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dapperpines
Reviews
A Teacher (2020)
Boring
Before I get to my main criticism. Can I just say how weird the run time is? Like I've never seen a live-action show for adults be barely 25 minutes per episode. That being said the quality of writing for such a topic is not where it should be. And even then no one is really likable in this show. Well the husband is but our main couple is as about as charismatic as a potato
Friday the 13th Part III (1982)
The Ralph Scale
Listen up boys and girl! You can't rate a Friday the 13th like a normal movie. You have to do it how RalphTheMovieMaker does.
2 points for nudity
4 for entertainment value
and 4 for kills
This film will receive a 3 for kills, 4 for entertainment value and 1 for nudity
The kills are solid and show off a good amount of gore and the 3-D elements make it a stale by the end but Jason split that guy in half and hung him in the rafters. Which brings it up. The writing is the wittiest and probably has the best out of the first 3 and the comedy is pretty good. And the nudity is meh but it's. Tasteful?
Stargirl (2020)
Justice For Pat
The main character is just another A-Hole with Daddy issues and is not likable. I like the ideas presented here but if your main character isn't likable sorry it doesn't matter. Pat is the coolest dude but Courtney gives him no respect like damn
Birds of Prey and the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn (2020)
Bad Deadpool
Dude. What is this movie? It is trying to be a female Deadpool but it doesn't get the one element of Deadpool that worked. CHARACTER.
DC. You can't have your main character narrate all of the film explain everyone's story and actually expect me to care what happens to generic kid in an R-rated movie. Not cancerous but the script is utter trash. Definitely a skippable movie. But it has redeeming moments here and there.
Alien (1979)
BORING But well done.
Look if you can't sit through about half an hour of establishing shots than you can't watch this movie as it is so damn slow it's laughable. Alien Covenant is more exciting people.
Star Wars: Episode IX - The Rise of Skywalker (2019)
A Step In The Right Direction
This film does things I appreciate like having Rey train and...
Now that I think of it Rey is the major problem with this film. While the writing isn't insulting like Force Awakens it's predictable and tiresome. Also Rey Is a Mary Sue don't @ me
Prometheus (2012)
Kinda Works
Needs better writing but overall it was a beautiful smart fim that really could have used some real excitement. Kinda boring not finna lie. But it's not a 1 out of 10 everyone please take the 'Alien is a masterpiece' stick out of your ass it's okay to enjoy this film. But it's still meh. Hate Shaw
Alien: Covenant (2017)
Conceptually cool
This films goes into a lot of ideas about reality and creators and God and such which is an interesting idea. But it's not given the most entertaining script. The film looks really good but what hurts it is the CGI. And those stupid new chestbursters which suck ass. But the script was okay. It's more entertaining then Alien which is on eof the most boring things ever. Overall if you're here for the Xenomorphs it will be real disapointing
Captain Marvel (2019)
Stoic
Brie Larson literally has no emotion. Meanwhile her comic counterpart is actually hella fun. I mean she fights space kittens in that and here we get stoic and bland. Ant-Man and The Wasp was better.
Avengers: Endgame (2019)
Underwhelming.
So after Infinity War shocked the World with how the writers had some balls to kill of so many of the cast. This movie exists to now give us some happiness and see these characters get the dub. But since we know they will win we have to have a interesting way as to HOW they win over Thanos. And instead of a deep and personal. Or at all creative way. They use convoluted time travel. I've seen ads with a better plot as now they have to have a throw away gag scene t verify why they don't kill Thanos as he is being born Terminator style. The problem with the film is is there wasn't enough time given for the writers to stretch the hands and give these characters time. Instead of a 5 year time jump. Also Blck Widow's death is hot trash for how long she's been in this Universe so. Stop
Once Upon a Time in... Hollywood (2019)
Character driven story
Like other movies or shows this is a film where the plot takes a back seat for us to enjoy the characters and their interactions between each other. It's a fun film with beautiful cinematography and music. But I have one flaw and that's Margot Robbie. She doesn't really have a point to the film. You take her out and u lose nothing really. But Brad Pitt is having such a good time I couldn't care.
REPEAT. iF YOU ARE EXPECTING PLOT GET OUT THIS IS NOT THE MOVIE FOR YOU.
Justice League (2017)
It Kinda Works...
This film by no mean is a top-tier super hero film. I mean the CGI can be a real eye sre. But in terms of the writing and acting.
I loved it! I came into this movie expecting hot trash but I enjoyed myself a-lot.
The Good.
I would say the Justice League (the characters) were really well written. I like Batfleck, Wonder Woman Flash Supes and Flash a lot. They have solid chemistry and the writing is solid overall for them. I only don't like Cyborg as he's kinda bland but I excuse it as. well his stories kinda depressing.
My main gripe with this film is the villain and Super Man's power.
Okay so this movie is a Mcguffen chase okay fine. SO WHY CAN THIS VILLAIN TELEPORT? It takes away so much potential since he can just zoop away I mean so much tension is most it goes against the film.
An super man. Ignoring horrible CGI stache I think the problem is he is so over powered. What's the point of having the JLA if he can wipe the floor with them?
Flash Batman and Wonder Woman could wipe the floor with him let's be real.
Aquaman's cool.
If you can look over the CGI I think you can have fun with this movie as Batman and Flash have good chemistry.
Joker (2019)
Sort of Basic
I am in a very small demigraphic of people that while yes this film is competent this film also lacks things such as good characters a plot that keeps it going or anything more complex. The most annoying being how the Joker is portrayed. While there are many interpretations of Joker. This one goes with. 'Oh he's got mental issues' while that's not what makes Joker crazy. This form of chaos that exists to add some spice to the grey void that is life.
The talk show host. Thomas Wayne. His mom. Are main characters of sorts but i'm not given any reason to care for them. Joker's You get what you f--king deserve moment. Is just so funny because it makes so little sense. I would say almost this film is trying to take Mr. Robot elements and morph them with the joker to get something new. And while it is new it isn't a movie. More of social commentary. Which at times is forced down your throat about how. The big guy doesn't care about us.
Joker being kicked around and going on a murder spree isn't this act of liberation. With the end scene it feels like a school shooter story. With a guy with anger issues fighting back at those who hurt him. He's now just an angry teenager especially with the last mind.
Harley Quinn (2019)
Prett solid
Although the first 10 minutes of the pilot are cringe worthy as hell. Like with Calendar man and Jim Gordon and especially all of Joker's dialogue. It does get better at the half way mark. I think it's annoying how Harley won't stop. As sure this is part of her character but it holds the plot back from starting and wastes time. At it's worst it's saying fellow whites and at it's best is dumb fun. I feel like the fact it's mature is almost a gimmick as there is so much cursing and blood for no real reason but It's cool just needs consistency
Prodigal Son (2019)
A combo
This show is a combination of a lot of moods and properties. Sure one could say that's unoriginal but everything takes from something. And this here is a well executed show. It's pretty goooooood
Into the Dark: New Year, New You (2018)
It has Carly Chaiken
No seriously I like this movie for having Carly Chaikin and I am going to be honest that's all this movie has going for it. Love you Carly!
Mr. Robot: 410 Gone (2019)
Real cute
This episode is great. It has Darlene and Elliot bonding. Some Domlene. Only the best. LEON'S BACK. And his writing is amazing as ever/. But the best part is Irving and how he is introduced and written. But the part I hate is the last 10 minutes with Dom saying na i'm out. But overall it was solid
Mr. Robot: 409 Conflict (2019)
They executed it so well
The high notes that are hit with this episode work so well. For a second I thought Angela would be back but it was a perfect test for Elliot. Darlene was amazing as always bringing back Fsociety. But with whiterose realizing he lost and killing Phillip was horribly emotional as i love Phil. he saved Elliot after all people
Mr. Robot (2015)
i think this is perfection
Mr. Robot is the most gripping Tv show ever made. From the first WORDS. My interest was peaked. Each season has new interesting changes to the formua. The characters are excellently written the twists the show makes are so well executed.
If you want a show that puts well written and grounded scenario's with raw emotion into the mix this show is for you. This is a show that cannot merely be put in the background it's a complete adventure I urge you to watch. Sammy Boy (Sam Esmail) is perfection.
Kim Possible (2019)
Criney
Pretty cringe Mate. u should watch drew gooden's vid for more info