SnowLeopardMaster Reviews

Snoopy Come Home (1972)

As close as you can get to perfection.

[10/10 · 30 March 2019]

If you haven't seen this film yet, go watch it. Seriously, just go watch it. It's amazing.

The characters are likable as ever, there are some really funny jokes, and the story... The story is amazing. It's clever, relatable, and emotional. There are times when it suddenly becomes surprisingly sad and even tear jerking. But in the end, it's all okay.

The soundtrack is incredible. Every song is catchy and fun, or sad and tear jerking. There's a scene where Snoopy and Woodstock play a song together in the woods, and while it's utterly pointless filler, the song they play is so very catchy that it's my favorite scene in the movie.

So, yeah. if you haven't seen this movie, go watch it. If you don't end up enjoying it, you probably have no soul.

After Last Season (2009)

Disgrace to bad movies.

[1/10 · 25 January 2019]

What's the worst movie of all time? Is it The Room? Baby Geniuses? Foodfight? Rappsittie Street Kids? The Cat in the Hat?

Nope. While all of these are bad movies, After Last Season makes them seem like masterpieces. This movie is so lazily made it's jaw dropping. The most memorable quote in the movie is "They've got, uh, printers in the downstairs" because it's THE ONLY QUOTE IN THE MOVIE YOU CAN HEAR!! THEY DIDN'T EVEN MIKE THE CHARACTERS!!

Almost every set in the movie is made of cardboard. Cardboard MRI machines, cardboard walls, cardboard and cardboard and cardboard!! The rare sets that aren't made of cardboard are just bland plaster walls. The color palate is exceptionally bland, just grey, white, and washed out teal blue. Every shot is horribly overexposed, and the entire set just feels like an asylum, with the empty rooms and dull colors.

It might actually be a good thing that you can't hear most of the dialogue, because what you can hear is poorly written, wooden, and cringey. The acting is even worse. It's clear that the actors just didn't give a damn about how the movie turned out.

The directing was equally awful. The most dramatic scene in the movie is just the two lead characters sitting in chairs with their eyes closed, inter cut with a terrible, terrible CGI sequence where a vaguely humanoid CGI woman is standing in a room with a bland white background, when another vaguely humanoid CGI murderer emerges from the wall behind her, and stabs her with a knife. It's never explained, and is supposedly a pivotal plot point.

Speaking of the plot... wait... yes, I was planning to go on an angry rant about the terribly written plot, but... yes, it seems the movie doesn't have a plot for me to rant about.

All the dialogue is already poorly written, and none of it succeeds in explaining what the hell is going on! And yet the entire movie is just scene after scene of people sitting and talking about random crap that has nothing to do with the story, to the point where the movie's trailer does a better job of explaining the plot!

So, according to said trailer, the movie's about two people who use some kind of bizarre technology to visualize the murder of their friend. First of all, that's a dumb as hell premise, and second, what? Is that what was supposed to be happening while the people were sitting in the chairs and burning my eyes with the horrible CGI? I didn't get that at all!

Also, if one of their friends was murdered, why don't they care? The facial expressions of the actors never change throughout the movie, even though one of their friends was supposedly just killed! SHOW SOMETHING OTHER THAN UTTER INDIFFERENCE!!

So, it's bad, but it's even worse when you realize that this movie had a budget of FIVE MILLION DOLLARS!!! $5,000,000! I could make a better movie, with a mere thousandth of this movie's budget! Heck, I've made cheap little movies with some of my friends with a budget of about ten dollars, and even though they're not exactly cinematic masterpieces, they have better lighting, acting, cinematography, story, and dialogue than this abomination. If someone gave me $5,000,000 to make a movie, you can be damn sure that movie would be good. But apparently the director just went and bought $5,000,000 of cardboard and called it good.

I recommend this movie to anybody that wants to lose faith in humanity. Everyone else, stay away.

Thomas The Tank Engine: Shed 17 (2015 Video)

Genius twist on a familiar franchise.

[10/10 · 22 January 2019]

I grew up with Thomas the Tank Engine. At the age of four years old, I was completely obsessed with trains, and this show. Now, as a teenager, I feel like I've outgrown Thomas the Tank Engine, and more than anything, it often seems cringe-worthy to me.

But then I discovered this masterpiece. It's the origin story of Thomas, Percy, Gordon, and all his friends. But it's far from an innocent story about sentient trains.

Thomas the Tank Engine: Shed 17 reveals the disturbing truth behind the creation of these sentient locomotives, exploring the science of bio-fusion. It tells the story of a young boy named Thomas, the son of a scientist exploring the possibilities of bio-fusion. When Thomas is run over in a freak accident, his father manages to revive him as a locomotive.

Before long, the news goes viral, and several people also want to be turned into locomotives. However, none of these other trains work near as well as Thomas, with many accidents occurring. There's a definite horror theme to this flick, and some truly disturbing imagery, including Henry screaming in pain as he's dismantled and turned into scrap metal, Percy's face falling off, and, scariest of all, Thomas's train body bursting open and revealing his human organs inside, as he screams in horror having discovered the secret behind his creation.

I won't spoil what this secret is, but I will say that it's perfectly built up, and the suspense is agonizing. The twist itself is just as disturbing as the horrific sequence that follows, and it ends the story on a dark, morbid note.

It's definitely not for the faint of heart, and definitely isn't fit for the little kids that make up the primary audience of the official show. But if you're a horror fan that grew up with Thomas the Tank Engine, this is for you.

Michael Jackson: Will You Be There (1993 Music Video)

Perfection. Pure perfection.

[10/10 · 22 January 2019]

Will You Be There is my favorite Michael Jackson song, period. And Michael Jackson is my favorite music artist. So that makes it my favorite song, period. The music video uses the shortened, roughly three minute long single version, instead of the album version which is almost eight minutes, leaving out the intro and the outro.

As always, Michael Jackson sings perfectly. The atmosphere of the song is wondrous and mystical, yet it's also simple and not overly extravagant. A gospel choir sings in the background and beautifully compliments Michael Jackson's excellent vocals.

As for the video itself, like the song it's simple and spectacular. It shows footage of Michael Jackson performing the song during the Dangerous World Tour, combined with footage of Free Willy, which used the song as it's theme. While Free Willy isn't my favorite movie, it's a good one, and this footage is a welcome addition.

Overall, this video is pretty much perfect. I've said that a lot, but it's true. It's tear jerking at times. As a hardcore fan of Michael Jackson, I'm proud to say this is one of the greatest songs I've ever heard.

Return of the Moonwalker (2013)

Somebody needs to be punished with sharp things...

[1/10 · 10 January 2019]

Now, I'm a huge fan of Michael Jackson. His songs, his music videos, his dancing, everything. Except this movie. The premise is that a weird circus guy manages to bring Michael Jackson back to life. It's pretty dumb already, but it's so poorly executed that it's outright horrible.

For starters: Michael Rider is a damn pathetic Michael Jackson. His accent is so fake I cringed every time he spoke. He can't dance. His acting in general is just pathetic. And the atrocious dialogue only makes it worse. In addition, there's one scene that takes place in a freaking sex dungeon! What is this doing in a movie about Michael Jackson?

This movie is a disgraceful cash grab that completely disrespects one of the most talented men to ever exist. I've seen a lot of crappy movies, but this was the first movie I've ever seen that managed to win my undying, eternal hatred. There's not a single thing to like about this film. If Michael Jackson were living, he would never sign off on this atrocity.

One parting note: Prince, Paris, if you're reading this for some reason, please sue the director of this movie.

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey (2012)

A great, enjoyable movie.

[8/10 · 13 December 2018]

It's not exactly a faithful adaptation of the book. Let's get that out of the way right off the bat. They added an entirely new subplot to the film, which really did it more harm than good, because this subplot was poorly developed and rather pointless.

Otherwise, it's still a pretty good film. It covers the first third or so of the story of Bilbo Baggins, from the Shire up to the Eagles of plot convenience. More on those in a second.

First of all, the visual effects in this movie are spectacular. Everything just looks so real, and gorgeous. It makes you want to travel to New Zealand, where the movie was filmed, and stay there for the rest of your life.

Second, the acting was pretty spectacular. The entire cast was incredibly talented, and they do a great job bringing Tolkien's characters to life.

Plot wise, the movie is a film adaptation of J.R.R. Tolkien's "The Hobbit" Which is a great book. While they did change a lot of the story, the great plot is still there, and it never really drags or gets boring. However, the fact that the Eagles just sort of show up to save the characters's skin at the last possible moment is a bit eyeroll-worthy. However, this was also a problem with the book, so it's excusable.

All in all, a good, solid, enjoyable adventure.

48 Christmas Wishes (2017 TV Movie)

This is not a good movie. At all.

[3/10 · 12 December 2018]

This is a pretty crappy movie. The story is okay, but it's not unique and certain elements of it, like Christmas supposedly being ruined if one person's Christmas wish isn't fulfilled (which has probably happened millions of times in the 21st century alone) make no sense. The main premise is that three elves loose a bag of Christmas wishes, and they have to go recover them from the town these wishes came from.

There's also a subplot about a family learning to cope with the death of their father. This was probably the high point, and there was a genuinely well done scene at the end of the movie where the father's widow finds a box of his things and reads a letter he left her, and starts crying. The widow's acting in this scene is actually quite impressive.

And it's the only impressive acting in the entire movie. The three elves couldn't act their way out of a paper bag. The asian one (Can't remember any of their names, and there's no way I'm going to re-watch this movie to find them) is especially bad. His acting is very stiff and he sounds like he's having trouble pronouncing his lines.

When the three of them accidentally destroy the bag of Christmas wishes, they yell "No!" but instead of panicked or even slightly worried, they sound bored as hell. Santa Claus himself doesn't get much screen time, and his acting is acceptable, but he looks like a forty year old man with a beard strapped to his face. Would it have been that hard to find a guy who's actually old to play this part? I doubt it.

There's another character, who's name I once again can't remember. He's supposed to be the elves's supervisor. I think his character is supposed to provide comic relief, but the way his actor says the lines makes him seem more like a pedophile. Combine that with the fact that his job is too watch three small children work, and things get creepy.

Also, there's a brief scene in which two elves floss (the dance move) and it burns your eyes.

Most of the dialogue is very poorly written, and the jokes are almost all painful. There are a handful of jokes that are actually pretty funny, but they are few and far between.

It's not an abomination, but a handful of good jokes and one well directed scene can't save 48 Christmas Wishes from being a bad, bad movie.

Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom (2018)

Actually much better than other people say.

[10/10 · 22 October 2018]

Haters gonna hate. And they targeted this movie. I've read the reviews, I've heard other people gripe about it, but in all honesty, I still fail to see what's wrong with this movie.

In my opinion, it's the best Jurassic film since The Lost World. The opening scene in particular may be the best opening scene in the entire franchise, including Jurassic Park. It's incredibly well shot, and the suspense is built up perfectly. The underwater sequences are kind of terrifying, and it actually kept me on the edge of my seat the entire time.

Then, it's time to meet the protagonists. Claire has changed her ways substantially since Jurassic World, and I like this new Claire a lot better.

People have criticized the main characters in the movie. It's been claimed that Owen goes through absolutely no justified character development and is just the cliche big strong buff guy who's there to fight stuff. Kind of reminds me of Indiana Jones, don't you think? They're really similar, don't you think? And isn't Raiders of the Lost Ark a well loved movie with a 95% rotten tomatoes score?

People have also criticized the villains in this movie, calling them cliche, bland, and predictable. However, is Dennis Nedry from the first film any different? He's a fat computer nerd who's got financial issues and isn't well paid. Kind of sounds cliche, don't you think? So why does Fallen Kingdom get criticized for this, but Jurassic Park doesn't?

Also, the movie easily has the most tear jerking scene in the entire franchise: Leaving the Brachiosaurus behind. No joke, I started weeping right there in the theater. That image of the poor Brachiosaur chasing after the boat, calling out for it to come back, as it's engulfed in volcanic ash and dies, is absolutely heartbreaking. Well done, Fallen Kingdom.

Then comes the scenes within Lockwood Manor. Now, this is where J.A. Bayona's time to shine as a director is. The horror sequences are very well shot, dramatic, suspenseful, and just straight up spectacular.

I can't find anything wrong with this movie that isn't already a problem with other great, critically acclaimed movies. I don't understand all the hate. Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom is a genuinely good movie that is doomed to suffer from the hatred of ignorant critics.

Home on the Range (2004)

Good villain that saves the entire movie.

[7/10 · 22 October 2018]

It's not the best Disney film. It never has been, and it never will be. But it's not a bad movie. Sure, the main characters can be kind of annoying, and the plot has it's moments, but all in all it kind of drags.

However, the entire movie is saved by the presence of Alameda Slim, who is, in my opinion, one of the best Disney villains out there. The villains tend to steal the show in a Disney film, but this one saved the entire movie. His villain song is catchy and fun, he's very well acted, and he's just an enjoyable villain. He also stole about $50,000 worth of cattle by yodeling, which is badass.

Ghosts (1996)

Spectacular

[10/10 · 22 October 2018]

One of my personal favorite Michael Jackson short films. This one takes all the best footage from the full 40 minute video, and places it against the epic beat of the song "ghosts" which is a very well written song itself.

The choreography remains jaw dropping, and the acting is pretty good. The only possible issue with the video is the special effects, which are... very 90s. Let's put it that way.

All in all, definitely worth watching, especially if you're a fan of Michael Jackson.

Michael Jackson: Jam (1992 Music Video)

Great song, slightly less great music video

[8/10 · 22 October 2018]

Jam was the first song off the album Dangerous, which is, in my humble opinion, the best Michael Jackson album. And this song is the perfect song to start it off. The singing, the tune, the beats, it's all amazing.

The music video, on the other hand, is still good, but not by Michael Jackson's standards. It pales in comparison to the videos of Thriller or Smooth Criminal. Sure, the dancing and choreography are definitely there, but it's just not very memorable in the grand scheme of things.

On the other hand, it's a crossover between Michael Jackson and Michael Jordan, and that's pretty awesome. Also, the ending scene can be helpful for anybody who's trying to imitate Michael Jackson's dancing.

Michael Jackson: Bad (1987 Music Video)

The title is misleading.

[9/10 · 22 October 2018]

It may be called "Bad" But neither the song or video are actually bad by any stretch of the imagination. While the video is maybe a bit long, and the opening is slightly nonsensical, it soon becomes an intriguing, well directed masterpiece. Michael Jackson is a surprisingly talented actor, and keeps the time before the music starts interesting.

Then, there's the song itself. The dance is incredibly well choreographed, and all the dancers are very talented. The song itself is catchy, upbeat and fun. The only thing holding this video back is the intro, which is maybe a tad bit boring. But that's easily fixed if you just watch the shortened version.

Michael Jackson: Who Is It (1993 Music Video)

One of the greatest Michael Jackson songs ever!!!

[10/10 · 28 September 2018]

While this is a rather confusing music video, largely lacking in any sort of dancing and showmanship that MJ's videos are often known for, it's still entertaining, and fun to watch, for the most part, though it sometimes doesn't make sense.

But although the music video is kind of meh by Michael Jackson's standards, the song, Who Is It, is just flat out amazing. It sports a killer beat, amazing singing, a well written chorus, and an incredible instrumental bridge.

Whilst a few of the themes in the music video are a bit mature for kids, the song is so good that it has to be heard, whether or not you actually watch the music video, which is also pretty amazing.

Kung Fu Panda (2008)

Easily one of the best Dreamworks movies

[9/10 · 27 September 2018]

This movie has a lot going for it. Killer fight scenes with excellent choreography are part of what makes this movie awesome, but there's also some good character development to be had, lots of humor, likable characters, and some stunning animation. Definitely worth a watch.

Seriously though. The overall plot is really great, and the fight scenes are so badass that it makes the whole movie worth it.

Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom (2018)

DON'T LISTEN TO OTHER CRITICS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[10/10 · 29 July 2018]

This movie has been out for about a month and is already criminally over-hated/underrated.

People will tell you that it adds nothing to the franchise, that it's scenes are stupid and unoriginal, and a bunch of other *censored*. All of them are wrong.

This may be personal opinion, but this movie is genuinely thrilling, and it was worlds ahead of Jurassic World.

Just go watch it. If you don't enjoy it, so be it. But I still think it's a great movie, and it didn't deserve a quarter of the hate it got.

Doctor Strange (2016)

If nothing else, watch it for the effects.

[10/10 · 2 July 2018]

This movie has a couple problems, as most do. Most of them are quite minor, but there is one scene in particular, where Strange talks to that one girl who follows him around the movie while she treats his injuries, that will annoy most viewers.

But this movie still wins you over solely through it's usage of CGI and special effects. This movie is drop dead gorgeous. Everything, EVERYTHING, in this movie, is absolutely beautiful. EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!

And, while the climax may seem underwhelming at times, some scenes seem to exist to tick you off, and the origin story is... odd, it's worth it just for those visual effects. And the fight scene in the hospital. That's a great scene as well.

My one thought, though, is how stupid this movie must have looked when it was first shot, before all the effects and greenscreens and such were added. It probably looked really dumb.

Incredibles 2 (2018)

I underestimated Pixar once again...

[9/10 · 1 July 2018]

Whenever I feel uncertain about the quality of a Pixar movie and believe it to be mediocre, it turns out really good. Cars 3, The Good Dinosaur, and Finding Dory proved that. (Of course, Brave and Cars 2 proved that it turns out mediocre when I think it'll be good).

And Incredibles 2 happened to be a movie I regarded as mediocre at first. I didn't watch any of the trailers, and didn't keep up with any of the news. And, having just gone to see the movie, I was blown away by how much I underestimated the geniuses behind this movie.

Sure, it wasn't perfect. There were a few glaring issues, like the new superheros that were introduced. They were all cool, and enjoyable to see on screen, but they seemed somewhat unnecessary to the plot of the movie, and, while they led to a fun fight scene at the end, the movie could have moved right along without their presence. Not to mention that they actually create a plot hole regarding how DevTech found these characters so easily.

The other major problem would be the lack of Robert Parr's character development. The sequence in which he takes care of the children was confusing to watch, and made very little sense. And it was too easily resolved, like, "Oh, Violet, I'm sorry for giving your Boyfriend amnesia and ruining your life" And then "Oh, dad, I forgive you for ruining my life, and I don't even have a proper reason to do so!"

But enough about bad stuff. For one thing, the CGI has greatly improved since the original movie. While the original possessed beautiful animation, this was truly breathtaking. The original music is all there, and it's joined by a couple new scores that add to the movie spectacularly.

And, aside from those couple details, the plot was pretty awesome. It starts to fall apart as soon as one inspects it too thoroughly, but if you ignore all the crazy cynical people who exist to locate plot holes, it's spectacularly done. The suspense is amazingly well constructed, and it keeps you guessing. The villain was impressive, though not as good as Syndrome. The action scenes were exciting, and the movie also has spectacular comedic timing.

While not the best movie ever made, it's certainly a good one, and well worth seeing. I recommend it to anyone who's watched the original.

Toy Story 3 (2010)

Most overrated movie of all time.

[2/10 · 18 May 2018]

Alright! I can feel the controversy beginning!

But this was easily Pixar's worst movie. And the only one that I managed to properly dislike.

Of course, being Pixar, it can't be all bad, and the plot, and the visuals, were pretty good. The plot in particular was great, except for one thing.

This is not a kid's movie. How is it rated G? How? Why?

The reason I hate it, and why it shouldn't be rated G, comes from one fatal flaw in the plot.

It was terrifying! This might as well be a freaking horror movie! I saw this when it came out, when I was about six. And it traumatized me! It freaking traumatized me to the point where I still sometimes have nightmares about Big Baby and Lotso Huggin Bear killing me in my sleep!

Not kidding. It's just terrifying. it might as well be Child's Play. Before watching this, I had no problem with dolls or anything. Now, I can't look at a baby doll without being terrified, all thanks to this movie.

I can't even fathom how scary this was for me. I think that maybe now as a teenager I might have enjoyed it, but seeing it at the age of six has forever tainted my opinion of the toy story movies and toys. Would not recommend to anybody but horror fans. That's how scary this is.

It's a straight up horror flick. That's all I can say about it. Don't show it to your kids.

Toy Story 2 (1999)

The best of the toy stories

[8/10 · 18 May 2018]

I've never been a huge fan of this franchise in general, but of the three movies, this one was the best. It had a pretty good plot and premise, for a sequel, and it did a great job of bringing in new characters and whatnot. I like it. Don't love it, but it's good.

Toy Story (1995)

Overrated

[7/10 · 18 May 2018]

It's a charming movie about friendship and getting along, but it's far from perfect. I still recommend it, though

Frozen (I) (2013)

A good film, but horribly overrated.

[8/10 · 17 May 2018]

I saw Frozen about a year after it was released. I was curious to see what all the hype was about, and why everyone was so obsessed with it.

My reaction after watching it: THIS was the movie everyone was so obsessed with?

Don't get me wrong, it's a good movie. The music wasn't to great, but the CGI was drop dead gorgeous. The plot, while underdeveloped in some areas, was great in others. Hans, I'm looking at you.

But it didn't deserve all the hype that it got. People treated it like it was somehow better than the lion king. When the merchandise was released, it made insane amounts of money, doing better than the lion king in terms of overall box office.

I don't think it deserved that. I think it should have looked more like Moana in terms of success. It did good, but not incredibly spectacular. It's a very rare example of a good overrated movie.

The Haunted Mansion (2003)

Bad, but in a good way

[10/10 · 17 May 2018]

Sometimes, basing a movie off a ride turns out great, like Pirates of the Caribbean. And sometimes, you end up with this.

But is that really a bad thing? Sure, a lot of people hated the movie, but I genuinely enjoyed it. The plot, while far from scary at any point, wasn't half bad. It was creative, and actually quite fun.

And the best part? The movie was hilarious. Some of the jokes were pretty clever, but the funniest parts were unintentional.

In some scenes, the CGI is absolutely atrocious. And that makes it funny. It's hard not to crack up when poorly animated minuscule tubas are orbiting Eddie Murphy.

Oh yeah! Did I mention Eddie Murphy?

So, this movie isn't really for everyone. The overly critical and the easily offended will not like this movie. But anybody with a good sense of humor will enjoy it, despite it's faults.

The Emoji Movie (2017)

BOO!!

[3/10 · 16 May 2018]

Let's get this out of the way: The Emoji Movie is by no means a good movie.

In many ways, it suffers from the same problem as the Pirates of the Caribbean sequels. The graphics are beautiful, and the voice acting is spectacular. The music isn't the best, but it's still decent.

They got great animators, actors, and composers to make this movie. So why was it so bad?

In a word, the writers.

I don't know what the people who scripted this thing were thinking. The plot is just so terrible, there are no words.

The main issue with the plot is how utterly cliche it is. If you think about it, this movie is basically the Lego Movie, but with all the minifigures replaced by emojis.

The Lego movie really was a good movie, but this movie stole it's plot, removed all the exciting scenes, severely diluted the antagonist, and basically turned it into garbage.

Occasionally, the movie will throw in a good joke. Some of them are actually pretty funny and witty. That's the main upside. If nothing else, it will occasionally make you laugh.

But all of that aside, as a hardcore fan of Michael Jackson, there is one element of this movie that I do find offensive: Hi-Five claiming he can dance as good as "Michael" and putting on a Smooth Criminal Style fedora, then immediately proceeding to dance terribly. As a fan of Michael Jackson, I hate this scene for that one reason.

WALL·E (2008)

Amazing. Just plain amazing.

[10/10 · 16 May 2018]

WALL-E is a great movie. That's all. Just the movie that is (in my opinion) the best Pixar movie ever!

I think my favorite part about this charming little movie, aside from the amazing humor, is the animation. This movie is gorgeous. Just gorgeous. It has some of the most beautiful CGI I have ever seen in my life.

The plot is great as well, with a dystopian theme on the environment and preserving nature, and it's so well executed it will leave everyone speechless.

Caillou (1997–2018)

If you ever needed a reason to stay a virgin...

[1/10 · 16 May 2018]

Trying to convince your family that you don't want kids? Here's all the evidence you need: Kids watch Caillou. And Caillou, as it turns out, is absolute GARBAGE!!

Sure, kids seem to love it, but for anybody older than five years old, the show is downright painful to watch. DON'T SHOW THIS TO CHILDREN!!! THEY WILL ENJOY THIS SHOW, AND YOU WILL BE FORCED TO PUT UP WITH IT FOR YEARS!! YEARS I TELL YOU!!