I can go on and on, and yes it does really shoot he ball out of the park.

Every scene holds your attention. There are twists within twists, plots within subplots and turnovers and turnaround in scenes.

And yes, who can forget the intellect?

At first I thought, a reboot would suck, but I was wrong. Finished the whole season 5 in a sitting. That's how good it was and it does really stimulate creativity.

Who needs caffeine for dopamine when you got this, right? :wink:

Manjhi: The Mountain Man (2015)

Poor justice to a remarkable achievement

[1/10 · 28 June 2018]

The movie started off solid in a serious tone. But then 20 minutes in I gave up. Just couldn't stand the drivel.

Why do Bollywood movie makers feel that they need to inject sappy love story, stupid comical 'reliefs' and cheesy romantic songy vibes to make a movie sellable?

Have some respect for your work instead of kowtowing to please the hoi polloi. This is why movies from India never wins Oscar.

John Wick (2014)

Started good, but felt flat...

[3/10 · 2 March 2018]

I was really pumped up seeing the first few scenes. But then I had to leave. And upon coming back I just couldn't force myself to watch it. Very boring and generic. esp. the gun fight scenes in club.

I knew it will expire after 48 hours in Youtube but just couldn't make myself watch it. It became extremely dull and boring and nothing captivated my attention after the club fight scene.

I gave it 3 stars because the introduction of "Baba Yaga" was amazing as well as dropping the "Russian" language bomb in gas station.

Cool concept, but badly executed. Also, the fight scenes are not machine like and precise and CLEAN like Bourne or Equilibrium.

Meh film.

Black Panther (2018)

Absolute brilliance! Artistic masterpiece! Genius!

[10/10 · 26 February 2018]

Two thousand years ago a magician named Dedi performed a trick whereby he cut off a goose's head and reattached it.

Years later David Blaine performed the same magic and wowed audience. See, when I first dabbled in magic, I hated the mantra that "it's not what you show, but how you show".

But as I matured, I understood. Same thing applies to this movie. See, anything and everything that can be done under the sun has been done to death. 99% of the crappy movies Hollywood produce are rehashes. What idiots bashing this film doesn't get is that it is NOT about the plot. It's about artistic showcase.

The first five seconds is alone worth the entrance fee. It's creative, edge, sci-fy and draws on from different flavors of movies. Deadpool-esque action? Check. James Bond meets Iron Man? Check. A bit of Oakland, California street flavor? Check.

This movie's originality lies in the nuances. Every frame had something to offer. And it moved at rapid pace. No repeats. Every frame tells a story and ushers in next scene triggering Chekov's gun.

For instance, the majestic and stellar costume is alone worth hours and hours of scrutiny and dissection. Then the custom font. The locket designs. Etcetera etcetera.

It's like a fractal. The more you analyze the more it unfolds.

My favorite of course was Queen's stunning and majestic white dress. The train scenes. The challenge... Heck the entire movie!

In a slightly jovial note, a testament to a film's strength is how long you can stave off peeing. Haha!! I really needed to go bad at the first ten minutes but I had such a morbid FOMO that I managed to stave it off for 1 whole hour and couldn't take it any longer. It even made me wonder if I should give it 9 stars since it ruined my experience by being TOO GOOD!!!

It's like a gift that kept on giving. Layers and layers of never ending down the rabbit hole to an Oz land.

It highlighted pride and power of Africa. No scenes were duplicates. Even the "challenges" that were duplicated were different in same context.

It's pure artistic genius. Little things like an African saying flawless Chinese, the spear scenes, the Amazon Alexa type of futurstic hologram, the smattering of history lessons on African masks, the "Baby don't hurt me..", turning the table of Africa on America, "knives are so primitive" line, "colonizer" swanky diss, the unbelievable intro without making any splash, brouhaha or stupid Mission Impossiblesque mindless explosion, but rather a nonchalant, subdued and subtle African theme of sounds instead of score and splicing shots in supernatural fashion....jusqua right dosage really hit the spot for me.

I never read a single page of comic book for this character but I thoroughly enjoyed it.

The acting is solid. The jokes are funny. The originality lies in showing the same things that were done to death by Hollywood in a new light with all the colors, aura and halation of African culture, pride and majestic beauty.

This movie is not about the plot. It's about artistic showcase.

Can't believe so many spate of negative reviewers putting salty comments. Makes you wonder about credibility and leitmotif.

I went to Downtown Disney with primarily white audience who took their kids and they gave a scattered applause at the end.

Then again white people are hard to please anyways. Especially the college read academic ones.

Den of Thieves (2018)

Brilliant!

[9/10 · 21 January 2018]

Absolutely brilliant. A total guy film.

Gerard Butler (Big Nick) is - as Gerard himself mentions it in Kimmel - "Silverback Gorilla". Pure alpha male in a group of bunch of alpha males.

He soon meets his match in the form of Pablo Schreiber's character Merriman. Another totally buff, totally shredded, former Special Forces who is incredibly smart and highly intelligent.

Basically the movie is a tic-tac back and forth between their lives' portrayals with some glimpses of 50's life, O Shea and others'. I get that most people are trying to compare it to Heat, but for me it was more in line with Training Day.

Now frankly, I went in with a Law Abiding Citizen mentality about a self-righteous cop(s) who break all the rules, acts as vigilante and makes their point proven with unconventional tactics.

It was actually nothing like that. It is heist film with a brilliant misdirection. It delivers all the macho, high octane action.

There are some subtleties and details that highly stands out:

-O Shea's nostrils flaring after being harassed and bullied (loved this touch of microexpression ever since I saw in the trailer)

-The way the robbers step in or wade in. Almost as if wearing fins and they first slide in and step in with one foot and then the body follows. Of course, 50 and Gerard said how they trained to get the movement down in military fashion.

-Sushi bar scene, the Rowland Heights scene which truly depicts how a real Alpha carries himself was phenomenal. Loved the tension building and flaring and the subdued suspense and of course the breakup scene was strong

-The muscle of Butler and Schreiber in the final scene with each sinewy muscle mass pumping was brilliant.. Probably they pumped irons before shooting those scenes.

-Merriman character became a surprise favorite of mine

Merriman character is not that much of a downright and outright alpha. Not a grey man either. He is just trying to have a meal and chill with his "family" or makes his point proven in the shooting range without reacting directly to Butler from getting his paper target riddled center mass.

(Possible spoiler alert)

Now as far as the spoiler or twist. Well if the movie had no twist it actually would have been boring. Another Mann-ish drama about real life grit. Although putting the twist at the end may sacrifice some of the content and make it 'cheesy' (as some might object) but THAT actually makes it more unique, original and movie-y.

Listen. Reviews are subjective. C---pola like Wonder Woman - which is comparable to cringey chick flick - gets rave reviews by "stalwart" critics and these same critics lambaste this movie.

Don't listen to anyone else. Watch a movie, judge it for yourself and then you'd have much better understanding and appreciation how life operates.

For me art is something which "I" want to enjoy and savor again and again and again and again...

This movie passes it on all accounts. A movie doesn't have to Oscar nominated with Brandeberg Concerto or discussing pilpul of Rauschenberg in Annie Hall-y style to get my respect.

All "I" care is what makes me happy. That is art for me. What "I" want to watch again and again and again..

Hence the solid 9 stars.

Kingsman: The Golden Circle (2017)

Anticlimactically... best movie of the year

[8/10 · 24 December 2017]

The fact that this gets to be Best Movie of the Year imo, says more about the recent trashy spate that Hollywood relentlessly spews out.

I give it 8 and the 'best' award mainly due to the fight scenes and the edgy-classic stylized visual centerpieces. Elton John part was pretty over done as mentioned by one reviewer, and also horrible choices in music. Couldn't get copyright to Cotton Eye Joe? Come'on now.

Fantastic fight scenes and creative camera angles. Love the dark humor. Dinner table scene at 'family' was a favorite. Strong taxi cab start. Kinda dwindled here and there. Why Channing Tatum wasn't given more screen time? He'd have rocked it. I can't stand him for his d-bag roles, but he kind of found an exalted status in here.

Loved the integration of back story. All in all decent flick except a little too long for the punch and shot and pretty milked out and drawn out and predictable and cliche at times. Plus horrible 80s (?) music makes the rating go down.

Atomic Blonde (2017)

Boring as the weather depicted within

[1/10 · 24 December 2017]

A movie needs to hold your attention within first minute. In this day of information age and competition and instant gratification, you need to get to the point quickly and punchily.

I still have it unwatched before it expires tonight on YouTube and I refuse to spent any more than the 17 minutes spent even though I am not getting my 4.99 worth.

Contrast to this with Kingsmen: Golden Circle. After watching only for 17 minutes I logged onto Facebook and already declared it the best movie of the year 2017 AND sent a DM to their FB page.

That's how devilishly competitive life has become. And damn right you better make a tremendous first impression.

Speed (1994)

What watching a movie after 20 years feel like

[10/10 · 6 October 2017]

Masterfully crafted!

That's all I can say. I watched Speed in my early teens after it came out in 1994. It has been 23 years and I had vague recollection of the specific scenes in the story. However as I watched the film after decades long gap, I realized why this became a classic household, water fountain action film.

Keanu Reeves was born to play this role. He exuded an ungodly calmness that is so rare a trait that every man wishes he possessed. The chemistry between him and Sandra Bullock's character Andy was just the right dosage in an unlikely coupling. If Keanue was the epitome of a man's assured calmness, then Sandra was just the opposite. Possibly she is the only one who can make a damsel-in- distress, overapologetic, tad bit clumsy and slightly nagging character so sexy.

Before you read further I must warn this review contains many spoilers.

The fact that I love about Speed is that it is a movie within movie. Even if the movie finished after the elevator saga, it would still be considered a decent flick. There are layers within layers and supersubplots within subplots.

At one stage, Keanu after saving the world and hostage from an exploding elevator, he kept sweeping the area to locate the bomber.

There was quote once I read - which is mostly probably apocryphal - regarding Einstein where he said: "The difference between other people and I is that when asked to find a needle in a haystack, I keep going."

The intro was a three minute long of dizzying credit. But I still gave it 10 out of 10 and the scene reminded me of Einstein's quote.

Keanu should really author a book on "How to be cool, calm and in control under pressure 101".. in fact, even the way he just stepped off the 'runaway train' exuded so much suaveness that it was as if he performed walking on water and it was 'no big deal'.

There are so many details that stands out that made up the subplots and subcontext within the main theme. For instance, every character had his or her own space, niche and personality, starting with Keanu's partner, the 'Jamaican(?)' looking driver to the bus driver who even after getting shot signaled the entry with the latch to the 'communicator' who after giving robotic communication translated 'oh f**' to 'oh darn' to the criminal who reacted only to be assaulted by another hero... every character told a story and every frame was interesting. In is unfortunate, that producers do not spare so much detail into movies like they used to in the past.

There was also the right dosage of comic relief. For instance, after repeated attempts when Keanu was drove up to the bus driver Sandra had a 'you got be kidding' look in her face as she said: "He is out of his mind" made me laugh like I haven't in a long time. Of course, it was only trumped by "...I received a ticekt for speeding..." scene later on that was dead on witty.

Not to mention, the way the couple of stunt drivers veered the cars putting the cop cars to 90 degree blocking the way in the airport complete halt smacked of entire badassery.

Can movies procure religious experience? I often wondered; not to be nutjobby. It is said Rothko's paintings could make people tear up. As I laid on my bed thinking about the calmness with which Keanu handled the entire programme, I couldn't help but think that so often people cut was in traffic, spill their coffee, mistakenly slam the door catching out finger, or accidentally poke with form and so often we lose it triggered at the slightest press of our buttons. So often! However, when calm and collected mental composure is held, no obstacle seems impossible.

Movies like this opens the portal to the doorway on what really is possible for a self-actualized man to achieve once he was conquered himself.

Saw 3D (2010)

Well what were people expecting?

[7/10 · 5 October 2017]

Well what were people expecting going in? To see a fiery filibuster monologue? Mr Smith Goes to Washington? Citizen Kane? (not that I have seen it) Rhett and Scarlett O'Hara?

It *is* supposed to be a fast food movie to satisfy your craving. I mean it *is* supposed to have:

• a solid 'hook' for opening scene (which I really loved) - crazy creative entrapments - ex cathedra speech as tapes and videos are played - social justice, making people pay for their 'crimes' - end scene

It is a boilerplate movie and supposed to follow the cliché script. I mean even Sherlock has become formulaic as the Season 4 installment began. People expect it to be 'creative' but how much do you think the director and producers should work on it? I don't think they need to overdo it.

If you are watching this series in a marathon, you will get bored. So best is to give a buffer time - which I did- and gladly enjoyed it to the last bit.

Not every entertaining movie has to be Dostoevsky you know..

Buried (2010)

"I'd rather be buried alive than endure this."

[1/10 · 4 October 2017]

I HATE artsy films like this.

So I mainly watched it because some no one on YouTube video offered this as a similar movie to Pelham 123 and Phonebooth. This is *nothing* like this. I was bored each and every excruciating second. It is literally as if sitting in a box and watching paint dry or sand fill. I HATE artsy films like this. I tried watching Birdman three times and ever since I got 10 mins within that I gave up. I was hoping against hope, this trash of a film would have some thrilling or suspenseful 'happy' end, but God. There was no twist. It is bland. While Hugh Jackman's Prisoners was convoluted and also artsy, these are terrible waste of movie watchers'/goers' time.

Why do filmmakers think that they can get away with self-patting, scratching-each-other-back, self-congratulating sh****y films like this. Unless you are a film major (read: film geek) who gets a hard- ** from camera editing or lighting effect, you really need to avoid these type of films unless it gives some oxygen and meaning to your otherwise pretentious, inauthentic life.

1.5 most boring hour of my life that I endured just hoping it'd pan out well.

Also note, I was hoping the snake scene would be a hallucination. In my opinion, if the whole movie remained constant but at the end turned out that he was a Navy SEAL or a special ops in a SERE training in an artificially induced simulation, my rating would shoot up from 2 to 10. That would have been badass I only gave it 2 instead of 1 because the concept was original of restraining in one setting.

This also reminded me of Locke and also that pseudo-intellectual, 'character study' that film nerds get all uppity about.

Note to filmmakers: No one cares about your pretentious crap. You are out there to entertain, go and do that. Don't frikkin con people. I pity those who actually went to theaters to watch this painful tripe.

And if you are creating artsy films, then at least have the decency to elevate your craft like Arnofsky or to the level of Eternal Sunshine for the Spotless Mind and not some crapola like this where you feel as if you created fire or came up with cure of cancer.

Horrible. Horrible. Horrible. I'd rather be buried alive than watch endure this.

Phone Booth (2002)

Masterpiece thriller

[10/10 · 4 October 2017]

Loved it!

...Even after I re-watched it third time. Obviously they don't give Oscars for this type of genre, but if a person were to receive one without even making a single appearance in the film then it'd be TheCaller...just for his voice acting which held his weight and tremendous personality.

The Taking of Pelham 123 (2009)

Worth the rewatch

[8/10 · 4 October 2017]

In my college art class on the first day the professor asked what is art. I replied: The Ikea commercial. Anything that is unboring.

She laughed.

And I said, art makes you want to roll the images in your mind's eye again and again. Anything that makes you want to come back.

Well a good testament of a movie is if it makes you want to rewatch. And it did. I love the tension, the self-righteous philosophical tension. In fact, I rewatched Law Abiding Citizen and was craving something similar. Google AI is not intelligent enough to suggest it from similar pattern and themes.

People may frown at my high rating. But it held my attention even after a rewatch and that's what it really matters.

I will probably hit Phonebooth next for another rewatch keeping up with the similar style.

Wonder Woman (2017)

Looks like David Blaine found his new stunt!

[1/10 · 1 October 2017]

Absolutely unwatchable!

Apparently, moving onto the next frame is more painful than enduring in an encased icebox.

Mea culpa, though. I hate fantasy genre. Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter and everything that comic con nerd culture celebrates. And I am the one who is still single at 35, mind you. But hey, are the nerds so deprived nowadays so as to sell their soul just to watch a femme fatale in a movie with zero suspense?

I asked my cousin if it is indeed for comic con nerds or great movie in general. He said the latter. But the thing is I should've listened to my kombucha infused probiotic gut. I mean if I don't like fantasy, then I shouldn't watch fantasy. It doesn't matter if it gets 'rave reviews' or trumpeted by spineless herd, tribe and sheep mentality who will blindly follow the bandwagon effect and swallow anything that 'others' tell them it is good for them.

Hence, the mea culpa part.

This is why I avoid Stephen King and reading mainstream books like JK Rowling's ones and avoid A Game of the Thrones.

But the thing is the intro was pretty cool and got me hooked. But pretty soon it devolved into cringe worthy fantasy scenes. I was hoping against hope that it will get better in Dark Knightesque fashion.

Boy. Now I am conflicted as to finish watching it since -after all- I paid 4.99 on YouTube and you can get a preworkout drink with that. I went as far as the boat scene where Diana is about to leave...

But I'd rather not; even though I wasted one preworkout drink.

Moral of the story? Mainstream media bias will do anything in its power to trumpet any unpalatable content along with mass advertising powerhouses.

RIP objectivity. RIP neutrality. RIP class, content and intellect.

This is why people likes Danielle Steele and squirms at Pynchon. So lesson learned: "Never ever get swayed by popular opinion. Stay true to your heart. And even if 6,999,999,999 of the populace says something is 'a masterpiece' or 'out of the park' and if YOU feel it is worthless, pile of cow dung... value your opinion.

"Ultimately your opinion matters too no matter how much it goes against the grain."

p.s. I know I haven't touched on the content, but let's face it...there isn't a content at all. Just a depiction of a fantasy land with woman in miniskirts and thighs apparently doing Scythian horsemanship and shooting arrows. The point being I got ambushed and conned into watching it because of the mainstream media despite hating fantasy genre from the depth of my gut.

The Lego Batman Movie (2017)

Overly preachy!

[2/10 · 5 August 2017]

First of all the positives. Loved the meta aspects of it. Loved the cringy line re: that song that fills him with rage. Loved the introduction of villains in fast paced action. Loved the line about "spontaneously arising" of words after punches like *Kapow* and *Bang* but...

...it is supposed to be a frikkin movie. Not a frikkin 2 hour sermon or a lecture or a filibuster.

I don't go to watch movie to have a schooling on ethics and s***. I go there to be entertained. They just magnified on Batman's ego issue and zoomed in it and blew it out of proportion and constantly nagged about it non-stop for 2 hours as if the producers got an agenda or some ***.

Here is a preachy advice: Please leave the patronizing sermon at the doorstep.

Not every personality is same. Many like to be loner and aloof and many like to be cringyly social. Just because you view the world in a way doesn't mean it has to be the same for hoi polloi. I actually had to listen to some Eminem afterwards to clean my palate. So disgusting was the patronizing sermon.

And the animation was blah at best. It is LEGO ffs. Not a big ol hunka clunker. It looked like Transformer animated. Where is the nuance? Where is subtlety? Where is the Lego universe?

I hate being negative. But sometimes, suppressing negativity for positivity can be entirely negative.

It is about expressing your true self... which somehow the big ol kumbaya loving producers somehow misses the point entirely trying to fit in with society's image.

Heck... I will just end with Eminem: "I am not out there to make friends."

Finding Dory (2016)

Hollywood really needs to find unknown voices

[4/10 · 5 August 2017]

Pixar is amazing. First of all.

Secondly, the cute babyish face of the little Dory to go with the cuddly equally voice of the baby Dory was just way too a(dory)ble.

And then Pixar went God mode into flashbacks of fast cuts of memories of Dory.

But then they frikkin lost it.

Ellen DeGeneres has a way distinctive voice. Admittedly I am not the slightest fan of this person, but the thing is I want to go and watch movie to suspend disbelief. Not be frikkin reminded of man- girl Ellen every time I see a babyish animation.

Why the **** does Hollywood think it is okay just because you are an A-list celebrity you deserve to be anchored into a feature voices in cartoons and animations?

Same with Eddie Murphy's voice in Shrek. *Cue haters saying I am homophobic and racist*

That's not the point at all. Hollywood is just playing favorites by cherrypicking the people they like automatically thinking since they made it big in one department they will automatically be stellar in other department.

Pixar. Disney. Your job is to create. Read my opening paras about the positivity. Stick to that. Stick to creating art, instead of prostituting your soul to the devil.

Thank you.