alaric3 Reviews

MacGyver (2016–2021)

Super creepy bad

[1/10 · 1 October 2016]

Wow, the new MacGyver is like a celebration of misogynistic pretty boy frat house date rapists. If that's not bad enough his black room mate is as cliché as the token black fried in Not another Teen Movie. The show was pathologically gross.

Aside from making Macgyver and Dalton look like the date rape squad they've removed all the charm of the original Macgyver.

They went for the trope of kill the girlfriend and make him tortured right away. He can't keep a smile off his face though half way through a line about how bad he feels. That's serial killer disturbing.

The over the top and unrealistic cgi explosions, offensive clichés, sexism, racism, dialogue that sound like they worked to make it bad... the only way this show could survive is if it was to enjoy making fun of.

The Pacific (2010)

Writing as empty as Smallville

[2/10 · 4 May 2010]

A friend and I have been watching this week to week. Every week we go "Maybe this week it will be good", then it isn't and we spend an hour breaking down what we just watched and why the writers should be ashamed. Actors, sets, props are all excellent. The script is trite, lowest common denominator evocative, and oddly repetitive of itself. If it wasn't for the association with Band of Brothers I would have stopped watching a while ago. Many will defend this with the quote "War consists of short periods of intense fear followed by long periods of intense boredom.". That may be true of war but not of good story telling. The characters are caricatures of some mopey emo vision of people who have faced the horrors of war. They apparently all live only in the moment as the only conversations anyone has are about what is happening to them in that moment. There is no one talking about going home and starting a shrimping company, No one mentions their families back home, no dreams for the future. Just a lot of moping and trading cans of beans. By this point we have had three main characters and no real character arcs. We have had maybe 3 awesome moments. The only worse portrayal of WWII I have seen is Thin Red Line (That was because of melodramatic lowest common denominator evocative dialogue but at least it had a sense of something happening.)

The Super Hero Squad Show (2009–2011)

Why???

[20 September 2009]

This is insulting. Quesada and Lee should be ashamed. Why can't we have shows that respect what came before? Why do they have to sell out to a goofy trend that has no staying power? Kids aren't stupid. This version of Marvel's universe is. If you like baby like graphics and fart jokes a 5 year old wouldn't laugh at there is something wrong with you and, side note, this show is for you. Wow! is it bad. If your audience invests their time in the continuity of characters you have shown great power in your creations. With this great power comes the responsibility to make that investment worthwhile and to not spit on the investors. Satire is more intelligent than this. It does not rise to parody. If it was not from marvel I would call it slander.

Max Payne (2008)

How do you have this bad of a script?

[4/10 · 18 October 2008]

Max Payne was a game that was born of Film Noir and John Woo. This movie? Voice overs = 1 or two. (There was hope in the opening but then nothing) Action scenes = minimal. (Not too bad other than being sparse) Acting = very good for what little the script offers. (The actors do not deserve the blame for this atrocity unless it is for choosing to do this script.) Scenery/Cinematography = Brilliant but wasted on scenes like 8 minutes picking up a folder with no conflict in the scene. (The scenery was impressively accurate to the game. I kept feeling like it was going to get better because of it. Then nothing would happen.)

I wanted this to be good. I kept lying to myself and saying it would get better any minute.

People who say I am disappointed because it isn't the video game need to understand I didn't want the video game I wanted an action film that captured the essence of the game.

We are left with no reason to care for Max Payne. If I was the writer I would have been ashamed to have my name attached.

Max Payne got the Indy treatment.

I really want my money back on this one. I felt insulted that they thought this script was a passable story.

The Dark Knight (2008)

Fantastic Performances. Bad Script.

[3/10 · 20 July 2008]

The caliber of actors in this film was of the highest. Individual scenes were crafted to a fine artisan's level. The overall story meandered murkily and didn't pull together well. I was so disappointed. I reveled in the moments of scenes. And the "Camp" has started to slide in. Dent's character wasn't developed enough. The Joker needed more scenes for a total connection.(Ledger was damn good. Not just saying that to spare myself a bullet.) Not A lot of Batman development. A more gimmicky Batman than the one in Begins. Gordon was classic and Brilliant. Fox was good. Alfred classic. Rachel Dawes, strangely I think I would have enjoyed Holmes more in this movie and Gylenthal in the first.

I almost feel like this movie could be re-cut to be a great film. Save parts that were weakly developed to be the seeds of a third movie rather than too quickly tied together here.

I know I'm not stopping anyone from watching this film. I wouldn't dream of it. Maybe an ounce of warning is enough to spare pains and allow one to enjoy what is great about the film.

Doctor Who: Last of the Time Lords (2007) Season 3, Episode 13

Ouch, that hurts.

[4/10 · 1 July 2007]

The script is a disgrace. The performances are for the most part excellent . I feel sorry for John Simm, to be given the coveted role of The Master and be made to play it like a camp Batman villain. And how out of character is it for a being who has not only gone beyond his limit of regenerations but gained a new set to refuse to regenerate?

The over the top campy comedy of the aged Doctor being made to live in a dog house tent with a water bowl. The musical number straight from Rocky Horror Picture Show. Martha's Family made maid service and Janitor corps.

The Doctor giving the cliché' You are better than him speech to get Martha's mum to drop the gun. Ugh.

The Doctor being made into a Gollum creature and kept in a bird cage?

I do admit that I can't get the song "Voodoo Child" from the previous Episode out of my head but I still feel it inappropriate to the sensibility of the show.

Martha leaving? I called it last episode while watching it with a friend. "How does she come back from this?" The phone was a nice touch.

Jack as the Face of Boe? Interesting but forced into the story.

As soon as I heard Paradox Machine I knew it would be a segment of time erased and reset yet one year was a bit much when you consider we experienced none of it as an audience.

And the Doctor being revived by a psychic chanting of his name to be made invulnerable and able to fly? He's not Tinkerbell. Seriously.

I understand those who will say they love every episode of Doctor Who in order to keep it on the air but I disagree that this method works. Keep the show alive by keeping it good.

Lucy shoots the Master and retrieves his ring. I'm guessing pregnant with his child who will be possessed by his conscience imprinted in the ring.

Laser Screwdriver? Nah! Tissue Compression gun.

The Doctor "permanently" fused the Tardis coordinates. Yet he is able to fly her when he gets her back. Yes, I imagine he "fixed" it but then why couldn't the Master during 18 months?

Who the Toclafanes were excellent. Talking like imbecilic children ala Jar Jar, not so much.

It seemed like a script written with no respect for the audiences intelligence yet a great deal of reverence for camp homage.

There has always in the past been a mutual respect between The Master and The Doctor. It seemed that the respect has been made one way in this.

Lastly in criticisms: The Titanic bursts through the inner wall of the Tardis. My reaction was much like the Doctor's "What?" It defies the precept that the Tardis is impervious (Something made very clear over the years.) Not to mention breaching the bubble of the inside of a dimensionally transcendental vehicle. It makes me go cross eyed.

Yes, I know it is fiction but in fiction certain acceptable criteria are established along the way. By not overstepping these the audience may maintain its suspension of disbelief. The criteria can be expanded to include more and more but this was an example of too far.

Positives: David Tennant is an impeccable performer, in no moment is he, himself, unbelievable. There are moments between characters that are amazingly well done. Perhaps the paradox machine allowed great performances in a schlock story.