Change Your Image
strife82
Reviews
Tanoshî Mûmin ikka (1990)
Insufferable and Mean-spirited
I have never heard of Moomin. Never heard of the stories, never heard of Tove Janssen, never even knew this was a thing back in the 80s. But it was a thing, and apparently it was huge for a handful of folks both here and abroad, and if it wasn't for a simple YouTube collection of clips I would have gone the rest of my life still ignorant on it. Maybe that would have been for the best...
So I'm still not entirely sure what this show is or what is about. Near as I can tell it's based on a family of hippo-like creatures called the "Moomins" who live in "Moomin Valley" (...right), where the child of the family Moomintroll (called simply "Moomin" here) gets into mischief and adventures with his parents and/or his friends in Snufkin, Little My, Snork Maiden and Sniff. There are also other secondary characters who come and go throughout the series; the botanist Mr. Hemulin, the inventor Snork, some grody brown thing called Stinky, and whatever else was going on at the time. It sorta runs the standard episodic animated series trope with a singular central plot and a few forays into side tales, yet every once and again some interesting stories bleed over with occasional recurring themes, thereby keeping this as a simple one-shot program.
But it's so, just...BAD. In a lot of ways. The animation is sticky, cheap and a bit creepy; backgrounds are repeated (NOTICEABLY!) as characters walk, every person/beast has this glazed over expression regardless of what they're saying or the action presented on-screen like they were all fully dosed with premium valium, and everyone for the most part is, underneath, just so mean to one another. It's probably not intentional, but save for the Moomin parents, Moomintroll and Snufkin it seems like everyone else secretly can't stand each other (in particular the petulance of Little My and Sniff).
The English voice-acting is interminably awful in almost every capacity in differing values of annoying, from the simply bothersome (Moomin, the police chief, Mr. Hemulin) to the insufferable and shrill (Little My, Sniff, Alicia), with the lone exception being John Chancer putting on quite a show as Snufkin. And it's so poorly done; you can clearly notice cues being missed and characters speaking when the lip-syncing has stopped. No correction, no new takes, just one go and you're done, I swear.
There's really no character that stands out as important or memorable in any positive way, though I supposed the aforementioned Snufkin, with this world-weary wisdom and rich tone of voice, is enough to make him as popular as he is with a lot of people. But the rest? I dunno...Moomin is precocious and naive (of course...), Moominpappa is the bumbler ham (of course...), Moominmamma is quiet and even keel, Little My and Sniff I want to punch in the mouth for their endless, air-raid sireny shrieking and whining, just...my poor, poor ears. And it's not terribly memorable; stories and plots just come and go, with the only ones worth noting or remembering being the tales that take more than one episode to finish. Really, that's it. It just comes and goes, leaving no impact, so I really don't understand why its fanbase is so rabid and obsessive.
In the end I found this too loud, annoying, insufferable and mean-spirited to appreciate. I don't get the hype, nor do I get the nostalgia, and even back in my 80s youth I'd've found this not worth my time.
Reipurei (2006)
WTF, Japan?
I mean...what needs to be said? One of the most controversial games in the free world (with only "Ethnic Cleansing" beating it at #1 for obvious reasons), and for good reason; nothing about this is any good, not one thing at all. This game is pure and utter trash, a tasteless display of disgusting, low class filth masquerading as entertainment, whose fans should be sequestered on one of those deserted islands we used to test nukes on, for they don't need to be a part of regular society.
For the record, I did not personally play this game, and am instead reviewing it from a secondary perspective on its presentation and delivery; I'll be d-mned if I'd be anywhere near this thing, either physically or digitally playing it myself.
So...the plot, if one could be extracted, is simply you playing as a "chikan" whose sole purpose is to stalk, grope and systematically rape a mother and her two daughters (one of whom, I might add, is only 12 years old, thus the title of my review, for only in this region would this be considered OK) for some sort of vengeful kick? I really have no idea. All I know is you have a certain amount of days to "break" the family, leaving them as your personal concubine trio. That's...it. That's the game. Feel like taking a shower yet?
Actually, I'd be hard pressed to call this a game AT ALL. It's more of a digital simulation mixed with point-and-click mechanics, but one of the worst kind. There's very little interactivity save for "humiliate or grope X" with no true reward or on-game feedback to give the "player" (see: "voyeur"). It's also not even that great on a technical level; the visuals have that hideous "mannequins come to life" low-poly count look that would make the Sega Dreamcast vomit with envy, the camera lazily spins and pans to get a good glimpse of those naughty bits, which renders the events therein a bit harder to stomach than the content itself, everything just feels lazily done to get it out as fast as possible.
I wish I could add more but...that's really all there is to it. It's got such a true lack of legit content beyond its shock value that you can't dig any deeper. The story is a paper-thin excuse for the travesties to come, the acts within are impossible to sit through and...I'm just done.
I can't imagine who this would be made for save for perverts, jock-sniffing man-children with arrested sexual development or, worse yet, people just like Masaya. If you associate with any of these wastes of life, please steer clear of this game, get some help and learn to be a human being. And throw this into the fire.
Movie Maniacs (1936)
A classic film from a classic era
This here "Movie Maniacs" short was filmed in what I would consider the Three Stooges' "anarchistic period", that few years' span in which the boys did just about anything for a laugh. In later years their shorts would start to make a bit more sense and have more in the way of story and plot, and while that was all good as it didn't always get in the way of their slapstick and antics, those mid-to-late-1930s films, in all their nonsensical glory, made for plenty of big laughs on my end. "Movie Maniacs" is one of those fine examples, focusing on the trio's ability to turn all things conventional on their heads in their attempt to make something of themselves, usually resulting in general chaos being unleashed (pretty typical for the Stooges, but we love them for it). I've found many things to humor me throughout, from their arrival at the studio to the eventual madness on the movie set itself, as a result of the group's manic energy that seemed to bubble over on occasion (poor Curly swooning at a starlet's kiss, or his child-like tantrums over Moe's confiscating his many-sized pencils). They don't really show this one as often as others, which is a damn shame if you ask me, and as it stands in this day and age "Movie Maniacs" could be considered a rare treat from the early glory days that makes me chortle every time I see it.
Yôjû toshi (1987)
Once titillating, now abhorrent
In my youth, I sought out extreme forms of entertainment. That lead me to the wonderful world of extreme metal music, grim and violent video games, and, of course, adult-oriented films, primarily animation. Throughout high school I'd known many folks who were up to their buttocks in anime and, against some sort of better judgment, I went along. This was one of the first anime films I'd seen and I was pretty stunned by its overt frankness. When you're a sophomore, this sort of this is exciting beyond belief, and for the most part some of that can transfer over to your adult life. Sure, the imagery and action is top notch in its darkness and violent tendencies, truly pushing the envelope in terms of eye candy. There's no doubting that plentiful effort was put in to make this a gritty, Gothic-style noir film. But the biggest beast of all is its unnecessary sexual nature...again, high schoolers back in my day would have truly gone over with animated depictions of doing the dirty deed, but the older you get, the more the acts end up bothering and disgusting you. It did for me, anyway. I can't even watch this film now as a result; each act of misogynistic perversion just unnerves rather than excites, most of which don't even seem to be part of the overall story and just thrown in for shock value or to tongue at the teats of voyeurism (the repeated gang-raping of Makie, for one, makes my skin crawl). So, in short, this was at one time viewing pleasure, but now it enrages me and I can no longer look it in the eye. Maturity taking its course, I suppose...
The Cleveland Show (2009)
One of the worst shows on television today
There's a reason we only saw Cleveland for about ten minutes per episode on "Family Guy"...that's the maximum amount of time one can handle of the guy. Making an entire series based on such an unlikable personality is a huge recipe for disaster, I felt, and after catching the first episode I was proved wholly right. I didn't care for Cleveland back when he was on "Family Guy", and having to deal with him for a thirty minute episode almost gave me a migraine. "The Cleveland Show" basically has all the negative traits of "Family Guy" and amplifies it up to 11. Unfunny, soulless, slow, annoying, and gut-wrenching don't even begin to describe this excuse into Seth MacFarlane-spawned excess. It seems as though Fox is totally up for signing any excursion into worthlessness as long as Sethy boy's name is attached. I didn't have the stomach to take in any more after the initial pilot episode, and to this day will never watch it again. There is absolutely nothing worth noting for this program, and I demand the thirty minutes of my life wasted watching the first episode back.
Doom (1993)
One of the greatest games ever made...
The folks at id software are going to Hell on a bullet train, no question about it. I have yet to see another game company out there re-invent the underworld as perfectly and as evil as Carmack and co. did (well, except for Midway in their flat-out BRILLIANT DOOM 64), and re-did to horrific results in DOOM 3. And no other game I'd played up to that point had the same sense of horror and fear as DOOM did, in terms of kill-or-be-killed action and run-for-your-life reflexes. DOOM had it all, and after all these years, it still does. I can honestly say that DOOM is one of the greatest games ever made, in more ways than one; not only did it pretty much invent the concept of the FPS (First Person Shooter, for the laymen), it opened up a new cohesive world for the gamer to explore. A 3D world of war and pure evil, with sudden death lurking at every corner, where if you were to come across a Hell Knight with just a pistol, then god damn it, you fought him till one of you is dead. Tension and excitement held full control, the kind that could make you wary to enter even the least darkest room unless you had eyes at the back of your head. DOOM held those ideals fast, and each successive sequel (even the D Enhancer with the THOUSANDS of new levels) continued the tradition with stellar results. Cut scenes and plots be damned; for the traditional gamer, you just want to jump in and kill every demon in sight without the hindering nature of plot twists. That's not to say all the subsequent remakes on the home systems were the greatest (32X, anyone?), but that's neither here nor there. In the end, DOOM turns up the excitement and freakish nature and doesn't turn it down. One of the greatest games, if not THE greatest, I've ever played. That same tradition was held fast in DOOM 3 (simply terrifying).
Doom (2005)
Decent, despite it not being a perfect game-to-movie transition.
You can kinda tell how sad a situation can be when you're the only person in the theater watching a certain movie. That was me watching DOOM while every other patron as entranced by SAW II (which I doubt I'd so much as touch, not cause I'm scared of it, but because it looks rather unintelligent, as the first seemed as well). But that's neither here nor there. For the most part, I expected DOOM to not be the perfect port it wasn't destined to be, seeing as I've seen different game-to-movie ports that haven't been the truest to the original mold, where they've either been rather entertaining (Super Mario Bros., Mortal Kombat) or atrocities (Street Fighter). But my being a rather big DOOM game fan collided with my already present cynicism, so I entered the theater with some mixed hopes. The end result? Not as bad as I anticipated. Alright, once again, it's not the direct game-to-movie port, but like I did with Mario Bros., Mortal Kombat, and Resident Evil, I took that away and tried to see the movie for what it was. It did remind me quite a bit of the aforementioned Resident Evil, it terms of production value and how the end product came out. Sure, the acting was a bit under-the-weather, and some of the special effects could have been tweaked up (though they were not NEARLY as hackneyed as Resident Evil's were), but as a whole, I found the movie quick, action-packed, and pretty entertaining. The writers also get special props for the FPS scenes (which I thought were REALLY cool and as close to the games as it can get, more-so than the previously mentioned movies), and whatever twists were thrown in for added entertainment. So in the end, I really enjoyed the movie for what it was, rather than what it should have been. Granted, if it were closer to the game, it would've been better, but despite those short-comings, DOOM was indeed a good film. Prime recommendation.
Rockman 8: Metaru hîrôzu (1996)
Rockman makes a (slightly) explosive debut on the PS1
Mega Man 1-6 were definitive NES staples; anyone who owned an NES HAD to have at least one Mega Man game. That being said, it was basically a case of "if you've played one game, you've played them all", but this wasn't always the case with the first 6 games. They were all very entertaining in their own way, despite the similar approaches. The Super NES saw the release of Mega Man 7, Capcom's attempt at keeping the Blue Bomber alive when the NES was buried. This was met with limited success, as the improved graphics, sound, and delivery was a bit harder to swallow after seeing Mega Man X1 and X2 released a year or so earlier, but in it's own way was fun and worth another shot. With the release of Mega Man X4, Capcom took the original Mega Man to the PS1 and Sega Saturn with Mega Man 8, basically re-using the same cast and approach for a new title. Mega Man 8, though offering nothing truly new to the series, was in itself an entertaining, two-dimensional romp into Mega Man's old 8/16-bit world. No epic characters, no full-on 3D insanity, no problematic drudgery that dogs many new titles nowadays; just pure escapism. This time around, an actual storyline was used; two warring robots who descend to Earth, tangling Mega Man and Dr. Wily in their net. As each attempts their own ambitions, other forces are at work, either helping or conspiring against them, played out in the same dramatic anime styles seen on Mega Man X4 (though much less seriously). Mega Man 8 took this story into Mega Man's standard, "if-it-ain't-broke-don't-fix-it" 2D style as if it never left. The only real issues I found with this game was, outside of some bothersome loading times, the game itself played a bit too slowly. Most Mega Man titles zipped by with a modicum of speed, not so with Mega Man 8 (except for a couple scenes of rapid snow-boarding action in Frost Man's stage). Standard walking and sliding were slowed down. Also, a few of the bosses seem a little thrown together, as if the makers didn't have that many ideas flying around (Search Man and Frost Man come to mind, with the latter being a slight rip-off of X4's Frost Walrus). However, whatever down-sides there are are overlooked by the game's colorful and action-packed delivery. I can say that this game also has a LOT more enemies in the stages than any of the other Mega Man titles I'd seen. They sometimes overwhelm. So in the end, while not being the most innovative, Mega Man 8 doesn't disappoint in delivering Mega Man the way the fans wanted. Very well done indeed.
Rockman X4 (1997)
The last great X game till stagnation hits...
If there was any platform game I've been following for pretty much it's entire existence, it's been the Mega Man series. Sure, it's pretty much the same deal over and over again, but something about it makes it that much more addicting. Capcom stepped the intensity up a couple more notches with the Mega Man X series for the Super NES, showing a much more mature side of Mega Man we hadn't seen before. Each sequel made the story line a bit thicker, incorporating more characters into the mix of the war between Mega Man X and the Mavericks, lead by the ever-venomous Sigma. With the departure of the Super NES, Capcom took the X series to the next stage with Mega Man X4 on the Sega Saturn and, a short while later, the Sony PS1, and this was easily the best X game of the series up to this point. Everything centers around a new rivalry between the Maverick Hunters and a group known as Repliforce, a plan for both which goes horribly awry. So it's up to either X or Zero to save the day. This is the first game to mark the ability to play as Zero, now wielding a new powerful saber (you can choose to play as him from the get-go for the entire game and bypass all the ridiculous choosing screen between the choosing screens in X5-8). Both X and Zero have their own personal storyline, though this series tends to lean a bit more towards Zero's (which is starting to grow on me; I'm sure, sadly, more people would be interested in Zero's side of things, having seen X's for three games). They both possess differing attacks and strategies (X's X-Buster and armors versus Zero's Z-Saber and various slash attacks), intertwining characters relevant to their stories, and a good deal of action in between. I even think X's effeminate voice fits much better than in Mega Man 8! (it's much better than his Japanese-boy-in-puberty moaning in X6 and whiny punk voice in X7). Plus, the use of anime-style cut-scenes gave the game a sleeker, more personal look; anyone can slap together a cut-scene in the game, but the animation gave it a stronger sense of drama. This was the best game to date until, three years later, Capcom continued to release more sequels to the series, much to my surprise and delight, to varying degrees of success; either a hollow shell of it's former glory (Mega Man X5), a rush job to appeal to the marketing of it's predecessor (Mega Man X6), or a debacle into 3D that sorta went wrong (Mega Man X7); though I say these things, I do enjoy those three titles very much. It's just that they were lacking quite a bit and had much to live up for after X4. Thankfully, Capcom once again got the recipe right and released Mega Man X8, which was easily the best since this game in question. If you haven't picked up or played this game, you are truly missing out and should be urged to check it out!
Rockman X8 (2004)
Without a doubt the best X game since X4
When Capcom made Mega Man X for the Super NES, I was floored; not only did they improve on the story lines, they added a darker mystique within the story and the bosses, especially how they used different animals as the bosses, with characters like "Flame Mammoth" replacing standard Mega Man bosses like "Heat Man". With each sequel on the Super NES, it was pretty much more of the same, with a few improvements here and there. Then Capcom took the X series to the new level on the PS1, with Mega Man X4, which, in my humble opinion, was the pinicle of the X series, and easily the greatest one. A few years later saw X5 and X6, both good in their respective ways, but some things were lacking; interesting boss battles and level structures, powerful weapons and an overall sense of heart were missing from those games. X jumped onto the PS2 with the slightly disappointing Mega Man X7, in which Capcom promised X entering the 3D realm, with limited success, and some pretty horrible acting. I was a little unsure if they were to make another game in the series since it always seemed like each successive title was made out to be the last one. Then Mega Man X8 was released... Now THIS was the X game I'd been waiting for since X4 was released! Powerful story, very good acting, and a return to the 2D madness seen in the first 6 games of the series. Plus, new powerful bosses and various armor slots that can be interchanged with differing parts of other armors. I was very very impressed with this (as was my brother, who was a little obsessed with the game for a good couple of weeks.), and still am. I can only hope Capcom can have enough sense to release more X titles for the more powerful systems to come. Well done, Inafking...WELL DONE!
The Critic (1994)
Easily one of the best adult cartoons made
A few years into the Simpsons' existence (back when it was still a slightly painful family show) and before Family Guy attacked the air-waves, The Critic was launched onto an unsuspecting audience on ABC. Upon first witness, I found it to be a very funny and sarcastic show that was satirical to the bone. It took The Simpsons' humor style, threw out the sugar-coating, and added a touch of bitterness aimed at all things celebrity and New Yorkish, in the form of a cranky film critic named Jay Sherman. The movie and celebrity parodies were top-notch (the made-up films were a lot funnier than what they did at atom films.com), the humor was biting as well as sometimes a bit warm, and Jay even a cameo on the aforementioned Simpsons...all in all it was one of the best cartoons I've seen. Sadly, ABC, and subsequently FOX, didn't seem to think so and the show was sadly canceled. A while later, I was over-joyed to see it appearing on re-runs on Comedy Central, until they decided to stop showing cartoons altogether save for South Park, and, after a brief stint on atom films.com, it can live in immortality on DVD for all to see. If there are any people out there who haven't watched it, you're missing out on a great show. Back then, I'll admit, it was easily funnier than the Simpsons, and I relished every minute of it (and still do).
Super Mario Bros. (1993)
It's not the game, but I'm sure that was the point...
OK...I'll get it out of the way. Yes, I know this isn't based EXACTLY off the game, yes I know the writing isn't the greatest, yes I know this movie bombed...but in all honesty I don't really care. For what it is, I thought this was a nice, zany, and slightly action-packed movie that I found pretty entertaining. It wasn't based exactly off the movie, and I think that's what gives it a good sense of originality. It's for that reason, at least, partly, why I'm sure it didn't sell well. Too many people expected the same color, same saccharine kiddie-fare, pretty much a full-on big screen rendition of the game. What they got was a movie, gritty, dark, and original instead. And that's a main reason I like it as it is.
It had the basics down; two plumbers from Brooklyn, Mario and Luigi, going into an alternate universe to save a princess in peril and stop a megalomaniac from wreaking havoc. In the games, as good as they are, it was basically the same situation, not too much difference in terms of delivery. The games had Koopa vying for power and dominance. In the movie, he already has it, and his power usurped everything to the point where his hunger grew well past the point of what he perceived as reality (he wanted to conquer Earth as well). Boasting a slightly all-star cast (how they got Bob Hoskins to do Mario is past me), and, as stated earlier, a grittier and darker look, it seemed as if the movie itself could appeal to both kids and adults alike.
I did enjoy how some of the aspects for Mario and Luigi's powers were explained in a bit more realistic terms (I doubt a fat plumber could naturally jump fifteen feet in the air...). The jump boots, the fire-ball launchers, even the wicked bob-bomb, were written in as more artificial, albeit a bit more believable, powers to be at their disposal. The only real drawbacks I saw was that the writing could've been a bit tweaked, as well as some of the direction (it had two directors Mr. Hoskins absolutely hated, so I'm guessing something was amiss). But as it is, I found this movie enjoyable and fun, and I'd definitely watch it again. Obsessive gamers need not apply (you'd hate this movie, I'm sure of it).