sjordanaguilera Reviews

Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2022)

Unnecessary modernization

[3/10 · 26 February 2022]

I'm not sure if we were supposed to be rooting for the Austin-ite hipsters, but they were all quite insufferable. However, the director is from Austin, so I'm guessing he wants us to feel for them. You genuinely don't care about any of the main characters, so there's a big problem right there. I give it three stars purely on the basis that the kills were mostly pretty good, especially the bus scene, and the cinematography is also not bad.

The American Barbecue Showdown (2020– )

A lot of fun, loved Melissa and the contestants.

[8/10 · 28 July 2021]

I'm pretty sure someone is making alt accounts just to hate on Melissa. Maybe they lost a competition against her or something, I don't know. But she was all business, harsh but fair. She didn't put on some annoying persona to prove she was a "real southern gal" or something. I loved the big man, too. They made an entertaining pair.

I loved all the contestants, I was genuinely sad to see a lot of them go, especially since they all got along so well. I enjoyed this show more than the British Bake-Off, it gave me some real cravings. A lot of the dishes were real unique and looked absolutely delicious.

A lot of these reviews are by weirdos who've never watched a cooking show before, so they don't actually understand what the point of challenges are.

Sasquatch (2021)

It's just about the weed farms.

[1/10 · 24 April 2021]

It's cool whenever they find time to talk about Sasquatch in a docuseries about Sasquatch, but it's mostly just talking about weed culture and illegal immigrants. If it were advertised as such then cool, whatever, but don't expect much Bigfoot content.

Spiral (I) (2019)

99% filler.

[1/10 · 20 September 2020]

They couldn't have made it more boring if they tried.

Into the Dark (2018–2021)

Unimaginative

[1/10 · 5 August 2019]

I've watched 2 episodes and I'd consider that enough time to gauge this series' creativity and writing. Culture Shock is just heavy handed race baiting propaganda, poorly executed and obviously pandering (I'm Mexican fyi). School Spirit was written by boomers who have no idea what teenagers are actually like, and it went on far too long, plus it was 100% predictable. Awful series, horribly produced, bland writing, a hot nothing burger.

The First Purge (2018)

Predictable

[1/10 · 21 July 2019]

The first two movies were fine, even good, in their action, social commentary, and acting. Now this one and the third movie are just so heavy handed with identity politics, shallow plot, and acting worthy of high school plays, not to mention the blatant, tired stereotypes throughout. Such a disappointment, another good franchise going out with a whimper.

Friend Request (2016)

Not what I expected

[6/10 · 16 May 2019]

My wife and I started it, expecting to watch another bad horror movie on Netflix and laugh at it, but we were actually kinda surprised at how scared we got. It's not a classic by any means, and it's not great, but it's solidly spooky, even though it relies on a bunch of jump scares.

The Predator (2018)

Probably the single worst movie I've ever seen.

[1/10 · 10 May 2019]

I didn't plan on taking it seriously in the first place so I enjoyed it for what it was for the first half, just trying to laugh at the jokes and how dumb the movie was, keep it light. But as it went on, it just got unbelievably worse, and I couldn't even laugh anymore.

It got to be predictable, boring, cringey like none other, and downright insulting. I spent $1.25 getting this at Redbox and I still want my money back.

By the time it was over, I was physically ill. I was literally nauseous to the point I thought I might throw up. I didn't want to move, it made me so sick. I'm not exaggerating. What a steaming pile of filth this movie is. If IMDB had a lower rating, I'd give it a lower rating.