byroti Reviews

2:22 (2017)

I tried but I couldn't watch this.

[1/10 · 1 February 2019]

I tried watching this movie but if you couldn't describe it as bad then maybe just as pointless. It tries hard to present as a movie filmed in New York but it's clearly filmed in Australia with Australian actors.

It's slow, boring, pointless and simply just a drawn out mess. There's no character in the portrayals by the actors. Bland.

Apartment 1303 3D (2012)

Awful, simply awful!

[1/10 · 1 June 2013]

The mind boggles as to how this move was able to get made. The actress who played the first sister to do was embarrassingly woeful. Too much collagen in the lips too. Just awful acted and just a mess as to who it played out. It felt like it started 20 minutes into the movie. And why did she have to talk to herself so much? Apparently this was a remake of yet another Japanese horror movie and is yet another case of...why? Can't the Yanks let the original just be? Or was it that because they had "names" like Mischa Barton and Rebecca de Mornay that a film can be green lit? I don't know.

Stinker! Do not hire! Stay away!

Parental Guidance (2012)

An honest review

[31 December 2012]

Well I've read the reviews posted by the studio lackeys, well done. Now an honest one . This movie sucked. how Billy Crystal (and to a lesser extent Bette Midler) would agree to this "movie" I don't know why. there was barely one laugh in 90 minutes of tedium. I would have thought Billy Crystal would have added some of his own humour into the script but it seems not. He seemed to go through the paces. The 'story line' simply laboured on with no direction. The movie tried for warmth but failed miserably. The girl who played Bailee did very well but the kid with the awful attempt at stuttering, well he must have been thankful he was able to finish the movie without having to resort to the stutter and just be able to act.

Anneliese: The Exorcist Tapes (2011 Video)

Why do they bother?

[1 November 2011]

Another bad choice by me! I chose this one from the video store and hoped to see a good "exorcism" movie.

The blurb said it has real footage and that it wasn't doctored. Well within 3 milliseconds anyone could tell this was scripted and acted. And badly! I turned this off after 20 minutes and I so very rarely do that. Enough said.

Seems that after all of the recent exorcism movies that someone thought it'd be a good idea to put out another. They were wrong.

So, anyone who is thinking of hiring this stinker I can save them the time and let them know ....don't!

Fertile Ground (2011)

What a waste of time!

[1 November 2011]

You've all read the others reviews and I concur so all I wanted to do was warn anyone who is thinking about hiring this....DON'T!

It's gotta be one of the most boring "horror" movies I've ever seen. I was assuming after looking at the cover and it's R ( in Australia) rating that there'd be a bit of gore and excitement.

I saw all of the After Dark titles on the shelf and assumed they'd be good. With Fertile Ground I was wrong.

Neither. So I don't know how it got it's rating of R. There was about as much gore or anything! Snoozefest! Pity because the actors tried or did well. The plot was just far too pedestrian.

Funny Money (2006)

Plain awful

[1/10 · 24 July 2010]

I wasted 97 minutes of my life watching this crap. I only watched it because I am auditioning for the play at my local amateur theater. I am now truly re-considering going to the audition! This film was simply unfunny, not 1 laugh was had by me. I reckon Chevy Chase and all other cast members would want to remove this film from their resume. I think this carries the tradition of stage plays not transferring to film. Shame, it had a good cast on paper. Now I worry that if the movie is this unfunny that the play may also be unfunny. I se that the original author, Ray Cooney, was also a producer for the movie. He must have so many regrets now!

Live Feed (2006)

So bad it's terrible!

[1/10 · 18 November 2006]

I'm all for a "bad" horror movie but this was just a pile of dog sh!t! How anyone can call this movie cool or decent is beyond me. If you like rushed editing to cover the special effects, bad acting and a bad script then go for it! There was no suspense whatsoever and the gore factor was laughable because it was so fake. I'll take Hostel or Wolf Creek over this pile any day. My partner gave up after about 20 minutes, she knows a stinker when she sees one. I on the other hand stupidly sat through the whole movie just to wait and see if it got any better. No such luck! I haven't sen his other movie Torched and I doubt if I'll bother now.

BoyTown (2006)

Good but not great

[6/10 · 21 October 2006]

Being a fan of Mick Molloy I was looking forward to seeing his new movie. Whilst is was good it is not a side splitting fun-fest as expected. There were no snappy lines or any snappy dialogue. I think Mick may have been to busy sharing the writing around to all characters to worry about giving himself (or others) enough funny material. The songs are mildly amusing in an obvious way not in a subtle way ie "Cellulite lady" or "Dishpan hands". "I cry" is more of the subtle variety I expected where you have to listed to the words to get a laugh. There were too many periods of the movie where there were no laughs at all.

Anyway it's certainly not a dud but like so many movies nowadays could have been a lot better. Do we now have to wait another 4 years for his next effort?