jessup-86446 Reviews

House of Ninjas (2024– )

Good enough, but it could have been way better

[6/10 · 3 March 2024]

One takeaway from the early MCU movies that DC failed to pick up on was the importance of humour, and sadly this show fails in that regard as well.

There was so much more they could have done with a dysfunctional family of ninjas! So many little moment that they could have played for humour, and at the outset that seemed like maybe the direction they were going to go with it.

But instead it was entirely too much mysticism coupled with dull detective work and brooding serious conversations where they don't talk about what is actually happening.

Honestly, it would have been way better as something closer to a sitcom, where they had to deal with their family issues while fighting crime in the background.

Just imagine: two ninjas soaring through the night and fighting off criminals, all while bickering about whether the younger ninja had done her homework.

The musical selection was great at least. Fun and quirky, which is why I thought the show was going to be fun and quirky too.

It was neither. Just... long.

6/10 stars. I won't be turning up for a second season.

Cocaine Bear (2023)

Too much and not enough at the same time

[5/10 · 26 February 2023]

This was a fun ride for the first little while, but they shouldn't have shoehorned in a villain-arc in the later half. It was too much story for the ludicrous premise to support.

We also really needed to see more of the kids being outrageous, and we DEFINITELY needed more of Margo Martindale's park ranger! What a waste of an incredible talent!

The film would have been a lot better if it focused on her and the kids instead of following Keri Russell's blandly forgettable nurse around, not to mention the crooks whose entire story-arc felt wholly unnecessary.

5/10 Stars. I enjoyed the opening and most of the first half, but was bored to tears by the end.

Wednesday (2022– )

Not sure if the writing is bad or just lazy, but it's a well-acted and entertaining show regardless.

[7/10 · 25 November 2022]

The best villains are relatable and fleshed out characters, not boring psychopaths that just run around terrorizing the townsfolk because they're supposed to as 'the bad guys'. But we'll get to that.

First I gotta say: as a detective, Wednesday Addams comes across looking like a bonehead more often than I'd like.

She stumbles through the series getting next to nothing right and constantly endangering her friends along the way, many of whom deserved more screen time than they got.

And alas, the eventual payoff of the big reveal very nearly doesn't warrant the investment. Since at that point it wasn't much of a reveal, and it sacrifices some well-rounded characters by turning them into rote villains, wasting the effort put into their backstories in the first place.

Jenna Ortega and her costars had a lot of work to do to make up for the shortcomings of the writing, yet while it is a near thing, they did manage to pull it off.

7/10 Stars. I wouldn't say no to a second season, but I won't go looking for it any time soon.

Lost Girl (2010–2016)

Dear Miss Nipple Pasty: you ain't foolin' anyone.

[6/10 · 27 October 2022]

Overall it's just okay. Decent chemistry between the main characters, hammy acting from the extras. Typical low-rent fantasy show with the weekly creature-feature and the exhausting love dodecahedrons.

Using 'Fae' as a catch-all word for anything supernatural is annoying, since Fae should just be fairy folk and elves and stuff, not succubae and werewolves and Japanese teapot sewer demons.

But the thing that really gets to me is that only two kinds of people on the show actually FEED on humans: Bo, the main character, and then all of the creepy bad-guys she takes down.

Feels really inconsistent that they're even considered bad guys, just based on the shows internal logic. Isn't she the one breaking the rules by stopping them? They talk about feeding a lot, that's all I'm saying. Yet somehow it's always good when she does it, and bad when anyone else does.

Also how come we never see the big bad wolf tearing it up with some joggers or something? Doesn't he need to 'feed' too?

Finally, if you really have to make a show about a succubus without any real nudity, maybe get a better cinematographer/camera guy, because we can see a lot of those nipple-pasties from space.

6/10. It does occasionally steam up my glasses, so maybe watch it once, but then you can just move on with your life because I doubt it will bear repeating.

Bastard!! Heavy Metal, Dark Fantasy (2022–2023)

The entire premise is flawed from the very beginning.

[4/10 · 4 October 2022]

This might be a good show if not for the truly galling plot hole at its very core.

Why, for the love of pancakes 'WHY', would they want to wake up Dark Schneider to save themselves from an army that was originally led by DARK SCHNEIDER?!

At no point prior to waking him up for the first time did they bother addressing that. And at no point AFTER waking him do they bother addressing it either!

Every time there is a threat from the dark army or whatever, they immediately start going 'We need Dark Schneider!' even though he LITERALLY said he was going to kill you all the last time you 'needed Dark Schneider'!

It is just lunacy that the writers didn't come up with at least SOMETHING to explain how they knew he wasn't going to just go back to leading the dark army against the chesty princess's people.

Also, just a side note. Why does the 14 year old boy always act like a 4 year old boy? He's 14, he should be an erection with legs, not a toddler in constant need of minding from the annoying ginger chick.

4/10 Stars. Animation is okay, but the lazy writing really grates my cheese.

The Tomorrow War (2021)

Sooo close to being a great movie...

[6/10 · 20 September 2022]

So... the world governments have the capacity to band together to institute a worldwide draft, with all of the logistical headaches that would entail, but they can't fund a quick arctic expedition to accomplish something they should have already known needed doing?

Sigh.

With some great performances by a variety of great actors, this was actually a really entertaining movie until the last 20 minutes or so. Then it descends into all too familiar territory with the whole 'rag-tag band of misfits have to go it alone' schtick.

6/10. Strahovski and Pratt have excellent chemistry, but the film falls apart once they aren't sharing the screen anymore.

The Imperfects (2022)

Feels like a major over-correction

[4/10 · 14 September 2022]

Queen has that amazing song: "Is this the World We Created', and that's the question I'm asking myself as I'm watching The Imperfects.

The follow up question is this: what the heck is going on with all of the men on this show?

Ineffectual, incapable, incompetent. The main male characters are an amoral mad scientists and a pair of snotty brats with little to no accountability.

Equality and representation is important, but that goes both ways. If this is how low your opinion of men is, why have them be in the show at all? Why not take your trio of Mary Sues and tell a story with them?

4/10. Plot is okay, but weak male characters distract and annoy to the point that I can't finish it.

Sweet Home (2020– )

Kinda all over the place

[7/10 · 25 August 2022]

The show puts a lot of work into making you care about the diverse characters, but in the end I don't think it does them justice. Too many of them are just cast aside, or neglected for several episodes to the point that I forget who is who.

As for the monsterfication stuff, it's way too wishy-washy. Could definitely do with some more concrete details. A lot of the time it seemed like people just throw up their hands and go 'well, I guess I'm a monster now'.

7/10 Stars, some epic moments and really good special effects, but story meanders too much.

Juvenile Justice (2022)

I was hooked right away, but sadly...

[6/10 · 23 August 2022]

I was fascinated by the exploration of the justice system of another country, but as soon as the judge turned into a vigilante investigator instead of doing things realistically by going to the police, I lost interest.

Seriously, if you're going to chase bad guys as a judge, you should have to wear the robe while doing it, because it's ridiculous.

Too many shows do that: if the premise of your show is interesting, why ruin it with unrealistic details?

6/10, it was a 9/10 until the foot chase.

Dimension 20 (2018– )

I love D&D and I LURV this show!

[10/10 · 10 July 2022]

I've never been able to get past the cringe factor when watching people play D&D, but CollegeHumour somehow just OWNS it!

The setting is kind of farcical, but not to the point that the characters can't evolve with each session. And watching the actors improvise and adapt while playing is just pure joy.

10/10 Stars. I'm on episode 5, Fabian and his papa are just about the best thing I've ever seen.

The Hidden Lives of Pets (2022– )

Somebody take that idiot's dog away.

[1/10 · 26 June 2022]

This show lost me the moment bonehead went off the cliff with his dog.

He yapped a bunch about 'reducing the risk as much as possible' when making the custom harness for his pooch, but that doesn't mean there is no risk!

I once saw a YouTube clip of a man skateboarding while holding a baby, and I asked the same question then: beyond the risk of death or serious injury, what is the dog getting out of this?

I don't know if Switzerland has laws to protect animals from this kind of stupidity, but it damn well should.

0 stars. Don't sensationalize animal abuse and try to convince me it's cute.

Bullsh*t: The Game Show (2022)

Details vs people

[8/10 · 1 May 2022]

I saw a developmental psychologist talking about men and women; he was explaining that, generally speaking, men are concerned/care about details, while women are concerned/care about people.

Watching this show I keep seeing that play out over and over. The men call BS when the details don't add up, the women call BS when the people don't.

8/10 Fun gameshow. More interactive version of Who Wants to be a Millionaire.

Is It Cake? (2022– )

Congrats Netflix. You've done it again.

[1/10 · 28 March 2022]

Every time I think that Netflix could not possibly come up with a more asinine premise for a show, they manage to surprise me.

1 Star. Is it cake? Who cares.

Squid Game: Kkanbu (2021) Season 1, Episode 6

'Hapless immigrant' much?

[4/10 · 28 February 2022]

The episode was gut wrenching and sadistic in it's creative choices, in a tragically good way, but the constant portrayal of the 'simple' Pakistani character as being fawning and obsequious towards the 'educated' Koreans leaves a foul taste in the mouth.

Honestly, the end result for that little thread was way too predictable, and it drags the otherwise excellent story down with it.

4/10, would have been 8 but the 'hapless immigrant' trope brings it way down.

The Mentalist: Blue Bird (2014) Season 6, Episode 22

I'm with Cho: Jane and Lisbon were like siblings.

[6/10 · 23 February 2022]

Seeing the two of them kiss was nausea inducing. I knew it was coming because I came late to the series (sadly I knew who Red John was before the big reveal). But it feels like the entire romance between Jane and Lisbon was crammed in there to juice a seventh season out of the show. Platonic friendships can be entertaining too! Just look at Rizzoli and Isles.

They should have ended the show soon after he killed RJ, the whole FBI just isn't working for me, probably won't watch season 7.

6/10. The actual murder mystery plot saves this episode a little.

Reacher (2022– )

Not bad, but pretty forgettable

[6/10 · 9 February 2022]

I really wanted to like this because I like Alan Ritchson, but alas I won't be giving it a rewatch any time soon.

It started out decent with the murder mystery, but as it plodded along the writing devolved into eye-rolling territory.

One-note villains, heroes walking away from explosions that should have killed them, damsels needing to be saved.

Honestly, a lot of the time this thing felt like it was made in the 80s/90s.

Performance-wise, the supporting cast carries their weight, and Alan Ritchson does okay with the material, but he lacks the 'drink your blood from a boot' intensity.

It feels unfair to compare him to the likes of Tom Cruise, but there you go.

6/10 If you HAVE to experience Jack Reacher, the first movie is much quicker to get through.

Nobody (I) (2021)

A dark comedy exploring the familiar territory of an ordinary man pushed too far? Nope. Just another John Wick style bullet storm.

[6/10 · 26 July 2021]

Let's be real, Bob Odenkirk is not the name that pops to mind when someone talks about action heroes, so you can understand where I'm coming from here in expecting something distinctly different from what I got.

I was led to believe this was about an average suburban Joe who 'might' have been somebody once upon a time, but wasn't anymore, being pushed to the brink by his own ennui and mounting frustrations against the daily grind and then lashing out in a spectacularly hilarious and self-destructive fashion.

That's what the first 30 minutes built up to, and that's the movie that I was really enjoying watching.

Then 'scary' Russian mobsters started pulling out machine guns and people started talking about the pentagon and things just got more and more fantastically NOT average Joe!

So instead of a unique dark comedy, we end up with an almost scene for scene reenactment of the plot of The Equalizer, minus Denzel's tortured angst and with RZA and Christopher Lloyd thrown in just for kicks.

6/10 Stars. A fun, if overly familiar, action romp, with a few decent beats of comedy, but nothing like what it could have been if they'd stayed the course and left the demolitions guys out of it.

Men in Black: International (2019)

Compared to the original, this is just mush

[2/10 · 25 June 2021]

The actors are okay, but the writing is just bad.

The plot is meandering, unimportant, and completely forgettable; with no character development, no clear villain, no dramatic tension, no build-up, and no doubt at all that the 'heroes' are going to prevail whenever this thing eventually finishes.

2/10 Stars. A bland sci-fi flick that blithely goes through the motions.

Lucifer: Daniel Espinoza: Naked and Afraid (2021) Season 5, Episode 12

Joe Stone, a legend!

[10/10 · 6 June 2021]

Wow. I nearly left a nasty review for this episode earlier because of all of the terrible acting from the extras, but now I'm so glad I didn't. It was one of the funniest episodes, with a final delivery that had me slapping my chest in laughter!

10/10 Stars. A real high point for the series.

Shadow and Bone (2021–2023)

Great SFX and solid performances, but story was too predictable

[7/10 · 27 April 2021]

I like the effort the author of the novel put into world-building and I have to give props for how well the show was brought to the screen, with the choice costumes and shiny special effects enhancing the performances of a solid cast.

I loved the clash between semi-modern weaponry and magical firepower. Especially how the power of the 'mages' was gradually being outclassed by increasing innovations in weaponry.

But though the world was good and the characters were mostly good, the story was too obvious: the guy who you think should be the villain? Big surprise, he's the villain. With a very lackluster reveal that left me scratching my head and asking: why bother trying to hide it to begin with?

I just think he could have been much more interesting as a morally grey character, a minor antagonist at worst.

My favorite part was right after he cut the witch-hunter dude in half with his magic and the girl got all offended about it and he just says: "Would you rather I used a sword instead?"

7/10 stars. I was entertained enough to stick it out, but I doubt I'd go for a second season.

The Midnight Sky (2020)

It's a bummer but this isn't the movie we needed right now.

[6/10 · 23 December 2020]

Supported by a stellar musical score, the film slowly and calmly juxtaposes the weight and horror of human folly against the casual wonder of its achievement (3d printers fixing a spaceship, so cool!). Objectively speaking the story stands as a notable reflection of a troublingly prevalent fatalistic outlook on the future of our species. Subjectively though the sheer hopelessness is palpable from start to finish. Which incidentally should be the tagline for the year 2020, hence why I regret watching the movie two days before Christmas! There are barely any laughs to be had here, and those rare moments of levity are weak and don't endure long. And while the exciting scenes of snow and space action/crises are legitimately toe curling and well-shot, the stakes never seem to matter given the inevitability of the outcome. 6/10 Stars. Writing was good, and the cast all delivered great performances, but the timing is just miserable in the year of Covid.

Blood of Zeus (2020– )

Setting aside the MAJOR anti-woman vibe, isn't this stealing too much from Star Wars?

[3/10 · 28 October 2020]

No joke: the hero has some major daddy issues, he fights a droid, gets a light saber, and abandons his Jedi training to save his friends. There is even an episode that plays out like Cloud City in Empire Strikes Back! See if you can spot their versions of Lando and Vader when they talk about the 'deal'. There is another scene almost exactly like Obiwan and Anakin meeting on the lava plane, all it needed was someone to say "Only a Sith deals in absolutes". Ugh. Once I caught on to it, the parallels just kept piling up. Moving along though, visually it's decent, some great art for backgrounds, but the animation is on par with 90's DC cartoons for the most part, sometimes lagging behind even that standard. The music is just as bombastic as Star Wars, but it is pretty bland and toneless, it would be forgettable but later on it is playing damn near constantly. But the biggest issue I take with this show is that the writers opted to subvert all of the wrong things. Leaning into the male-dominated mythology where women are either victims, trophies or villains. Hera is even more jealous and psychotic than she is in the original myths about Zeus cheating on her. But why is the son that covers for him golden and glowy, while the son that narks on him all dark and pallid? It's as if the pair of them are meant to exemplify the age old adage: 'bros before hoes'! Good job guys, suuuuper progressive. It's nice that Netflix is cranking out these animated series, but Greek mythology has been done to death, so this 'lost story' is painfully predictable even when it ISN'T blatantly copying things from Star Wars. 3/10. There are much better offerings for Netflix cartoons, go check out The Dragon Prince.

The Trial of the Chicago 7 (2020)

Good movie, trite ending

[7/10 · 20 October 2020]

Most of the movie is great, with compelling performances by an all-star cast, (especially the judge, who legitimately chilled me at one point!) But sadly it comes apart a bit in the final scene. To put it mildly, the ending is absurd and it undercut the gravity of everything that came before (I nearly yakked in my mouth when the PROSECUTOR stood at attention). As he has in the past (The Newsroom) Aaron Sorkin gave in to sentimentality, and by doing so he lost credibility. 7/10. The actors gave it their all, but the writer should have let the true story speak for itself.

The Blacklist: Dr. Lewis Powell (No. 130) (2019) Season 7, Episode 6

Feels like they audience tested two characters, then chose the wrong one.

[1/10 · 22 September 2020]

The low points in this show usually come about when they step away from the political thriller genre and into the science fiction one; the most recent example of this being the ridiculous assassin beetles. But this one strains the suspension bridge of disbelief to the breaking point with a forgettably foggy plotline about a killer AI program, bogged down further with hammy or lazy acting from the entire cast. To fill the vacancy left by the unforgettable Samar Navabi, it seems they opted to write out the wonderful Frankie Campbell in favour of writing in the godawful Agent Park. Introduced in the first episode of the season, Frankie had enough history with Reddington that it would be easy to neatly tie her into the show, and the actress playing her had enough chops to stand across from James Spader and hold her own. Comparatively, the painfully sanctimonious 'Agent Park' came out of nowhere story-wise, and I'm afraid the actress portraying her isn't good enough to hold Red's hat. If this were the pilot episode, the show would have been DOA. 1/10 Stars. Worst episode of the entire series, hands down.

Kiki's Delivery Service (1989)

Another Ghibli heroine to inspire young girls.

[10/10 · 4 July 2020]

I recently reviewed Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind, one of the best films I've ever seen, animated or otherwise. And now once again I have to marvel at another Ghibli movie, one made 30+ years ago, that features an independent girl's personal journey, without getting overly distracted with a needless romantic subplot. This is a more laid back film, and Kiki isn't a warrior like Nausicaä , though she is a fighter with her own share of struggles that make you root for her to succeed. She is also selfless and brave, with a kind heart and an infectious passion for life that inspires joy in those around her. If I had a daughter, or a son for that matter, they would be raised on studio Ghibli films, because as I explore Miyazaki's collection of movies I keep finding admirable role models for girls and boys alike, coming out of an era when Disney was mass-marketing nothing but hapless princesses in need of rescue. 10/10 Stars. A simple little coming-of-age adventure brimming with heart that I wish I'd seen a long time ago.