EGANJM24 Reviews

The Black Dahlia (2006)

De Palma's talent wasted on yawnfest period piece

[1/10 · 19 March 2007]

John Egan

De Palma's talent wasted on period piece yawnfest Violence, sex and a murder mystery. An all-star cast of actors and actresses. The author of "LA Confidential." The director of "Scarface" and "The Untouchables." Sometimes, even with all of the right elements, a movie can still suck. "The Black Dahlia" is the latest film from Brian De Palma. Based on a famous unsolved Los Angeles murder, the movie follows detectives Bucky Bleichert (Josh Harnett) and Lee Blanchard (Aaron Eckhart) as they search for the killer of an aspiring actress. Much like "LA Confidential," the movie is a period piece full of hats, film noir talking and, of course, dames, like Scarlett Johansson and Hilary Swank. Johansson plays Kay Lake, Blanchard's girlfriend who clearly has a thing for Bliechert. The three of them hang out constantly, and they give off a weird three-way vibe that doesn't make sense. Meanwhile, Bliechert is attracted to Swank's character Madeleine Linscott, a former lover of the murdered actress who looks exactly like her. Bliechert becomes more and more suspicious of Linscott and even the police department as he and Blanchard sink deeper and deeper into the murder. From there, the movie just becomes boring and confusing. There is almost little to no character development, so basically when characters are either killers or hurt, no one really cares. Instead of being a gritty, twisting thrill ride like "LA Confidential" or De Palma's other movies, "Dahlia" comes off as a whiny, drawn-out borefest. The murder of the Black Dahlia actress doesn't even happen until about halfway into the movie. But wait John, you just said that there is no character development, but also there is no action until well into the movie? That doesn't make sense. Exactly John. The film introduces so many characters and situations that the audience doesn't really know what is going on. Not to mention there is no telling who is friends, enemies, lovers or anything else. The movie moves slow even for a period piece, and the audience's attention is lost very quickly. Even the ending comes out of nowhere. The killers are all revealed, and it makes no sense. There is no way the audience could have figured it out. It lasts so long that it is almost annoying to watch things being revealed over and over with more people involved. The only sense of total relief is when the credits start rolling. Unless you are in the perfect mood, this is a movie is something to avoid. A fantastic cast with good performances just isn't enough sometimes to make a crappy movie good. Yawn. I'm already bored talking about it. I didn't like "The Black Dahlia."

Pulse (I) (2006)

Pulse makes heartbeat stop with boring plot, cheap scares

[1/10 · 28 January 2007]

Want to meet a ghost?" displays on the computer screen to the cast of the new movie "Pulse." No, no I don't. Please go away, and take your movie with you. "Pulse" is the latest lame PG-13 we-want-to-draw-in-teenagers-to-make-more-money horror movie to come out. Starring Kristen Bell ("Veronica Mars"), Ian Somerhalder ("Lost") and Christina Millian, the movie surrounds a group of college friends and the strange images they see through their computers. Mattie's (Bell) boyfriend Josh has committed suicide out of nowhere. Suspicious, Mattie and her group of college friends investigate Josh's "suicide." Well, sort of; they really just talk about his death and don't really do anything. Searching for Josh's computer, Mattie finds out it was taken by a mechanic named Dexter (Somerhalder) and tracks him down at his shady apartment in a bad neighborhood. Because, as you know, we all search for thieves in bad neighborhoods without telling the cops. When Mattie catches up with Dexter, he tells her that there are strange occurrences on Josh's CPU, and the two begin to investigate. "Do you want to meet a ghost?" pops up, and when clicking yes, they see images of people who look dead or lifeless being killed or having creepy creatures stalk them in the background. One of them ends up being Josh, and the group of friends freak out. The computer scenes start out freaky, but just end up being annoying by the end. Anyway, it is soon discovered that the dead are jealous of the living, so they decide to come out of computers and electronic devices to steal the living's souls. What? One by one, Mattie's friends start to disappear. The rest of the friends, like earlier, just talk about them missing and never really look for them. As Mattie soon finds out, and remembers about Josh, when one of the dead steal your soul, you first start out with black bruises, then eventually decompose and sometimes even get sucked into the wall? OK. Eventually they find out that the dead can be stopped in two ways. Your first choice is to go to a location that has no cell phone service or computers -- so really either going to the country or below the Mason Dixon line. Of course, they wouldn't think about destroying computers or cell phone towers…. The other way they can be stopped is by surrounding all the doors and windows with red tape. Why does the red tape stop them? Don't worry, it's never explained. Even the ending is awful. The two main characters, Mattie and Dexter, of course find the computer where the virus first started. They shut down the computer and it restarts, making the scene pointless and frustrating. I guess destroying the computer wouldn't make sense. The movie is completely awful. Kristen Bell is hot, but that might be the only thing that was positive about this movie. Why would the dead steal souls through electronic devices? Nothing in the movie is ever really explained so the audience understands. The movie is basically just used for cheap scares and to earn the almighty dollar. Also, the group of friends that hang out reminds me of a bad "Saved by the Bell" cast. You have the hot girl and hot new boyfriend, the sassy black girl, the nerd and the gangster afro guy. When have you ever seen these kinds of people hang out? The correct answer is never. The movie becomes an apocalypse-type of movie with the whole world being taken over by the dead and the main character ending with the "we must live on" speech. Vomit. Basically, if you spend or have spent the money to rent this movie, I am sorry. If you bought this movie, please do not submit to this section. Your opinion on movies has no value here. "Pulse" is a terrible movie. See, even the title doesn't make sense.

The Fountain (2006)

'Fountain' confusing until well after movie is over, but fantastic visionary ride

[6/10 · 2 December 2006]

Two lovers are followed over the span of a thousand years. What they discover about each other is a story of love, death, spirituality and the essence of hope. I think. Darren Aronofsky's latest visual ride is "The Fountain," starring Hugh Jackman ("X-Men") and Rachel Weisz ("The Mummy"). The story revolves around their love throughout the past, present and future. In the past, Tomas (Jackman) is a soldier of Spain in 1500, sent by the queen (Weisz) to find the Tree of Life. Finding it will save Spain, and as she says it, make the queen the Eve to Tomas's Adam. In the present, Tommy is a scientist and his wife, Izzi, has cancer that has spread to her brain. Tommy is obsessed with finding a cure for Izzi, shutting out everyone and everything to save his beloved. His lab has a sample of the Tree of Life and hopes to eventually use it on Izzi so they can be together forever. In the future, Tom Creo is an astronaut in a ship, taking the Tree of Life to a dying star in order to reunite with his lost lover. The movie itself is confusing. If you expect to go to the theater and see three stories in a row, you are very wrong. The movie switches from all three eras, getting pieces of information throughout each scene to eventually piece together the final conclusion. Before seeing the movie, I researched and saw that most people would not get the movie, and that you should pay attention to everything in order to pick up on what is going on. Well I did, and I walked out of the theater like a six-year-old who was just told to memorize calculus. I was utterly confused. "The Fountain" is a ride that takes massive thinking and attention. Symbolism is everywhere. From the constant colors and camera views, to the meaning of each action in every scene. Anything major event that occurs means something to the rest of the movie and all three eras. The movie involves many different themes and thoughts, especially dealing with spirituality. The story of Adam and Eve, the Tree of Life and the Tree of Knowledge, the Mayan First Father story, the book Izzi writes, the missing wedding ring, the seven deadly sins and so on. Everything in the movie has a meaning. What seems like three different stories ends up being a story that is all woven together by the end with the common goal of love. Characters go through the same experiences in different times, with almost the same outcome each time. But believe me, it is not that simple. 'The Fountain" has a beautiful tone to it. It is shot fantastically, and Aronofsky is well on his way to being one of the most visually intriguing and thought-provoking directors of our time. Aronofsky's previous film, "Requiem for a Dream," is a depressing yet fantastic movie. It was the reason I wanted to explore this film, and it ends up being something completely unique and different. I didn't get this movie until I got home and read the hundreds of posts on the movie. In fact, I still don't have it all pieced together. If you want a film that you can just sit back and enjoy without thinking, do not see this film. It is really hard to get and absorb, and it's one of those movies that you could enjoy more after leaving the theater and discussing it. I hated the movie after it ended, and had to read and read about it before I got what happened. Now I want to see it again to catch everything I missed, which was about 60% of the film. Jackman and Weisz are simply amazing. Originally, Brad Pitt and Cate Blancett were slotted for this film, and I am glad that changed. I can't see Pitt giving the emotion or depth that Jackman gives in the film. The two are simply stunning, and give performances that are more than nomination worthy. It is one of those movies that is enhanced tremendously by the performances of the actors. So, if you give this movie a try, get ready for a complicated ride. Watch for everything, absorb every sentence, statement or action. It is a great movie concealed by visual mystery and story-telling, and definitely worth a second look. So be prepared to be confused, tested, and enthralled. "The Fountain" is a one of a kind film, if you are up for a challenge and a thought- provoking experience. EEe

RV (2006)

Family film surprising good

[7/10 · 27 April 2006]

Sometimes, you just have to go back to the basics. To make a good movie, you need a short title, a simple plot and a great cast. That is exactly what director Barry Sonnenfeld ("Men In Black") does in the family comedy "RV." When you want to make a movie that is fun for everyone, you just make it fun and stupid. With physical humor, family bickering and a great cast of comedic actors, "RV" makes for a film that all ages can enjoy. "RV" follows the story of the Munro family. Bob (Robin Williams) is all set and ready for a family vacation. Unfortunately, he is not on good terms with his boss (Will Arnett, "Arrested Development") and must cancel the trip to make a business meeting. So, instead of telling his family the truth, he lies to them and rents an RV. Bob, his wife (Cheryl Hines), his really hot daughter (JoJo) and his son pack up and set off to Colorado so Bob can sneak away to the business meeting. The movie is your typical "everything that can go wrong, will" movie. Just like "Armageddon," only this movie was good. Along the way, the Munro's meet a crazy, full-time RV family named the Gornicke's. Travis (Jeff Daniels), his wife and his home-schooled kids end up following the Munro's around, no matter how hard Bob and his family try to avoid them. Just like most good comedies, the cast makes this movie work. Daniels and Arnett are hilarious. With their comedic backgrounds, along with the ability to work with other professional talents such as Williams and Hines, help bring in the funny. JoJo is also great playing a hot, snotty teenager, because it's really hard to play one when you are a hot, snotty teenager in real life. And don't worry everyone, there is plenty of fuses, raccoons and outrageous stunts to go around. Because we all know that an RV going 80 mph down a mountain wouldn't go off the curvy dirt road and eventually come to a rolling stop without any of the actors getting hurt. It's simple science people. But this example is the point of the film. It is meant to be a movie you can just sit back and enjoy. I saw the movie with college students with a variety of all ages and everyone there enjoyed the film. To be honest, I had very low expectations coming into the film, but it really impressed me. I was worried about Robin Williams being annoying as he can sometimes be, if you don't believe me, watch "Robots" and try not to destroy your TV. So overall, the movie was surprisingly entertaining It has been a while since I have watched a family film I enjoyed. Of course, everyone ends up happy in the end and morals are learned, because we all know being together as a family is important. But, it's still a film that all ages can enjoy. With the cast, the great writing and directing with original moments for a family film, there is nothing wrong about enjoying a film that doesn't involve Will Ferrell or nudity. Don't worry about it being too kid oriented either, there are plenty of adult jokes, innuendo and ridiculous humor that everyone can laugh at. I probably enjoyed this movie more than I would have when I was a kid. It's a solid film, and a lot better than you think it would be. You go Robin! Now remember, no more making movies like "Death To Smoochy."