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Reviews
The Descent (2005)
Preposterous Scenario, Horrible Creatures, No Scares, Little Tension, and Weak Characters
The descent is a disappointing horror gore-fest that is heavy on blood and light on scares and tension. The scenario is preposterous and the creature effects are beyond crap. The characters and the performances are weak. The film is not scary and the characters are unsympathetic, which is ultimately why the film is ineffective. The creatures are pathetic and look like poor versions Smeagol/gollum. The film gets worse as it goes along. The creatures really sink this film to junk levels. The attack/fight sequences look like crap and the camera work is quite inept at time. The lighting is probably the most effective element of the film. The Descent will no doubt benefit from the lowered expectations set by todays extremely low grade, assembly-line sanitized and saturated horror genre. The Descent is by no means a classic or even a good horror movie, but it is better than most of the schlock horror films we see today.Preposterous Scenario, Horrible Creatures, No Scares, Little Tension, and Weak Characters. 4/10 Avoid it unless you are a rabid horror movie fan.
Jaws: The Revenge (1987)
One of the Worst Movies Ever Made. Truly Terrible
Michael Caine needed a new house and Jaws The Revenge paid for it. I hope he was paid well to be in this mess. The acting, directing, script, and visual effects are beyond terrible. The story is stupid and the title is absurd. The movie is never exciting nor scary. The Shark is laughable and looks cheesy in every scene. The movie is not worthy of the name Jaws. Jaws 3D was a bad movie but next to this junk it looks decent. The Shark gets the revenge on the moviegoer by delivering a sequel so bad that it insures no further Jaws Movies or Movie Sharks will die. Jaws was the first great Blockbuster and Jaws : The Revenge the great movie franchise mega-bomb. The director and screenwriter should never work again after this incompetent mess. The horrible film is regarded by many to be one of the worst films of all-time. It is the second worst movie of the 1980's after Garbage Pail Kids the Movie. 1/10 Truly Terrible.
Clue (1985)
Tim Curry deserved an Oscar Nomination
Tim Curry absolutely steals the show. He should have been nominated for his hilarious and energetic performance. The ensemble cast is very good. The three endings are certainly stupid and Howard Hessman is awful in his minor role. The dialog is quite funny the story is lame, but it is a better than average movie thanks largely to Tim Curry's brilliant performance. The transition from board game to movie is shaky and I hope they never do it again. Monopoly the Movie not a good idea. Clue the Movie is passable PBS style antics. 6/10 Above Average, with a great performance by Tim Curry. A nice ensemble cast. Still not as good as the board game.
Interstate 60: Episodes of the Road (2002)
Overlooked Enjoyable Sleeper a nice surprise
Interstate 60 was really a nice surprise of a movie. I saw it on TV at 4:00 am and enjoyed it quite a bit. The cast is very good Gary Oldman, Chris Cooper, Christopher Lloyd, Amy Smart, and James Marsden all turn in great performances. Bob Gale is a truly gifted screenwriter he wrote some very good movies including Back to the Future and the movie has some cleaver touches. Fantasy and comic fans will really enjoy this movie. Interstate 60 is one of the most overlooked films in recent history along with Donnie Darko. This movie definitely deserved a theatrical release. Probably one of the best films to have little or no theatrical release. The are some nice cameos from Kurt Russell, Ann Margaret, and Michael J Fox. Interstate is an enjoyable rise. 8/10 Good.
Car 54, Where Are You? (1994)
One of the Worst Movies Ever Made. Beyond Awful.
Car 54 is easily the worst big-screen adaptation of a classic television show and will likely hold that distinction for ever. Car 54, Where are You? is simply the worst comedy of all-time and one of the worst movies ever made. It may very well be the worst movie ever made because it is so unfunny and the cast including the disgusting and unfunny pairing of Buster Pointdexter(in the lead role!) and Rosie O'Donnell as his wife. They are absolutely awful, unfunny, and nauseating. The movie wastes a fine supporting cast that includes Jeremy Piven, John C. McGinley, Nipsey Russell, and Fran Drescher. Al Lewis a star of the original 1950's series reprises his role, this time as cop in his 80's! Yes his eighties. The movie was made in 1991 and sat on the shelf for a few years. It should have been locked away or burned. This movie is worst than any Police Academy movie. It is right up there with Manos, Garbage Pale Kids, and From Justin to Kelly as the worst movie ever made. 1 out 10. Beyond Awful.
Manos: The Hands of Fate (1966)
Worst Film of All Time
Manos: The Hands of Fate is a masterpiece ineptitude. The movie is hilariously bad and nothing short of a train wreck. Manos is slimly plotted and barely coeherrant. The acting is horrible and amateurish. Hal Warren is a terrible director even for a fertilizer salesman. It has even less camp value and lower production values than Plan 9 from Outter Space. The story behind the Manos and the making of the film would probably make a much better film. The film would certainly have toiled in obscurity if not for Mystery Science Threatre 3000. Manos is now a cult classic and landmark is cinematic Crap. Manos is likely the Worst Film of All Time. Beating out the likes of Battlefield Earth, Plan 9, and Garbage Pale Kids the Movie. The movie belongs back at #1. 1/10 Bad Stuff.
Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith (2005)
A Triumph of Special Effects and a Fine Story Hampered by bad horrible acting
The special effects are possible the best in any film to date. Lucas does a better job than he did with the previous films. The actions seem forced and Hayden Christiansen never clicks in the pivotal of Anakin. His performance lacks the intensity and he certainly does not sink his into the role. Ewan McGregor is adequate and nothing more. Natalie Portman is once again nearly as bad as Razzie Winner Hayden Christiansen. Ian McDiarmid is deliciously over the top in the performance of his career. The dialog is still lousy at times, but is definitely a step-up from Phantom Menace and Attack of the Clones. The acting lacks intensity and emotion. George Lucas does bring both trilogies together abruptly and sloppily. We never really believe twerpy Hayden Christiansen's joining the Dark Side to become the greatest movie villain Darth Vader. The film is actually campy at times, yet nonetheless enjoyable. Hopefully Lucas can finally close the book on Star Wars Saga. The last 3 films did not live up to the remarkably high standards that the Original Trilogy Set. A were a genuine disappointment. This movie is still easily the best of the last 3. A 7/10 Good But not Great.
The 13th Warrior (1999)
Entertaining and Enjoyable Viking Hero Epic
The 13th Warrior is an enjoyable and Entertaining Film Version of Michael Critchton's Eaters of the Dead and is a retelling of the Old Angelo-Saxon Epic Poem Beowulf. The Northmen are an amusing and intimidating bunch, although they look a little old, with exception to Banderas and Dennis Storhoi, who is excellent in his Hollywood debut the Northmen are well over 6 fee tall. The Wendols are appropriately murky and misty, the action is quite good. The performances are fairly good with exception to Diane Venora, and Omar Shariff, who exits quickly after picking up a nice paycheck. Vladimir Kulich, makes a great action hero without saying much. His imposing prescence and heroic performance are the best thing about the movie. Maybe only Arnold could have played a better Buliwyf. The film was delayed for about 2 years and Michael Critchton stepped in to do reshoots. The re-edited Critchton version is shorter than the McTiernan cut, which was released. For a little the alleged big production run a muck talk the film is very solid and never dull. The cinematography is good, the sword play fantastic. It one of Hollywood's better Viking epics, where the Vikings are the good guys. 7/10 Enjoyable.
Batman Begins (2005)
One of 2005's 10 Best Films. Should have been nominated for best picture
Batman Begins is easily the best of the Batman films. The cast with the exception of Katie Holmes is outstanding. Gary Oldman is convincing as Gordon and Michael Caine makes a great Alfred. Christian Bale makes a good Bruce Wayne/Batman. Christopher Nolan's Batman is complete departure from the Jokey, Overblown, lame star-driven previous Batman films. The film rather than casting Hollywood Mega-Stars like Arnold Schwarzenegger, Jim Carrey, and Jack Nicholson wisely chooses great actors over great stars. The action is mostly well handled. The Batmobile chase is also very good. It is also the first of the Batman films that allows the actors to act and puts Batman/Bruce Wayne ahead of the villains. The screenplay is itelligent and well-written. This is an entertaining and well made film that is easily one of the best films of 2005. 9/10 Excellent.
V for Vendetta (2005)
Average Movie. Substantial for a Comic Book
V for Vendetta. Is an e enjoyable and sometimes irritating film. The film is full of substance for a comic book. The movie spends a great deal of time showing us the Fascist Totalitarian State of Britain and it captures it quite well. The movies politics are a major hindrance however and little insulting. The Christian Bishop is a pedophile and ex military commander and Stephen Fry's character calls the Koran beautiful. The movie could have done without those two scenes. The movie is certainly light on logic as V is easily able to get at his enemies in a totalitarian state! Natalie Portman gives a crappy performance and is not believable as British. Her accent and acting are poor. I think Keira Knigtley would have worked much better in the role. The supporting cast of Oscar Nominees Stephen Rea and John Hurt are largely wasted. The character of V is very derivative and echos a little bit Phantom of the Opera, Zorro, Man of La Mancha, and little bit of the architect from the Matrix sequels. The direct and script are sometimes poor as the action and story are less than impressive. The film has some great moments is often preposterous largely thanks to a heavy handed script and equally heavy handed direction. End result 5/10 Average. Not worthy of the Top 250.
Just Cause (1995)
Plot manipulation to the highest degree
This movie is a crappy and forgettable Sean Connery vehicle. The performances are generally crappy especially by Capshaw, Fishburne, and the usually solid Ed Harris. Connery seems miscast as a Harvard Academic. The movie absolutely gets worse as it goes along. It is a third rate mystery that becomes extremely contrived by the time it unravels. The movie squanders an excellent supporting cast. George Plimpton also turns up in a minor role to add some gravitas to Connery as they debate the death penalty. The violence and the atmosphere pepper a third rate mystery/thriller that is manipulation to the highest degree. The scripting and direction are extremely poor. Connery's charisma and screen presence are the film's only virtue. Manipulative, Violent, and Ridiculous. 2/10 Avoid It.